History Funny / JurassicParkIII

* In the abandoned [=InGen=] compound, Paul tries to use a vending machine. While he fumbles for exact change, Billy simply walks up, kicks in the glass, and swipes snacks for everybody. Paul tries to do the same, fails, and limps away painfully.

[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/jurassic_park_3_alan_raptor.png]]
[[caption-width-right:350:[[NightmareRetardant "Alan!"]]]]

* In the abandoned [=InGen=] compound, Paul tries to use a vending machine. While he fumbles for exact change, Billy simply walks up, kicks in the glass, and swipes snacks for everybody. [[WhatMeasureIsANonBadass Paul tries to do the same, fails, and limps away painfully.]]

*** Stop saying that like it's not an accurate description of the original movie too.

-->'''Grant:''' No, Charlie, those are herbivores, they... wouldn't be fighting with each other. ''[picks up toy ''Velociraptors'' and a toy ''Tyrannosaur'']'' Now ''these''...these are ''carnivores'', and they really like fighting with each other. They'll use their teeth and claws to ''rip each other's '''throats out'''!''

-->'''Amanda:''' [[WhatAnIdiot For what?]]

** And immediately after, everyone wears a ferocious roar.

* Grant obviously punching Paul after the ''Spinosaurus''/''T. rex'' fight.

* When Dr. Grant blows into the ''Velociraptor'' voice box in an attempt to mimic their calls, the female ''Velocirapter'' gives him an absolutely wtf expression at the noise he makes and then looks over at her mate. Goodness only knows what Grant's call actually said but the rest of the pack all start looking at each other and chirping loudly, which means it probably didn't make much sense to them, either.

* Grant, Paul, and Amanda search for the satellite phone in ''Spinosaurus'' droppings. After finding it, they pick it up and answer it, only to get a message about a time share. Moments later, a huge ''Ceratosaurus'' shows up, scaring everyone. It then takes a whiff of the droppings, [[AsideGlance looks at the camera]] for a brief second, and [[ScrewThisImOutOfHere leaves as fast as it appears]]. Even the grunt it makes after sniffing its potential prey sounded like a perfectly comprehensible "Blech!"

* Grant, Paul, and Amanda search for the satellite phone in ''Spinosaurus'' droppings. After finding it, they pick it up and answer it, only to get a message about a time share. Moments later, a huge ''Ceratosaurus'' shows up, scaring everyone. It then takes a whiff of the droppings, [[AsideGlance looks at the camera]] for a brief second, and [[ScrewThisImOutOfHere leaves as fast as it appears]].

* Grant trying to interact with Ellie's son Charlie, who is playing with toy dinosaurs:

** Becomes even funnier if you assume that whatever Grant ''did'' say via the voice box was actually ''offensive.'' That's why they're all chirping. He's just insulted them in Valociraptorese...

* Grant's nightmare on the plane, featuring [[ItMakesSenseInContext a talking velociraptor]].

* During the ''Spinosaur'''s attack on the crashed plane, Paul runs out of the wreckage, calling for Amanda who tried to flee. The ''Spinosaur'' roars, and Paul hauls ass back into the plane.
* After escaping from the ''Spinosaur'' (for the time being), Grant, the Kirbys, Billy, and Udesky come across a rotting dinosaur carcass. Grant assures the rest of the group that the animal is dead...then a ''Tyrannosaurus rex'' raises its head from behind the carcass. Everyone freezes and stares back at the dinosaur in fear, and Grant calmly instructs them to not move. The ''T. rex'' unleashes a roar, and everyone but Grant takes off running in opposite direction.

* As the ''Spinosaur'' and the ''Tyrannosaur'' engage in their CurbStompBattle, the group flees, but Grant ends up falling into a hollow log, and he screams his head off as the ''T. rex'' steps on the log.
* Grant obviously punching Paul after the ''Spinosaur''/''T. rex'' fight.

* While squabbling with Amanda, Paul somehow gets the name "Tricycloplots" out of "''Spinosaur''", arguably one of the easiest dinosaur names to memorize and pronounce.

* Grant and Eric meet up with the Kirbys and Billy. Both parties have heard the jingle from Paul's satellite phone and used it to find each other. Paul, however, realizes that he loaned it to Nash...who got eaten by the ''Spinosaur'' earlier. Just then, the group hears the phone's jingle again, and everyone looks to see the ''Spinosaur'' standing several feet away, looking right at them. The jingle plays on. OhCrap, indeed.

