History Funny / ZeroPunctuation4

-->'''Yahtzee:''' The more I played, the more I disliked her. Not because she was an inattentive sister, or any of the other reasons the game gives us for why she is tormenting herself like this. It's because she is such a ''fucking self-absorbed drama queen'' she'll craft a grand operatic senario out of her interpersonal relationship issues!\\
'''Kay:''' ''(in a melodramatic voice)'' Oh, no! I didn't give my depressed boyfriend enough space! Verily must I be clothed in the Raiments of the Traitor and banish myself to the wine-dark seas to dwell forever more!\\
'''Yahtzee:''' ''Just stop texing him so much, YOU DIPPY MOO!''

** What clinches it is Yahtzee pointing a gun at the hiding Slender Man with the caption "Keep walking, Smiley."

-->The intro spent just a bit too much time establishing the incredibly contrived series of events leading up to the crossover, so I'm assuming Ubisoft had the larger hand in that side of things; if it had been left to Nintendo, it would have been "Mario and Rabbids meet in a field, Bowser kidnaps Princess Peach, and [[Main/{{Waggle}} here's some horrible motion controls we're not going to let you turn off]]". Basically, someone invents a device that combines two things into one thing, Rabbids randomly show up and nick it, and the lab is, for some reason, full of Mario action figures. And for this reason, they all get teleported to the Mushroom Kingdom, where Mario and Princess Peach are going through the tense motions of yet another day of meaningless royal ceremony and passionless PitySex. Mario and chums must then restore order by '''''murdering''''' [[TheIllegal all the unwanted foreign immigrants]] with [[LesCollaborateurs the aid of some Rabbids who have dressed up like Mushroom Kingdom residents to show their willingness to collaborate with the Peach administration's]] [[FinalSolution genocidal atrocities]]. And everyone gets a gun, somehow.

* Yahtzee calling the Virtual Boy "Literature/TheMasqueOfTheRedDeath".

-->We've got [[Videogame/{{Crawl}} roguelike dungeon crawlers]], we've got [[Videogame/{{FTL}} roguelike space sims]], we've got [[MindScrew whatever the fuck]] the ''Videogame/TheBindingOfIsaac'' is. We've got [[Videogame/RogueLegacy roguelike Castlevania-style platformers]], [[Videogame/TwentyXX roguelike Megaman-style platformers]], [[Videogame/{{Spelunky}} roguelike straight platformer]] [[JustForPun on the rocks]], I hear there's even a [[VideoGame/TheConsumingShadow roguelike investigative Lovecraftian horror adventure game]] by [[ButHeSoundsHandsome some jolly talented indie developer]] [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial who certainly isn't]] [[ADateWithRosiePalms rubbing himself through his trouser pocket as he types this...]] No, I don't mean ''VideoGame/DarkestDungeon''! Shut up!

-->"Actually, a lot of the messages I saw were related to furries, for some reason: 'I have a fur-sona', 'Hooray for furries', 'I wish it to be known that I am a very unreliable dog-sitter.' Was there some kind of call to action in some dark, embarrassing corner of the Internet? Does a squid-human hybrid count as a furry, strictly speaking, or is this just a case of 'any port in a storm until the new ''[[Franchise/SonicTheHedgehog Sonic]]'' comes out and they can all [[ADateWithRosiePalms wank themselves cross-eyed]]'?"

* "'Kingdom Come' by itself would've been a perfectly appropriate and snappy title, and what's more, it would have emphasised the "come" part, which would have been fitting, [[ADateWithRosiePalms because that's what the game is covered in."]]

-->'''Yahtzee:''' Ah, ''this'' is one of those moments that make it all worth it, viewer; one of the three basic pleasures of life: [[ADateWithRosiePalms the first wank]] on a delicate spring morning, finally killing [[LeaveNoWitnesses the last witness]], and playing a new game that I actually like.

