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Changed line(s) 156 (click to see context) from:
** Count Leon starts having trouble sleeping, to Jon lets him go into seclusion and ends up resolving his problems remarkably quickly, picking up the Temperate trait.
to:
** Count Leon starts having trouble sleeping, to so Jon lets him go into seclusion and ends up resolving his problems remarkably quickly, picking up the Temperate trait.
Changed line(s) 177 (click to see context) from:
** "'A famous writer wants to compose your family chronicles.' Okay, Leon, I'm gonna be honest, if we just very quickly check the family tree... this is a con. This is a one-hundred-percent con, we don't even know who you ''parents'' are."
to:
** "'A famous writer wants to compose your family chronicles.' Okay, Leon, I'm gonna be honest, if we just very quickly check the family tree... this is a con. This is a one-hundred-percent con, we don't even know who you your ''parents'' are."
Changed line(s) 721 (click to see context) from:
** Zeta gets the "Propsering" event again, and even though it will cost 1200 gold, Jon can't resist choosing the "Glorious Monument" response.
to:
** Zeta gets the "Propsering" "Prospering" event again, and even though it will cost 1200 gold, Jon can't resist choosing the "Glorious Monument" response.
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Nice Hat is now a disambig.
Changed line(s) 147 (click to see context) from:
--->'''Jon:''' Aww, I get [[NemeanSkinning a bear hat!]] Yes, [[NiceHat best hat!]]
to:
--->'''Jon:''' Aww, I get [[NemeanSkinning a bear hat!]] Yes, [[NiceHat best hat!]]hat!
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Changed line(s) 129 (click to see context) from:
** "There's a big dangerous force up in - oh ''wow'', you've got a NiceHat. Not gonna deny, that's a good hat."
to:
** "There's a big dangerous force up in - oh ''wow'', you've got a NiceHat.nice hat. Not gonna deny, that's a good hat."
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wick cleaning
Changed line(s) 442 (click to see context) from:
--->'''Jon:''' I mean, if nothing else ''genetically'' he's useful. Screw it, [[IncestIsRelative I'm getting him matrilineally hitched to one of my daughters.]] Here we go, young Princess Why, the youngest one, why not?\\
to:
--->'''Jon:''' I mean, if nothing else ''genetically'' he's useful. Screw it, [[IncestIsRelative I'm getting him matrilineally hitched to one of my daughters.]] daughters. Here we go, young Princess Why, the youngest one, why not?\\
Changed line(s) 739 (click to see context) from:
** Polyphemos' nephew Anthemios comes out of nowhere to be the leading contendor for the imperial succession, but his stats are good enough that Jon tries to get him set up for the throne if neither of the current emperor's "children" are up to it. Princess Parthena looks to be a good marriage candidate, except [[IncestIsRelative she's his aunt,]] and "probably best we ''don't'' do that, on balance." The problem is, out of all the bachlorettes in the empire, including two characters Jon spent 300 gold inventing with the "Invite Debutante" button, Anthemios only has eyes for Parthena.
to:
** Polyphemos' nephew Anthemios comes out of nowhere to be the leading contendor for the imperial succession, but his stats are good enough that Jon tries to get him set up for the throne if neither of the current emperor's "children" are up to it. Princess Parthena looks to be a good marriage candidate, except [[IncestIsRelative she's his aunt,]] aunt, and "probably best we ''don't'' do that, on balance." The problem is, out of all the bachlorettes in the empire, including two characters Jon spent 300 gold inventing with the "Invite Debutante" button, Anthemios only has eyes for Parthena.
Changed line(s) 899 (click to see context) from:
--->'''Jon:''' Now, I can't help but be, y'know, disappointed in his beard, and lack thereof, and all associated hair, ''but'', like [[CallBack the great Julianus Vatinius before him]], he is a bold man who might in theory be a good fighter. [...] He is apparently Groomed as well, right, so he is a sexy bastard, got it. In fact, the Queen of Anatolia is willing to marry him right now, but no, she's is 44, that would be a bad idea. And... I could also marry him to Artemisia. Who is... [[IncestIsRelative his aunt, I'm pretty sure. So let's not do that either.]]
to:
--->'''Jon:''' Now, I can't help but be, y'know, disappointed in his beard, and lack thereof, and all associated hair, ''but'', like [[CallBack the great Julianus Vatinius before him]], he is a bold man who might in theory be a good fighter. [...] He is apparently Groomed as well, right, so he is a sexy bastard, got it. In fact, the Queen of Anatolia is willing to marry him right now, but no, she's is 44, that would be a bad idea. And... I could also marry him to Artemisia. Who is... [[IncestIsRelative his aunt, I'm pretty sure. So let's not do that either.]]
