History Funny / SeventeenThousandSevenHundredSeventySix

--->'''Ten''': People sit in the stands and watch this ... this fucking crap? This garbage dump where ''nothing fucking ever happens?''

'''Juice:''' no\\

--->'''Juice''': they thought it was hopeless to try to score as the game was originally drawn up, but they still wanted to play. so they did their best to grab a little land for their own end zones. but they couldn't acquire any territory in between them, and those territories don't like players stompin' about on their fields. so that game's kinda not feasible these days. especially because they moved the bojangles. now bojangles is right in the way.

-->'''Juice''': [[TakeThat well thats because your scratch data was wrote by dickheads.]]

* "What the fuck is a Nature’s Valley? It’s like yeah, every valley is a nature valley, dumbass."

-->'''Test''': Thank you.
-->'''Nine''': OK
-->'''Test''': Your answer is very much appreciated.
-->'''Nine''': ...
-->'''Test''': Hope you are doing well!
-->'''Nine''': Juice did you write this test? I know this is you.
-->'''Test''': Okay, bye!
-->'''Nine''': bye
-->[[{{Beat}} (pause)]]
-->'''Test''': Hello again! This is the test speaking.
-->'''Nine''': [=FUck=] you man
-->'''Test''': Would you like to be friends with me?
-->'''Nine''': sdkjbhjkjbfbjlsnvkl
-->'''Test''': It is very lonely being a test! The essay question is the closest I ever get to having a conversation! Please don’t go! Save me! I love you!
-->'''Nine''': [[ClusterFBomb asss ass ass ufck ass fuck ass]]

--->SECTION 5: OBSERVATIONS. In this section, the test administrator will offer some interesting observations about the world. This section is about him, not you. Please answer with interest and enthusiasm.
--->1 – In my view, basketballs should be filled with heavy whipping cream. Over the course of the game, all the dribbling may eventually whip the cream into butter. This will surely make the basketball more difficult to dribble. However, the winning team will be awarded a delicious basketball filled with butter! Pretty neat!
--->'''Nine''': [[RageBreakingPoint EXIT PROGRAM]]

* "now, the most common misconception about the sun is that it’s [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raisin_Bran a jolly goblin who helpfully pours raisins into your cereal]][.] this is FALSE!"
-->'''Ten''': [[DeadpanSnarker gasp]]

-->'''Nine''': AAAAAAAHH!!!!
-->'''Juice''': HAAAAAAAAAA\\

IT’S AN ASSHOLE
-->'''Ten''': It’s an asshole! It’s a gigantic steel asshole. Anyone who says otherwise is delusional.
-->'''Juice''': man what i wouldn’t give\\

i would form nebulas
-->'''Nine''': WHAT IS THAT THING
-->'''Ten''': Sometimes I forget how much you haven’t caught up on. It’s a delight.\\
That is Mercedes-Benz Stadium, home of the Falcons. Every day, architects went to work, sat down, designed this thing, and thought, “I am not drawing a butthole.” Taxpayers read the news and nodded: “We are not funding a butthole.” Construction workers labored for years, seething through gritted teeth: “We are not building a butthole.”\\
And then one day, they realized they’d built a butthole.

-->'''Nine''': Wow. [[DeadpanSnarker I never really noticed it before, but Florida really looks like crap.]]
-->'''Juice''': [[SarcasmMode how so]]\\
[[TakeThat what would you change about it]]
-->'''Ten''': HA!\\
Got ‘em.\\

-->'''Manny:''' I’m not sure how much of this you remember, since we submitted it a long time ago, but basically–\\
'''Juice:''' Oh don’t worry. I’m quite familiar.\\
'''Ten:''' (“Oh, Don’t Worry! I’m Quite Familiar!”)\\

'''Juice:''' I see! I’m happy to assist. I’ll tell you what, I’ll send some relevant rule documents and we can review them together. I’m sure we can find a solution.\\
'''Ten:''' (Look at this fucking herb! “Oh Yes Sir! Oh I’m Happy To Assist, Sir!”)\\

-->'''Nine''': What’s rappabilly?
-->'''Juice''': i’ll let you solve that puzzle
-->({{Beat}})
-->'''Nine''': [[invoked]] [[OhCrap Oh no,]] not rockabilly rap. Christ.
-->'''Juice''': [[BileFascination easily the best possible genre of music]]
-->'''Ten''': [[DeadpanSnarker Eternal life and heaven are not the same thing, turns out!]]

-->'''Juice''': with a crisp cracker roll and a ham filling, you'll
-->'''Nine''': NOPE.

-->'''Jon Bois''': today’s episode of 20020 addressed a fringe theory that claims that the remains of alexander the great and cleopatra are buried in southern illinois. [[ThisIsGonnaSuck and that probably isn’t even the dumbest thing about today’s episode]]

--->'''Chess Player''': Rook factory. Every four turns I get a rook now. If I annex a third adjacent property, that accelerates to three turns.
--->'''Lori''': [[SureLetsGoWithThat Okay!]]
--->Uh, capturing on d4 then. Gotta bust up your factory.
--->'''Chess Player''': Can’t do that.
--->'''Lori''': I can’t?
--->'''Chess Player''': No, sorry. [[FromBadToWorse You need to build a Consortium first.]]
--->[[YouHaveGOTToBeKiddingMe (long pause)]]
--->'''Lori''': How do I do that?
--->'''Chess Player''': To build a Consortium, you move both Bishops to the same file and leave them there for ten turns. For those ten turns, you can’t move a piece. Basically, building the Consortium counts as the move.
--->'''Lori''': [[ThisIsGonnaSuck This is something else.]]

