History Funny / SCPFoundationJokeSCPEntries

* [[https://scp-int.wikidot.com/scpaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-jp-j SCARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH-JP-J]] is an infohazard that causes people to become irrationally angry (if [[{{Angrish}} the title alone didn't make that obvious]]), and it's triggered by [[SlowLoadingInternetImage attempting to post or edit to the SCP Foundation Wiki on mobile]]. The "containment procedures" and [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere "I'm done." footnote]] imply that DataVampires gobbled up the author's edits.

* [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-4000-j SCP-4000-J]] is a parody of [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/taboo the unnamed SCP that would probably be 4000 if it had a number]][[note]]In a nutshell, it's an EldritchLocation [[TheScottishTrope where giving anything a name]] (which includes using the same description more than once) [[HorrorHatesARulebreaker means Bad Things]].[[/note]], with Dr. Mack finding himself faced with ever more restrictive Eshu Protocol updates preventing him from writing ''anything'' useful about the anomaly, until he finally snaps:

* [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-4000-j SCP-4000-J]] is a parody of [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/taboo the unnamed SCP that would probably be 2000 if it had a number]][[note]]In a nutshell, it's an EldritchLocation [[TheScottishTrope where giving anything a name]] (which includes using the same description more than once) [[HorrorHatesARulebreaker means Bad Things]].[[/note]], with Dr. Mack finding himself faced with ever more restrictive Eshu Protocol updates preventing him from writing ''anything'' useful about the anomaly, until he finally snaps:

* [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-4000-j SCP-4000-J]] is a parody of [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/taboo the unnamed SCP that would probably be 2000 if it had a number]][[note]]In a nutshell, it's an EldritchLocation [[TheScottishTrope where giving anything a name]] [[HorrorHatesARulebreaker means Bad Things]].[[/note]], with Dr. Mack finding himself faced with ever more restrictive Eshu Protocol updates preventing him from writing ''anything'' useful about the anomaly, until he finally snaps:

* [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-4000-j SCP-4000-J]] is a parody of [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/taboo the unnamed SCP]][[note]]In a nutshell, it's an EldritchLocation that inflicts BodyHorror on people that reference it with the same descriptor more than once[[/note]], with Dr. Mack finding himself faced with ever more restrictive Eshu Protocol updates preventing him from writing ''anything'' useful about the anomaly, until he finally snaps:

* [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-666-and-a-half-j SCP-666½-J]] is a crab-stuffed mushroom entrée. An ''[[LethalChef apocalyptically bad]]'' crab-stuffed mushroom entrée that gives whoever eats it [[PottyFailure the worst case of diarrhea they've ever experienced]], described in graphic detail as burning out their bowels before making them pass out from the sheer pain. It has the dubious honor of being the only thing that could make SCP-682 ''commit suicide''. Note that the Foundation's ''Ethics Comittee'' considered using it on the damn lizard to be ''too cruel'' despite not raising a peep about literally any of the other methods already attempted.

* [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-100000-j SCP-100000-J]]-[[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill Procedure 110-Overkill]]: The containment procedures require three separate hermetically sealed sarcophagi, [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech a constant live feed of personal verbal attacks]], a 100km radius exclusion zone, the ground bones of saints, a deaf ogre, 50 copies each of various religious scriptures (as well as [[UsefulNotes/RichardDawkins The God Delusion]]), launching intruders into the Sun, [[DidYouJustFlipOffCthulhu flipping off the Sun]], and supermassive black hole generators. Of course, the black hole generations will cause an XK-class end-of-the-world scenario, but a the alternative is a █K-class "Dance of a Thousand [[[CensoredForComedy DATA EXPUNGED]]]" scenario. Oh, and SCP-100000-J was able to kill the mother of its site's director just by [[YourMom insulting her]].

** In an interview, it's revealed that it has an interst in [[HiddenDepths knitting]]...but only so that it can lure you into a false sense of security then [[EyeScream stab you in the eyes with the knitting needles]] and tear your heart out with its teeth.

** In an interview, it's revealed that it has an interst in [[HiddenDepths knitting]]...but only so that it can lure you into a false sense of security then [[EyeScream stab you in the eyes with the knitting needles]] then tear your heart out with its teeth.

** In an interview, it's revealed that it has an interst in [[HiddenDepths knitting]]...but only so that it can lure you into a false sense of security then [[EyeScream stab you in the eyes with the knitting needles]].

173) ''Excessive'' force is not the same as ''the'' [[StarWars Force]], therefore using it does not make Dr. Bright a Jedi.\\

By definition, [[http://www.scpwiki.com/joke-scps Joke SCPs]] are written as jokes, so it's not surprising that so many of them are hilarious.

