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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/daveyoufool-proposal For a more "traditional" 001 proposal, daveyoufool got you covered]]. It's mostly how the alert system would inform if this BeastOfTheApocalypse is attacking, and it's an escalation of absurdity and laughter.
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/daveyoufool-proposal For a more "traditional" 001 proposal, daveyoufool daveyoufool's got you covered]]. It's mostly how the alert system would inform the Foundation if this BeastOfTheApocalypse is attacking, and it's an escalation of absurdity and laughter.
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-->'''Note'''The world is dying, Naismith. This doesn't matter anymore. - O5-12\\
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** The Beta alerts are an old woman crying, with added sound effects for increased damage... except if it's played backwards, were it just means the lady is still sad and could use a hug.
** If the end of civilization ensues, the response is to play ''Toby Keith''. [[DefiantToTheEnd "Was it worth it?"]] [[spoiler:And there's a hidden - as in written in white text - response by the SCP afterwards!]]
** The answer to Does the black moon howl? 'Actually, it's more of a low-pitched, wheezing kind of short mumble, like, do tapirs make any noises? - It's a tapir sneeze.'
** If the end of civilization ensues, the response is to play ''Toby Keith''. [[DefiantToTheEnd "Was it worth it?"]] [[spoiler:And there's a hidden - as in written in white text - response by the SCP afterwards!]]
** The answer to Does the black moon howl? 'Actually, it's more of a low-pitched, wheezing kind of short mumble, like, do tapirs make any noises? - It's a tapir sneeze.'
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** The Beta alerts are an old woman crying, with added sound effects for increased damage... except if it's played backwards, were where it just means the lady is still sad and could use a hug.
** If the end of civilization ensues, the response is to play''Toby Keith''.''Music/TobyKeith''. [[DefiantToTheEnd "Was it worth it?"]] [[spoiler:And there's a hidden - as in written in white text - response by the SCP afterwards!]]
** The answer toDoes 'Does the black moon howl? howl?' 'Actually, it's more of a low-pitched, wheezing kind of short mumble, like, do tapirs make any noises? - It's a tapir sneeze.'
** If the end of civilization ensues, the response is to play
** The answer to
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-5555-j SCP-5555-J]], aka "The Chibinator", is a device that makes miniature {{flanderiz|ation}}ed versions of [=SCPs=] and staff members, which are completely AxCrazy and usually attempt to kill whoever they see. The entire experiment log is hilarious, but the very last line takes it all:
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-5555-j SCP-5555-J]], aka "The Chibinator", "[[SuperDeformed The Chibinator]]", is a device that makes miniature {{flanderiz|ation}}ed versions of [=SCPs=] and staff members, which are completely AxCrazy and usually attempt to kill whoever they see. The entire experiment log is hilarious, but the very last line takes it all:
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-022-j SCP-022-J]], A Memetic Metal. The article is about titanium, and how it either a) tricks people into thinking it's the strongest metal on Earth (it's NOT), or b) causes those who know it's not to be filled with rage towards those in group "a". The researcher writing the article is in group b, slipping bits of {{Angrish}} ranting into the article before biting his pencil in half, ripping the keyboard from the computer, and beating the closest security guard with it, screaming swears and threats of violence.
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-022-j SCP-022-J]], A Memetic Metal. The article is about titanium, and how it either a) tricks people into thinking it's the strongest metal on Earth (it's NOT), or b) causes those who know it's not to be filled with rage towards those in group "a".a. The researcher writing the article is in group b, slipping bits of {{Angrish}} ranting into the article before biting his pencil in half, ripping the keyboard from the computer, and beating the closest security guard with it, screaming swears and threats of violence.
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/daveyoufool-proposal For a more "traditional" 001 proposal, daveyoufool got you covered]]. It's mostly how the alert system would inform if this BeastOfTheApocalypse is attacking, and it's an escalation of absurdity and laughter.
** One of those is a researcher's metal version of [[Music/TomJones "It's Not Unusual"]].
-->'''Note'''The world is dying, Naismith. This doesn't matter anymore. - O5-12\\
'''Note''': So you're telling me that the end of the world - arguably the most metal thing to happen in Earth's history - is a bad time for metal? - Dr. Naismith\\
'''Note''': …you're not even wrong, and I hate that. - O5-12
** The Beta alerts are an old woman crying, with added sound effects for increased damage... except if it's played backwards, were it just means the lady is still sad and could use a hug.
** If the end of civilization ensues, the response is to play ''Toby Keith''. [[DefiantToTheEnd "Was it worth it?"]] [[spoiler:And there's a hidden - as in written in white text - response by the SCP afterwards!]]
** The answer to Does the black moon howl? 'Actually, it's more of a low-pitched, wheezing kind of short mumble, like, do tapirs make any noises? - It's a tapir sneeze.'
** One of those is a researcher's metal version of [[Music/TomJones "It's Not Unusual"]].
-->'''Note'''The world is dying, Naismith. This doesn't matter anymore. - O5-12\\
'''Note''': So you're telling me that the end of the world - arguably the most metal thing to happen in Earth's history - is a bad time for metal? - Dr. Naismith\\
'''Note''': …you're not even wrong, and I hate that. - O5-12
** The Beta alerts are an old woman crying, with added sound effects for increased damage... except if it's played backwards, were it just means the lady is still sad and could use a hug.
** If the end of civilization ensues, the response is to play ''Toby Keith''. [[DefiantToTheEnd "Was it worth it?"]] [[spoiler:And there's a hidden - as in written in white text - response by the SCP afterwards!]]
** The answer to Does the black moon howl? 'Actually, it's more of a low-pitched, wheezing kind of short mumble, like, do tapirs make any noises? - It's a tapir sneeze.'
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** The CKG performed numerous experiments with 001-EX-J, up to and including poking it with a spear. When the spear predictably caught on fire, they urinated on it to put the flame out. This includes urinating pre-emptively on the spear to fetch meat from the fire (producing meat that is delicious, but 'smell like piss.') A hunter-gatherer is promoted to Witch Doctor by dousing the spear in water before using it to take the meat out of the fire, producing meat that is delicious and most assuredly does not smell like urine, mystifying his peers.
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Changed line(s) 178 (click to see context) from:
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1950-J SCP-1950-J]]. The Foundation ended up locking up a DisneyPrincess.
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1950-J SCP-1950-J]]. The Foundation ended up locking up a DisneyPrincess.Franchise/DisneyPrincess.
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* SCP-SAFE-J is three safes: [[HurricaneOfPuns Dr. Safe's Safe safe, Dr. Euclid's Euclid safe, Drs. Safe, Euclid, and Keter's Keter safe, and the safe Thaumiel thawed meals caused by the safe (but not Safe) macro-scale microwave emissions into Euclidean space by the Drs. Safe, Euclid, and Keter's unsafe Keter safe.]][[note]][[TongueTwister Try saying that five times fast]][[/note]]
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Jesus Christ.
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--> '''Dr. Hughes''': Oh yeah, I'd really ███████████ ████ ███████ █████████ and then take one of those █████ ███████ ███ █████ from the pyrotechnics lab and just ██████ ███████ ███ ██████ ███ ██████ then let him ██████████████████████████ ██████████████████████████ ████████████.
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I had no idea Big Bill Hell's had a page on this site, but I'm delighted by its presence.
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* If you spend a lot of time on the site, [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-deals-j SCP-DEALS-J]] is the greatest parody of a shitty car dealership ad you'll find that isn't Big Bill Hell's, and even if you don't, it's still great.
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* If you spend a lot of time on the site, [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-deals-j SCP-DEALS-J]] is the greatest parody of a shitty car dealership ad you'll find that isn't Big Bill Hell's, Advertising/BigBillHells, and even if you don't, it's still great.
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* If you spend a lot of time on the site, [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-deals-j SCP-DEALS-J]] is the greatest parody of a shitty car dealership ad you'll find that isn't Big Bill Hell's, and even if you don't, it's still great.
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Changed line(s) 163 (click to see context) from:
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-100000-j SCP-100000-J]]-[[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill Procedure 110-Overkill]]: The containment procedures require three separate hermetically sealed sarcophagi, [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech a constant live feed of personal verbal attacks]], a 100km radius exclusion zone, the ground bones of saints, a deaf ogre, 50 copies each of various religious scriptures (as well as [[RichardDawkins The God Delusion]]), launching intruders into the Sun, [[DidYouJustFlipOffCthulhu flipping off the Sun]], and supermassive black hole generators.
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-100000-j SCP-100000-J]]-[[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill Procedure 110-Overkill]]: The containment procedures require three separate hermetically sealed sarcophagi, [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech a constant live feed of personal verbal attacks]], a 100km radius exclusion zone, the ground bones of saints, a deaf ogre, 50 copies each of various religious scriptures (as well as [[RichardDawkins [[UsefulNotes/RichardDawkins The God Delusion]]), launching intruders into the Sun, [[DidYouJustFlipOffCthulhu flipping off the Sun]], and supermassive black hole generators.
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-029-j SCP-029-J]] can be best summed up by the resignation letter of the Foundation agent assigned to it:
-->I am not studying Jesus' fucking voltron angel car anymore.
-->I am not studying Jesus' fucking voltron angel car anymore.
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Changed line(s) 183 (click to see context) from:
* From the Japanese site, [[http://ja.scp-wiki.net/scp-014-jp-j SCP-014-JP-J]], a.k.a. "Devil of the Abyss, the Black-Winged Fallen Angel Eisbein". Or rather, this is the title of the fallen angel that [[{{Chuunibyou}} the 14-year-old girl in question claims to be inhabited by]]. Highlights include:
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* From the Japanese site, [[http://ja.scp-wiki.net/scp-014-jp-j SCP-014-JP-J]], a.k.a. "Devil of the Abyss, the Black-Winged Fallen Angel Eisbein". Or rather, this is the title of the fallen angel that [[{{Chuunibyou}} the 14-year-old girl in question question]] claims to be inhabited by]].by. Highlights include:
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** Her reaction when she discovered the files on SCP-073 and SCP-076: "Isn't this a ripoff of [[Franchise/Nasuverse F██e]]?"
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** Her reaction when she discovered the files on SCP-073 and SCP-076: "Isn't this a ripoff of [[Franchise/Nasuverse [[Franchise/{{Nasuverse}} F██e]]?"
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Someone fix the F██e link if possible, I'm not 100% sure
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** The Japanese have [[http://ja.scp-wiki.net/scp-069-jp-j their own take on the concept]]. Among other things, one researcher tried to go on a date with SCP-173 after playing it.
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* From the Japanese site, [[http://ja.scp-wiki.net/scp-014-jp-j SCP-014-JP-J]], a.k.a. "Devil of the Abyss, the Black-Winged Fallen Angel Eisbein". Or rather, this is the title of the fallen angel that [[{{Chuunibyou}} the 14-year-old girl in question claims to be inhabited by]]. Highlights include:
** During the interview with Agent Kanahebi, he points out that Eisbein is [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eisbein a German pork dish]]. SCP-014-JP-J's response is to stay silent for three minutes, then claim "'That is not my name... my name is Azanael'... is what the fallen angel said!"
