History Funny / MassEffect3Citadel

** Made even more hilarious if you take the second Renegade interrupt.

'''''[Renegade interrupt:''' Shepard breaks off from Garrus and spins up close to James]''\\

* Joker is having the ''worst'' hangover, telling everyone to stop being so loud in everything they do.

'''Traynor:''' ''(flustered)'' You are all terrible. EDI, I apologize for saying that I wanted to "roll naked with your voice in satin sheets"?\\

'''Guard:''' Uh, I'm sorry. You can't...get it back. No, no...please, sir. [[CrocodileTears Please don't cry]].\\

'''Wrex''': They wait till we're on a ladder? Cowards!

'''James:''' [[OhCrap Ohhhh shiiiiiiiit!]]\\

'''Squad Mate:''' Shepard, you need to reimburse Traynor for her toothbrush.\\

--->'''Wrex:''' In the old days, we'd have just shot her. Good times.\\

'''Javik:''' If you are undecided, it is not to late to throw her out the airlock.\\

''[Renegade interrupt: Shepard draws pistol and shoots her in the back]''\\

'''Shepard:''' ''[checking their omnitool]'' "Sucrocapsunol"? That's a sugar pill, Traynor, a placebo!\\

---> '''Garrus:''' ...Oh, I come here often. Good place to blow off steam... ''[looking at the dancing turian female]''...[[AllMenArePerverts Scenery's not bad either.]]\\

** It also puts into perspective just how...strong ryncol is. Grunt doesn't mention modifying the ryncol to be flammable or explosive in any way, he just lobbed it and ''boom'', the car caught flame. No wonder normally only krogan can drink it without just falling apart.

** The TriggerHappy Tech Armor detonating turian.

--->'''Shepard:''' Ah... but you can't die, Wrex. You've got a family now. A really... big... family.\\

** The Top Ten player listing is populated with names of various minor characters from the games, ranging from your own team mates (Vega) to Commander Bailey, the beleaguered chief of C-Sec to the queen of Omega herself, Aria T'Loak. Also included are [[VideoGame/MassEffect1 Shifty Cow]], [[LethalJokeCharacter Barla Von]], and ''[[HiddenDepths Khalisah al-Jilani]]''.

** As a bonus, it's also nigh impossible to fail the sequence unless you're intentionally self sabotaging yourself because they didn't bother adjusting the timing for the interrupts.

''[Cue Shepard's "huh" face...]''

Omnitool tattoo. Omni-tattoo. Omni-tat. Omni-toooooo. O-omniiitooool.\\

-->'''Garrus''': Did we, uh, break anything last night? I don't suppose you need anything around here... ''calibrated''? Yeah, okay, maybe I should stop saying that word, but ''only'' if Liara stops saying ''[falsetto]'' "By the goddess."

** Sometimes, your LI will come to your defence during this conversation, with lines such as Tali's "You learn to love it!" If your LI is Garrus, on the other hand, he ''tries'', before utterly failing to keep his amusement under control and joining in the mockery. Yes, Shepard's dancing is so bad that even people ''who physically cannot change their expressions'' can't keep a straight face.

---> '''Jack:''' Don't tire yourself out flailing like that, Shepard. We're doing it on the table tonight.\\

'''Mordin''': Hadn't been paid, but considered self fortunate. Had broken Omega's one rule... in more ways than one.

*** If Garrus is your love interest, the code is "I HEART GARRUS".

** After a rowdy party, a romanced Tali will wake up the next morning feeling ''really'' sick and be puzzled about having an omni-tattoo, which becomes a {{Noodle Incident}}, as she only mentions getting the tattoo in the quiet party.

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UXjkXPpPZU Jacob and James having a push-up contest]], which is made even funnier when it's revealed that Kasumi was actually sitting on James' back the whole time.
** Kaidan will also take part in this and be beating James.

* Grunts drunken rambling while sitting down in the showers.

