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History Funny / LambTheGospelAccordingToBiff

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* Josh originally intended the Sermon on the Mount to contain the phrase, "blessed are [[TooDumbToLive the dumbfucks.]]" Biff vetoed it on the basis that they were already blessing the meek, the persecuted, the poor in spirit and all sorts of other losers who would be nothing but TheLoad, and he absolutely refused to let them be saddled with the dumbfucks too.

to:

* Josh originally intended the Sermon on the Mount to contain the phrase, "blessed are [[TooDumbToLive the dumbfucks.]]" Biff vetoed it on the basis that they were already blessing the meek, the persecuted, the poor in spirit and all sorts of other losers who would be nothing but TheLoad, and he absolutely refused to let them be saddled with the dumbfucks too.too.
* The Buddhist monastery forbids masturbation, but grudgingly tolerates nocturnal emissions. So Biff promptly teaches himself to have [[WetDream Wet Dreams]] ''at will.''
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* The running gag of distracting someone or changing the subject with "Look! A seagull!"

to:

* The running gag of distracting someone or changing the subject with "Look! A seagull!"seagull!"
* Josh originally intended the Sermon on the Mount to contain the phrase, "blessed are [[TooDumbToLive the dumbfucks.]]" Biff vetoed it on the basis that they were already blessing the meek, the persecuted, the poor in spirit and all sorts of other losers who would be nothing but TheLoad, and he absolutely refused to let them be saddled with the dumbfucks too.
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* "I could heal that ailment for you..."
** "What ailment?"

to:

* "I could heal that ailment affliction for you..."
** "What ailment?"affliction?"
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* "There's a nubile wench!"

to:

* "There's a nubile wench!"wench!"
* The running gag of distracting someone or changing the subject with "Look! A seagull!"
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* Biff's attempts to survive on the freezing mountain by the use of self-heating monk barriers and his use of them as food warmers.

to:

* Biff's attempts to survive on the freezing mountain by the use of self-heating monk barriers and his use of them as food warmers.warmers.
* "There's a nubile wench!"
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* Maggie suddenly being "possessed" and the artful touches that Biff comments on, such as urinating whilst running across a table kicking silverware.

to:

* Maggie suddenly being "possessed" and the artful touches that Biff comments on, such as urinating whilst running across a table kicking silverware.plates.
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* Biff's and Joshua's derailing of Gaspar's boat metaphor.

to:

* Biff's and Joshua's derailing of Gaspar's boat metaphor.metaphor.
* Biff's attempts to survive on the freezing mountain by the use of self-heating monk barriers and his use of them as food warmers.

Added: 622

Changed: 22

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* Biff the professional mourner.
** Biff the expert on "knowing women."



"What ailment?"

to:

** "What ailment?"



* Biff's mother being 'plagued by demons'.

to:

* The running gag of Biff's mother being 'plagued by demons'.demons'.
* Drunk Jesus with a bunny rabbit.
* Maggie suddenly being "possessed" and the artful touches that Biff comments on, such as urinating whilst running across a table kicking silverware.
* Joshua demonstrating his new contortionist talents by fitting himself in Biff's satchel, ending up dislocating limbs.
* Biff attempting to explain sex and the Kama Sutra to Joshua.
* Joshua explaining why what seems to be the image of Mary in the elephant poop isn't her because it was "obscured by the medium."
* Biff's and Joshua's derailing of Gaspar's boat metaphor.
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* Biffs' mother being 'plagued by demons'.

to:

* Biffs' Biff's mother being 'plagued by demons'.

Added: 75

Changed: 201

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* Josh healing a little girl's hand and then showing her how to give the finger to a Roman soldier.

to:

\n* Josh healing a little girl's hand and then showing her how to give the finger to a Roman soldier.soldier.
* "I could heal that ailment for you..."
"What ailment?"
* ''Sea turtles''.
* Biffs' mother being 'plagued by demons'.

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