** Her reaction when she discovered the files on SCP-073 and SCP-076: "Isn't this a ripoff of [[Franchise/Nasuverse F██e]]?"
** In the present day SCP-014-JP-J is now an agent for the Foundation. [[NeverLiveItDown The article asks other personnel not to mention it to her lest it affect her ability to perform her duties]]. Also, the contents of her "grimoire with dangerous power" [[OldShame were removed from the article at her request]].
** During the interview with Agent Kanahebi, he points out that Eisbein is [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eisbein a German pork dish]]. SCP-014-JP-J's response is to stay silent for three minutes, then claim "'That is not my name... my name is Azanael'... is what the fallen angel said!"
** Her reaction when she discovered the files on SCP-073 and SCP-076: "Isn't this a ripoff of [[Franchise/Nasuverse F██e]]?"
** In the present day SCP-014-JP-J is now an agent for the Foundation. [[NeverLiveItDown The article asks other personnel not to mention it to her lest it affect her ability to perform her duties]]. Also, the contents of her "grimoire with dangerous power" [[OldShame were removed from the article at her request]].
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* [[http://http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-022-j]], A Memetic Metal. The article is about titanium, and how it either a) tricks people into thinking it's the strongest metal on Earth (it's NOT), or b) causes those who know it's not to be filled with rage towards those in group "a". The researcher writing the article is in group b, slipping bits of {{Angrish}} ranting into the article before biting his pencil in half, ripping the keyboard from the computer, and beating the closest security guard with it, screaming swears and threats of violence.
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* [[http://http://www.[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-022-j]], net/scp-022-j SCP-022-J]], A Memetic Metal. The article is about titanium, and how it either a) tricks people into thinking it's the strongest metal on Earth (it's NOT), or b) causes those who know it's not to be filled with rage towards those in group "a". The researcher writing the article is in group b, slipping bits of {{Angrish}} ranting into the article before biting his pencil in half, ripping the keyboard from the computer, and beating the closest security guard with it, screaming swears and threats of violence.
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Changed line(s) 180 (click to see context) from:
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-008-j SCP-008-J]], [[TheEveryman Geoff]]. Geoff is just a run-of-the-mill electrician and NiceGuy who somehow manages to inadvertently gain access to highly restricted SCP containment facilities, and always runs into Commander Price while doing so. He survived a hostage situation and two containment breaches, one of which was in a deep-sea fissure 3000 meters under the Atlantic Ocean! He also inadvertently avoids detainment, and is Commander Price's BerserkButton for this article.
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-008-j SCP-008-J]], [[TheEveryman Geoff]]. Geoff is just a run-of-the-mill electrician and NiceGuy who somehow manages to inadvertently gain access to highly restricted SCP containment facilities, faciliries, and always runs into Commander Price while doing so. He survived a hostage situation and two containment breaches, one of which was in a deep-sea fissure 3000 meters under the Atlantic Ocean! He also inadvertently avoids detainment, and is Commander Price's BerserkButton for this article.article.
* [[http://http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-022-j]], A Memetic Metal. The article is about titanium, and how it either a) tricks people into thinking it's the strongest metal on Earth (it's NOT), or b) causes those who know it's not to be filled with rage towards those in group "a". The researcher writing the article is in group b, slipping bits of {{Angrish}} ranting into the article before biting his pencil in half, ripping the keyboard from the computer, and beating the closest security guard with it, screaming swears and threats of violence.
* [[http://http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-022-j]], A Memetic Metal. The article is about titanium, and how it either a) tricks people into thinking it's the strongest metal on Earth (it's NOT), or b) causes those who know it's not to be filled with rage towards those in group "a". The researcher writing the article is in group b, slipping bits of {{Angrish}} ranting into the article before biting his pencil in half, ripping the keyboard from the computer, and beating the closest security guard with it, screaming swears and threats of violence.
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-->''Dr. Gerald was told to take an ordinary school bus full of D-class to a nearby site.''[[note]](pictured: an inflamed schoolbus jumping over an indeterminate number of motorcycles)[[/note]]\\
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-->''Dr. Gerald was told to take an ordinary school bus full of D-class to a nearby site.''[[note]](pictured: an inflamed a burning schoolbus jumping over an indeterminate number of motorcycles)[[/note]]\\
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2006-j SCP-2006-J]] is an EldritchAbomination who thinks it's a MagicalGirl as a result of watching too many magical girl anime. Its TransformationSequence killed several people from the sight of it, blinded 38 people, [[Franchise/SailorMoon caused the Sailor Scouts to shriek 'KAWAII' before exploding into rainbow dust,]] and left a doctor into a coma. It also wants to fight crime, and does so by "punishing" D-Class. Don't ask.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2383-j-t SCP-2383-J's experiment report]]. This SCP's effect is to force people to make "experiments" and create crazy items that vary in nature depending on what color the liquid contained in the SCP's is. One of the results is a crossbow that gives random effects to the bolts it shoots. At one point, the researcher testing it unwittingly does a Franchise/FinalFantasy-style LimitBreak, [[CriticalHit complete with the number 9999 appearing on the target]] at the end of the attack, the target [[EverythingFades disappearing]] and [[MoneySpider money appearing on the ground]] after its "defeat".
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-even-number-j SCP-[Even Number]-J]] is an SCP-Foundation Mad Libs
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2383-j-t SCP-2383-J's experiment report]]. This SCP's effect is to force people to make "experiments" and create crazy items that vary in nature depending on what color the liquid contained in the SCP's is. One of the results is a crossbow that gives random effects to the bolts it shoots. At one point, the researcher testing it unwittingly does a Franchise/FinalFantasy-style LimitBreak, [[CriticalHit complete with the number 9999 appearing on the target]] at the end of the attack, the target [[EverythingFades disappearing]] and [[MoneySpider money appearing on the ground]] after its "defeat".
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-even-number-j SCP-[Even Number]-J]] is an SCP-Foundation Mad Libs
to:
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2006-j SCP-2006-J]] is an EldritchAbomination who thinks it's a MagicalGirl as a result of watching too many magical girl anime. Its TransformationSequence killed several people from the sight of it, blinded 38 people, [[Franchise/SailorMoon caused the Sailor Scouts to shriek 'KAWAII' before exploding into rainbow dust,]] and left a doctor into in a coma. It also wants to fight crime, and does so by "punishing" D-Class. Don't ask.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2383-j-t SCP-2383-J's experiment report]]. This SCP's effect is to force people to make "experiments" and create crazy items that vary in nature depending on what color the liquid contained in theSCP's SCP is. One of the results is a crossbow that gives random effects to the bolts it shoots. At one point, the researcher testing it unwittingly does a Franchise/FinalFantasy-style LimitBreak, [[CriticalHit complete with the number 9999 appearing on the target]] at the end of the attack, the target [[EverythingFades disappearing]] and [[MoneySpider money appearing on the ground]] after its "defeat".
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-even-number-j SCP-[Even Number]-J]] is an SCP-Foundation MadLibsLibs.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2383-j-t SCP-2383-J's experiment report]]. This SCP's effect is to force people to make "experiments" and create crazy items that vary in nature depending on what color the liquid contained in the
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-even-number-j SCP-[Even Number]-J]] is an SCP-Foundation Mad
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-spooky-j SCP-SPOOKY-J]]. That's right, instead of a serial number, it has the word "Spooky". As you may be able to guess, it's a [[DemBones walking, talking skeleton]] that can teleport, and speaks as if he has access to Reddit, considering his use of the word [[MemeticMutation "fuckboy"]] and tendency to threaten SCP researchers with [[VideoGame/ModernWarfare "noscoping"]]. The addendum added to this page is also hilarious:
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-spooky-j SCP-SPOOKY-J]]. That's right, instead of a serial number, it has the word "Spooky". As you may be able to guess, it's a [[DemBones walking, talking skeleton]] that can teleport, and speaks as if he has access to Reddit, Website/{{Reddit}}, considering his use of the word [[MemeticMutation "fuckboy"]] and tendency to threaten SCP researchers with [[VideoGame/ModernWarfare "noscoping"]]. The addendum added to this page is also hilarious:
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-008-j SCP-008-J]] [[TheEveryman Geoff]]. Geoff is just a run-of-the-mill electrician and NiceGuy who somehow manages to inadvertently gain access to highly restricted SCP containment facilities, and always runs into Commander Price while doing so. He survived a hostage situation and two containment breaches, one of which was in a deep-sea fissure 3000 meters under the Atlantic Ocean! He also inadvertently avoids detainment, and is Commander Price's BerserkButton for this article.
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-008-j SCP-008-J]] SCP-008-J]], [[TheEveryman Geoff]]. Geoff is just a run-of-the-mill electrician and NiceGuy who somehow manages to inadvertently gain access to highly restricted SCP containment facilities, and always runs into Commander Price while doing so. He survived a hostage situation and two containment breaches, one of which was in a deep-sea fissure 3000 meters under the Atlantic Ocean! He also inadvertently avoids detainment, and is Commander Price's BerserkButton for this article.
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Changed line(s) 180 (click to see context) from:
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-008-j SCP-008-J]] [[TheEveryman Geoff]]. Geoff is just a run-of-the-mill electrician and NiceGuy who somehow manages to [[AccidentallyAwesome inadvertently gain access to highly restricted SCP containment facilities]], and always runs into Commander Price while doing so. He survived a hostage situation and two containment breaches, one of which was in a deep-sea fissure 3000 meters under the Atlantic Ocean! He also inadvertently avoids detainment, and is Commander Price's BerserkButton for this article.
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-008-j SCP-008-J]] [[TheEveryman Geoff]]. Geoff is just a run-of-the-mill electrician and NiceGuy who somehow manages to [[AccidentallyAwesome inadvertently gain access to highly restricted SCP containment facilities]], facilities, and always runs into Commander Price while doing so. He survived a hostage situation and two containment breaches, one of which was in a deep-sea fissure 3000 meters under the Atlantic Ocean! He also inadvertently avoids detainment, and is Commander Price's BerserkButton for this article.
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Changed line(s) 145 (click to see context) from:
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-5555-j SCP-5555-J]], aka "The Chibinator", is a device that makes miniature {{flanderiz|ation}}ed versions of [=SCPs=] and staff members. The entire experiment log is hilarious, but the very last line takes it all:
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-5555-j SCP-5555-J]], aka "The Chibinator", is a device that makes miniature {{flanderiz|ation}}ed versions of [=SCPs=] and staff members.members, which are completely AxCrazy and usually attempt to kill whoever they see. The entire experiment log is hilarious, but the very last line takes it all:
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Changed line(s) 121 (click to see context) from:
--> "You will punch sharks. When not punching sharks, you will be planning on punching sharks. You will be developing new ways to punch sharks. You will read about punching sharks. You will write about punching sharks. You will study punching sharks. You will ''dream'' about punching sharks. You will ''[[JumpingTheShark jump]]'' [[IncrediblyLamePun the shark]]. You will collect and contain paranormal objects, and then use them to ''[[ImprovisedWeapon beat up sharks]].''"