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Changed line(s) 25 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Jon:''' You, my good man, how would you like to come to court for [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial entirely innocent reasons]], just because you seem like a good sort of person, and I'd just like you to hang out here, and you know I really appreciate your advice, and you've got a really, really good [[BadassBeard beard]], and any time you're flipping ready - ''there'' he flipping is. Alright, so he's arrived at court, that's marvelous, and now, I just need to... ''there'' he is. (''goes to the Arrange Marriage option'') Sorry, ILied, you're actually just marrying her. [...] Okay, of all the people that I've forced my children and relatives to marry, this guy's not the worst in a long way.
to:
-->'''Jon:''' You, my good man, how would you like to come to court for [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial entirely innocent reasons]], just because you seem like a good sort of person, and I'd just like you to hang out here, and you know I really appreciate your advice, and you've got a really, really good [[BadassBeard beard]], beard, and any time you're flipping ready - ''there'' he flipping is. Alright, so he's arrived at court, that's marvelous, and now, I just need to... ''there'' he is. (''goes to the Arrange Marriage option'') Sorry, ILied, you're actually just marrying her. [...] Okay, of all the people that I've forced my children and relatives to marry, this guy's not the worst in a long way.
Changed line(s) 657 (click to see context) from:
** As the official Hellenic emperor, Poseidon picks up a Pontifical Scepter, which Jon decides is enough to justify the Choirosphaktes [[BadassBeard double-beard.]]
to:
** As the official Hellenic emperor, Poseidon picks up a Pontifical Scepter, which Jon decides is enough to justify the Choirosphaktes [[BadassBeard [[ManlyFacialHair double-beard.]]
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misuse
Changed line(s) 19 (click to see context) from:
* One of King Conan III's sons is born Sickly, so Jon gives him a badass name to compensate: [[AwesomeMcCoolname Havoc mab Conan]]. Sure enough, he survives his infancy and loses the Sickly trait. He's later joined by his little brother Crisis mab Conan, while the extended royal family sees (even more) unwanted female offspring, Yuselass mab Dunmarth and the tanist's daughter Orange [[ItIsPronouncedTroPAY (pronounced Or-AHNGE)]].
to:
* One of King Conan III's sons is born Sickly, so Jon gives him a badass name to compensate: [[AwesomeMcCoolname Havoc mab Conan]]. Sure enough, he survives his infancy and loses the Sickly trait. He's later joined by his little brother Crisis mab Conan, while the extended royal family sees (even more) unwanted female offspring, Yuselass mab Dunmarth and the tanist's daughter Orange [[ItIsPronouncedTroPAY (pronounced Or-AHNGE)]].Or-AHNGE).
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Added DiffLines:
* Grand Finale - Never Lose Pope
** Jon admits that the empire has been growing so much that "it actually includes bits I didn't know it included. Like these bits, down over here [in North Africa]. Did you know these belonged to us? Because ''I'' didn't, it was news to me."
** The main task for the episode is snapping up the last bits of Italy, loose duchies and counties whose rulers are incable of realizing they're better off becoming {{Voluntary Vassal}}s than trying to resist. "So murder it is, I suppose."
** The war for the first Venetian county takes less than thirty seconds.
--->'''Jon:''' And... okay, so that's um, that's the war over. I knew it was going to be quick, but I wasn't expecting it to be ''that'' quick.
** What's nice about the last Italian wars is that they're a little more "legal" than some of Jon's other conflicts.
--->'''Jon:''' I'm not just being a Viking, saying "I want that over there and I've got more men than you, so screw you," no, no-no-no-no-no, I've got the ''de jure'' right to do this, alright? The law is on my flipping side!
** "Next up, the final few rump-states of not-Catholic Romagna. Which I am ''not'' going to pronounce correctly at any point in this series, and you can't make me!"
** The wars continue to be comically brief.
--->'''Jon:''' Music, you can chill out now. Music, we already won, music. Epic music, you can stop! You can stop now, he's been defeated!
** Jon's progress is slowed by his truces with the Byzantines, but "I can't help but notice that yes, truces are agreed to with ''people'', not ''countries''. So as a result of that, if we just, y'know, make some little changes to who's in charge or whatever...
** "And my rivals are just sort of dying. I get Prestige from outliving this random woman. I like having rivals, rivals are great."
** When trying to get some vassals back in Sweden to pick up the new Sexy Asatru faith, Jon actually has to look up what Old Asatru's tenets were.
--->'''Jon:''' Oh ''yeah'', we used to sacrifice humans! I'd almost forgotten about that. Also ancestor worship, which was completely useless. Oh, those were happy days, weren't they? Remember when we used to go to Ireland and steal all their money and sacrifice them to our gods? Ah, happy, happy days...