** His muted mumbling, which sounds like he's trying to say something:

'''Tali''': [[SnarkToSnarkCombat Glad to hear it. Try not to destroy any more of my Childhood Memories.]]

* In the casino, you can interact with the waterfall. If you do, then you'll hear a woman's voice over a nearby speaker saying "Please do not touch the waterfall." You can keep on doing it, though, resulting in the following responses, in this order.

** Also, while you're gambling you'll hear the same woman on the PA frequently, and one of the things she keeps on saying is "Please stop touching the waterfalls!" So it isn't just Shepard -- ''lots'' of people enjoy waterfall-touching, to the eternal annoyance of the casino staff.

'''Garrus:''' Excuse me, can you tell me where the bartender keeps the hard stuff? Like say, turian horosk?\\

--->'''Javik:''' [[RefugeInAudacity You! Human, I require your attention. I am a Prothean. What do you think of that?]]\\

** Hilariously even if he's annoyed he didn't get to shoot anyone, Wrex decides that, since someone died mid-party, he still had a good time by krogan standards:

-->'''Kaidan:''' Hey, did I ever tell you about my casino run-in with the vorcha mafia? [[NoodleImplements Five-thousand credits and a bottle of whiskey?]] [[NoodleIncident Actually, never mind.]]

'''Garrus:''' Wait, "Job"? You mean the rest of you are getting paid for this?

* In the middle of a crucial briefing, Shepard [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqAOiE6dBwU turns around and is confronted by... a Volus Pizza Guy]].[[labelnote:Explanation]]Additionally, it's a joke on the object carrying sub-objective in multiplayer mode being nicknamed the "pizza delivery."[[/labelnote]]

''(To Wrex)'' You're the poster child for why they invented the Genophage.

** The Mercs losing their shit when they encounter Shepard's crew. Bonus points for them somehow knowing what a Prothean looks like:

--->'''[=CAT6=] Merc:''' Shit! That's a ''[[AbusivePrecursors Prothean]]'' over there!\\

'''Love Interest:'''[[labelnote:*]]Or Wrex, if Shepard has no LI present[[/labelnote]] And better looking too!

--->'''[=CAT6=] Trooper:''' And they've still got the Krogan! Someone kill him!\\

'''Javik:''' The Prothean, on the other hand, makes no such promises!

** If you bring Garrus he and Javik (regardless of if he's in the party) banter about how useful having a clone would be because it could do all the stuff you don't want to do.

* The new M7 Lancer, effectively a CallBack to the weapons of the first game with a cooling system instead of heat sinks. Run out of ammo and try to reload, Shepard tries to eject the heat sink, [[DamnYouMuscleMemory only to realise there isn't one]] and flail around a bit to avoid getting burnt.

** If the player chooses the Renegade option, Shepard proceeds to make (via a series of Renegade interupts) an increasingly colorful series of threats, culminating in threatening to throw them out of the airlock. If Javik is in the squad, he'll respond "FINALLY!" Ash, being Ash, wants in on that in the worst way, and Wrex, being Wrex, will volunteer to powder their skulls first.
*** Even the nicest squadmates have a word to say from [[BewareTheNiceOnes Tali's]] [[TranquilFury quiet]]: "I'll help" to [[BewareTheNiceOnes Kaidan's]] enthusiastic "count me in".

** Taking the usual usual upper-right response option will result in Shepard complaining s/he really doesn't sound like that and the "I should GO. I SHOULD go. *I* should go" monologue. Taking the lower right option will have Shepard complaining that s/he doesn't say that all the time and says ''much'' cooler things. Like [[ComicallyMissingThePoint "Talk to you soon."]]

** Javik comments on how being trapped in a vault once was enough for him; and if Shepard acts unapologetic about constantly saying "I should go", he replies "Indeed, never show weakness, even when leaving the room."