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--> "You will punch sharks. When not punching sharks, you will be planning on punching sharks. You will be developing new ways to punch sharks. You will read about punching sharks. You will write about punching sharks. You will study punching sharks. You will ''dream'' about punching sharks. You will ''[[JumpingTheShark jump]]'' [[IncrediblyLamePun the shark]]. You will collect and contain paranormal objects, and then use them to ''[[ImprovisedWeapon beat up sharks]].''"'' ... Now get out of here. Those sharks aren’t going to punch themselves. ''Because they don’t have hands''."
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** "what's that motherfuckin' mailman doing here... yeah, you better go away. motherfucker."
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** "what's that motherfuckin' mailman doing here... yeah, you better go away. motherfucker."
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Changed line(s) 140 (click to see context) from:
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-spooky-j SCP-SPOOKY-J]]. That's right, instead of a serial number, it has the word "Spooky". As you may be able to guess, it's a [[DemBones walking, talking skeleton]] that can teleport, and speaks in a manner reminiscent of [[VideoGame/Undertale Papyrus]] if he had access to Reddit, considering his use of the word [[MemeticMutation "fuckboy"]] and tendency to threaten SCP researchers with [[VideoGame/ModernWarfare "noscoping"]]. The addendum added to this page is also hilarious:
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-spooky-j SCP-SPOOKY-J]]. That's right, instead of a serial number, it has the word "Spooky". As you may be able to guess, it's a [[DemBones walking, talking skeleton]] that can teleport, and speaks in a manner reminiscent of [[VideoGame/Undertale Papyrus]] as if he had has access to Reddit, considering his use of the word [[MemeticMutation "fuckboy"]] and tendency to threaten SCP researchers with [[VideoGame/ModernWarfare "noscoping"]]. The addendum added to this page is also hilarious:
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-spooky-j SCP-SPOOKY-J]]. That's right, instead of a serial number, it has the word "Spooky". As you may be able to guess, it's a [[DemBones walking, talking skeleton]] that can teleport, and speaks in a manner reminiscent of [[VideoGame/Undertale Papyrus]] if he had access to Reddit, considering his use of the word [[MemeticMutation "fuckboy"]] and tendency to threaten SCP researchers with [[VideoGame/ModernWarfare "noscoping"]]. The addendum added to this page is also hilarious:
--> ''Dr. Filler reported SCP-SPOOKY-J having been in his closet for several hours quietly singing the song Hound Dog, by [[Music/ElvisPresley Elvis Presley]], replacing the phrase "Hound Dog" with "Fuckboy".''
--> ''Dr. Filler reported SCP-SPOOKY-J having been in his closet for several hours quietly singing the song Hound Dog, by [[Music/ElvisPresley Elvis Presley]], replacing the phrase "Hound Dog" with "Fuckboy".''
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-008-j SCP-008-J]] [[TheEveryman Geoff]]. Geoff is just a run-of-the-mill electrician and NiceGuy who somehow manages to [[AccidentallyAwesome inadvertently gain access to highly restricted SCP containment facilities]], and always runs into Commander Price while doing so. He survived a hostage situation and two containment breaches, one of which was in a deep-sea fissure 3000 meters under the Atlantic Ocean! He also inadvertently avoids detainment, and is Commander Price's BerserkButton for this article.
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-3000-j SCP-3000-J]][[TradeSnark ™, Kellogg's® new Foundation Flakes™!]] A breakfast of champions!
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-->'''SCP-682''': Yog Sothoth take me now!
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No spoiler mark up in Awesome, Funny, Heartwarming, or Tearjerker
, Kind of defeats the purpose of the subpages.
, Kind of defeats the purpose of the subpages.Changed line(s) 37 (click to see context) from:
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-420-j SCP-420-J]]. [[spoiler:It's marijuana sent through [[AmplifierArtifact SCP-914]], and it's some good shit. [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/extended-scp-420-j-experiment-log The test log]] has some gems, such as the basketball game GoneHorriblyWrong SCP-1733 turning into a Music/GratefulDead concert.]]
to:
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-420-j SCP-420-J]]. [[spoiler:It's It's marijuana sent through [[AmplifierArtifact SCP-914]], and it's some good shit. [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/extended-scp-420-j-experiment-log The test log]] has some gems, such as the basketball game GoneHorriblyWrong SCP-1733 turning into a Music/GratefulDead concert.]]
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** Even better, sports fans will note that the image used is [[spoiler: The Philadelphia Phanatic, one of the weirdest looking mascots in all of sports.]]
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-500-j SCP 500-J]], aka "that bitch," aka [[spoiler: O5-8's shrew of a wife.]]
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-500-j SCP 500-J]], aka "that bitch," aka [[spoiler: O5-8's shrew of a wife.]]
to:
** Even better, sports fans will note that the image used is [[spoiler: The Philadelphia Phanatic, one of the weirdest looking mascots in all of sports.]]
sports.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-500-j SCP 500-J]], aka "that bitch," aka[[spoiler: O5-8's shrew of a wife.]]
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-500-j SCP 500-J]], aka "that bitch," aka
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1344-j SCP 1344-J]], which is [[spoiler: the Kool-Aid Man]].
to:
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1344-j SCP 1344-J]], which is [[spoiler: the Kool-Aid Man]].Man.
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-j SCP-___]]. [[spoiler: It's a rock that makes you procrastinate.]] It's the second-highest rated page on the site.
to:
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-j SCP-___]]. [[spoiler: It's a rock that makes you procrastinate.]] procrastinate. It's the second-highest rated page on the site.
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-k9-j-ex SCP-K9-J-EX]] definitely counts. [[spoiler: It's essentially an episode of Franchise/ScoobyDoo described like any other SCP]]
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-k9-j-ex SCP-K9-J-EX]] definitely counts. [[spoiler: It's essentially an episode of Franchise/ScoobyDoo described like any other SCP]]SCP
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-095-j SCP-095-J]], also known as that one text font, [[spoiler:Comic Sans]].
to:
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-095-j SCP-095-J]], also known as that one text font, [[spoiler:Comic Sans]].Comic Sans.
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1994-j SCP-1994-J]]. Basically, it's an SCP article as written by a very excited dog, regarding a [[spoiler: tennis ball.]]
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1994-j SCP-1994-J]]. Basically, it's an SCP article as written by a very excited dog, regarding a [[spoiler: tennis ball.]]
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-->[[spoiler:Accidentally blinked. Mini-173 tried to strangle my penis. I quit.]]
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-231-j SCP-231-J]], The Foundation's [[MundaneMadeAwesome terrible credit rating]], and the reveal that SCP-231 is actually a [[EvilDebtCollector debt collector]] for a debt caused by a doctor being loaned $2 for a soda. [[spoiler: Said debt steadily increases from 2 dollars, to $493,026.34, to $50,936,299,102.49, 500 human souls, two truckloads of diamonds, the blood of a virgin, and "a goddamn pony". The last time the Foundation is informed about it, the debt has increased to "[DATA EXPUNGED].53 dollars, 700 trillion human souls condemned eternally to the sadistic pleasure-pits of [DATA EXPUNGED], ownership of 53 individual timelines of the Multiverse, and one 'goddamn pony'." Talk about an interest rate. There's also the reveal of expunged content in 231, such as 110-Montauk being just throwing money in a passive-aggressive way.]]
** More specifically, 231-J relates to the debt itself, and is classed as Keter, much like the real 231. The Foundation's credit rating is a secondary SCP further down. What's its classification? [[spoiler:''Apollyon.'']]
** More specifically, 231-J relates to the debt itself, and is classed as Keter, much like the real 231. The Foundation's credit rating is a secondary SCP further down. What's its classification? [[spoiler:''Apollyon.'']]
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-231-j SCP-231-J]], The Foundation's [[MundaneMadeAwesome terrible credit rating]], and the reveal that SCP-231 is actually a [[EvilDebtCollector debt collector]] for a debt caused by a doctor being loaned $2 for a soda. [[spoiler: Said debt steadily increases from 2 dollars, to $493,026.34, to $50,936,299,102.49, 500 human souls, two truckloads of diamonds, the blood of a virgin, and "a goddamn pony". The last time the Foundation is informed about it, the debt has increased to "[DATA EXPUNGED].53 dollars, 700 trillion human souls condemned eternally to the sadistic pleasure-pits of [DATA EXPUNGED], ownership of 53 individual timelines of the Multiverse, and one 'goddamn pony'." Talk about an interest rate. There's also the reveal of expunged content in 231, such as 110-Montauk being just throwing money in a passive-aggressive way.]]
way.
** More specifically, 231-J relates to the debt itself, and is classed as Keter, much like the real 231. The Foundation's credit rating is a secondary SCP further down. What's its classification?[[spoiler:''Apollyon.'']]''Apollyon.''
** More specifically, 231-J relates to the debt itself, and is classed as Keter, much like the real 231. The Foundation's credit rating is a secondary SCP further down. What's its classification?
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2950-j SCP-2950-J]] is a postcard with (poorly-written) anti-human graffiti on it that makes anyone who reads it a MisanthropeSupreme for 12 hours. However, addendums on the page reveal [[spoiler: an increasingly exasperated O5, assuring us that yes, this really is just a slightly anomalous postcard and not secretly a Keter-class that will bring about TheEndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt.]]
to:
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2950-j SCP-2950-J]] is a postcard with (poorly-written) anti-human graffiti on it that makes anyone who reads it a MisanthropeSupreme for 12 hours. However, addendums on the page reveal [[spoiler: an increasingly exasperated O5, assuring us that yes, this really is just a slightly anomalous postcard and not secretly a Keter-class that will bring about TheEndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt.]]
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2950-j SCP-2950-J]] is a postcard with (poorly-written) anti-human graffiti on it that makes anyone who reads it a MisanthropeSupreme for 12 hours. However, addendums on the page reveal [[spoiler: an increasingly exasperateed O5, assuring us that yes, this really is just a slightly anomalous postcard and not secretly a Keter-class that will bring about TheEndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt.]]
to:
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2950-j SCP-2950-J]] is a postcard with (poorly-written) anti-human graffiti on it that makes anyone who reads it a MisanthropeSupreme for 12 hours. However, addendums on the page reveal [[spoiler: an increasingly exasperateed exasperated O5, assuring us that yes, this really is just a slightly anomalous postcard and not secretly a Keter-class that will bring about TheEndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt.]]]]
--->[[ArcWords Does the Black Moon Howl?]][[labelnote:YES IT DOES.]]'''AND IT'S HOWLING FOR YOU TO FUCKING CHILL ABOUT THIS STUPID POSTCARD.'''[[/labelnote]]
--->[[ArcWords Does the Black Moon Howl?]][[labelnote:YES IT DOES.]]'''AND IT'S HOWLING FOR YOU TO FUCKING CHILL ABOUT THIS STUPID POSTCARD.'''[[/labelnote]]
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2950-j SCP-2950-J]] is a postcard with (poorly-written) anti-human graffiti on it that makes anyone who reads it a MisanthropeSupreme for 12 hours. However, addendums on the page reveal [[spoiler: an increasingly exasperateed O5, assuring us that yes, this really is just a slightly anomalous postcard and not secretly a Keter-class that will bring about TheEndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt.]]