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-001-j SCP-001-J]], aside from the [[ShoutOut/SCPFoundation Ren and Stimpy reference]], also features the President setting up the SCP Foundation to contain a BigRedButton that will destroy all creation if pressed, with the implication that he also asked for the Foundation to be set up to "protect humanity from monsters and stuff". That's right, all the terrifying, reality-warping, mind-fucking monsters and objects the SCP Foundation contains is mostly due to the President wanting a Foundation to keep him from pushing a red button.
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-001-ex-j SCP-001-EX-J]], the first anomalous object contained by the SCP's neolithic predecessor, Catch Keep Guard, is fire. It was relegated to the Understood (AKA -EX) category when someone learned how to make it by rubbing two sticks together - look at the last log. Before that, the CKG Gathering genuinely had fire classified as a potentially world-ending (forest fires, anyone?) and mysterious, but incredibly useful anomaly. Because, think of it - how many current SCP articles will probably end up with the same fate once humanity progresses enough?

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/daveyoufool-proposal For a more "traditional" 001 proposal, daveyoufool's got you covered]]. It's mostly how the alert system would inform the Foundation if this BeastOfTheApocalypse is attacking, and it's an escalation of absurdity and laughter.

*** Followed by a message from The Administrator admitting that he's fully aware that the alerts will raise stress instead of relieve it, the entire procedure was devised in hopes that it would make everyone as miserable as possible, possibly even driving them to kill each other, and that he really doesn't like any of them, and is honestly upset that the BeastOfTheApocalypse is dealing with them before he could. It ends with the implication that the Administrator is actually [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-ttku-j SCP-TTKU-J - A Thing That Kills You]].
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-100-j SCP-100-J]] is, literally, a steaming pile of horseshit. Out of this pile come various [=SCPs=], most of which have been [[TakeThat decommissioned.]]
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-1543-j SCP-1543-J]], the Sun Launcher, is one of the funniest things in the entire archive. Basically, in the past, the Foundation got rid of anomalies by launching them into the sun... no matter how illogical or impractical it may be.

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-1550-j SCP-1550-J]], a wheelchair that turns the setting into ''ComicBook/XMen'', basically.

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-069-j SCP-069-J]]. Or, in the words of the comment page, "You turned the Foundation... into an H-game."
** Now it has a [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-069-j-research-log Research Log]]. One in-game event involves [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-682 a giant iguana]] escaping from the biology lab! And later, it gets caught by [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-053 an unnamed female student]].
** The Japanese have [[http://ja.scpwiki.com/scp-069-jp-j their own take on the concept]]. Among other things, one researcher tried to go on a date with SCP-173 after playing it.
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-333-j SCP-333-J]] is a bar that frequently attracts an assortment of bizarre and unpredictable patrons. More specifically, ''[[StockJokes it's the bar that every "X walks into a bar" joke takes place at]]''. Such jokes are catalogued in the article as incident reports, with additional punny commentary by Foundation Staff.
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-4445-j SCP-4445-J]]. Hey, wait a minute. This seems a little... [[Wiki/TVTropes familiar]].
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-666-j SCP-666-j]] - aka "[[DrivesLikeCrazy Dr. Gerald's Driving Skills.]]" Best summed up by the captions:

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-50-ae-j SCP-50-AE-J]]. It's a .50 Desert Eagle that fires SCP-50-AE-1: an actual giant Bald Eagle that rabidly attacks anything perceived to be anti-American while yelling lines appropriate to [[VideoGame/{{Fallout 3}} Liberty Prime]].

* Just about every word on [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-5308-j SCP-5308-J]] is hilarious, it's no wonder it's one of the highest rated joke [=SCPs=] on the site. What happens when [[WindmillCrusader a paranoid, borderline-sociopathic Foundation that contains dangerous anomalies gets their hands on perfectly ordinary objects that they think might be anomalous?]] Hilarity, of course.

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-420-j SCP-420-J]]. It's marijuana sent through [[AmplifierArtifact SCP-914]], and it's some good shit.
** [[http://www.scpwiki.com/extended-scp-420-j-experiment-log The test log]] has some gems, such as the basketball game GoneHorriblyWrong SCP-1733 turning into a Music/GratefulDead concert and the stoneheads responsible for testing repeatedly trying to [[BoldlyComing get laid by giving it to feminine SCPs]]. Other highlights include:

*** Giving a sample to [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-993 Bobble the Clown]], who broadcasts an episode titled "Bobble Gets Baked" where he teaches how to roll a doobie, how to improvise a bong, and [[BlackComedy how to take over the black market drug trade.]]

*** Finally, one researcher decided to light up in [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-087 SCP-087]][[note]][[NightmareFuel The stairwell with the creepy ghost face]][[/note]] and accidentally leaves the joint behind when he flees. The image has to be seen to be believed.