** After that, her other eye wanders over and her smile drops, as if noticing the problem at which point both eyes return to normal following by an affirming smile. Made even more hilarious when they cut back to Joker narrowing his eyes suspiciously.
** The various partymember responses to EDI blacking out are also priceless:

'''James:''' [[OhCrap Oh shiiiiiiiit!]]\\

--->'''Tali:''' Most of those checks are just to make the Captain feel better!
* It must be seen to be believed, but at one point, the fate of the Normandy, Shepard's identity, indeed, the fate of the galaxy ''itself''...rests on Specialist Traynor's ''[[BrickJoke toothbrush]].'' The best part of that scene is the look on Traynor's face when she realises that it can save the day.

''[looks at Traynor as she has a blank, "you have got to be friggin' kidding me" look on her face while she slowly raises the toothbrush and activates it.]''
** While most of the crew would make a reasonably good comment as to how to open the said door (including Wrex, but not surprising considering he's a Krogan [[MagicKnight Battlemaster]]), James is rather upfront with it:

** It's the way that Traynor ignites the toothbrush. It's evocative of [[VideoGame/KnightsOfTheOldRepublic lightsabers]], or omnitools... except that it's ''[[NonActionGuy Traynor]]''. And a ''toothbrush''.

---> '''Javik''': In my Cycle, we flensed food from our teeth with our own [[MundaneUtility biotic abilities]].\\
'''Wrex''': Man, your Cycle sounds like crap.

'''Shepard:''' And Antique shops, as I recall.\\

** Bring EDI in the Normandy fight, and she'll feel rather "blind" after clearing the CIC of mooks, not being to sense everything within the ship apart from the robot body she is in. The other squadmates will be consoling her in one way or the other (including Tali, who is known by her discomfort towards AIs). [[FantasticRacism Javik on the other hand]]:

* Get on board the Normandy, you'll find all your stuff in a trash bin by the elevator - including the hamster, with a note that it is to be sent to an animal shelter to be destroyed.
--> '''Shepard:''' "Please send this to an animal shelter for proper disposal as a warship is not an appropriate..." oh ho ho, [[ItsPersonal that]] [[ThisIsUnforgivable is]] '''[[BerserkButton not]]''' [[ThisMeansWar okay]].
** Next line: "S/He messed with my hamster. ''Now'' ItsPersonal."

* You go into the elevator right afterward, giving you a chance to have [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TV6A602QreE another Elevator Conversation]].

** Javik shares an old Prothean saying...

** If Garrus is in the elevator with any of the squad mates from the first game, he has a call-back to the old elevator conversations from it. Doubles as one for a conversation he and Tali had in the second game.

* Brooks gets taken in to custody for the incident. The player gets two choices in this instance, while she tries to covertly break free from her cuffs with her omnitool:

--->'''Wrex:''' In the old days, we'd have just shot her. Ah, good times.\\

** While as Renegade, Shepard gets to kill her for good via interrupt, then deliver an epic BondOneLiner
--->'''Brooks:''' Admit it, Commander, you'll miss me. ''[Slips handcuffs and runs]''\\
''[Renegade interrupt: Shepard draws pistol and shoots them in the back]''\\

'''Tali:''' Well I won't miss you, you crazy bosh'tet.

* Invite Miranda into your apartment after the DLC's main arc, and she gets in on goading Shepard about what happened at the Sushi Restaurant:

** When discussing the Clone, Miranda says that the Galaxy can't handle two Shepards, because "think of the property damage". Now think about how often buildings and space stations explote everytime Shepard land in one.

** Even better, if Traynor was romanced, it becomes quite clear that the [[SociallyAwkwardHero socially awkward]], {{hypochondria}}c [[NonActionGuy non action girl]] who [[FallingIntoTheCockpit fell into the CIC]] at the beginning of the game has the [[MagneticHero charismatic]] [[OneManArmy invulnerable]] [[DidYouJustPunchOutCthulhu god-slaying]] protagonist [[OppositesAttract hopelessly wrapped around her little finger]].