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There were multiple scientists
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1212-j SCP-1212-J]] has a masterful use of LeaningOnTheFourthWall, with a Foundation scientist critiquing an artifact ''as if he's posting on the actual website''... much to his colleague's annoyance and confusion.
--> '''Scientist 1:''' "Yeah. Downvote for pointless dark matter."\\
'''Scientist 2:''' "It [dark matter] HAS been proven to exist! WE just proved it exists! You're scientists! Why aren't you shitting your pants with excitement?!"\\
'''Scientist 1:''' "That's another thing. Your tone. It's really off. I don't believe a scientist would really say that in an official interview. I'm afraid it's downvote for me."\\
'''Scientist 2:''' "WHAT THE FUCK IS A DOWNVOTE?!!!"
--> '''Scientist 1:''' "Yeah. Downvote for pointless dark matter."\\
'''Scientist 2:''' "It [dark matter] HAS been proven to exist! WE just proved it exists! You're scientists! Why aren't you shitting your pants with excitement?!"\\
'''Scientist 1:''' "That's another thing. Your tone. It's really off. I don't believe a scientist would really say that in an official interview. I'm afraid it's downvote for me."\\
'''Scientist 2:''' "WHAT THE FUCK IS A DOWNVOTE?!!!"
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1212-j SCP-1212-J]] has a masterful use of LeaningOnTheFourthWall, with a Foundation scientist scientists critiquing an artifact ''as if he's they're posting on the actual website''... much to his their colleague's annoyance and confusion.
--> '''Scientist1:''' 3:''' "Yeah. Downvote for pointless dark matter."\\
'''Scientist2:''' 1:''' "It [dark matter] HAS been proven to exist! WE just proved it exists! You're scientists! Why aren't you shitting your pants with excitement?!"\\
'''Scientist1:''' 2:''' "That's another thing. Your tone. It's really off. I don't believe a scientist would really say that in an official interview. I'm afraid it's downvote for me."\\
'''Scientist2:''' 1:''' "WHAT THE FUCK IS A DOWNVOTE?!!!"
--> '''Scientist
'''Scientist
'''Scientist
'''Scientist
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-001-j SCP-001-J]], aside from the [[ShoutOut/SCPFoundation Ren and Stimpy reference]], also features the President setting up the SCP Foundation to contain a BigRedButton that will destroy all creation if pressed, with the implication that he also asked for the Foundation to be set up to "protect humanity from monsters and stuff". That's right, all the terrifying, reality-warping, mind-fucking monsters and objects the SCP Foundation contains is mostly due to the President wanting a foundation to keep him from pushing a red button.
to:
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-001-j SCP-001-J]], aside from the [[ShoutOut/SCPFoundation Ren and Stimpy reference]], also features the President setting up the SCP Foundation to contain a BigRedButton that will destroy all creation if pressed, with the implication that he also asked for the Foundation to be set up to "protect humanity from monsters and stuff". That's right, all the terrifying, reality-warping, mind-fucking monsters and objects the SCP Foundation contains is mostly due to the President wanting a foundation Foundation to keep him from pushing a red button.
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Duplicate
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-001-j SCP-001-J]], aside from the [[ShoutOut/SCPFoundation Ren and Stimpy reference]], also features the President setting up the SCP Foundation to contain a big red button that will destroy all creation if pressed, with the implication that he also asked for the Foundation to be set up to "protect humanity from monsters and stuff". That's right, all the terrifying, reality-warping, mind-fucking monsters and objects the SCP Foundation contains is mostly due to the President wanting a foundation to keep him from pushing a red button.
to:
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-001-j SCP-001-J]], aside from the [[ShoutOut/SCPFoundation Ren and Stimpy reference]], also features the President setting up the SCP Foundation to contain a big red button BigRedButton that will destroy all creation if pressed, with the implication that he also asked for the Foundation to be set up to "protect humanity from monsters and stuff". That's right, all the terrifying, reality-warping, mind-fucking monsters and objects the SCP Foundation contains is mostly due to the President wanting a foundation to keep him from pushing a red button.
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* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-001-j SCP-001-J]], aka the BigRedButton.
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----
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-001-j SCP-001-J]], aside from the [[ShoutOut/SCPFoundation Ren and Stimpy reference]], also features the President setting up the SCP Foundation to contain a big red button that will destroy all creation if pressed, with the implication that he also asked for the Foundation to be set up to "protect humanity from monsters and stuff". That's right, all the terrifying, reality-warping, mind-fucking monsters and objects the SCP Foundation contains is mostly due to the President wanting a foundation to keep him from pushing a red button.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-001-ex-j SCP-001-EX-J]], the first anomalous object contained by the SCP's neolithic predecessor, Catch Keep Guard, is fire. It was relegated to the Understood (AKA -EX) category when someone learned how to make it by rubbing two sticks together - look at the last log. Before that, the CKG Gathering genuinely had fire classified as a potentially world-ending (forest fires, anyone?) and mysterious, but incredibly useful anomaly. Because, think of it - how many current SCP articles will probably end up with the same fate once humanity progresses enough?
** Special mention goes to the last test listed:
--->TRY: IIIII II\\
WHO TRIED: Witch Doctor U██\\
THING TRIED: Throw hemp in Thing-I\\
WHAT HAPPENED: [DATA CHISELED OUT]
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-100-j SCP-100-J]] is, literally, a steaming pile of horseshit. Out of this pile come various [=SCPs=], most of which have been [[TakeThat decommissioned.]]
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1543-j SCP-1543-J]], though a joke SCP, is one of the funniest things in the entire archive.
--> ''There is a long-standing tradition of rivalry between the task force that runs The Sun Launcher and [[NoKillLikeOverkill Team 10 Gazillion Nuclear Detonations All Used At Once.]]''
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1550-j SCP-1550-J]], a wheelchair that turns the setting into ''ComicBook/XMen'', basically.
--> '''Girl:''' What's her power, mister?\\
'''231:''' Well, I can [DATA EXPUNGED] [DATA EXPUNGED] [DATA EXPUNGED]\\
'''Scientist 2:''' (mouth wide open, shocked expression on his face)\\
'''231:''' [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking I also like shopping]].
** Effects the chair has on Able - when he sits on it, it turns him into Xavier, but when somebody else sits on it, Able turns into ComicBook/{{Wolverine}} and gets into a fight with whoever turned into Cyclops over the person who was turned into Jean.
--->'''Mediating researcher:''' I don't want to interrupt, but Able, aren't you incapable of feeling love?\\
'''Able:''' No… I just have a dark past.\\
'''Researcher:''' Huh?\\
'''Able:''' I'm generally good at heart. I've had a tough life, though.\\
'''Researcher:''' I've seen you stab a kid in the face!
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-069-j SCP-069-J]]. Or, in the words of the comment page, "You turned the Foundation... into an H-game."
** Now it has a [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-069-j-research-log Research Log]]. One in-game event involves [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-682 a giant iguana]] escaping from the biology lab! And later, it gets caught by [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-053 an unnamed female student]].
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-4445-j SCP-4445]]. Hey, wait a minute. This seems a little... [[ThisVeryWiki familiar]].
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-666-j SCP-666-j]] - aka "[[DrivesLikeCrazy Dr. Gerald's Driving Skills.]]" Best summed up by the captions:
-->''Dr. Gerald was told to take an ordinary school bus full of D-class to a nearby site.''[[note]](pictured: an inflamed schoolbus jumping over an indeterminate number of motorcycles)[[/note]]\\
''How the hell did he manage that with an electrically-powered Segway?''\\
''The results of Dr. Gerald driving through the town of [REDACTED] on a moped.''\\
''A research team hypothesized that rollerblades are, technically, vehicles. We tested their hypothesis by having Gerald skate into the IRG's headquarters in Tehran. They were right.''\\
''We have this tract of land over in ████████, ███████, just in case we have some sort of vehicular SCP that needs to be decommissioned. Coincidentally, it's also the only place that Dr. Gerald is able to drive without permission.''[[note]](pictured: road signs reading [[AC:"Absolutely Nothing" "Next 22 miles"]])[[/note]]
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-50-ae-j SCP-50-AE-J]]. It's a .50 Desert Eagle that fires SCP-50-AE-1: an actual giant Bald Eagle that rabidly attacks anything perceived to be anti-American while yelling lines appropriate to [[VideoGame/{{Fallout 3}} Liberty Prime]].
--> '''Special Containment Procedures:''' SCP-50-AE-J is to be kept in a steel box locked with a padlock and wrapped in an American flag. The box containing SCP-50-AE-J is to be kept away from the following: Russian literature, radios, the Pope, first generation Russian immigrants, and pictures of Ronald Reagan. In case of [REDACTED] security staff are to begin humming the Star Spangled Banner while weeping a single tear.\\
Investigations into the further properties of SCP-50-AE-1 have been stymied by the fact that SCP-50-AE-1 continues to attack Foundation scientists, calling them "PINKO FUCKS".\\
SCP-50-AE-1 appears to be able to distinguish genetic and racial information in its targets. SCP-50-AE-1 also appears to have a profound dislike of Germans. D-1409 is to be incinerated entirely, after his testicles are recovered from SCP-50-AE-1.
* Just about every word on [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-5308-j SCP-5308-J]] is hilarious, it's no wonder it's one of the highest rated joke [=SCPs=] on the site.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-420-j SCP-420-J]]. [[spoiler:It's marijuana sent through [[AmplifierArtifact SCP-914]], and it's some good shit. [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/extended-scp-420-j-experiment-log The test log]] has some gems, such as the basketball game GoneHorriblyWrong SCP-1733 turning into a Music/GratefulDead concert.]]
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2008-j SCP-2008-J]] is a sports mascot. Not an animal that looks like a sports mascot, or a costume that turns people into a creature that looks like a mascot, but an actual man in a costume.
** Even better, sports fans will note that the image used is [[spoiler: The Philadelphia Phanatic, one of the weirdest looking mascots in all of sports.]]
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-500-j SCP 500-J]], aka "that bitch," aka [[spoiler: O5-8's shrew of a wife.]]
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-006-j SCP 006-J]], aka "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?" Hey, even the Foundation can be scared by creepy insects.
-->'''Object Class''': KETER OH GOD KILL IT
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1344-j SCP 1344-J]], which is [[spoiler: the Kool-Aid Man]].
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-4357-j SCP-4357-J]], the Cooperative Demon who [[IllNeverTellYouWhatImTellingYou keeps unintentionally telling the Foundation how to better contain him.]]
-->'''SCP-4357-J''': And THAT is how you make a proper summoning circle. All the runes in place, everything nice and neat. NOW, if I step in it like ''this'', it'll be hard for me to get out!\\
''SCP-4357-J tries to step out of the circle and bumps against an unseen barrier.''\\
'''SCP-4357-J''': Oh, ''FUCK ME!''
