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'''The Caveat: '''''' Here is the problem with this degree. If the English, Communication, Psych or Biology major fails at the objective of snagging herself a husband in the college years, she can enter the workforce with that degree and try to snag a husband there. The problem with an Art History degree is that it cannot be leveraged to land you any decent job. So, it is off to pouring coffee, handing out burgers and fries through windows, bringing over plates of food or \bartending. Because the one job this degree qualifies you for - Art Museum Curator - is extremely rare. So, you’ll be serving food for decades waiting for the curator to kick the bucket and then compete with tens of thousands of other waiters and waitresses like you to snag his job. So, you’d better succeed at the husband snagging else your future will be bleaker than a Hieronymus Bosche canvas.
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'''The Attraction: '''
''' Guess who else are Biology majors, if not at least taking a lot of biology courses? Pre-Med majors, Biomedical Engineering majors, Pre-Pharma majors or guys who are targeting Medical School, Dental School, Pharmacy School, Physiotherapy school, Health Physics (radiology) and a few other professional healthcare degrees. Guys with (apparently) caring attitudes who will make loads of money during their careers. And this will be your earliest chance to snag them, before they find themselves surrounded by [[HospitalHottie nurses, female doctors and physician’s’ assistants]].
'''The Caveat:'''''' Med school is however, quite competitive. Which means your man is going to be in a rat race with other pre-med, biomed and pre-pharma majors for the few slots available. So, if you are actually on the smarter side of the scale and start getting quite a few As, your man suddenly won’t see you as wifey material - he will start seeing you as competition! So, you have to be careful and strike a balancing act. [[ObfuscatingStupidity Ramp back on the academics]] just enough to not make your man feel threatened, but [[GoneHorriblyRight don’t ramp back so much that you flunk out!]] For that will leave you with no degree and no future doctor husband.
'''The Caveat:
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''' Are you a little shy? You appear [[{{Moe}} kinda closed off, kinda uncomfortable with talking to people, but in a cute way]]? But you are really hoping that someone just gets you, if only there was a way that you could know? Thankfully this degree will help you understand human behavior - and figure out which of the cute guys you’re secretly ogling actually likes you back..
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'''The Caveat: ''' An English degree might seem like a cakewalk in the park - until you run into the two types of feared English professors. Namely the {{Hipster}} and the [[DeanBitterman Contrarian Curmudgeon]]. The former will turn your fun degree into a bore fest by assigning obscure works. Which forces you to do a whole lo of mental gymnastics to echo their opinion on why this work that has been roundly rejected by mainstream humans, is actually the best thing since birthday cake! And mental gymnastics takes away valuable time and effort from chasing after that future law student! With the Contrarian it gets even worse - for they will make it their life’s mission to nitpick and rip apart any analysis you perform - even if it happens to reflect their own opinion. They
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'''The Caveat: ''' An English degree might seem like a cakewalk in the park - until you run into the two types of feared English professors. Namely the {{Hipster}} and the [[DeanBitterman Contrarian Curmudgeon]]. The former will turn your fun degree into a bore fest by assigning obscure works. Which forces you to do a whole lo of mental gymnastics to echo their opinion on why this work that has been roundly rejected by mainstream humans, is actually the best thing since birthday cake! And mental gymnastics takes away valuable time and effort from chasing after that future law student! With the Contrarian it gets even worse - for they will make it their life’s mission to nitpick and rip apart any analysis you perform - even if it happens to reflect their own opinion. TheyThey will force you to spend precious time crying into your sheets - time you ought to use snagging yourself that law student.
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'''The Caveat: '''''' Although Psychology is supposed to be a “social science”, there are always one or two professors who never get that memo. They will want to emulate the researchers in the hard sciences and (gasp!) set up labs and run experiments. Experiments that they may eventually rope you into either assisting them, or participating in. Experiments like their own [[SarcasmMode brilliant new take on]] the StanfordPrisonExperiment. This means doing actual research work, collecting data, analyzing data and (gasp!) letting randos criticize your findings! Not what you thought a “husband finder” major would be, right? Which is why we recommend majoring in sociology with an optional psychology minor. Sociology is after all, just the study of psychology extended to groups. Therefore it squarely falls under the realm of “social science” which means that any research work will only be relegated to graduate students. So you can focus on the truly important task of finding that mentally sound husband.
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'''The Caveat: ''' An English degree might seem like a cakewalk in the park - until you run into the two types of feared English professors. Namely the {{Hipster}} and the [[DeanBitterman Contrarian Curmudgeon]]. The former will turn your fun degree into a bore fest by assigning obscure works.
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'''The Caveat: ''' An English degree might seem like a cakewalk in the park - until you run into the two types of feared English professors. Namely the {{Hipster}} and the [[DeanBitterman Contrarian Curmudgeon]]. The former will turn your fun degree into a bore fest by assigning obscure works. Which forces you to do a whole lo of mental gymnastics to echo their opinion on why this work that has been roundly rejected by mainstream humans, is actually the best thing since birthday cake! And mental gymnastics takes away valuable time and effort from chasing after that future law student! With the Contrarian it gets even worse - for they will make it their life’s mission to nitpick and rip apart any analysis you perform - even if it happens to reflect their own opinion. They
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'''The Caveat: ''' An English degree might seem like a cakewalk in the park - until you run into the two types of feared English professors. Namely the {{Hipster}} and the [[DeanBitterman Contrarian Curmudgeon]]. The former will turn your fun degree into a bore fest by assigning obscure works.