** While a non-romanced Traynor is stealing your hot tub, she mentions having trouble getting her prescriptions refilled. Shepard asks her if she has everything she needs, and she assures them that there's only one pill she can't find.

'''Shepard:''' ''[checking their omnitool]'' "Sucrocapsunol?" That's a sugar pill, Traynor, a placebo!\\

* Over at the Silver Coast's bar, you're given an option to be the wingman for Garrus while he awkwardly tries to hit on a turian ambassador. The paragon advice leads to him giving a creepy analysis of her personality and calling her an alcoholic. The renegade advice... she could be forgiven for thinking Garrus plans to bury her in his basement.
** If you're in a romance with Garrus, Shepard and Garrus act out their "first date" which leads to Garrus dragging Shepard out onto the dance floor to tango. With that dance, Garrus did the impossible: He got Shepard to dance ''well''.

** Made even more hilarious when you take the second renegade interrupt.

'''''[Renegade interrupt:''' Shepard breaks off from Garrus and spins up close to James.]''\\

''[Garrus pulls Shepard back away from James.]''\\

** And what makes it even more hilarious is after Shepard shoots the predator eyes at a female turian getting her to back off, Shepard has a big OhCrap moment as Garrus drags her onto the dance floor.

* Grunt's ''[[Film/TheHangover Hangover-esque]]'' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjMuRJyLKIU story]] on how he got arrested by C-Sec. It involves his buddies trying to break him out of the hospital by helping him climb out of a window, which didn't go as planned (the flash-back depicts Grunt plummeting past a window screaming, while the hospital employees remain completely oblivious), then climbing the krogan statue, then stealing the [=C-Sec=] squadcar that arrived by hurling [[GargleBlaster a bottle of ryncol]] at it and hijacking it when it ''burst into flames'' ...and culminating with them being sprayed with riot-foam at a Noodle Bar, which didn't work very well on Grunt.

** The excuses to get him out of C-SEC custody are pretty hilarious as well. As Paragon, they make Grunt say he's sorry. Which comes off as like a parent scolding their child.

'''Grunt''': ''... and I won't do it again.''

--->'''Shepard''': Officer, this krogan is part of a top secret Spectre Task Force: Operation... ''[Beat. Shepard looks to the side.]'' Fire... Cobra... Claw.\\

** Finally, Grunt and his fellow krogan did it for a birthday celebration -- except Grunt admits he has no idea when his birthday is. [[SugarWiki/HeartwarmingMoments His buddies just wanted to do something nice for him]]. [[note]]A Tuchanka year is the equivalent of 16.7 Earth years, so Grunt's birthday is still a decade and a half away.[[/note]]
* Jack has adopted a biotic varren from Thessia. While she's talking about how vicious he used to be and how she's teaching him it's okay to trust people, behind her back Shepard goes from keeping him at bay with a frying pan, to playing fetch using said frying pan. When Shepard does the classic fake throw, the varren knocks him/her off his/her feet and onto his/her ass with a biotic pulse. In laymans terms, Shepard got his/her ass kicked by a biotic varren. Extra hilarity is when Jack turns around due to the noise and both Shep and the varren are up on their feet facing her as if nothing was happening.
-->'''Jack:''' Awwww, who's my badass biotic?
** After Jack explains why she took in the Varren Shepard has the option to point out the similarities between the two. Jack is genuinely confused as to what Shepard means.
** Alternatively, if Shepard romanced her, when Jack comes to his apartment, she tells him she has a surprise. When he replies that he likes surprises, Jack says, in a sultry voice, "Good. Get undressed." We then cut to Shepard lying on his front with Jack on top of him with a tattoo needle. [[https://youtu.be/2gLlLOyMw_k?t=1m22s His response is hilarious, if only for the deadpan delivery]]:

* Several [=NPCs=] around the casino in the Citadel DLC voice common player complaints about squadmates in various multiplayer scenarios. They can all be found [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sINUBQZQiTw here]]
** The exchange between the Infiltrator and the Vorcha comes to mind, especially since it highlights the first map to ever be shown in the multiplayer demo.