** Later:
--->'''SCP-4357-J''': Shit! That hurts, motherfuckers! Doesn't matter much, though; I'll just jump out again. It's not like you can put up a cage that'll hold me, either. I can bust through anything other than wrought-iron that has the words of Solomon on it, and where the unholy fuck are you going to find THAT nowadays, huh?\\
'''07/14/19██'''\\
''Foundation metalworkers install a wrought-iron cage under the supervision and blessing of Rabbi ███████''\\
'''SCP-4357-J''': Shit.
** And in the end, one Agent has a [[CouldHaveAvoidedThisPlot simple question]]:
--->'''Agent ██''': Hello, SCP-4357. I have a question for you today.
--->'''SCP-4357-J''': Fuck off, asshole. I ain't saying nothing to you shitheads any more. You keep locking me down tighter.
--->'''Agent ██''': This is actually a very simple question that has been bothering me for a while: [[ArmorPiercingQuestion why didn't you escape before we set up all this]]?
--->''Agent ██ gestures at the then-current containment protocols. [[DumbStruck SCP-4357-J looks stricken, with its mouth hanging open, for approximately 30 seconds]].''
--->'''SCP-4357-J''': I- I didn't- I thought tha- Oh, GOD DAMN IT!
--->''SCP-4357-J proceeds to throw itself against the containment barriers more violently than usual for 90 hours, 17 minutes, [[ClusterFBomb yelling a constant stream of invective the entire time]].''
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-j SCP-___]]. [[spoiler: It's a rock that makes you procrastinate.]] It's the second-highest rated page on the site.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/the-things-dr-bright-is-not-allowed-to-do-at-the-foundation The Things Dr Bright Is Not Allowed To Do At The Foundation]].
--> 2) Telling new researchers that you can tame SCP-682 with a rolled up newspaper and a tummy rub is right out.\\
13) There is no market for SCP brand pornography.\\
13.5) No, not even in Germany.\\
13.75) It probably would generate a great deal of revenue if sold in Japan but still, [[NoodleIncident 682 on (blackboxed)]], Jesus Christ man.\\
27) Not allowed to send Nigerian-esque spam email to the Church of the Broken God.\\
31) SCP-963 is not a joy buzzer.\\
45) [[NoodleIncident [REDACTED], [REDACTED] hard.]]\\
52) "Accidentally" [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-447 spilling green gelatin on a dead body]] in the presence of the O5 was funny exactly once, and [[BringMyBrownPants the smell of excrement exuding from O5-2's khakis]] spoiled the moment.\\
58) Dr. Bright is not allowed to declare war on any country, thing or person.\\
59) A stripper a day keeps the doctor away. Dr. Bright is not allowed to contribute to this list. Besides, ██% of Foundation staff have their Ph.D. It'd take more than one stripper to keep them away.\\
59.5) Strike that last sentence. Dr. Bright, I don't know where you found a 300-pound midget stripper with three teeth and severely disfiguring [DATA EXPUNGED], but please put it back.\\
66) Showing Series/{{Monty Python|sFlyingCircus}} episodes to [[RealityWarper SCP-239]] was not a wise decision. Please never try this with any other reality warping SCP.\\
71.2) Dr. Bright is not allowed to administer 'Free Hugs', nor an act called 'Surprise █████████'.[[note]]Plus, if one checks how many characters are in the black-out word, it could spell out "buttsecks".[[/note]]\\
79) Attempts to use Foundation radio telescopes to contact omniscient and omnipotent extraterrestrial entities will result in a bill for any damage to local space-time, including the cost of demoting objects to dwarf planet status.\\
81) [[TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}} "For the Emperor"]] is not an acceptable justification for any decision.\\
84) Not allowed to lace 'orgasm muffins' with Ex-lax. Again.\\
90) Not allowed to kick SCP-2558-J.\\
90.5) Not allowed to play dodgeball with SCP-2558-J.\\
92) Foundation resources may not be used to run ''VideoGame/{{Crysis}}''. Build your own computer Bright!\\
96) Just because Bright is a doctor does not mean that he ''is'' [[Series/DoctorWho the Doctor]], no matter how many British men he possesses.\\
96.1) [[ImmortalityInducer No,]] [[BodySurf SCP-963]] is not proof against this.\\
96.2) Nor is any structure that results from placing [[BiggerOnTheInside SCP-184]] inside of a police call box.\\
96.3) Tying up female members of the staff and calling them "companions" is right out.\\
101) Dr. Bright is not allowed to plant SCP-2383-J into science labs. We're still picking up complaints from the office of Stephen Hawking.\\
101.1) No, not even for the good of "SCIENCE"\\
101.2) Or even as "[[TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}} Science for the Science God]]". [[AGodAmI Dr. Bright is also not allowed to refer to himself as such either]].\\
104) Yes, empirical evidence is the foundation of science. Yes, blind faith is the death of reason. No, this does not logically imply that Dr. Rights is ethically obligated to demonstrate the existence of her breasts under laboratory conditions.\\
109) Dr. Bright cannot change the standard issue D-Class uniform to [[RedShirt black pants with a red polo shirt.]]\\
118) No matter how many times he photoshops himself into a picture of SCP-682, and no matter how many Australians he possesses, Bright is not, and never was, the "Series/CrocodileHunter".\\
118.3) Nor does every SCP/D-Class "really hate it when you jam your thumb up their bum".\\
118.3.1) And he is not allowed to do that "Right naow!"\\
118.5) Claiming to survive the detonation of an [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2558-j SCP-2558-J-Ex]] does not make him a lion tamer, either.\\
127) Dr. Bright is not allowed to use [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-587 SCP-587]] to re-enact the locker scene from ''Film/MenInBlack'', nor play Godzilla with its inhabitants.\\
138) Dr. Bright may not put "A cup of orgasm" from SCP-294 through SCP-914 on the Very Fine setting.\\
138.1) Dr. Bright may not use SCP-294 to create a "cup of memetic orgasm" and use it on worldwide television.\\
138.5) Dr. Bright is not permitted to use SCP-294 to create orgasms of any kind, memetic, sentient or otherwise.\\
138.6) Given the results of requesting a cup of "Dear God No", Dr.Bright is no longer allowed to use SCP-294 directly or outside of approved testing.\\
138.6.5) Given that he asked another staff member to request a "[[MadeOfExplodium Cup of Explodium]]" from SCP-294 to "see what would happen", Dr Bright is not allowed to ask other staff members to access [=SCPs=] for him, no matter how instructive, funny or helpful the results would be. The only exception to this is SCP-963.\\
173) ''Excessive'' force is not the same as ''the'' [[StarWars Force]], therefore using it does not make Dr. Bright a Jedi.\\
192) Dr. Bright may not attempt to neutralize SCP-682 using "[[ThePowerofFriendship the Power of Friendship]]", "[[ThePowerofLove the Power of Love]]", [[ThePowerOfActing or]] [[ThePowerOfBlood any]] [[ThePowerOfRock other]] [[HeartIsAnAwesomePower sort]] [[ThePowerOfHate of]] [[ThePowerOfIndex "Power"]] which has not been proven to actually exist.\\
196) SCP-963 is not a '[[Anime/PuellaMagiMadokaMagica soul gem]]', and despite what he might say, making a contract with Dr. Bright will not turn you into a 'MagicalGirl'.\\
196.1) Not even if he includes a 'magical girl outfit'.\\
203) The Serpent's Hand is not a synonym for [[ADateWithRosiePalms masturbation]].\\
208) Playing the song "[[Music/MichaelJackson Thriller]]" in the presence of [[OurZombiesAreDifferent SCP-008 victims]] is expressly forbidden.\\
208.1) Letting out SCP-008 victims and punching them "to simulate VideoGame/{{Minecraft}}" is also forbidden.\\
208.2) Pushing several agents in front of SCP-008 victims "to simulate Franchise/ResidentEvil" [[OverlyLongGag is not a valid excuse, either.]]\\
208.3) [[BlackComedy Dr. Bright is no longer allowed near victims of SCP-008.]]\\
218) Dr. Bright is not to use this list as a resume.\\
222) [[http://www.scpcbgame.com/ Dr. Bright is not allowed to make freeware games based on contained objects and release them onto the internet.]]\\
226.2) Dr. Bright is politely asked to stop referring to staff/19 incident [=BA114=] as "[[ShoutOut Miracle]] [[Series/TorchwoodMiracleDay Day]]", "The Day I Died and Went to Heaven", "A Thing of Beauty and Grace" or "Every Day in a Perfect World"\\
236). [[TheyKilledKennyAgain Dr. Bright is not Kenny. We also ask new researchers (and Bright) to stop referring to him/self as such.]]
** Also in there are Dr. Bright's 'wrong' mottos for SCP Foundation which gives such gems as "Stab Carrion Powerfully," "Let's use it on 682!" "Can we put it through 914?", "[[WeHaveReserves Throw D-Class at it until it stops.]]" and "That's it, you're on Keter."
*** Not ''all'' of them are completely opposed, however...
----> 71.9) "Someone is getting stabbed."
----> 71.9.1) But some days, it should be.
** Remember the "682 on Iris" bit mentioned? [[RuleThirtyFour Someone actually wrote it.]] [[http://pastebin.com/qjmKSRLd Yes, really.]] NSFW, obviously.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/chowderclef Chowderclef.]] CHOWDER FOR THE CHOWDERCLEF! POTATOES FOR THE SPUD THRONE!
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/bees Bees]].[[note]]My god.[[/note]] The funniest part of that was that it is mentioned at the bottom that this is the ''most accurate'' account of Incident [BLANK]. Makes you wonder what other accounts looked like...
* Remember, SCP is Special Containment Procedures. [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/system:page-tags/tag/shark-punching-center#pages SPC is]]... [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/10-30-a-m something]] [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/spc-3284-j else]].
--> "You will punch sharks. When not punching sharks, you will be planning on punching sharks. You will be developing new ways to punch sharks. You will read about punching sharks. You will write about punching sharks. You will study punching sharks. You will ''dream'' about punching sharks. You will ''[[JumpingTheShark jump]]'' [[IncrediblyLamePun the shark]]. You will collect and contain paranormal objects, and then use them to ''[[ImprovisedWeapon beat up sharks]].''"
** If you just read the previous two entries here, you would probably like to know that someone wants to do a Sharks vs. Bees crossover.
** One more, [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/how-the-spc-ruined-halloween How the SPC Ruined Halloween]].
--->''Under no circumstances should this shark be kicked, as it may kick back.''
** [[PerspectiveFlip They also have]] [[http://spc-wiki.wikidot.com/ a mini-wiki]].
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/run-away-forevurrr This odd story]] is pretty entertaining, but the real hilarity comes in the discussion page. After some conversing, Clef (the real guy, not the Foundation character) challenges another user to write a story titled "Poopstick [=McGee=] and the Flying Walruses". The user aptly replies:
--> '''[=TroyL=]''': ... [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/poopstick-mcgee-and-the-flying-walruses Challenge accepted]].\\
'''Dr. Clef''': [[GoneHorriblyRight Oh God.]]
