History Film / NoKidding

--->'''Mr. Rockbottom''': Right, Lionel? Now you enjoy yourself here, my boy. Understand? Or I'll brain ya.
--->'''Lionel''': Yes, sir.

-->'''Catherine''': David, you're limping.
-->'''David''': I lost my slipper. Caught my foot in that ''so-and-so'' bicycle.

--->'''Cook''': ''What'' did you call me?
--->'''Matron''': "''Drunk''", I said, and "''drunk''", I repeat.

--->'''Mrs. Spicer''': Domestic personnel?
--->'''David''': Mr. Tandy, who I've no doubt you know.
--->'''Mrs. Spicer''': ''Ah'', yes. An inebriate.

--->'''Catherine''': David, they're... they're alright.
--->'''David''': No, they're not, they're all wrong. Wrong as is possible for children to be, dear. Selfish, spoiled, thoughtless, uncontrolled, wrong!

--->'''Matron''': This interfering busy-body-
--->'''District Nurse''': A ''very'' pretty little body, I agree.

--->'''Henri''': My fazzer. 'E 'as wrotten?
--->'''David''': Oh, really?
--->'''Henri''': 'E 'as wrotten to you? No?
--->'''David''': Well, no, I've never... Oh-ho-ho-ho, you mean, has he written to me?

-->'''David''': "Feels a bit strange"? He ''is'' a bit strange.

-->'''David''': The ''morbid'' little-
-->'''Catherine''': Well, I expect he just feels a bit strange.

-->'''Mrs. Spicer''': How much extra help have you specifically to aid with childcare?
-->'''Catherine''': A Matron, doing a holiday job for us. She's from a small public school.
-->'''Mrs. Spicer''': Is she qualified?
-->'''David''': No, no. The school in question ''insists'' on employing struck-off African witch doctors.

-->'''Cook''': I don't like spies. You can tell her from me, the next time I catch her I shall ''yank'' her ''eyeball'' through the keyhole!

-->'''Mrs. Spicer''': I'm an extremely-
-->'''Angus''': Interferin' old [[TrrrillingRrrs trrrollop]].
-->'''Priscilla''': Angus! That's ''very'' naughty.
-->'''Colonel Matthews''': Now, now, don't be angry with him. Out of the mouths of babes and... well, come things they neither mean nor understand.

--->'''Matron''': Before I speak to Mrs. Robinson about you, I'm giving you one more chance.
--->'''Cook''': ''Declined'', hop it.

-->'''Dandy Big''': They're way out in Africa, someplace. Pa knockin' out rhinos, Ma knockin' back martinis.

-->'''Lionel''': Is there a ghost here, Will?
-->'''Will''': Not that I ''know'' of.
-->'''Lionel''': ''Just'' my luck. Not even ''that'' to look forward to.

--->'''Suleiman''': What's the matter with Cook, Matron?
--->'''Matron''': Oh, er, sh-she's ill.
--->'''Dandy Big''': "Ill"? Are you kiddin'? She's ''plastered!''

-->'''Catherine''': Well, she should be getting on with breakfast.
-->'''David''': I passed her room on the way down. Know she snores like a squadron of bombers.

--->'''Angus''': When's Mummy coming back?
--->'''Angus' Father''': Soon... I'd better go.

-->'''District Nurse''': Never been involved in such an ''utter'' waste of ''time'' in all my life. That girl's no more ''pregnant'' than you are!
-->'''Matron''': ''Who'' said she was pregnant? Only you!

--->'''Matron''': ''I'' am Matron here!
--->'''District Nurse''': Nothing "queer" about it at all, happens all the time.

-->'''Vanilla''': What's the matter with you, Will? Don't you ''like'' girls?
-->'''Will''': Well, you're... you're... you're too ''forward''.

-->'''Dandy Little''': "Dandy Big" ''him'', "''Dandy'' Little" me. Don't use our given names, they ''stink''.

-->'''Catherine''': You'll need a... real Victorian-sized family for a place like this.
-->'''Tandy''': Well, have one.
-->'''David''': Well, it's not as easy as all that.
-->'''Tandy''': Oi never found it difficult...