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-2008-j SCP-2008-J]] is a sports mascot. Not an animal that looks like a sports mascot, or a costume that turns people into a creature that looks like a mascot, but an actual man in a costume. Even better, sports fans will note that the image used is The Philadelphia Phanatic, one of the weirdest looking mascots in all of sports.
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-500-j SCP 500-J]], aka "that bitch," aka O5-8's shrew of a wife.
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-006-j SCP 006-J]], aka "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?" Hey, even the Foundation can be scared by creepy insects.

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-1344-j SCP 1344-J]], a [[SiliconBasedLife glass-like organism]] with a fluid-filled body, stubby limbs, and a torus-shaped structure in the back, which knocks down walls with a single, distinctive vocalization. [[ExpospeakGag Hmm... now why does this sound familiar?]][[labelnote:The punchline]]In other words, it's the Kool-Aid Man.[[/labelnote]]
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-4357-j SCP-4357-J]], the Cooperative Demon who [[IllNeverTellYouWhatImTellingYou keeps unintentionally telling the Foundation how to better contain him.]]

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-j SCP-___]]. It's a rock that makes you procrastinate. It's the second-highest rated page on the site.
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/the-things-dr-bright-is-not-allowed-to-do-at-the-foundation The Things Dr Bright Is Not Allowed To Do At The Foundation]]. [[note]] Some of these examples have since been deleted. [[/note]]

52) "Accidentally" [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-447 spilling green gelatin on a dead body]] in the presence of the O5 was funny exactly once, and [[BringMyBrownPants the smell of excrement exuding from O5-2's khakis]] spoiled the moment.\\

118.5) Claiming to survive the detonation of an [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-2558-j SCP-2558-J-Ex]] does not make him a lion tamer, either.\\
127) Dr. Bright is not allowed to use [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-587 SCP-587]] to re-enact the locker scene from ''Film/MenInBlack'', nor play Godzilla with its inhabitants.\\

222) [[http://www.scpcbgame.com/ Dr. Bright is not allowed to make freeware games based on contained objects and release them onto the internet.]]\\

** Remember the "682 on Iris" bit mentioned? [[RuleThirtyFour Someone actually wrote it.]] [[http://pastebin.com/qjmKSRLd Yes, really.]] NSFW, obviously.
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/chowderclef Chowderclef.]] CHOWDER FOR THE CHOWDERCLEF! POTATOES FOR THE SPUD THRONE!
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/bees Bees]].[[note]]My god.[[/note]] The funniest part of that was that it is mentioned at the bottom that this is the ''most accurate'' account of Incident [BLANK]. Makes you wonder what other accounts looked like...
* Remember, SCP is Special Containment Procedures. [[http://www.scpwiki.com/system:page-tags/tag/shark-punching-center#pages SPC is]]... [[http://www.scpwiki.com/10-30-a-m something]] [[http://www.scpwiki.com/spc-3284-j else]].

** One more, [[http://www.scpwiki.com/how-the-spc-ruined-halloween How the SPC Ruined Halloween]].

** [[PerspectiveFlip They also have]] [[http://spc-wiki.wikidot.com/ a mini-wiki]].
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/run-away-forevurrr This odd story]] is pretty entertaining, but the real hilarity comes in the discussion page. After some conversing, [[http://www.scpwiki.com/forum/t-403741/run-away-forevurrr#post-1289229 Clef (the real guy, not the Foundation character) challenges another user to write a story]] titled "Poopstick [=McGee=] and the Flying Walruses". The user aptly replies:
--> '''[=TroyL=]''': ... [[http://www.scpwiki.com/poopstick-mcgee-and-the-flying-walruses Challenge accepted]].\\

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-k9-j-ex SCP-K9-J-EX]] definitely counts. It's essentially an episode of Franchise/ScoobyDoo described like any other SCP

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-2006-j SCP-2006-J]] is an EldritchAbomination who thinks it's a MagicalGirl as a result of watching too many magical girl anime. Its TransformationSequence killed several people from the sight of it, blinded 38 people, [[Franchise/SailorMoon caused the Sailor Scouts to shriek 'KAWAII' before exploding into rainbow dust,]] and left a doctor in a coma. It also wants to fight crime, and does so by "punishing" D-Class. Don't ask.
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-2383-j-t SCP-2383-J's experiment report]]. This SCP's effect is to force people to make "experiments" and create crazy items that vary in nature depending on what color the liquid contained in the SCP is. One of the results is a crossbow that gives random effects to the bolts it shoots. At one point, the researcher testing it unwittingly does a Franchise/FinalFantasy-style LimitBreak, [[CriticalHit complete with the number 9999 appearing on the target]] at the end of the attack, the target [[EverythingFades disappearing]] and [[MoneySpider money appearing on the ground]] after its "defeat".
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-even-number-j SCP-[Even Number]-J]] is an SCP-Foundation Mad Libs. A few examples from the discussion page just to give you an idea of the... ''[[ARareSentence interesting]]'' items this can generate:

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-727-j SCP-727-J]], i.e. the sun itself. This has resulted in numerous attempts to extinguish the sun.
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-095-j SCP-095-J]], also known as that one text font, Comic Sans.
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-682-j SCP-682-J]], the funny version of the SCP-682 document.
* There is one thing that can kill 682. [[http://www.scpwiki.com/kill-682 Drunk driving.]]
* [[http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-789-j SCP-789-J]], "The butt ghost". Written by an 11-year-old boy, of course.
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-1994-j SCP-1994-J]]. Basically, it's an SCP article as written by a very excited dog, regarding a tennis ball.

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-spooky-j SCP-SPOOKY-J]]. That's right, instead of a serial number, it has the word "Spooky". As you may be able to guess, it's a [[DemBones walking, talking skeleton]] that can teleport, and speaks as if he has access to Website/{{Reddit}}, considering his use of the word [[MemeticMutation "fuckboy"]] and tendency to threaten SCP researchers with [[VideoGame/ModernWarfare "noscoping"]]. The addendum added to this page is also hilarious:

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-666-and-a-half-j SCP-666½-J]] is a crab-stuffed mushroom entrée. An ''[[LethalChef apocalyptically bad]]'' crab-stuffed mushroom entrée that gives whoever eats it [[PottyFailure the worst case of diarrhea they've ever experienced]], described in graphic detail as burning out their bowels before making them pass out from the sheer pain. It has the dubious honor of being the only thing that could make SCP-682 ''commit suicide''. Note that the Foundation's ''Ethics Comittee'' considered using it on the damn lizard to be ''too cruel'' despite not raising a peep about literally any of the other methods already attempted.

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-5555-j SCP-5555-J]], aka "[[SuperDeformed The Chibinator]]", is a device that makes miniature {{flanderiz|ation}}ed versions of [=SCPs=] and staff members, which are completely AxCrazy and usually attempt to kill whoever they see. The entire experiment log is hilarious, but the very last line takes it all:

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-1212-j SCP-1212-J]] has a masterful use of LeaningOnTheFourthWall, with Foundation scientists critiquing an artifact ''as if they're posting on the actual website''... much to their colleague's annoyance and confusion.

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-999-j SCP-999-J]], a fat man who teleports wearing nothing but a speedo that he can seemingly pull anything out of. To give a taste, this is the entire Containment Procedure:

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/local--files/scp-4263-j/Keter_A.jpg Can't contain this Keter ass.]]
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-649-2568-j SCP-649-2568-J]]. Try to figure out where it's going before opening that last interview log.
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-7143-j SCP-7143-J]], who causes all who see it to become smitten with it, both romantically and sexually, with notes from several researchers proclaiming how attractive it is. It's also a ''[[CargoShip doorknob]]''.

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-1333-j SCP-1333-J!]]-[[NoIndoorVoice THE SCREAMING MAN!]]: Object Class Enochian, Foundation Dreadlords required for containment, [[BreadEggsMilkSquick and cavernous nostrils]].
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-100000-j SCP-100000-J]]-[[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill Procedure 110-Overkill]]: The containment procedures require three separate hermetically sealed sarcophagi, [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech a constant live feed of personal verbal attacks]], a 100km radius exclusion zone, the ground bones of saints, a deaf ogre, 50 copies each of various religious scriptures (as well as [[UsefulNotes/RichardDawkins The God Delusion]]), launching intruders into the Sun, [[DidYouJustFlipOffCthulhu flipping off the Sun]], and supermassive black hole generators. Of course, the black hole generations will cause an XK-class end-of-the-world scenario, but a the alternative is a █K-class "Dance of a Thousand [[[CensoredForComedy DATA EXPUNGED]]]" scenario. Oh, and SCP-100000-J was able to kill the mother of its site's director just by [[YourMom insulting her]].

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-7000-j SCP-7000-J]], a reality-bending entity that is summoned with CanisLatinicus and [[JackassGenie won't grant your wishes the way you'd expect]]. And, of course, what happens when the Foundation [[RunningGag tries to kill SCP-682]] with it:

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-231-j SCP-231-J]], The Foundation's [[MundaneMadeAwesome terrible credit rating]], and the reveal that SCP-231 is actually a [[EvilDebtCollector debt collector]] for a debt caused by a doctor being loaned $2 for a soda. Said debt steadily increases from 2 dollars, to $493,026.34, to $50,936,299,102.49, 500 human souls, two truckloads of diamonds, the blood of a virgin, and "a goddamn pony". The last time the Foundation is informed about it, the debt has increased to "[DATA EXPUNGED].53 dollars, 700 trillion human souls condemned eternally to the sadistic pleasure-pits of [DATA EXPUNGED], ownership of 53 individual timelines of the Multiverse, and one 'goddamn pony'." Talk about an interest rate. There's also the reveal of expunged content in 231, such as 110-Montauk being just throwing money in a passive-aggressive way. More specifically, 231-J relates to the debt itself, and is classed as Keter, much like the real 231. The Foundation's credit rating is a secondary SCP further down. What's its classification? ''Apollyon.''