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-k9-j-ex SCP-K9-J-EX]] definitely counts. [[spoiler: It's essentially an episode of Franchise/ScoobyDoo described like any other SCP]]
-->Rooby rooby [REDACTED] - Agent Mu 4-5
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2006-j SCP-2006-J]] is an EldritchAbomination who thinks it's a MagicalGirl as a result of watching too many magical girl anime. Its TransformationSequence killed several people from the sight of it, blinded 38 people, [[Franchise/SailorMoon caused the Sailor Scouts to shriek 'KAWAII' before exploding into rainbow dust,]] and left a doctor into a coma. It also wants to fight crime, and does so by "punishing" D-Class. Don't ask.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2383-j-t SCP-2383-J's experiment report]]. This SCP's effect is to force people to make "experiments" and create crazy items that vary in nature depending on what color the liquid contained in the SCP's is. One of the results is a crossbow that gives random effects to the bolts it shoots. At one point, the researcher testing it unwittingly does a Franchise/FinalFantasy-style LimitBreak, [[CriticalHit complete with the number 9999 appearing on the target]] at the end of the attack, the target [[EverythingFades disappearing]] and [[MoneySpider money appearing on the ground]] after its "defeat".
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-even-number-j SCP-[Even Number]-J]] is an SCP-Foundation Mad Libs
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-727-j SCP 727-J]], i.e. the sun itself. This has resulted in numerous attempts to extinguish the sun.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-095-j SCP-095-J]], also known as that one text font, [[spoiler:Comic Sans]].
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-001-j SCP-001-J]], aka the BigRedButton.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-682-j SCP-682-J]], the funny version of the SCP-682 document.
** Speaking of which: There is one thing that can kill 682. [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/kill-682 Drunk driving.]]
* [[http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-789-j SCP-789-J]], "The butt ghost". Written by an 11-year-old boy, of course.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1994-j SCP-1994-J]]. Basically, it's an SCP article as written by a very excited dog, regarding a [[spoiler: tennis ball.]]
** "what's that motherfuckin' mailman doing here... yeah, you better go away. motherfucker."
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-666-and-a-half-j SCP-666½-J]] is a crab-stuffed mushroom entrée. An ''[[LethalChef apocalyptically bad]]'' crab-stuffed mushroom entrée. It has the dubious honor of being the only thing that could make SCP-682 ''commit suicide''.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-5555-j SCP-5555-J]], aka "The Chibinator", is a device that makes miniature {{flanderiz|ation}}ed versions of [=SCPs=] and staff members. The entire experiment log is hilarious, but the very last line takes it all:
-->[[spoiler:Accidentally blinked. Mini-173 tried to strangle my penis. I quit.]]
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1212-j SCP-1212-J]] has a masterful use of LeaningOnTheFourthWall, with a Foundation scientist critiquing an artifact ''as if he's posting on the actual website''... much to his colleague's annoyance and confusion.
--> '''Scientist 1:''' "Yeah. Downvote for pointless dark matter."\\
'''Scientist 2:''' "It [dark matter] HAS been proven to exist! WE just proved it exists! You're scientists! Why aren't you shitting your pants with excitement?!"\\
'''Scientist 1:''' "That's another thing. Your tone. It's really off. I don't believe a scientist would really say that in an official interview. I'm afraid it's downvote for me."\\
'''Scientist 2:''' "WHAT THE FUCK IS A DOWNVOTE?!!!"
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-999-j SCP-999-J]], a fat man who teleports wearing nothing but a speedo that he can seemingly pull anything out of. To give a taste, this is the entire Containment Procedure:
-->SCP-999-J is currently uncontainable, but if anyone figures out how to contain the bastard they better fucking tell O5-█ right now. Seriously people ASAP.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/local--files/scp-4263-j/Keter_A.jpg Can't contain this Keter ass.]]
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-649-2568-j SCP-649-2568-J]]. Try to figure out where it's going before opening that last interview log.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-7143-j SCP-7143-J]], who causes all who see it to become smitten with it, both romantically and sexually, with notes from several researchers proclaiming how attractive it is. It's also a ''[[CargoShip doorknob]]''.
--> '''Researcher Axwell''': I invited him out for drinks last week. Kind of gave me the cold shoulder, but he's pretty far out of my league anyway. Pretty dreamy though, don't you think?
--> '''Dr. Lee''': I've been working on my pickup lines, here, listen! "Hey baby, why don't you and me go turn in for the night?" Get it? Turn in? Because… turning? Guys?
--> '''Researcher Chambers''': Man, I would fuck the shit out of that doorknob.
--> ''Note: Data expunged, holy shit. What the fuck is wrong with you people? -[[OnlySaneMan Dr. Clef]]''
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1333-j SCP-1333-J!]]-[[NoIndoorVoice THE SCREAMING MAN!]]: Object Class Enochian, Foundation Dreadlords required for containment, [[BreadEggsMilkSquick and cavernous nostrils]].
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-100000-j SCP-100000-J]]-[[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill Procedure 110-Overkill]]: The containment procedures require three separate hermetically sealed sarcophagi, [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech a constant live feed of personal verbal attacks]], a 100km radius exclusion zone, the ground bones of saints, a deaf ogre, 50 copies each of various religious scriptures (as well as [[RichardDawkins The God Delusion]]), launching intruders into the Sun, [[DidYouJustFlipOffCthulhu flipping off the Sun]], and supermassive black hole generators.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-7000-j SCP-7000-J]], a reality-bending entity that is summoned with CanisLatinicus and [[JackassGenie won't grant your wishes the way you'd expect]].
** And, of course, what happens when the Foundation [[RunningGag tries to kill SCP-682]] with it:
--> ''SCP-682 unharmed; text generated in clouds over Site-58: "FUCKUS THATUS SHITUM"''
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-231-j SCP-231-J]], The Foundation's [[MundaneMadeAwesome terrible credit rating]], and the reveal that SCP-231 is actually a [[EvilDebtCollector debt collector]] for a debt caused by a doctor being loaned $2 for a soda. [[spoiler: Said debt steadily increases from 2 dollars, to $493,026.34, to $50,936,299,102.49, 500 human souls, two truckloads of diamonds, the blood of a virgin, and "a goddamn pony". The last time the Foundation is informed about it, the debt has increased to "[DATA EXPUNGED].53 dollars, 700 trillion human souls condemned eternally to the sadistic pleasure-pits of [DATA EXPUNGED], ownership of 53 individual timelines of the Multiverse, and one 'goddamn pony'." Talk about an interest rate. There's also the reveal of expunged content in 231, such as 110-Montauk being just throwing money in a passive-aggressive way.]]
** More specifically, 231-J relates to the debt itself, and is classed as Keter, much like the real 231. The Foundation's credit rating is a secondary SCP further down. What's its classification? [[spoiler:''Apollyon.'']]
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-404-j SCP-404-J]] explains why God allows so many bad things to exist in the world, what is wrong with humanity and probably why has He forsaken us long ago.
--> '''Special Containment Procedures:''' As attempts to manually alter the text of SCP-404-J have proved futile, twice-hourly tactical nuclear strikes are to continue on SCP-404-J until it has been successfully neutralized. As such, Foundation personnel, combat task forces, and civilians may only come within 100 km of SCP-404-J after signing a mortality waiver.
--> (...)
--> '''PLANET ERF!'''
--> '''by !Jehovah'''
--> '''[ Rating: -5922 | + | - ]'''
** The comments resemble a threatened SCP page, with the users being disguised versions of the site's {{Eldritch Abomination}}s.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1950-J SCP-1950-J]]. The Foundation ended up locking up a DisneyPrincess.
----
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-001-j SCP-001-J]], aside from the [[ShoutOut/SCPFoundation Ren and Stimpy reference]], also features the President setting up the SCP Foundation to contain a big red button that will destroy all creation if pressed, with the implication that he also asked for the Foundation to be set up to "protect humanity from monsters and stuff". That's right, all the terrifying, reality-warping, mind-fucking monsters and objects the SCP Foundation contains is mostly due to the President wanting a foundation to keep him from pushing a red button.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-001-ex-j SCP-001-EX-J]], the first anomalous object contained by the SCP's neolithic predecessor, Catch Keep Guard, is fire. It was relegated to the Understood (AKA -EX) category when someone learned how to make it by rubbing two sticks together - look at the last log. Before that, the CKG Gathering genuinely had fire classified as a potentially world-ending (forest fires, anyone?) and mysterious, but incredibly useful anomaly. Because, think of it - how many current SCP articles will probably end up with the same fate once humanity progresses enough?
** Special mention goes to the last test listed:
--->TRY: IIIII II\\
WHO TRIED: Witch Doctor U██\\
THING TRIED: Throw hemp in Thing-I\\
WHAT HAPPENED: [DATA CHISELED OUT]
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-100-j SCP-100-J]] is, literally, a steaming pile of horseshit. Out of this pile come various [=SCPs=], most of which have been [[TakeThat decommissioned.]]
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1543-j SCP-1543-J]], though a joke SCP, is one of the funniest things in the entire archive.
--> ''There is a long-standing tradition of rivalry between the task force that runs The Sun Launcher and [[NoKillLikeOverkill Team 10 Gazillion Nuclear Detonations All Used At Once.]]''
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1550-j SCP-1550-J]], a wheelchair that turns the setting into ''ComicBook/XMen'', basically.
--> '''Girl:''' What's her power, mister?\\
'''231:''' Well, I can [DATA EXPUNGED] [DATA EXPUNGED] [DATA EXPUNGED]\\
'''Scientist 2:''' (mouth wide open, shocked expression on his face)\\
'''231:''' [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking I also like shopping]].
** Effects the chair has on Able - when he sits on it, it turns him into Xavier, but when somebody else sits on it, Able turns into ComicBook/{{Wolverine}} and gets into a fight with whoever turned into Cyclops over the person who was turned into Jean.
--->'''Mediating researcher:''' I don't want to interrupt, but Able, aren't you incapable of feeling love?\\
'''Able:''' No… I just have a dark past.\\
'''Researcher:''' Huh?\\
'''Able:''' I'm generally good at heart. I've had a tough life, though.\\
'''Researcher:''' I've seen you stab a kid in the face!
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-069-j SCP-069-J]]. Or, in the words of the comment page, "You turned the Foundation... into an H-game."
** Now it has a [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-069-j-research-log Research Log]]. One in-game event involves [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-682 a giant iguana]] escaping from the biology lab! And later, it gets caught by [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-053 an unnamed female student]].
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-4445-j SCP-4445]]. Hey, wait a minute. This seems a little... [[ThisVeryWiki familiar]].
