To me Jeff the killer seemed like one of those people who was relate able. He stood up for his loved one, he had problems in a new school, then he went batshit crazy. The only reason he went crazy because of the bullies (Relate able) were pushing him around. I would freak out also. The fact that he went that crazy is a little overboard but still. i think i would pouch and cut people also. When it comes to killing his family, he was already messed up so it really didn't shock me that he would kill his mother over the fact that she Lied to him.
Okay, Now lets talk about whats wrong with this story:
He gets a weird feeling but just dismisses it. Hmm me i would tell someone. like hey i feel like I'm going to kill some one i wouldn't just sit and dismiss it. (1)
His brother tries to make him sit down but he ignores it. MAYBE YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO YOUR BROTHER! if my brother/sister told me to sit down i would sit my happy ass back down. I don't care how mean those bullies are my BROTHER/SISTER told me to sit down. I can grantee that there was a reason for that. Specially if they are OLDER!!(2)
His brother took the blame for him. I don't care who you are you can not tell me that your brother/sister would go to juvie for you. they would be more likely to let you take the blame for something YOU did. No brother/sister is willing to do that, and if they are, when they get out they are probably going right back in because they are going to be pissed they had/ wanted to do that for you.(3)
The time changes. Okay i get that your torn up about your brother going to juvie but I'm sorry you cant be so detailed in the first prat of the story (telling every detail making it a good beginning) and then just be like He went to juvie oh its three days later. you cant do that. Not only does it sound like you got lazy but it also confuses the reader. Put some details into the next few days, like he slept a lot or he moped around SOMETHING! (4)
Also the fact that his mother made him change from jeans but accepted the fact he put on a hoodie and sweat pants. I understand that the writer said that they would be late, but to my knowledge wasn't the party right across the street? And weren't they the last ones there anyways? so i really don't understand why they accepted this. I would make my child go change again.(5)
~Kat
Things wrong with the Jeff The Killer story.
To me Jeff the killer seemed like one of those people who was relate able. He stood up for his loved one, he had problems in a new school, then he went batshit crazy. The only reason he went crazy because of the bullies (Relate able) were pushing him around. I would freak out also. The fact that he went that crazy is a little overboard but still. i think i would pouch and cut people also. When it comes to killing his family, he was already messed up so it really didn't shock me that he would kill his mother over the fact that she Lied to him. Okay, Now lets talk about whats wrong with this story: He gets a weird feeling but just dismisses it. Hmm me i would tell someone. like hey i feel like I'm going to kill some one i wouldn't just sit and dismiss it. (1) His brother tries to make him sit down but he ignores it. MAYBE YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO YOUR BROTHER! if my brother/sister told me to sit down i would sit my happy ass back down. I don't care how mean those bullies are my BROTHER/SISTER told me to sit down. I can grantee that there was a reason for that. Specially if they are OLDER!!(2) His brother took the blame for him. I don't care who you are you can not tell me that your brother/sister would go to juvie for you. they would be more likely to let you take the blame for something YOU did. No brother/sister is willing to do that, and if they are, when they get out they are probably going right back in because they are going to be pissed they had/ wanted to do that for you.(3) The time changes. Okay i get that your torn up about your brother going to juvie but I'm sorry you cant be so detailed in the first prat of the story (telling every detail making it a good beginning) and then just be like He went to juvie oh its three days later. you cant do that. Not only does it sound like you got lazy but it also confuses the reader. Put some details into the next few days, like he slept a lot or he moped around SOMETHING! (4) Also the fact that his mother made him change from jeans but accepted the fact he put on a hoodie and sweat pants. I understand that the writer said that they would be late, but to my knowledge wasn't the party right across the street? And weren't they the last ones there anyways? so i really don't understand why they accepted this. I would make my child go change again.(5) ~Kat