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-2317-j SCP-2317-J]] makes a complete mockery of the world-ending beast concealed in SCP-2317, mostly by making it clear the gigantic demon can be held off by a simple human-sized wooden door. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZ8FVHhzyBc The audio version]] arguably makes it even better.

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-404-j SCP-404-J]] explains why God allows so many bad things to exist in the world, what is wrong with humanity and probably why He has long since forsaken us.
--> '''Special Containment Procedures:''' As attempts to manually alter the text of SCP-404-J have proved futile, twice-hourly tactical nuclear strikes are to continue on SCP-404-J until it has been successfully neutralized. As such, Foundation personnel, combat task forces, and civilians may only come within 100 km of SCP-404-J after signing a mortality waiver.

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-1950-J SCP-1950-J]]. The Foundation ended up locking up a Franchise/DisneyPrincess.
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-2950-j SCP-2950-J]] is a postcard with (poorly-written) anti-human graffiti on it that makes anyone who reads it a MisanthropeSupreme for 12 hours. However, addendums on the page reveal an increasingly exasperated O5, assuring us that yes, this really is just a slightly anomalous postcard and not secretly a Keter-class that will bring about TheEndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt.

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-3000-j SCP-3000-J]][[TradeSnark ™, Kellogg's® new Foundation Flakes™!]] A breakfast of champions!
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-008-j SCP-008-J]], [[TheEveryman Geoff]]. Geoff is just a run-of-the-mill electrician and NiceGuy who somehow manages to inadvertently gain access to highly restricted SCP facilities, and always runs into Commander Price while doing so. He survived a hostage situation and two containment breaches, one of which was in a deep-sea fissure 3000 meters under the Atlantic Ocean! He also inadvertently avoids detainment, and is Commander Price's BerserkButton for this article.
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-022-j SCP-022-J]], "A Memetic Metal". The article is about titanium, and how it either a) tricks people into thinking it's the strongest metal on Earth (it's NOT), or b) causes those who know it's not to be filled with rage towards those in group a. The researcher writing the article is in group b, slipping bits of {{Angrish}} ranting into the article before biting his pencil in half, ripping the keyboard from the computer, and beating the closest security guard with it, screaming swears and threats of violence.
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-029-j SCP-029-J]] can be best summed up by the resignation letter of the Foundation agent assigned to it:

* If you spend a lot of time on the site, [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-deals-j SCP-DEALS-J]] is the greatest parody of a shitty car dealership ad you'll find that isn't Advertising/BigBillHells, and even if you don't, it's still great.[[note]]Unfortunately now deleted along with all of the other work from the author, though you can still see it via wayback machine. Or listen to an audio recording here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiAhUvNuyIw[[/note]]
* From the Japanese site, [[http://scp-jp.wikidot.com/scp-014-jp-j SCP-014-JP-J]], a.k.a. "Devil of the Abyss, the Black-Winged Fallen Angel Eisbein". Or rather, this is the title of the fallen angel that [[{{Chuunibyou}} the 14-year-old girl in question]] claims to be inhabited by. Highlights include:

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-safe-j SCP-SAFE-J]] is three safes: [[HurricaneOfPuns Dr. Safe's Safe safe, Dr. Euclid's Euclid safe, Drs. Safe, Euclid, and Keter's Keter safe, and the safe Thaumiel thawed meals caused by the safe (but not Safe) macro-scale microwave emissions into Euclidean space by the Drs. Safe, Euclid, and Keter's unsafe Keter safe.]][[note]][[TongueTwister Try saying that five times fast]][[/note]]
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-botnik-j SCP-\̅\̅\̅\̅-J]] is either one of the funniest [=SCPs=] ever or one of the most horrifying. It was written by feeding every SCP ever into a predictive text app. The result is just barely coherent nonsense that will either [[WordSaladHumor make you laugh]] or [[WordSaladHorror creep you out]], although you'd probably [[NightmareRetardant laugh away the creep factor]] reading the sillier parts of the article.