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-666-j SCP-666-j]] - aka "[[DrivesLikeCrazy Dr. Gerald's Driving Skills.]]" Best summed up by the captions:
-->''Dr. Gerald was told to take an ordinary school bus full of D-class to a nearby site.''[[note]](pictured: an inflamed schoolbus jumping over an indeterminate number of motorcycles)[[/note]]\\
''How the hell did he manage that with an electrically-powered Segway?''\\
''The results of Dr. Gerald driving through the town of [REDACTED] on a moped.''\\
''A research team hypothesized that rollerblades are, technically, vehicles. We tested their hypothesis by having Gerald skate into the IRG's headquarters in Tehran. They were right.''\\
''We have this tract of land over in ████████, ███████, just in case we have some sort of vehicular SCP that needs to be decommissioned. Coincidentally, it's also the only place that Dr. Gerald is able to drive without permission.''[[note]](pictured: road signs reading [[AC:"Absolutely Nothing" "Next 22 miles"]])[[/note]]
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-50-ae-j SCP-50-AE-J]]. It's a .50 Desert Eagle that fires SCP-50-AE-1: an actual giant Bald Eagle that rabidly attacks anything perceived to be anti-American while yelling lines appropriate to [[VideoGame/{{Fallout 3}} Liberty Prime]].
--> '''Special Containment Procedures:''' SCP-50-AE-J is to be kept in a steel box locked with a padlock and wrapped in an American flag. The box containing SCP-50-AE-J is to be kept away from the following: Russian literature, radios, the Pope, first generation Russian immigrants, and pictures of Ronald Reagan. In case of [REDACTED] security staff are to begin humming the Star Spangled Banner while weeping a single tear.\\
Investigations into the further properties of SCP-50-AE-1 have been stymied by the fact that SCP-50-AE-1 continues to attack Foundation scientists, calling them "PINKO FUCKS".\\
SCP-50-AE-1 appears to be able to distinguish genetic and racial information in its targets. SCP-50-AE-1 also appears to have a profound dislike of Germans. D-1409 is to be incinerated entirely, after his testicles are recovered from SCP-50-AE-1.
* Just about every word on [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-5308-j SCP-5308-J]] is hilarious, it's no wonder it's one of the highest rated joke [=SCPs=] on the site.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-420-j SCP-420-J]]. [[spoiler:It's marijuana sent through [[AmplifierArtifact SCP-914]], and it's some good shit. [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/extended-scp-420-j-experiment-log The test log]] has some gems, such as the basketball game GoneHorriblyWrong SCP-1733 turning into a Music/GratefulDead concert.]]
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2008-j SCP-2008-J]] is a sports mascot. Not an animal that looks like a sports mascot, or a costume that turns people into a creature that looks like a mascot, but an actual man in a costume.
** Even better, sports fans will note that the image used is [[spoiler: The Philadelphia Phanatic, one of the weirdest looking mascots in all of sports.]]
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-500-j SCP 500-J]], aka "that bitch," aka [[spoiler: O5-8's shrew of a wife.]]
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-006-j SCP 006-J]], aka "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?" Hey, even the Foundation can be scared by creepy insects.
-->'''Object Class''': KETER OH GOD KILL IT
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1344-j SCP 1344-J]], which is [[spoiler: the Kool-Aid Man]].
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-4357-j SCP-4357-J]], the Cooperative Demon who [[IllNeverTellYouWhatImTellingYou keeps unintentionally telling the Foundation how to better contain him.]]
-->'''SCP-4357-J''': And THAT is how you make a proper summoning circle. All the runes in place, everything nice and neat. NOW, if I step in it like ''this'', it'll be hard for me to get out!\\
''SCP-4357-J tries to step out of the circle and bumps against an unseen barrier.''\\
'''SCP-4357-J''': Oh, ''FUCK ME!''
** Later:
--->'''SCP-4357-J''': Shit! That hurts, motherfuckers! Doesn't matter much, though; I'll just jump out again. It's not like you can put up a cage that'll hold me, either. I can bust through anything other than wrought-iron that has the words of Solomon on it, and where the unholy fuck are you going to find THAT nowadays, huh?\\
'''07/14/19██'''\\
''Foundation metalworkers install a wrought-iron cage under the supervision and blessing of Rabbi ███████''\\
'''SCP-4357-J''': Shit.
** And in the end, one Agent has a [[CouldHaveAvoidedThisPlot simple question]]:
--->'''Agent ██''': Hello, SCP-4357. I have a question for you today.
--->'''SCP-4357-J''': Fuck off, asshole. I ain't saying nothing to you shitheads any more. You keep locking me down tighter.
--->'''Agent ██''': This is actually a very simple question that has been bothering me for a while: [[ArmorPiercingQuestion why didn't you escape before we set up all this]]?
--->''Agent ██ gestures at the then-current containment protocols. [[DumbStruck SCP-4357-J looks stricken, with its mouth hanging open, for approximately 30 seconds]].''
--->'''SCP-4357-J''': I- I didn't- I thought tha- Oh, GOD DAMN IT!
--->''SCP-4357-J proceeds to throw itself against the containment barriers more violently than usual for 90 hours, 17 minutes, [[ClusterFBomb yelling a constant stream of invective the entire time]].''
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-j SCP-___]]. [[spoiler: It's a rock that makes you procrastinate.]] It's the second-highest rated page on the site.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/the-things-dr-bright-is-not-allowed-to-do-at-the-foundation The Things Dr Bright Is Not Allowed To Do At The Foundation]].
--> 2) Telling new researchers that you can tame SCP-682 with a rolled up newspaper and a tummy rub is right out.\\
13) There is no market for SCP brand pornography.\\
13.5) No, not even in Germany.\\
13.75) It probably would generate a great deal of revenue if sold in Japan but still, [[NoodleIncident 682 on (blackboxed)]], Jesus Christ man.\\
27) Not allowed to send Nigerian-esque spam email to the Church of the Broken God.\\
31) SCP-963 is not a joy buzzer.\\
45) [[NoodleIncident [REDACTED], [REDACTED] hard.]]\\
52) "Accidentally" [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-447 spilling green gelatin on a dead body]] in the presence of the O5 was funny exactly once, and [[BringMyBrownPants the smell of excrement exuding from O5-2's khakis]] spoiled the moment.\\
58) Dr. Bright is not allowed to declare war on any country, thing or person.\\
59) A stripper a day keeps the doctor away. Dr. Bright is not allowed to contribute to this list. Besides, ██% of Foundation staff have their Ph.D. It'd take more than one stripper to keep them away.\\
59.5) Strike that last sentence. Dr. Bright, I don't know where you found a 300-pound midget stripper with three teeth and severely disfiguring [DATA EXPUNGED], but please put it back.\\
66) Showing Series/{{Monty Python|sFlyingCircus}} episodes to [[RealityWarper SCP-239]] was not a wise decision. Please never try this with any other reality warping SCP.\\
71.2) Dr. Bright is not allowed to administer 'Free Hugs', nor an act called 'Surprise █████████'.[[note]]Plus, if one checks how many characters are in the black-out word, it could spell out "buttsecks".[[/note]]\\
79) Attempts to use Foundation radio telescopes to contact omniscient and omnipotent extraterrestrial entities will result in a bill for any damage to local space-time, including the cost of demoting objects to dwarf planet status.\\
81) [[TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}} "For the Emperor"]] is not an acceptable justification for any decision.\\
84) Not allowed to lace 'orgasm muffins' with Ex-lax. Again.\\
90) Not allowed to kick SCP-2558-J.\\
90.5) Not allowed to play dodgeball with SCP-2558-J.\\
92) Foundation resources may not be used to run ''VideoGame/{{Crysis}}''. Build your own computer Bright!\\
96) Just because Bright is a doctor does not mean that he ''is'' [[Series/DoctorWho the Doctor]], no matter how many British men he possesses.\\
96.1) [[ImmortalityInducer No,]] [[BodySurf SCP-963]] is not proof against this.\\
96.2) Nor is any structure that results from placing [[BiggerOnTheInside SCP-184]] inside of a police call box.\\
96.3) Tying up female members of the staff and calling them "companions" is right out.\\
101) Dr. Bright is not allowed to plant SCP-2383-J into science labs. We're still picking up complaints from the office of Stephen Hawking.\\
101.1) No, not even for the good of "SCIENCE"\\
101.2) Or even as "[[TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}} Science for the Science God]]". [[AGodAmI Dr. Bright is also not allowed to refer to himself as such either]].\\
104) Yes, empirical evidence is the foundation of science. Yes, blind faith is the death of reason. No, this does not logically imply that Dr. Rights is ethically obligated to demonstrate the existence of her breasts under laboratory conditions.\\
109) Dr. Bright cannot change the standard issue D-Class uniform to [[RedShirt black pants with a red polo shirt.]]\\
118) No matter how many times he photoshops himself into a picture of SCP-682, and no matter how many Australians he possesses, Bright is not, and never was, the "Series/CrocodileHunter".\\
118.3) Nor does every SCP/D-Class "really hate it when you jam your thumb up their bum".\\
118.3.1) And he is not allowed to do that "Right naow!"\\
118.5) Claiming to survive the detonation of an [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2558-j SCP-2558-J-Ex]] does not make him a lion tamer, either.\\
127) Dr. Bright is not allowed to use [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-587 SCP-587]] to re-enact the locker scene from ''Film/MenInBlack'', nor play Godzilla with its inhabitants.\\
138) Dr. Bright may not put "A cup of orgasm" from SCP-294 through SCP-914 on the Very Fine setting.\\
138.1) Dr. Bright may not use SCP-294 to create a "cup of memetic orgasm" and use it on worldwide television.\\
138.5) Dr. Bright is not permitted to use SCP-294 to create orgasms of any kind, memetic, sentient or otherwise.\\
138.6) Given the results of requesting a cup of "Dear God No", Dr.Bright is no longer allowed to use SCP-294 directly or outside of approved testing.\\
138.6.5) Given that he asked another staff member to request a "[[MadeOfExplodium Cup of Explodium]]" from SCP-294 to "see what would happen", Dr Bright is not allowed to ask other staff members to access [=SCPs=] for him, no matter how instructive, funny or helpful the results would be. The only exception to this is SCP-963.\\
173) ''Excessive'' force is not the same as ''the'' [[StarWars Force]], therefore using it does not make Dr. Bright a Jedi.\\
192) Dr. Bright may not attempt to neutralize SCP-682 using "[[ThePowerofFriendship the Power of Friendship]]", "[[ThePowerofLove the Power of Love]]", [[ThePowerOfActing or]] [[ThePowerOfBlood any]] [[ThePowerOfRock other]] [[HeartIsAnAwesomePower sort]] [[ThePowerOfHate of]] [[ThePowerOfIndex "Power"]] which has not been proven to actually exist.\\
196) SCP-963 is not a '[[Anime/PuellaMagiMadokaMagica soul gem]]', and despite what he might say, making a contract with Dr. Bright will not turn you into a 'MagicalGirl'.\\
196.1) Not even if he includes a 'magical girl outfit'.\\
203) The Serpent's Hand is not a synonym for [[ADateWithRosiePalms masturbation]].\\
208) Playing the song "[[Music/MichaelJackson Thriller]]" in the presence of [[OurZombiesAreDifferent SCP-008 victims]] is expressly forbidden.\\
208.1) Letting out SCP-008 victims and punching them "to simulate VideoGame/{{Minecraft}}" is also forbidden.\\
208.2) Pushing several agents in front of SCP-008 victims "to simulate Franchise/ResidentEvil" [[OverlyLongGag is not a valid excuse, either.]]\\
208.3) [[BlackComedy Dr. Bright is no longer allowed near victims of SCP-008.]]\\
218) Dr. Bright is not to use this list as a resume.\\
222) [[http://www.scpcbgame.com/ Dr. Bright is not allowed to make freeware games based on contained objects and release them onto the internet.]]\\
226.2) Dr. Bright is politely asked to stop referring to staff/19 incident [=BA114=] as "[[ShoutOut Miracle]] [[Series/TorchwoodMiracleDay Day]]", "The Day I Died and Went to Heaven", "A Thing of Beauty and Grace" or "Every Day in a Perfect World"\\
236). [[TheyKilledKennyAgain Dr. Bright is not Kenny. We also ask new researchers (and Bright) to stop referring to him/self as such.]]