* Grant, Paul, and Amanda search for the satellite phone in ''Spinosaur'' droppings. After finding it, they pick it up and answer it, only to get a message about a time share. Moments later, a huge ''Ceratosaurus'' shows up, scaring everyone. It then takes a whiff of the droppings, [[AsideGlance looks at the camera]] for a brief second, and [[ScrewThisImOutOfHere leaves as fast as it appears]].
* At the climax of the film on the river, Grant tries to contact Ellie on the satellite phone so she can send a rescue party while the ''Spinosaur'' rips their boat apart. He reaches Ellie's home, and Charlie answers. Grant tells him to bring his phone to Ellie, but Charlie quickly gets distracted by the television screen playing, of all things, ''Series/BarneyAndFriends''. Poor Dr. Grant; wherever he goes, there always seems to be dinosaurs that want to see him dead.
* When Dr. Grant blows into the velociraptor voice box in an attempt to mimic their calls, the female velocirapter gives him an absolutely wtf expression at the noise he makes and then looks over at her mate. Goodness only knows what Grant's call actually said but the rest of the pack all start looking at each other and chirping loudly, which means it probably didn't make much sense to them either.

* When Dr. Grant blows into the velociraptor voice box in an attempt to mimic their calls, the female velocirapter gives him an absolutely wtf expression at the noise he makes and then looks over at her mate. Goodness only knows what Grant's call actually meant but it probably didn't make much sense to the rest of the pack either, since they all start looking at each other and chattering loudly.

-->'''Grant:''' No, Charlie, those are herbivores, they... wouldn't be fighting with each other. ''[picks up toy ''Velociraptors'' and a toy ''Tyrannosaurus'']'' Now ''these''...these are ''carnivores'', and they really like fighting with each other. They'll use their teeth and claws to ''rip each other's '''throats out'''!''

-->'''Amanda:''' [[BigWhat What]]?! What's a bad idea?!

* After Grant announces his intentions to head for the shore with Billy rather than help the Kirbys find Eric:

-->'''Billy:''' So, Mr. Kirby, when you climbed K-2, did you base camp at 25 or 30,000 feet?

* Grant and Eric meet up with the Kirbys and Billy. Both parties have heard the jingle from Paul's satellite phone and used it to find each other. Paul, however, realizes that he loaned it to Nash ... who got eaten by a Spinosaur earlier. Just then, the group hears the phone jingle, and everyone looks to see the Spinosaur standing several feet away. The jingle plays on. OhCrap, indeed.
** Followed by Grant giving what is clearly a DisapprovingLook as he mutters, "Run." (As in, "I am officially Getting Too Old For This.")
* While on the plane to the island, Billy turns to Cooper, a muscular, sunglasses-wearing mercenary and asks how he knows the Kirbys, Cooper responds with a humourously unconvincing answer.
-->'''Cooper:''' Uh, ''from our church.''