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-329-j SCP-329-J]], a talking road sign that claims to be a ghost.
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-4000-j SCP-4000-J]] is a parody of [[http://www.scpwiki.com/taboo the unnamed SCP]][[note]]In a nutshell, it's an EldritchLocation that inflicts BodyHorror on people that reference it with the same descriptor more than once[[/note]], with Dr. Mack finding himself faced with ever more restrictive Eshu Protocol updates preventing him from writing ''anything'' useful about the anomaly, until he finally snaps:

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-013-j SCP-013-J]], [[NoIndoorVoice THE CUTTLEFISH OF ULTIMATE WISDOM!]], a giant, glowing, sentient cuttlefish that claims to see the future and demands that the personnel assigned to it perform ridiculous actions in order to prevent the horrible (and equally bizarre) future events from happening. The O5 demand that agents and researchers comply with the cuttlefish's demands, [[BunnyEarsLawyer and the cuttlefish ALWAYS turns out to be right]]. It also never gets people's names right and doesn't seem to recognize the genders of who it's talking to:

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-3999-j SCP-3999-J]] (a parody of [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-3999 SCP-3999]]) is an unknowable, powerful entity that can end the world whenever it pleases and requires strict and specific containment procedures to keep it from causing the apocalypse. Researcher James Talloran, one of the few people immune to SCP-3999-J's anti-memetic effects, selflessly assigned himself to prevent the SCP from causing TheEndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt. Except not really. Talloran just wanted a cheeseburger and fries and made up an SCP that only he can see in order to get his order, which escalated to him making shit up to get the entire Foundation to basically give him whatever the hell he wants. Then there's the final update, where one of "SCP-3999-J's effects" is to make people hallucinate Talloran outside of the site. Like, people "hallucinate" him going to the casino, or a mass "hallucination" that he got into a drunk car accident, complete with his text apparently not being real.
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-049-j SCP 049-J]]: A direct parody of [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-049 SCP 049]]. While 049 is an articulate, sophisticated and extremely dangerous MadScientist, [[BlackComedy 049-J is still dangerous, but is also a complete moron]].

** [[http://www.scpwiki.com/forum/t-4333703/scp-049-j#post-3639075 The discussion page]] for SCP-049-J has two users debating which of the Chinese characters "二" or "两" would be more appropriate in the term for "two guards" in its containment procedures. A third user chipped in with the following comment, which [[ThrowItIn djkaktus found so funny that he added it to the article as a footnote]]:

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-80s-j SCP-80s-J]] is what happens when when you drop [[Film/ETTheExtraTerrestrial Elliot and friends]] or the gang from ''Series/StrangerThings'' into the world of the SCP Foundation. Their ability to constantly outwit the Foundation and protect the EldritchAbomination who they've befriended which eventually destroys the world, mainly by forcing the Foundation's agents to conform to the tropes of the IdiotBall-carrying {{Government Conspirac|y}}ies from any number of '80s "kids' adventure" films, gets them labeled an SCP in their own right. Also, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycLpMlC3O4o note the hidden link in the intro]].
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-1234-j SCP-1234-J]], the [[ShapedLikeItself tautological article describing an SCP item that is anomalous in a way that falls outside the understanding of science]]. The last two addendums really make the article:

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-in-a-box-j SCP-????-J]], the designation for an unknown anomaly locked up "tighter than Clef's butthole" in some sort of box that keeps producing various locking mechanisms that the Foundation has to undo to get at whatever's inside ([[FailedASpotCheck completely ignoring that, y'know, the box itself is obviously an anomaly]]). The test logs for the thing ([[http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-extended-log-in-a-box which even have an extended version!]]) naturally have a few gems:

* [[http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-184-j SCP-[The whole number (‘whole’ by the definition provided by the principles of mathematical disambiguation; that is, it is a natural integer, and is not negative) higher than the number 183 and smaller than the number 185, while not possessing any decimals (as it is an integer (again, not negative (Note: This time it isn’t defined by the principles of mathematical disambiguation, but rather by general mathematics))).]184-[the letter that falls between the letters (symbols used to represent different sounds used in speech and collectively comprise an alphabet(a writing system used to represent the phonemes of a spoken language in writing)) I and K in the English alphabet(itself derived from the Latin alphabet, albeit with the addition of three (3) letters to bring the total number of letters (used to designate different sounds in speech) from 23 to 26)]J]] is a squirrel that makes you unnecessarily verbose when nearby, employing lots of [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment redundant descriptions]] and multiple sets of nested hypotheses, which incidentally also leads to a lot of disgruntled commentary on the Foundation by the writer of the article.