** Also in there are Dr. Bright's 'wrong' mottos for SCP Foundation which gives such gems as "Stab Carrion Powerfully," "Let's use it on 682!" "Can we put it through 914?", "[[WeHaveReserves Throw D-Class at it until it stops.]]" and "That's it, you're on Keter."
*** Not ''all'' of them are completely opposed, however...
----> 71.9) "Someone is getting stabbed."
----> 71.9.1) But some days, it should be.
** Remember the "682 on Iris" bit mentioned? [[RuleThirtyFour Someone actually wrote it.]] [[http://pastebin.com/qjmKSRLd Yes, really.]] NSFW, obviously.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/chowderclef Chowderclef.]] CHOWDER FOR THE CHOWDERCLEF! POTATOES FOR THE SPUD THRONE!
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/bees Bees]].[[note]]My god.[[/note]] The funniest part of that was that it is mentioned at the bottom that this is the ''most accurate'' account of Incident [BLANK]. Makes you wonder what other accounts looked like...
* Remember, SCP is Special Containment Procedures. [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/system:page-tags/tag/shark-punching-center#pages SPC is]]... [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/10-30-a-m something]] [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/spc-3284-j else]].
--> "You will punch sharks. When not punching sharks, you will be planning on punching sharks. You will be developing new ways to punch sharks. You will read about punching sharks. You will write about punching sharks. You will study punching sharks. You will ''dream'' about punching sharks. You will ''[[JumpingTheShark jump]]'' [[IncrediblyLamePun the shark]]. You will collect and contain paranormal objects, and then use them to ''[[ImprovisedWeapon beat up sharks]].''"
** If you just read the previous two entries here, you would probably like to know that someone wants to do a Sharks vs. Bees crossover.
** One more, [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/how-the-spc-ruined-halloween How the SPC Ruined Halloween]].
--->''Under no circumstances should this shark be kicked, as it may kick back.''
** [[PerspectiveFlip They also have]] [[http://spc-wiki.wikidot.com/ a mini-wiki]].
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/run-away-forevurrr This odd story]] is pretty entertaining, but the real hilarity comes in the discussion page. After some conversing, Clef (the real guy, not the Foundation character) challenges another user to write a story titled "Poopstick [=McGee=] and the Flying Walruses". The user aptly replies:
--> '''[=TroyL=]''': ... [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/poopstick-mcgee-and-the-flying-walruses Challenge accepted]].\\
'''Dr. Clef''': [[GoneHorriblyRight Oh God.]]
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-k9-j-ex SCP-K9-J-EX]] definitely counts. [[spoiler: It's essentially an episode of Franchise/ScoobyDoo described like any other SCP]]
-->Rooby rooby [REDACTED] - Agent Mu 4-5
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2006-j SCP-2006-J]] is an EldritchAbomination who thinks it's a MagicalGirl as a result of watching too many magical girl anime. Its TransformationSequence killed several people from the sight of it, blinded 38 people, [[Franchise/SailorMoon caused the Sailor Scouts to shriek 'KAWAII' before exploding into rainbow dust,]] and left a doctor into a coma. It also wants to fight crime, and does so by "punishing" D-Class. Don't ask.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2383-j-t SCP-2383-J's experiment report]]. This SCP's effect is to force people to make "experiments" and create crazy items that vary in nature depending on what color the liquid contained in the SCP's is. One of the results is a crossbow that gives random effects to the bolts it shoots. At one point, the researcher testing it unwittingly does a Franchise/FinalFantasy-style LimitBreak, [[CriticalHit complete with the number 9999 appearing on the target]] at the end of the attack, the target [[EverythingFades disappearing]] and [[MoneySpider money appearing on the ground]] after its "defeat".
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-even-number-j SCP-[Even Number]-J]] is an SCP-Foundation Mad Libs
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-727-j SCP 727-J]], i.e. the sun itself. This has resulted in numerous attempts to extinguish the sun.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-095-j SCP-095-J]], also known as that one text font, [[spoiler:Comic Sans]].
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-001-j SCP-001-J]], aka the BigRedButton.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-682-j SCP-682-J]], the funny version of the SCP-682 document.
** Speaking of which: There is one thing that can kill 682. [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/kill-682 Drunk driving.]]
* [[http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-789-j SCP-789-J]], "The butt ghost". Written by an 11-year-old boy, of course.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1994-j SCP-1994-J]]. Basically, it's an SCP article as written by a very excited dog, regarding a [[spoiler: tennis ball.]]
** "what's that motherfuckin' mailman doing here... yeah, you better go away. motherfucker."
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-666-and-a-half-j SCP-666½-J]] is a crab-stuffed mushroom entrée. An ''[[LethalChef apocalyptically bad]]'' crab-stuffed mushroom entrée. It has the dubious honor of being the only thing that could make SCP-682 ''commit suicide''.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-5555-j SCP-5555-J]], aka "The Chibinator", is a device that makes miniature {{flanderiz|ation}}ed versions of [=SCPs=] and staff members. The entire experiment log is hilarious, but the very last line takes it all:
-->[[spoiler:Accidentally blinked. Mini-173 tried to strangle my penis. I quit.]]
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1212-j SCP-1212-J]] has a masterful use of LeaningOnTheFourthWall, with a Foundation scientist critiquing an artifact ''as if he's posting on the actual website''... much to his colleague's annoyance and confusion.
--> '''Scientist 1:''' "Yeah. Downvote for pointless dark matter."\\
'''Scientist 2:''' "It [dark matter] HAS been proven to exist! WE just proved it exists! You're scientists! Why aren't you shitting your pants with excitement?!"\\
'''Scientist 1:''' "That's another thing. Your tone. It's really off. I don't believe a scientist would really say that in an official interview. I'm afraid it's downvote for me."\\
'''Scientist 2:''' "WHAT THE FUCK IS A DOWNVOTE?!!!"
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-999-j SCP-999-J]], a fat man who teleports wearing nothing but a speedo that he can seemingly pull anything out of. To give a taste, this is the entire Containment Procedure:
-->SCP-999-J is currently uncontainable, but if anyone figures out how to contain the bastard they better fucking tell O5-█ right now. Seriously people ASAP.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/local--files/scp-4263-j/Keter_A.jpg Can't contain this Keter ass.]]
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-649-2568-j SCP-649-2568-J]]. Try to figure out where it's going before opening that last interview log.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-7143-j SCP-7143-J]], who causes all who see it to become smitten with it, both romantically and sexually, with notes from several researchers proclaiming how attractive it is. It's also a ''[[CargoShip doorknob]]''.
--> '''Researcher Axwell''': I invited him out for drinks last week. Kind of gave me the cold shoulder, but he's pretty far out of my league anyway. Pretty dreamy though, don't you think?
--> '''Dr. Lee''': I've been working on my pickup lines, here, listen! "Hey baby, why don't you and me go turn in for the night?" Get it? Turn in? Because… turning? Guys?
--> '''Researcher Chambers''': Man, I would fuck the shit out of that doorknob.
--> ''Note: Data expunged, holy shit. What the fuck is wrong with you people? -[[OnlySaneMan Dr. Clef]]''
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1333-j SCP-1333-J!]]-[[NoIndoorVoice THE SCREAMING MAN!]]: Object Class Enochian, Foundation Dreadlords required for containment, [[BreadEggsMilkSquick and cavernous nostrils]].
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-100000-j SCP-100000-J]]-[[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill Procedure 110-Overkill]]: The containment procedures require three separate hermetically sealed sarcophagi, [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech a constant live feed of personal verbal attacks]], a 100km radius exclusion zone, the ground bones of saints, a deaf ogre, 50 copies each of various religious scriptures (as well as [[RichardDawkins The God Delusion]]), launching intruders into the Sun, [[DidYouJustFlipOffCthulhu flipping off the Sun]], and supermassive black hole generators.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-7000-j SCP-7000-J]], a reality-bending entity that is summoned with CanisLatinicus and [[JackassGenie won't grant your wishes the way you'd expect]].
** And, of course, what happens when the Foundation [[RunningGag tries to kill SCP-682]] with it:
--> ''SCP-682 unharmed; text generated in clouds over Site-58: "FUCKUS THATUS SHITUM"''
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-231-j SCP-231-J]], The Foundation's [[MundaneMadeAwesome terrible credit rating]], and the reveal that SCP-231 is actually a [[EvilDebtCollector debt collector]] for a debt caused by a doctor being loaned $2 for a soda. [[spoiler: Said debt steadily increases from 2 dollars, to $493,026.34, to $50,936,299,102.49, 500 human souls, two truckloads of diamonds, the blood of a virgin, and "a goddamn pony". The last time the Foundation is informed about it, the debt has increased to "[DATA EXPUNGED].53 dollars, 700 trillion human souls condemned eternally to the sadistic pleasure-pits of [DATA EXPUNGED], ownership of 53 individual timelines of the Multiverse, and one 'goddamn pony'." Talk about an interest rate. There's also the reveal of expunged content in 231, such as 110-Montauk being just throwing money in a passive-aggressive way.]]
** More specifically, 231-J relates to the debt itself, and is classed as Keter, much like the real 231. The Foundation's credit rating is a secondary SCP further down. What's its classification? [[spoiler:''Apollyon.'']]
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-404-j SCP-404-J]] explains why God allows so many bad things to exist in the world, what is wrong with humanity and probably why has He forsaken us long ago.
--> '''Special Containment Procedures:''' As attempts to manually alter the text of SCP-404-J have proved futile, twice-hourly tactical nuclear strikes are to continue on SCP-404-J until it has been successfully neutralized. As such, Foundation personnel, combat task forces, and civilians may only come within 100 km of SCP-404-J after signing a mortality waiver.
--> (...)
--> '''PLANET ERF!'''
--> '''by !Jehovah'''
--> '''[ Rating: -5922 | + | - ]'''
** The comments resemble a threatened SCP page, with the users being disguised versions of the site's {{Eldritch Abomination}}s.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1950-J SCP-1950-J]]. The Foundation ended up locking up a DisneyPrincess.
----