-->'''David''': Sawing a girl in two? That's a charming pastime for a happy holiday home, I must say. "Send your daughter to Chartham Place, where they do do things by heart".

-->'''David''': You will have to talk to them.
-->'''Catherine''': I'm not gonna talk to that smouldering French import sexpot about... You'll have to talk to them.

-->'''Vanilla''': For months, I've dreamed night after night... of a man. A peasant. ''Strong''. Sunburnt face. Rippling muscles. Curly, springy hair. He's you!
-->'''Will''': M-Me?

* TrrrillingRrrs: Angus' Scottish accent makes him prone to this, such as when he calls Mrs. Spicer an "interfering old trollop".

* ThoseTwoGuys: The two sibling pairs (Hassan and Suleiman, and Margaret and Eileen) are always seen together.

** At the start of the film, the Robinsons are broke. We don't get any specifics as to what happened, but the mention is made of a chicken farm and a nightclub a few times.

* {{Nephewism}}: Vanilla lives with her (rather vague) aunt. She likes to like and say it's because her parents are dead.

* MistakenForPregnant: The District Nurse is hard of hearing, and through some misunderstandings this causes believes that Vanilla is pregnant with triplets:

* FaintInShock:
** When the Robinsons catch her trying to seduce Will, Vanilla fakes a faint to look less guilty.
** When the Robinsons believe someone has kidnapped the children (minus Lionel and Priscilla) and stolen their car, David remarks only a maniac would want all of them. The very thought of a maniac with the children makes Catherine panic and faint in David's arms.
* FakeFaint: Vanilla collapses at the railway station from malnutrition and has to be taken to Chartham Place by ambulance. Of course, she was only faking it.

* {{Fainting}}:
** Vanilla collapses at the railway station from malnutrition and has to be taken to Chartham Place by ambulance. Of course, she was only faking it.
** Vanilla does faint for real though, shortly after meeting the highly desirable Henri.

* BigDamnKiss: David gives Catherine one after Mrs. Spicer decides to let them keep Chartham Place.

* AskAStupidQuestion: While discussing the Robinson's staff, Mrs. Spicer asks if their Matron (who she has just been told works at a public school) is qualified. An exasperated David annoyedly tells her that the Matron is actually a struck-off African witch doctor in return.

** The rest of the children at Chartham Place seem alright, but once they're all given freedom to do what they like turn into terrors, chopping down trees, playing nasty pranks, and stealing the Robinson's car:

* ItsAllMyFault: After the children steal the Robinson's car, Catherine says this very phrase, as it was she who insisted that the children should be free to do what they like while at Chartham Place.

* RainRainGoAway: After the children steal the Robinson's car, the next day pours down with rain, and they're all forced to stay inside with nothing to do.

* YouAreGrounded: After the children steal the Robinson's car, David orders them to remain inside Chartham Place for two whole days.

** Cook at Chartham Place is frequently drunk, much to Matron's displeasure:

The children arrive and are a bunch of rowdy, snobby, and rebellious brats, such as Fenella (Lockwood) - better known as "Vanilla" - who lies that her aunt mistreats her; Lionel Rockbottom (Haydn Evans), a CreepyChild; and the Treadgolds - Dandy Big (Michael Gowdy) and Dandy Little (Janet Bradbury) - a pair of stuck-up Americans. HilarityEnsues as the Robinsons and their staff struggle to control the kids, while Mrs. Spicer tries to make them lose the house.

--->'''Matron''': "''Drunk''", I said, and "''drunk''" I repeat.

-->-- '''Richard Robinson''' upon first seeing the house.

--->'''Mrs. Spicer''': Domestic personel?

-->'''Henri''': My fazzer. 'E 'as wrotten?
-->'''David''': Oh, really?
-->'''Henri''': 'E 'as wrotten to you? No?
-->'''David''': Well, no, I've never... Oh-ho-ho-ho, you mean, has he written to me?

-->'''Angus''': Interferin' old [[TrrrillingRrrs trollop]].

** Dandy Big mentions his mother, knocks back martinis while on hunting trips with his father, Edgar.