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'''The Caveat: ''' An English degree might seem like a cakewalk in the park - until you run into the two types of feared English professors. Namely TheHipster and the Contrarian Curmudgeon.
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'''The Caveat: ''' An English degree might seem like a cakewalk in the park - until you run into the two types of feared English professors. Namely TheHipster the {{Hipster}} and the [[DeanBitterman Contrarian Curmudgeon.Curmudgeon]].
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'''The Caveat: '''''' An English degree might seem like a cakewalk in the park - until you run into the two types of feared English professors. Namely TheHipster and the Contrarian Curmudgeon.
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''' Here’s something particularly cool about the Communication degree - it is known alongside Phys Ed as the Collegiate Athlete’s degree. Because this degree is so easy, it makes it possible for athletes to maintain the minimum C average needed to maintain academic eligibility. So, this degree gives you an opportunity to snare yourself a future pro athlete! Who will become an instant celebrity with a seven figure contract right out of the gate! And athletes who chose this degree instead of Phys Ed are thinking long term - why enter the coaching rat race after retiring when you could instead continue raking in the big bucks as a sports analyst for newspapers or TV! Got your mouth watering already, haven’t we?
'''The Caveat:'''''' Here’s the problem with the “snag an athlete husband” degree. The same ease of completion and lots of free time that makes it so attractive to athletes, also makes it attractive to women who will be in close proximity to athletes - the cheerleaders, dance team members and baton twirlers. Women selected for high levels of attractiveness and put out there at close range to various athletes. In other words, Competition! Very … Tough … Competition. So, if you want to achieve that dream of becoming a millionaire athlete’s wife, you’d better bring your A-game, so he will pick you and keep you with all the options presented to him daily.
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''' Think that English majors only end up as stuffy professors or even stuffier editors? Think again! Because an English degree is an excellent prerequisite for a Law degree. After all, lawyering does involve a whole lot of reading, writing and most importantly, parsing words and sentences to your benefit. So, chances are the guy sitting next to you, could be a future law student and eventually a future lawyer earning higher end five figures right out of the gate! Why? Because unlike the Pre-Law, Poly Sci and Criminal Justice majors, who pick up causes to [[CrusadingLawyer fight for with their law degrees]] and end up starved for cash, your English major classmate is most likely going to go into corporate law - where the big bucks are! And you’ll have all of four years to snag him and lock him in.
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If any degree was tailor made for the person that finds academics a distraction from their true purpose in attending college, this is it. While the History degree used to be the choice for women looking to find a proper man, these days the degree will only leave you with feelings of [[AngryBlackMan rage]] or [[TheAtoner guilt]] at what your ancestors experienced. Art history strips all that unpleasantness out and allows you to learn about artistic cultural works guilt free. Nor does it force you to actually work hard and showcase artistic talent like that BFA does. Here, you can just marvel at the Art stress free. And all you need to do is remember just enough factoids and trivia about the works of art shown to you! Leaving you ample time for the husband hunting.
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Gasp! A ''science'' degree, you might ask? But wait, hold on! For this is actually the easiest of the various STEM majors. This degree has you study at an advanced level, the life processes that drive all living beings from microbes to vegetables to humans. And these processes are actually easy to understand. No complex chemical equations, no advanced math formulas and certainly none of those complicated system dynamics! Yes, as a science degree, there will be quite some mental labor and physical work involved, particularly for laboratory based courses, but as we will explain below, this can actually help land you a superior quality of husband.
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The psychology degree seeks to study the human mind and analyze all of the behaviors humans engage in. Contrary to popular belief, this degree does not in any way, train you to become a mental health counselor. In fact, all this degree accomplishes is to formally teach you about human behavior, what a street smart person can discern on her own. So, if nothing else, this degree equips you better at weeding out the wrong kind of man. And is otherwise yet another low stress degree that frees you up to socialize.
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The Communication degree trains the student to read, write and speak at an advanced professional level in the English language … and just keeps on going. So, it takes the English degree and strips out all the novel reading, classic film watching and polemicizing about them. If you are capable of coherently stringing a few sentences together, you should have no trouble getting through this degree. And focus on finding a man.
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The English degree trains the student to read, write and speak at an advanced level in the English language and seeks to |teach them the finer points of analyzing various works created in the English language. So, basically if you live in the Anglo-sphere, this degree has you just continue to read, write and speak in a language you are already super familiar with. For the first two years. After which, the rest of the degree turns into one long extended book club / poetry club / film club session. This can therefore become a low stress low effort degree that leaves you a lot of spare time. Time which can be spent socializing in order to find yourself Mr. Right
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* English
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So, you’ve been admitted to Troper U for the purpose of earning a degree and snagging yourself a future husband! Congladuashunz! Now you have to choose a major, but don’t worry! We here at the admissions committee have a handy guide of college majors that will aid you the most in finding a man. The guide includes both the Attraction of the degree - an explanation of how this degree will help you snag a man, as well as the Caveat - things you need to be careful with while pursuing this major.
* English
* Communication
* Psychology / Sociology
* Art History
* Biology
* English
* Communication
* Psychology / Sociology
* Art History
* Biology