-->'''Yahztee:''' The message of ''J.J. Macfield and Literature/{{the Thing on the Doorstep}}'' feels confused. Swery lays some cards on the table right at the start with a little opening text saying something like: "No one should feel bad for being who they are. I'm Swery, and I'm one of the good ones!" and that, plus the fact that we are searching for our girlfriend makes me think its a metaphor for coming to terms with your sexuality. But in that case, what is all the "tearing all your arms and legs off" business about? [[CrossesTheLineTwice Is that a metaphor for scissoring during that time of the m]]-- ''[[NoJustNoReaction That was the]] [[SickAndWrong new worst thing I've ever written!]]''[[note]]His previous declaration of "worst thing ever depicted" was depicting the miscarriage plot from ''Webcomic/CtrlAltDel'' as a bloody baby imp coming out of a woman.[[/note]]

-->"I think his in-game character profile says it best: "North is a firm believer in America's role as World Police." ''[file says, "North is a hum de ham de hom de haw"]'' Wait, what?! So our protagonist watched that ''Film/{{Team America|WorldPolice}}'' film, [[MisaimedFandom and didn't realize that it was a satire]]?"

-->Initially, Rockstar claimed that it was all the work of naughty hackers, and that one could no more blame them than one could blame an exercise manufacturer for a schoolboy's [[GagPenis crude drawing of a knob]], until it became clear that all the mod actually ''did'' was go into one file and change the variable "[=EnableHorribleSexMinigame=]" from zero to one.

-->''Initially, Rockstar claimed that it was all the work of naughty hackers, and that one could no more blame them than one could blame an exercise manufacturer for a schoolboy's [[GagPenis crude drawing of a knob]], until it became clear that all the mod actually'' did ''was go into one file and change the variable "[=EnableHorribleSexMinigame=]" from zero to one.''

-->''Initially, Rockstar claimed that it was all the work of naughty hackers, and that one could no more blame them than one could blame an exercise manufacturer for a schoolboy's [[GagPenis crude drawing of a knob]], until it became clear that all the mod actually'' did ''was go into one file and change the variable "EnableHorribleSexMinigame" from zero to one.''

[[folder:The Hot Coffee Controversy]]
* For starters, the Occasional Guide's intro jingle: ''"Let's all laugh at an industry that never learns anything, tee hee hee."''
* Yahtzee notes how unbelievably easy it was to enable the Hot Coffee minigame.
-->''All the mod actually'' did ''was go into one file and change the variable "EnableHorribleSexMinigame" from zero to one.''
* A swift blow to Hillary Clinton later on, in hindset of her election defeat in 2016. Donald Trump doesn't escape a roast either.
-->''...but none other than Hillary Clinton also joined in for the kicking, just in case you thought the only win against her was being unable to win an election against a large pile of Cheesy Wotsits in an ill-fitting suit.''
[[/folder]]

* Yahtzee hesitates to call ''Not Tonight'' a "''Papers, Please'' knockoff" in case paperwork checking is the hot new genre, "and I'll feel as stupid as I do about [[FromClonesToGenre when we used to call FPSes 'Doom clones']]."

'''Executive #1''': Ha ha, yes, I suppose it is. ''[walking away with wide eyes]'' [[WhatAnIdiot Oh fuck, now I'll look stupid if I ask again]].

* "It's a fairly incomplete story, since there wasn't someone dying at every single moment..."

* Yahtzee ruminating how on the ''Franchise/SonicTheHedgehog'' series actually avoided entering what is widely considered its DorkAge when it underwent a VideoGame3DLeap early during this generation when the Saturn's prospective Sonic game, ''Sonic Extreme'', was canceled:

** Elsewhere in the intro, he offhandedly calls ''VisualNovel/DokiDokiLiteratureClub'' [[CriticalResearchFailure "upbeat cartoon pornography"]]. This remark likely resulted in more comments than anything in the actual reviews, eventually persuading Yahtzee to play the game for himself. See below for details.