** With the conquest of one last chunk of Sardinia, Jon's able to achieve an ambition which spanned the entire campaign - the destruction of a mortal enemy.
--->'''Jon:''' For you see, once upon a time in the distant past, there was a religion that mattered called Catholicism, and it had a head of the church. They called him a "Pope," which is like a Sexy Viking Lesbian Pope, but less interesting.
** After enacting the "Dismantle the Papacy" decision, the Pope becomes a wandering, spineless maniac... with 26,638 gold pieces from the Papal treasury.
--->'''Jon:''' Apparently... we let him keep the money! This is, this is fascinating. Um, is there any way we can ''get'' the money? 'cause, I feel like we should try and get the money if we can. Well I ''could'' seduce him...
** Yes, Jon spends the rest of the episode trying to seduce a homeless lunatic, solely so Jon can invite him to Kristina's court and then banish him and confiscate his fortune.
--->'''Jon:''' I'm gonna send him a gift, alright. Can I invite him to court... no. He ''likes'' me, though, because (''cracks up'') I sent him 75 gold.
** First Jon arranges for the Pope to marry someone in his court just to "lock him down," but that tanks Kristina's chances of seducing him, so Jon hatches a plot to murder the Pope's new wife. But eventually...
--->'''Jon:''' "He comes towards me, hesitantly at first, then eagerly!" Yes, we make love, the guards don't know about it! Yes! I have sexed the Pope! I have taken the Pope, I have made him Sexy, the Pope is now my boyfriend!
** Kristina's husband is understandably upset about the affair, so Jon immediately breaks it off, tosses the Pope in prison with an act of tyranny, and negotiates his release to the tune of the entire Catholic treasury.
--->'''Jon:''' This was one hell of a roundabout way of doing this. [...] There we go - I have kicked the Pope out of Italy, then I seduced him, then I managed to bring him to my kingdom, then I tossed him in prison, and now I have stolen literally all of the Catholic wealth in the cocking world. [...] Also, to be honest we don't really need to kill your wife anymore, she can like, just go with you, it's fine.
** With the campaign objective reached, Jon spends the last twenty minutes of the series looking at how wide the Gren dynasty has spread, and reminisces about its rulers.
*** "Olaf, a man so obscure he didn't actually have parents, he was just found on a beach or something, it was kind of unclear..."
*** "...And then Orvar, Orvar the Redacted, because we don't talk about Orvar, because certain facts came to light about Orvar after his death. Like how he was a bit too into incest - now I'll admit, there's been a ''bit'' of incest in the empire since then, that was legitimate breeding experiments. Orvar, he was just into it because he was weirdly into incest. Orvar, you were not cool."
*** "But Jonn the Dane, he set up the Danelaw, he destroyed England once and for all, he avenged his disgrace, and ''that's'' why he gets to wear a great big hat."
*** "...Which brings us of course to Sexy Pope Odd 'the Scholar,' which we put in inverted commas 'cause he was actually Odd the Evil. Literally, he was flagged as "the evil" when people were voting for him as King of Sweden - a democractic system he abolished, because he was evil. He captured, he tortured, he abducted children and forced them to convert under threat of violence, he did a lot of flipping murder, but, in the end, you can't argue with results, alright?"
** At the end of the episode, Jon decides not to go through with the "Restore the Roman Empire" decision, because it would be a betrayal of the empire's Viking heritage.
--->'''Jon:''' Vikings are clearly better than Romans, which we have demonstrated by kicking the ass of Rome, kicking the ass of the Pope, kicking the ass of the Byzantine Emperor... in fact, even as far back as the days of Ylva, we were kicking the ass of supposedly Roman emperors. So yeah, I feel like that would be a step ''down'' for us, alright? The Sexy Viking Pope is ''way'' better than some bloody "Augustus."
** Jon admits that the empire has been growing so much that "it actually includes bits I didn't know it included. Like these bits, down over here [in North Africa]. Did you know these belonged to us? Because ''I'' didn't, it was news to me."
** The main task for the episode is snapping up the last bits of Italy, loose duchies and counties whose rulers are incable of realizing they're better off becoming {{Voluntary Vassal}}s than trying to resist. "So murder it is, I suppose."
** The war for the first Venetian county takes less than thirty seconds.
--->'''Jon:''' And... okay, so that's um, that's the war over. I knew it was going to be quick, but I wasn't expecting it to be ''that'' quick.
** What's nice about the last Italian wars is that they're a little more "legal" than some of Jon's other conflicts.
--->'''Jon:''' I'm not just being a Viking, saying "I want that over there and I've got more men than you, so screw you," no, no-no-no-no-no, I've got the ''de jure'' right to do this, alright? The law is on my flipping side!
** "Next up, the final few rump-states of not-Catholic Romagna. Which I am ''not'' going to pronounce correctly at any point in this series, and you can't make me!"