--->'''Chess Player''': To win Arbitration, you must defeat the Knight, Bishop, Pawn and Rook you see before you. Beware the Four Sanctums, traveler! Wizards and warlocks await ye! Goblins and ghouls ‘round every corner!

-->'''Ten:''' I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It took me a minute, but I think you think Analyze That was a book.\\

alright i’ll be honest, i saw an Analyze That lunchbox and just assumed it inspired a book at some point\\

'''Juice:''' sure why not? seems like there’s a lot there\\

'''Nine:''' [[NoPunctuationIsFunnier Ha, love it when you stop punctuating]]. It’s like you’re groaning. It’s endearing.\\

-->'''Bryce''': Hey wheres the bathroom
-->'''Linda''': Oh, it’s right around the corner there. Just down there and make a left.
-->'''Bryce''': OK
-->[[{{Beat}} (long pause)]]
-->'''Linda''': Hon?\\
Hon it’s not over there! That’s the front door.
-->'''Gunner''': [[CaptainObvious Where are you goin’? You’re gonna step off the field!]]\\
He’s gonna step off the field!\\
Son, you’ve only got 10 seconds to make it back before you’re kicked out of the game!\\

--->'''Nine''': ahahahahaha
--->'''Juice''': [[ActuallyPrettyFunny HA]]\\

-->'''Coach E''': First zone’s about 20 miles long, second one is closer to 25.
-->'''Phone''': YOU THINK THEY GOT PIRANHA FISH HERE?
-->'''Coach E''': AGAIN, whoever that is, please, please mute your phone.
-->[...]
-->'''Coach E''': They’ve got five posted up at Mississippi State, and they’re gonna send word if they see anybody comin’ their way.
-->'''Phone''': FUCK LAKES MAN! FUCK LAKES
-->[...]
-->'''Coach E''': [[DareToBeBadass This is our chance to make our mark. This is our chance to make history. This is our moment and we will rise to it. You hear me? Every single one of us will rise]] [[InterruptedByTheEnd to]]
-->'''Phone''': [[MomentKiller YEAH MAN I THINK ONE OF THEM FISHES BIT ME ON MY DICK]]\\

[[DramaticIrony NAH I’M ON MUTE!]]\\

''(click)''
-->'''Coach E''': [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere Okay. Y’all know what to do. Break.]]

--->'''Ten''': From the\\

Sometimes it’s kind of a fun puzzle to try to discern what the fuck you’re talking about.
--->'''Juice''': i am a blessing to all who surround me

-->'''Nine''': [[invoked]] [[OhCrap Oh no,]] [[DarthWiki/SoBadItsHorrible not rockabilly rap. Christ.]]

* click*

* For a while, Juice was convinced [[EskimosArentReal Delaware didn't exist.]] Then, after talking to someone who was there, he dropped it... [[HereWeGoAgain and instead adopted the theory that]] ''[[HereWeGoAgain Maine]]'' [[HereWeGoAgain doesn't exist]].

** [[UpToEleven And then we get to "the Arbitration phase",]] which requires clearing the table in order to '''expand the board'''. And from here, it becomes clear that chess also took cues from ''Dungeons and Dragons'':

''[Beat]''\\

'''Ten:''' So like the foundational work for an entire book would be a lunchbox\\

its like oh no here comes [[ComicBook/{{Magneto}} magneto]], he can fly around and he can literally throw trains and destroy cities whenever he feels like it\\

-->'''Nine:''' [[SkewedPriorities is]] Music/SteelyDan [[SkewedPriorities still together]]\\

-->'''Nine:''' [[SkewedPriorities Is]] Music/SteelyDan [[SkewedPriorities still together?]]\\

* After realizing that they's a space probe, this is Nine's response:

* After realizing that he's a space probe, this is nine's response:

'''Ten:''' [[FlatWhat What?]]\\

* For a while, Juice was convinced [[EskimosArentReal Deleware didn't exist.]] Then, after talking to someone who was there, he dropped it... [[HereWeGoAgain and instead adopted the theory that]] ''[[HereWeGoAgain Maine]]'' [[HereWeGoAgain doesn't exist]].

** [[MoodWhiplash While Oklahoma State proceeds to close in on Nick and Manny from both sides,]] Juice compares their situation to [[PopculturalOsmosisFailure "the trash room scene from the dark vader"]].

** Take his disdainful takedown of [[Franchise/{{Wolverine}} Wolferine]] [sic].

* Ten's anger at Game 27.
-->'''Ten''': People sit in the stands and watch this ... this fucking crap? This garbage dump where ''nothing fucking ever happens?''

** When Juice gets onto a tangent about chain stores:

* While being recruited by Gunner to join Troy University's football team, it becomes ''very'' apparent that Bryce does not care, given what he does when he asks where the bathroom is... [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere and then runs off the field in the opposite direction in order to be ejected from the Bowl Game.]]