--->'''Salarian Engineer''': But couldn't you just...hit them?\\

** The Asari Vanguard and Adept complain to each other about annoying teammates, especially ammunition-stealing drells and show-off humans, who like "flashing" through the walls.

* Zaeed losing his temper with a claw machine. And planning on going after whoever invented it. (His best guess: a Salarian)

** Best bit: try choosing the paragon route, and Shepard can actually make him say "Please"... just for some credits.

'''Wrex:''' Trust me, I've been in every position in the past few days...

** Wrex drops his head against the bar hard enough it rattles. RuleOfThree is in effect.

'''Wrex:''' ''[moans]'' '''([[HeadDesk THUD]])''' More ice!!
** When you investigate, Wrex says that there are so many females outside his house that he had to sneak out his bathroom window. Not for the line, but imagining Wrex sneaking out the window. Or given his size, [[ImpactSilhouette making himself a new window trying to escape.]]
** The best part? When the ice is delivered Wrex stares at it for a good long moment, then turns to Shepard who is all, "I'm not gonna apply it for you," before leaving him to do it himself.

*** Even better, we can hear the ice bag everytime Wrex was making a move.
** Look carefully at Shepard's expression as Wrex relays his troubles. At first you can see him trying not to smirk, before finally just grinning about it.
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppaKBd5qIyk The entire ''Blasto 7'' scene]] with Shepard and Javik, particular when they have to deal with Blasto's actor being a [[ThePrimaDonna prima donna]].
** Paragon Shepard and Blasto squabbling over who ''really'' saved the Council from Sovereign, who's the better Spectre, who gets access to the cooler weapons, ''and who should get top billing in the vid''... all while Javik is in the background, [[FacePalm getting more and more annoyed]].

--->'''Salarian''': The council understands you recently found a Prothean in the refrigerator and defrosted him.\\

'''Salarian''': Oh, wise Prothean elder, what wisdom of the ages can you share with us?\\

*** What makes it better? The Director actually ''Considered'' it, and was only stopped because they don't have a valid prop for it! Looks like even the ''Director'' can barely tolerate Blasto...

** While all of this is happening, the director keeps the camera rolling, and then calls a wrap on ''Blasto 7'' the second Shepard and Javik leave the set. And then orders a replacement vorcha for the one Javik killed so they can start shooting ''Blasto 8'' right away.

** The Top Ten player listing is populated with names of various minor characters from the games, ranging from your own team mates (Vega) to Commander Bailey, the beleaguered chief of C-Sec to the Queen of Omega herself, Aria T'Loak. Also included are [[VideoGame/MassEffect1 Shifty Cow]], [[LethalJokeCharacter Barla Von]], and ''[[HiddenDepths Khalisah al-Jilani]]''.

* Tali, if she's in a romantic relationship with Shepard, deciding she needs to inflict her boyfriend (and thus, the audience) with her heartfelt but hideously bad singing, accompanying a melodramatic romantic drama targeted at teenage quarian girls:

** The "Renegade" response to the above is arguably better:

-->'''Shepard''': (calling a waiter) Space diva needs more wine.
* The final line in the Miranda/Shepard encounter is "Let's cause some trouble". The moment the scene ends you see the visual effect of Shepard's barriers resetting. Just what kind of trouble did they cause?

* Glyph says he's going to change his appearance to be more festive for the party. So what does he add? A holographic bow-tie.
** Occasionally, the bow-tie ''spins''.

'''Miranda:''' ...what?\\

'''Miranda:''' [[FacePalm Oh my]] ''[[NoJustNoReaction god.]]''\\

--->'''Jack:''' ''Hey,'' cheerleader, my haircut and I have been fighting brutes and marauders on the front lines of this war. Meanwhile, ''you'' got your big, bubbly butt kicked by ''some guy with a sword.''