** The wars continue to be comically brief.
--->'''Jon:''' Music, you can chill out now. Music, we already won, music. Epic music, you can stop! You can stop now, he's been defeated!
** Jon's progress is slowed by his truces with the Byzantines, but "I can't help but notice that yes, truces are agreed to with ''people'', not ''countries''. So as a result of that, if we just, y'know, make some little changes to who's in charge or whatever...
** "And my rivals are just sort of dying. I get Prestige from outliving this random woman. I like having rivals, rivals are great."
** When trying to get some vassals back in Sweden to pick up the new Sexy Asatru faith, Jon actually has to look up what Old Asatru's tenets were.
--->'''Jon:''' Oh ''yeah'', we used to sacrifice humans! I'd almost forgotten about that. Also ancestor worship, which was completely useless. Oh, those were happy days, weren't they? Remember when we used to go to Ireland and steal all their money and sacrifice them to our gods? Ah, happy, happy days...
** With the conquest of one last chunk of Sardinia, Jon's able to achieve an ambition which spanned the entire campaign - the destruction of a mortal enemy.
--->'''Jon:''' For you see, once upon a time in the distant past, there was a religion that mattered called Catholicism, and it had a head of the church. They called him a "Pope," which is like a Sexy Viking Lesbian Pope, but less interesting.
** After enacting the "Dismantle the Papacy" decision, the Pope becomes a wandering, spineless maniac... with 26,638 gold pieces from the Papal treasury.
--->'''Jon:''' Apparently... we let him keep the money! This is, this is fascinating. Um, is there any way we can ''get'' the money? 'cause, I feel like we should try and get the money if we can. Well I ''could'' seduce him...
** Yes, Jon spends the rest of the episode trying to seduce a homeless lunatic, solely so Jon can invite him to Kristina's court and then banish him and confiscate his fortune.
--->'''Jon:''' I'm gonna send him a gift, alright. Can I invite him to court... no. He ''likes'' me, though, because (''cracks up'') I sent him 75 gold.
** First Jon arranges for the Pope to marry someone in his court just to "lock him down," but that tanks Kristina's chances of seducing him, so Jon hatches a plot to murder the Pope's new wife. But eventually...
--->'''Jon:''' "He comes towards me, hesitantly at first, then eagerly!" Yes, we make love, the guards don't know about it! Yes! I have sexed the Pope! I have taken the Pope, I have made him Sexy, the Pope is now my boyfriend!
** Kristina's husband is understandably upset about the affair, so Jon immediately breaks it off, tosses the Pope in prison with an act of tyranny, and negotiates his release to the tune of the entire Catholic treasury.
--->'''Jon:''' This was one hell of a roundabout way of doing this. [...] There we go - I have kicked the Pope out of Italy, then I seduced him, then I managed to bring him to my kingdom, then I tossed him in prison, and now I have stolen literally all of the Catholic wealth in the cocking world. [...] Also, to be honest we don't really need to kill your wife anymore, she can like, just go with you, it's fine.
** With the campaign objective reached, Jon spends the last twenty minutes of the series looking at how wide the Gren dynasty has spread, and reminisces about its rulers.
*** "Olaf, a man so obscure he didn't actually have parents, he was just found on a beach or something, it was kind of unclear..."
*** "...And then Orvar, Orvar the Redacted, because we don't talk about Orvar, because certain facts came to light about Orvar after his death. Like how he was a bit too into incest - now I'll admit, there's been a ''bit'' of incest in the empire since then, that was legitimate breeding experiments. Orvar, he was just into it because he was weirdly into incest. Orvar, you were not cool."
*** "But Jonn the Dane, he set up the Danelaw, he destroyed England once and for all, he avenged his disgrace, and ''that's'' why he gets to wear a great big hat."
*** "...Which brings us of course to Sexy Pope Odd 'the Scholar,' which we put in inverted commas 'cause he was actually Odd the Evil. Literally, he was flagged as "the evil" when people were voting for him as King of Sweden - a democractic system he abolished, because he was evil. He captured, he tortured, he abducted children and forced them to convert under threat of violence, he did a lot of flipping murder, but, in the end, you can't argue with results, alright?"
** At the end of the episode, Jon decides not to go through with the "Restore the Roman Empire" decision, because it would be a betrayal of the empire's Viking heritage.
--->'''Jon:''' Vikings are clearly better than Romans, which we have demonstrated by kicking the ass of Rome, kicking the ass of the Pope, kicking the ass of the Byzantine Emperor... in fact, even as far back as the days of Ylva, we were kicking the ass of supposedly Roman emperors. So yeah, I feel like that would be a step ''down'' for us, alright? The Sexy Viking Pope is ''way'' better than some bloody "Augustus."