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-042-j SCP-042-J]] is the parallax effect, i.e. how pillows appear to move if you lay your head on one, close one eye, and then switch eyes. A George Carlin skit brought it to the Foundation's attention, leading them on a genocidal crusade against pillows in order to contain the SCP... and then, after spending untold amounts of time and resources to destroy every last pillow on earth, [[ShaggyDogStory a junior researcher points out that the effect still applies to beds, and thus pillows never had anything to do with it]].
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-1322-j SCP-1322-J]], a portal located in Site 27's break room that leads to the Site 27 break room in an alternate universe that is identical, if chiral, to our own. The Foundation made several attempts to enter the portal, always foiled by their counterparts on the other side, before a D-Class finally pointed out that it's just a mirror.
* From the foreign branches, and proving that even the German Foundation has a sense of humor, is [[http://scp-wiki-de.wikidot.com/forum/t-2336234/scp-055-de-j SCP-055-DE-J]] ([[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-055-de-j translated version here]]), [[LiteralMetaphor A BIG SLAB OF HAM]] THAT MAKES EVERYONE THAT DESCRIBES IT OR EATS THE STUFF TALK IN THE MOST '''LOUD, BADASS, AND MANLY''' WAY POSSIBLLLLLE! Just ''try'' reading it in any voice other than "[[Advertising/TheManYourManCouldSmellLike Terry Crews advertising Old Spice]]".
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/mzl-1730 MLZ-1730]], a FreakyFriday incident which results in the anomalies "containing" the researchers, veers between hilarious and NightmareFuel in equal measure. For a start, thirteen copies of Bobble the Clown have become the "Overbobble Council" (and he's utterly ''baffled'' by it). The lead staff include 682, 3000, 76-2, ''dado'' and ''Dr. Bright''. And then you get to the log where Bobble asks the staff what they've been working on...

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-496-j SCP-496-J]], AKA Senior Researcher Dr. Margaret "Maggie" Sawyer-Sheen, AKA what happens if you let a ParodySue take up residence in the facility. Not to mention that the addendums read like a cliche romance story.

* [[http://scp-int.wikidot.com/scpaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-jp-j SCARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH-JP-J]] is an infohazard that causes people to become irrationally angry (if [[{{Angrish}} the title alone didn't make that obvious]]), and it's triggered by [[SlowLoadingInternetImage attempting to post or edit to the SCP Foundation Wiki on mobile]]. The "containment procedures" and [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere "I'm done." footnote]] imply that DataVampires gobbled up the author's edits.
* In [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-o5-council-j SCP-O5 Council-J]], the O5 Council attempt to make contrition for an unforgivable sin: stealing a superior authority's lunch from the shared refrigerator in Break Room 12.
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-1921-j SCP-1921-J]] is Junior Researcher Riemann's wireless router/modem, which just won't stop hiccuping on them, to the point they're convinced it hates them.
* [[http://scp-es.com/scp-es-7-j SCP-ES-7-J]], contained by the Foundation because they didn't understand ... that he is a stage magician.
* [[http://scp-es.com/scp-es-4991-j SCP-ES-4991-J]]: a vacuum cleaner seen from a cat´s point of view.
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-2718-j SCP-2718-J]], the "Dammerung Resort Spa & Eternal Retirement Home". Following the revelation that [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-2718 human afterlife]] is (supposedly) just an eternity of the excruciating pain of your body decaying into dust, it's a facility where the deceased can enjoy the rest of eternity in a nice and cozy resort suite. Services include "a dream of deep tissue massages and hot tubs without end" as [[CallBack O5-11]] puts it, an automated nodding device, and having your colon cleaned throughly or else the housekeepers go back in the "Punish Box".

"Now, there you go again! Dammerung makes my joyous meat-mouth protrude angry love noises from the hotel room at the back of San Quentin with a bottle of cheap unbaptized children's tears, Mr. Gorbachev." - [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-1981 Anonymous resident]], Dammerung Presidential Suite
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-002-j SCP-002-J]] is a group of amnesiacs employed as amnestics, playing on the fact that early articles erroneously used "amnesiacs" to refer to mind-wiping drugs. How do they work? They bombard the target with a series of stereotypical amnesiac questions like "where am I?" and "who are you?", until the target is an amnesiac themselves. Dr. Marlowe tried to interview one who gained and leaked knowledge of [=SCPs=], which went in circles until...
--> '''SCP-002-J-41:''' Great. I've been meaning to catch up on [REDACTED] but for the life of me I just can't remember what episode I'm by. Been distracted by the news, you know. Speaking of which, [[http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-1173 you hear about that thing down in Samothrace]]? \\

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-scp-j SCP-SCP-J]], also known as Scippy, a Foundation-flavored parody of Microsoft Office's mascot assistants.