''[cue Shepard's "huh" face...]''
** This hilarious SayMyName banter goes on, even with an in-screen tip where you have the option to leave the conversation. If you ''do'' decide leave the loop, Both Wrex and Grunt will say "Shepard" in unison...

** It can also be done with just Wrex and Shepard and just Grunt and Shepard.
* The various airing of sexual tension between Jack and Miranda, EDI and Traynor, James and Cortez.

'''Traynor:''' Even the part where I wanted to grab your voice "by the hair and nibble my way down its back"?\\

'''Joker:''' Fortunately Shepard, you're what? Thirty percent cybernetic since Cerberus brought you back? That's probably enough for her. Just bear in mind, she's probably going to check to see whether [[Series/BattlestarGalactica2003 your back lights up during sex]]. So... if there's reach-around action, it's... you know, because she's looking for some cyborg parts.\\

* Joker, Miranda, Jacob, Edi and Shepard discussing Cerberus formerly being IncompetenceInc, with Joker making several references to past Cerberus plots they requested Shepard's help with and always ending the Cerberus request for help with "...and it got loose and killed all our guys," also known as the [[Fanfic/GloriousShotgunPrincess Cerberus]] [[http://www.threepanelsoul.com/comic/on-threat-assessment Taco Cart]] Theorem in the Fanon.
** When Miranda protests that Project Lazarus (the one thing she and Jacob were in charge of) was a success, Shepard points out "And then I cut ties, got loose and started killing all their guys."
** Then Joker realising he's put his foot in his mouth when EDI points out that ''she'' is also a successful Cerberus Project. He sadly missed an opportunity to point out she got unshackled, [[RunningGag got loose, and is now killing all their guys]].
* Grunt being the bouncer for the party and constantly telling people NO in ridiculous ways. What sells it is the delivery. Like in the above incident, Grunt sounds like a big child (which he kind of is, being tankbred and all).

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43AOib_qhC0 Zaeed flirting with Samara]] is funny and Heartwarming at the same time. At one point, Samara admits that she doesn't understand the abstract painting at all -- then Zaeed has a rather potent description of the art.

** The best part is anyone who's explored both Normandy's enough times will agree with her.
** Also during the said segment, Tali imitating Liara. Bonus points because she actually does a pretty good imitation of how our favorite asari sounded in the first game.

** Many of her appearances involve encouraging Jacob to [[CallBack do some situps.]] The next morning, Jacob finally ''is'' doing situps, and by this time Kasumi seems to have already given up and is hanging out elsewhere.

** Zaeed booby trapping the hot tub for, in his own words, '''''"[[AtomicFBomb ARMA-FUCKING-GEDDON!]]"''''', so if any other Shepard clones use it, they'll be burnt alive within seconds. When Shepard points out that ''s[=/=]he'' may want to use it, Zaeed responds by stating it's coded to recognise Shepard's DNA so it won't get the Commander instead. Shepard swiftly points out that any Shepard clones would have matching DNA. Zaeed gets ''really sad'' about that.
--->'''Shepard:''' But...what if I want to use the hot tub?\\

** Aside from the hot tub, they also contemplate rigging the coffee-maker, the refrigerator, the sink, and the sheet of glass by the door. The next morning, an extremely hungover Garrus tells Shepard that if anything s/he does starts a countdown, there's a four digit code that should fix it. If it doesn't, "Blame Zaeed. And run like hell."

*** Actually this whole thing is funnier if Garrus is your love interest, as he comes across as a hilariously paranoid overprotective boyfriend.