--> "Alan?"
** What makes it more hilarious is, if you look closely at the thumbnail picture, it has its hands on the headrest in front of it. As in, it's sitting in the seat across the aisle like a passenger waiting for the plane to land!
* The scene where the team comes across a rotting dinosaur carcass:
-->'''Grant:''' It's okay. It's dead.
-->''[''T. rex'' raises its head from behind the carcass]''
-->'''Grant:''' Nobody ... move ... a ''muscle''.
-->''[''T. rex'' roars. Everyone but Grant takes off running in opposite direction.]''
-->'''Grant:''' [[PrecisionFStrike Shit!]]
* When they search for the satellite phone in the ''Spinosaurus'' crap, after finding it they pick it up only to get a message about a time share. Moments later a huge ''Ceratosaurus'' shows up, scaring everyone thinking it's about to attack. It then takes a whiff of the crap, [[AsideGlance looks at the camera]] for a brief second and [[ScrewThisImOutOfHere leaves as fast as it appears.]]
* Dr. Grant addressing a classroom after a lecture:
-->'''Announcer:''' Now, are there any questions?
-->''[Every hand in audience goes up]''
-->'''Grant:''' ''[Sighs; mentally counts to ten; forces a smile]'' Okay. Any questions ''not'' related to Jurassic Park?
-->''[Most of the [[HandsGoDown hands go down]]]''
-->'''Grant:''' ... [[CallBack Or the incident]] [[Film/TheLostWorldJurassicPark in San Diego,]] which I did ''not'' witness.
-->''[All hands go down but one]''
** It's amusing to realise that Grant gets a lot more people attending his lectures ever since the San Diego incident.
* During the ''Spinosaurus'' attacking the plane scene, Paul runs out calling for Amanda. The ''Spinosaurus'' roars and he hauls ass back into the plane.
* After Paul reveals that "Kirby Enterprises" is nothing more than a hardware store and the big check he wrote to Alan is worthless, he offers to make it up to them by redoing his bathroom or kitchen.
* Just Grant grumbling about their situation.
--> '''Grant:''' ''(to Billy)'' If I lose you, it's just me and the damn tourists.
* When Grant and Eric are hiding in the truck:
--> '''Grant:''' This is ''T. rex'' ... pee? ''[Eric nods]'' ... How did you get it?
--> '''Eric:''' [[YouDoNotWantToKnow You don't wanna know]].
* [[BrickJoke "That's a very bad idea!"]]
* This exchange between Eric and Grant:
-->'''Eric:''' I read both of your books. I liked the first one more. Before you were on the island. You liked dinosaurs back then.
-->'''Grant:''' Back then they hadn't tried to eat me yet.
* The scene where Paul tries to use a vending machine in the abandoned laboratory. While he fumbles for exact change, Billy simply walks up, kicks in the glass, and swipes snacks for everybody. [[WhatMeasureIsANonBadass Paul tries to do the same, fails, and limps away painfully.]]
* Grant and Eric on Ian Malcolm:
-->'''Grant:''' Did you read Malcolm's book?

-->'''Grant:''' So?
-->'''Eric:''' I don't know. It was kinda preachy. And too much Chaos. Everything Chaos. It just seemed like the guy was high on himself.
-->'''Grant:''' ''[smiles]'' Well, that's two things we have in common.
** More Humorous if you think of it as a TakeThat to the Novel's which most of Ian's time on page is spent Lecturing Hammond and the others on the Chaos Theory and the Park's failure, [[spoiler: even as he lay in bed critically injured and high off of Morphine]].
* The scene where the group find themselves in a kind of strange enclosure.
-->'''Grant:''' Oh my god.

** The scene where Billy is being taken away and one of the ''Pteranodons'' turns to glare at Grant (as if to say "you're ''next''") is either this, NightmareFuel or [[NarmCharm both]].
* Grant trying to interact with Ellie's son, who is playing with toy dinosaurs:
-->'''Grant:''' No, Charlie, those are herbivores, they... wouldn't be fighting with each other.
-->''[picks up toy ''Velociraptors'' and a toy ''Tyrannosaurus''.]''
-->'''Grant:''' Now ''these,'' these are ''carnivores,'' and they really like fighting with each other. They'll use their teeth and claws to ''rip each other's '''throats out'''!''
-->'''Ellie:''' Alan, he's ''three.'' Let's wait until he's five.
* At the climax of the film on the river, Grant retrieved the satellite phone and is trying to contact Ellie so she can send a rescue party while the Spinosaurus rips their boat apart. He reaches Ellie's home and her son answers. Grant tells him to bring his phone to her but the boy quickly gets distracted by the television screen playing, of all things, Series/BarneyAndFriends. Poor Doctor Grant, wherever he goes there always seems to be dinosaurs that want to see him dead.
* Mr. Kirby somehow gets the name "Tricycloplots" out of "Spinosaurus", arguably one of the easiest dinosaur names to memorize and pronounce.

* The scene where Paul tries to use a snack machine in one of the abandoned buildings. While he fumbles for exact change, Billy simply walks up, kicks in the glass, and swipes the things he wants. [[WhatMeasureIsANonBadass Paul tries to do the same, fails, and limps away painfully.]]

** The scene where Billy is being eaten and one of the ''Pteranodons'' turns to glare at Grant (as if to say "you're ''next''") is either this, NightmareFuel or [[NarmCharm both]].

-->'''Grant:''' Now ''these'', these are ''carnivores'', and they really like fighting with each other. They'll use their teeth and claws to ''rip each other's '''throats out'''!''
-->'''Ellie:''' Alan, he's ''three''. Let's wait until he's five.