* [[http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/ronald-reagan-cut-up-while-rapping RONALD REAGAN CUT UP WHILE RAPPING]] is a parody of [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-1981 SCP-1981]], but instead of being an anomalous Ronald Reagan videotape, it's a rap adaptation of [=SCP-1981=]'s WordSaladHorror made by [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-701 the Hanged King]] (who's apparently a Gamers Against Weed member in this particular article). Instead of killing its listeners through mass hysteria, the rap is DarthWiki/SoBadItsHorrible in-universe that its listeners are DrivenToSuicide (with the first documented person uttering "Thanks, I hate it" in their death throes). Oh, and the D-classes who've heard the King's mixtape think it's "fucking corny".
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-ttku-j SCP-TTKU-J]], the thing that kills you.

** If you view the article while logged in on a Wikidot account, there's an addendum where Dr. Henderson asks SCP-TTKU-J if there's anyone else it could possibly kill instead. TTKU's response is "that ''[[TheFourthWallWillNotProtectYou (your username)]]'' asshole."

** If you view the article while logged in on a Wikidot account, there's an addendum where Dr. Henderson asks SCP-TTKU-J if there's anyone else it could possibly kill instead. TTKU's response is "that ''[[TheFourthWallWillNotprotectYou (your username)]]'' asshole."

** If you view the article while logged in on a Wikidot account, there's an addendum where Dr. Henderson asks SCP-TTKU-J if there's anyone else it could possibly kill. TTKU's response is "that ''[[TheFourthWallWillNotprotectYou (your username)]]'' asshole."

---> '''Dr. Henderson:''' If you hypothetically could kill me, what do you intend to do afterwards? \\

*** One researcher offered a joint of 420-J to [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-1981 SCP-1981]], but in true RonaldReagan fashion, he [[UsefulNotes/WarOnDrugs just said no.]]

*** Dr. Clef confiscating the 420-J samples ostensibly for disciplinary reasons, followed by an addendum from cafeteria staff freaked out by Dr. Clef smiling and asking them for "stir-fried noodles, pizza, corn chips, and dark chocolate"
*** Giving a sample to [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-993 Bobble the Clown]], who broadcasts an episode titled "Bobble Gets Baked" where he teaches how to roll a doobie, how to improvise a bong, and [[BlackComedy how to take over the black market drug trade]]

** "In the event of a total containment breach of SCP-TTKU-J, the inevitable result would be a URK-class [[PrepareToDie you-are-about-to-be-killed]] event, followed by a UHK-class you-have-been-killed scenario. As you are, presumably, a thing that should not be killed, the latter scenario is to be avoided at all costs."

'''SCP-TTKU-J:''' Hmm… I kinda want to start a grindcore outfit. \\

'''SCP-TTKU-J:'' "[[OverlyLongGag Pile of Dead You.]]"

** '''Object Class:''' Keter, [[DepartmentOfRedunancyDepartment because it can and will kill you]]

'''SCP-1234-J:''' [DATA EXPUNGED]\\

*** Finally, one researcher decided to light up in [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-087 SCP-087]][[note]][[NightmareFuel The stairwell with the creepy ghost face]][[/note]] and accidentally leaves the joint behind when he flees. The image has to be seen to be believed. The best part? After the original batch that went through 914 was done.

* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-420-j SCP-420-J]]. It's marijuana sent through [[AmplifierArtifact SCP-914]], and it's some good shit. [[http://www.scpwiki.com/extended-scp-420-j-experiment-log The test log]] has some gems, such as the basketball game GoneHorriblyWrong SCP-1733 turning into a Music/GratefulDead concert. Other highlights include Dr. Clef confiscating the 420-J samples ostensibly for disciplinary reasons, followed by an addendum from cafeteria staff freaked out by Dr. Clef smiling and asking them for "stir-fried noodles, pizza, corn chips, and dark chocolate"; giving a sample to [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-993 Bobble the Clown]], who broadcasts an episode titled "Bobble Gets Baked" where he teaches how to roll a doobie, how to improvise a bong, and [[BlackComedy how to take over the black market drug trade]]; and finally, one researcher decided to light up in [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-087 SCP-087]][[note]][[NightmareFuel The stairwell with the creepy ghost face]][[/note]] and accidentally leaves the joint behind when he flees. The image has to be seen to be believed.

--> ''Dr. Filler reported SCP-SPOOKY-J having been in his closet for several hours quietly singing the song Hound Dog, by [[Music/ElvisPresley Elvis Presley]], replacing the phrase "Hound Dog" with "Fuckboy".''
* [[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-666-and-a-half-j SCP-666½-J]] is a crab-stuffed mushroom entrée. An ''[[LethalChef apocalyptically bad]]'' crab-stuffed mushroom entrée. It has the dubious honor of being the only thing that could make SCP-682 ''commit suicide''. Note that the Foundation's ''Ethics Comittee'' considered using it on the damn lizard to be ''too cruel'' despite not raising a peep about literally any of the other methods already attempted.
-->'''SCP-682''': Yog Sothoth take me now!