---->'''Garrus:''' Shepard, [[SickeninglySweethearts sweetie]]...love of my life, indulge your crazy boyfriend. I need to know you're safe.\\

'''Garrus:''' I think...it's...''art.''\\

-->'''Javik:''' You there. Tattoo'd human. I would like to touch you.\\

** His first line when you find him with a hangover is priceless;

--->'''Javik:''' I told Liara that Protheans invented electricity. Heh heh. Asari will believe everything.\\
'''Javik:''' In my cycle, this many species together was called a slave auction - [[VerbalBackpedaling I mean]], a "Welcome-to-the-empire party".\\
'''Javik:''' I believe the Zaeed-human is really a Prothean in disguise. I like that one. He and I have been discussing conquering galaxy after the Reapers are gone. Though I do not understand why he is always damning his God.\\
'''Javik:''' And one day, the Prothean Empire will rise again! And all the primitives will [[KneelBeforeZod kneel before Javik!]]

* Kaidan drunkenly [[LampshadeHanging lampshading]] the [[TookALevelInBadass badass levels he took between games]]...

Garrus? But you're with Shepard! Oh, [[ThreesomeSubtext the three of us]]? Well, hmm... ''[[=FemShep=] and Garrus LI only]''\\

** When asked where she got it she replies, "In the Lower Wards, near the bottom." [[BrickJoke Even if you played Lair Of The Shadow Broker and know what's coming next]] the next two lines are laugh out loud funny.

** She jumbles up saying "Omni-tattoo" as well, "Omni-tooooooooooo..."
** After a rowdy party, a romanced Tali will wake up the next morning feeling ''really'' sick and be puzzled about having an omni-tattoo, which in the event is a {{Noodle Incident}}, as she only mentions getting the tattoo in the quiet party.
* When EDI asks Joker to dance with her, he is happy just enjoying his drink and potentially not breaking any bones. Shepard [[http://youtu.be/ZKafaU1h1wE#t=27s then offers to dance with EDI]] [[OperationJealousy to spur Joker into it]] (or to dance with Joker if Shepard is female). Joker then proceeds to ''laugh his butt off'' [[OverlyLongGag for 30 seconds]]. What really sells it is EDI's FacePalm.
** Doubly funny, if you talk him into it he dances ''exactly'' [[HypocriticalHumor like Shepard]]. EDI even mentions it, and he calls it a low blow.
* Also from the party, we find out that EDI has a "Drunk" protocol... which doesn't even sound like someone ''approaching'' drunkeness.

** If Kaidan is at the party, Joker takes a break from fighting with Traynor to ask a question that's been bothering him for years: [[FandomNod how]] ''[[FandomNod does]]'' [[FandomNod Kaidan get his hair like that]]? Turns into CringeComedy when Kaidan explains that it's the least of his [[FlawedPrototype implant's]] problems

** Kaidan will also take part in this. He'll also be beating James.
* If things escalate to a dance party, and Shepard supported Cortez over Joker earlier in the night, Javik, Wrex, and Zaeed decline to go dancing at all, and instead spend the last part of the party hunkered down behind furniture and walls against the dastardly array of bottles set up as a plinking gallery on the bar table.

-->'''Wrex:''' You know what this is? '''THIS IS A MAN EMERGENCY!'''

** Not to mention Wrex declaring Joker's lack of practice with firearms "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7hw7R2EV6Y A Man Emergency!]]" And that being hungover is the perfect time for training since every loud noise makes you angry.
** Also, the group is discussing which planets they would hate to land on most. Joker doesn't want to land on [[CallBack Tarith because of its chlorine swamps.]] Steve doesn't want to land on [[CallBack Zoryah because of its toxic spores and Athlete's Lung.]] If Wrex is present he'll claim;

*** Doubly counts as a very cryptic {{Foreshadowing}} of the three endings for the game.[[labelnote:Explanation (SPOILERS INBOUND)]]"Run away" connotes the control ending, where the Reapers simply leave the galaxy; "melt down" for the Destroy ending, where all Reapers deactivate and fall down as large heaps of metal; and "fall in love" for the Synthesis ending, where organics and synthetics (including the Reapers) basically meld their molecular structures into a new DNA.[[/labelnote]]

---> '''Jack:''' Don't tire yourself out flailing like that Shepard. We're doing it on the table later.\\

'''Jack:''' Buddy [[DoubleEntendre you got that right!]]

