Disclosure up front: due to the horrorshow that is Bangalore traffic, I managed to miss the first ten minutes of Alita: Battle Angel. That is not insignificant, as I doubtlessly missed some useful exposition and - more importantly - some initial character and tone establishing moments. That said, I still watched the other two hours of it, so there is an opinion to be salvaged somewhere.
I was put off watching Alita: Battle Angel in the first place, just by the contemptible title alone. Apart from it coming from the lame Eragon school of misspelling words to make new ones, Alita: Battle Angel sounds so dorky a title I feel embarrassed just saying it out loud.
My perception of the movie isn't improved massively at the point I pick up in the story, at which protagonist Alita has just mouthgasmed at the taste of chocolate. Alita is a woman with no memory, the body of a robot, and the humongous eyes of Emma Stone. She's on a date with a guy who serves to be the male audience surrogate, sans charisma. Alita herself is stuck with a stock cyberpunk personality and backstory. It's that cyberpunk "Seinfeld" Is Unfunny problem all over again. In this case, Alita combines two cliches: the sci-fi city where the upper-class literally live on an upper strata, and "sci-fi action chick with brain damage found in the garbage".
Alita doesn't have surprises. There's a bit where Alita walks into a scummy bar and immediately gets bullied by stock sexist jerk number 211. You know the one; that guy who obligingly appears in every super hero movie, right around the time the lead needs to demonstrate their super powers to the audience? Well here he is, calling Alita "cupcake", and putting an arm around her. Guess what happens to this asshole?
As to the special effects. On one hand, they are a landmark effort. On the other, they utterly fail at making Alita any less freakish. She's the only anime proportioned figure amidst a cast of human actors, and for some reason none of them seem to notice. Dramatic scenes fail to hit home, either because she looks too weird, or the robot person she's talking to looks too ridiculous.
Director Rodriguez makes the most of the stupendous budget, providing plenty of colourful action sequences, such as one where Alita takes part in a kind of less violent sci-fi version of a roller derby. Unfortunately the action feels disjointed, attached to a plot that doesn't know where it is going. The movie doesn't even end so much as demand you come back for a sequel, which feels a tad too optimistic.
There is a sincere effort behind Alita, and some people will see past the problems and enjoy the nerdy hot mess that it is. But I haven't a clue if you are one of those people.
Leeloo Dallas Multi-Fail
Disclosure up front: due to the horrorshow that is Bangalore traffic, I managed to miss the first ten minutes of Alita: Battle Angel. That is not insignificant, as I doubtlessly missed some useful exposition and - more importantly - some initial character and tone establishing moments. That said, I still watched the other two hours of it, so there is an opinion to be salvaged somewhere.
I was put off watching Alita: Battle Angel in the first place, just by the contemptible title alone. Apart from it coming from the lame Eragon school of misspelling words to make new ones, Alita: Battle Angel sounds so dorky a title I feel embarrassed just saying it out loud.
My perception of the movie isn't improved massively at the point I pick up in the story, at which protagonist Alita has just mouthgasmed at the taste of chocolate. Alita is a woman with no memory, the body of a robot, and the humongous eyes of Emma Stone. She's on a date with a guy who serves to be the male audience surrogate, sans charisma. Alita herself is stuck with a stock cyberpunk personality and backstory. It's that cyberpunk "Seinfeld" Is Unfunny problem all over again. In this case, Alita combines two cliches: the sci-fi city where the upper-class literally live on an upper strata, and "sci-fi action chick with brain damage found in the garbage".
Alita doesn't have surprises. There's a bit where Alita walks into a scummy bar and immediately gets bullied by stock sexist jerk number 211. You know the one; that guy who obligingly appears in every super hero movie, right around the time the lead needs to demonstrate their super powers to the audience? Well here he is, calling Alita "cupcake", and putting an arm around her. Guess what happens to this asshole?
As to the special effects. On one hand, they are a landmark effort. On the other, they utterly fail at making Alita any less freakish. She's the only anime proportioned figure amidst a cast of human actors, and for some reason none of them seem to notice. Dramatic scenes fail to hit home, either because she looks too weird, or the robot person she's talking to looks too ridiculous.
Director Rodriguez makes the most of the stupendous budget, providing plenty of colourful action sequences, such as one where Alita takes part in a kind of less violent sci-fi version of a roller derby. Unfortunately the action feels disjointed, attached to a plot that doesn't know where it is going. The movie doesn't even end so much as demand you come back for a sequel, which feels a tad too optimistic.
There is a sincere effort behind Alita, and some people will see past the problems and enjoy the nerdy hot mess that it is. But I haven't a clue if you are one of those people.