* During his rambling about the game's similarity to ''VideoGame/HotlineMiami'', he uses French Toast Crunch as an example of [[CriticalResearchFailure discontinued breakfast cereal]].

* Yahtzee pointing out the game being the Japanese equivalent of indie games like ''VideoGame/{{Limbo}}'' or ''VideoGame/{{Inside}}''.

* "''WesternAnimation/ToyStory'' and ''WesternAnimation/MonstersInc'' are levels, but aren't both of those tangentially set in the real world? Last I checked, reality isn't a subsidiary of the Creator/{{Disney}} corporation! [[MegaCorp Not yet, anyway;]] [[DisneyOwnsThisTrope give them a few more years]]."

** This moves on toward the very end when he describes the IdiotPlot of the game:

* At this point, Yahtzee points out how he's reviewing this due to the game having a story mode, an excuse he used to avoid reviewing ''VideoGame/SuperSmashBrosForWiiU'' and gives an accurate reading as how this review would go with the fanbase:

* [[AndThereWasMuchRejoicing The return of everyone's favorite jingle!]]

--->Of all the video game protagonists I've been unreasonably obliged to identify with, I struggle to think of one I dislike more than Deacon St. John. Even [[CallBack Jeffrey Cuddletrousers]] from ''VideoGame/{{Hatred}}'' at least had some fucking [[KillEmAll ambition]] in life. At least he knew how to express himself, and didn't just mumble into his shoes all the time. He didn't sulk and whine every time someone asked him to do something, like a teenager when the bins need putting out. And he didn't passive-aggressively criticize them under his breath the moment their backs were turned; he'd mainly just stab in the face and shit. But the developers apparently thought Deacon St. John's "dynamic" personality needed to be a constant presence, so he has to comment on ''fucking everything''. "Oh, I picked up a bottle. Another Molotov, is it? Yawn!" And another thing, stop second-guessing my intentions, Deacon St. John! I walk two feet out of a zombie clear-out zone, and you go "Ooh, I guess I'll finish clearing it out later, then." You'd like that, wouldn't you, ''you lazy bastard?!'' What was your job in that biker gang you used to be in? 'Cos I think you must have been taste-testing the crystal meth.

-->Both games are about forming a [[RagtagBunchOfMisfits Scooby Gang]], but I like ''Persona 5'''s Scooby Gang members because they're underdogs, they don't open up to you straight away, and they're expressive. They're ''not'' [[InformedAbility alleged]] Sci-Fi {{Super Soldier}}s [[ArtificialStupidity with the combat skills of a dead salmon]], ''[a salmon soldier girl drops an assault gun and says, "Oh no, I dropped my gun and pissed myself!"; scene cuts to Yahtzee and the salmon girl at the dinner table]'' they don't [[AsYouKnow blurt their character and backstory at you because you asked them to pass the salt]], ''[salmon girl says, "I was raised by a crab."]'' and they don't [[UncannyValley emote like the same dead salmon experiencing PTSD flashbacks]]. ''[salmon girl does an EyeTake and says, "I pissed myself again."]''

-->I should have remembered that Supergiant Games are pretty good at this whole interactive-storytelling lark, and ''scratch my scrawny scrotum'' if I didn't genuinely wanted to see what happened to these characters. We call it the "Creator/{{Bioware}} Bro Buffet", but between this and ''VideoGame/Persona5'', Bioware seem to be the worst at it. Again, I like the ''Pyre'' lads a lot more than I did the Andromeda Burger King Kids' Club in spite of them being still images that didn't make any effort to emote -- or, possibly, [[UncannyValley because of]]. ''(the accompanying illustration has one of the Andromeda NPC glaring at the other with dead, dull eyes and demanding that the other NPC kiss them on "THE BOOBS")''

** His assessment of the eponymous Titans is that they do [[Administrivia/TropesAreTools a genuinely good job]] of hitting the UncannyValley, saying that it was like "someone brought to life all the hideous monstrosities we've ever made in RPG [[CharacterCustomization character customization screens]] as a joke."