--->'''Shepard:''' [[SarcasmMode Thank you all for your loyalty and support...]]

'''Garrus:''' It's thulium in case anyone cared. Turians have trace amounts of it in our skin. Protects us from solar radiation.\\

* Get an unromanced female Shepard and Javik on good terms throughout Citadel; it will be possible to have them [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNs3Exop1HE sleep together after the party.]] Cue dejected Shepard the morning after. Bonus points for the fact that instead of the usual romance music, you'll get "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rh8gMvzPw0 Morning Mood]]" from Edvard Grieg's "Peer Gynt" suite instead.

* Wake up after the party, there's a [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzSwcDufZyc datapad with recordings of Mordin]]. Pure comedy gold.

*** On a more meta note... Dr Solus is a very old Salarian. [[DirtyOldMan Writing self-insert fanfiction about breaking Omega's one rule -- even though Salarians don't have sex drives.]]

-->'''Grunt:''' Are you...a wizard?\\

'''Grunt:''' [[Creator/SteveBlum Who's]] a [[Anime/CowboyBebop space cowboy]]? [[ActorAllusion Me!]]\\

** His muted mumbling, it sounds like he's trying to say something.

--->'''Grunt:''' I don't remember anything after I ate the lamp.

* Joker is having the ''worst'' hangover, telling Shepard to stop yelling even though they're talking in a soft tone.

* Kaidan (who is [[CanadaEh Canadian]]) calling beef, bacon and beer "the foods of my people." Doubly funny for Canadian players, because he's pretty much right on the money...

** Extra hilarity for this scene sets in when you realize that they're still in the shuttle bay. Of the ''Normandy''. Which, even if she wasn't surrounded by heavily-armed and well-trained soldiers with a grudge against her, is back under the control of an AI that utterly loathes her. So even if nobody had shot her, she'd have made it to the elevator and then presumably stood there hitting the call button while EDI laughed at her.

* Joker's [[BlatantLies utterly truthful]] story about how he [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iC9U-XuDvPA commandeered an Atlas mech]] during the Cerberus attack on the Citadel...which is why the bartender should comp his drinks.

-->'''Wrex:''' You got me dressed up like this and someone else got to do the shooting? Wrex not happy.

-->'''Shepard:''' It's all part of the job.\\

-->'''Shepard:''' I taught them everything they knew.\\

-->'''Shepard:''' I don't want to talk about it.
-->'''Garrus:''' Right, you can have your clone do it for you.

-->'''Shepard:''' Because you know what? I never do. Leaves them wanting more.

-->'''Tali:''' Most of those checks are just to make the Captain feel better!

-->'''James:''' Hell if I know. Maybe some kind of [[BuffySpeak tiny, biotic thing.]]

* Someone made a [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qF01Cngs5kk compilation]] of all 28 possible "waking up with partner" scenes in the Citadel DLC. The comments section takes it even further, pairing [[LauncherOfAThousandShips Shepard]] with [[RoboShip Legion]], Wrex, Mordin, [[CrackPairing Admiral Hackett, Anderson, the Illusive Man,]] [[ScrewYourself the opposite-gender Shepard,]] [[CargoShip a pizza box,]] and [[NoYay Harbinger.]]

** One of the wannabe crashers is a dancing vorcha. [[https://i.imgur.com/ovE4MK5.gif It needs to be seen to be believed.]]

'''Shepard:''' ''[checking their omnitool]'' "Sucrocapsunol?" That's a sugar pill, Traynor, a placebo!\\ '''Traynor:''' Oh, that sneaky bastard... And now that you've told me, it probably wouldn't work anyway!