Funny / Roxanne

• Early on, CD stops by a newspaper dispenser and buys a paper. He takes one look at the headline, screams, and pays to put it back.
• Chris' date with Roxanne comes to mind. C.D. feeds him romantic lines through a hidden wire, but naturally, the radio goes haywire. Hilarity Ensues.
• CD explaining why he hadn't realized Roxanne was being ironic, since nobody talks that way in that town.
  CD: Oh, irony! Oh, no, no, we don't get that here. See, people ski topless here while smoking dope, so irony's not really a high priority. We haven't had any irony here since about '83, when I was the only practitioner of it and I stopped because I was tired of being stared at.
  • Before that, when he goes to get some tools from the station (keep in mind she's trapped outside naked)
    CD: Just someone locked out of their house.
    Andy: Need any help, chief?
    CD: Nah, looks pretty boring; I'll handle it myself.
• Coming across a burning trash barrel in the fire station: "God Dammit, we're supposed to put them out!"
• CD gets this one off on Roxanne:
  CD: You should have checked the back - I wrote "PS. I WAS JUST KIDDING!!!"
• "I pledge allegiance to the flag of...which country, I don't know?!"
• CD coaching Chris on writing a love letter after his first attempt: "Dear Roxanne, how's it going? Want to get a drink sometime? If so, check this box."
  CD: How did you feel when you first saw her?
  Chris: Horny!
  CD: ... "I felt moved." How did you feel when you first spoke to her?
  Chris: Like a dickhead.
• CD is feeding Chris lines under Roxanne's balcony, culminating in this Epic Fail:
  CD: (whispering) Tell her you were afraid of words.
  Chris: What?
  CD: WORDS.
  Chris: (to Roxanne) Because I was afraid of WORMS, Roxanne! WORMS!
  Roxanne: Worms?!
• After Chris was warned repeatedly not to stare at CD’s nose, he still can’t help his Stunned Silence reaction to it. And CD is in such a good mood about Roxanne that he just plays around a bit rather than beating him up. “It’s hypnotic, isn’t it?”
• Near the end, when CD and Roxanne are having a big blow-out fight after she discovers his role in tricking her, he ends up on her porch shouting through the door:
  CD: Ten more seconds and I'm leaving!
  Roxanne: (opens the door) What did you say?
  CD: I said 'ten more seconds and I'm leaving.'
  Roxanne: Oh. (starts to go back inside)
  CD: Wait, what did you think I said?
  Roxanne: I thought you said 'earn more sessions by sleeving.'
  CD: ...What the hell does that mean?
  Roxanne: I don't know. That's why I came to find out.