The Official Bad Puns Topic

Last night I bought a really good physics book about the most important discoveries in thermodynamics. Wanna know its name? Greatest Heats.

I work in waste management/environmental services, and today we were going through some slides of what might cause a truck to not perform service for a location. In this case, it was a pizza joint that hadn't properly thrown out their dough, so when it rained the entire dumpster was flooded in a blob of pizza dough. I said it must be the yeast of their problems.

Apparently, there's going to be a video streaming site dedicated to footage of female sheep. It's going to be called Ewetube.

Did you know you can get sick from installing a dartboard on the ceiling? you'll have to throw up

On the other hand, installing it on the floor will just cause fights - people will throw down

Edited by MikeK on Jan 22nd 2022 at 12:50:22 PM

Guild Leader: "So, let's see here. You are a wizard, and your channeling tool/weapon is a... frying pan?"

Wizard: "That's correct."

Guild Leader: "That's unusual. May I ask why?"

Wizard: "Because my preferred spells kind of demand it."

Guild Leader: "Preferred spells?"

Wizard: "Yeah. I cast iron."

Why did the silly willy throw a clock in the air? He wanted to see time fly.

Edited by TheLivingDrawing on Feb 3rd 2022 at 1:34:51 PM

You ever hear a pterodactyl take a leak? No? That's because the "p" is silent.

I want to write a Feghoot-based Toy Story fanfic where Mr. Potato Head is modified to be more anatomically correct- this causes his personality to change, and he becomes more charismatic but also more controlling to the point where he's ruling over Andy's bedroom like a fascist country. Removing the phallic attachment brings him back to normal, and that's when everyone realizes that he was a dick-tater.

I ate a grandfather clock. It was very time consuming.

Didn't the metal parts give you a hard time?

That's why I have second thoughts before doing that.

A meter, a kilogram and an kelvin were planning to infiltrate through a criminal's facility. Apparently, the criminal was a candela, so they devised a plan to enter during late night. However, when they approached the area, lots of amperes were guarding in each corner of the place. The three units were shocked, realizing that someone warned the candela about the operation. The meter said: "looks like we have a mole in our organization..."

Edited by MyFinalEdits on Mar 7th 2022 at 12:43:52 PM

The opposite of Formaldehyde is Casualdejekyll.

What do you call a political coalition made up of a horde of zombies?

A Corpse Party

After watching Ghostwire: Tokyo gameplay, I got an idea for defeating a Nurikabe by giving it a lot of strong alcohol. Because, what can you do with a wall?

You get it plastered.

What do you name a ship that would be more scary underwater? The SS BN.

From birth, your parents have done everything they could to stop you from going out during a full moon. At the age of 16, curiosity overwhelms you and you sneak out of the house during a full moon. You take a peek at the moon, and suddenly you turn into a log cabin.

You are a werehouse.

Hey, do you wanna stay in Dubrovnik for another night? No, sorry — I gotta Split.

What do you get when you combine country music with a horror movie?

House on Faith Hill

What did the British gardener say when someone annoyed him one too many times?

Sod off!

Edited by megarockman on Jul 11th 2022 at 12:04:44 PM

An angry businessman began writing an angry e-mail letter to a fellow who decided to resign without having told anyone about it, feeling that he didn't trust him enough to talk about it beforehand. And to make sure how angry he was, he began to write swearing words in all-caps. From that moment, shift hit the fan.

I've just learned a good one courtesy of a Bright Side video:

This is a delicious object whose volume V can be calculated by multiplying its thickness A by the square of its radius Z. What is it?

Answer: A pizza, because V = pi x z x z x a

There was once a famous Serial Killer on Cybertron who turned into a kitchen appliance and would use his unusual alt mode to trap victims. He was eventually caught, but the spectacle and sheer volume of his crimes inspired a lot of fiction in the era, leading to the formation of a subgenre of slasher films known as Fridge Horror.

A beaver and a tree were friends since childhood, but lost contact with each other when they graduated. Years after, the beaver see the tree again, so he came to him and said :

"Hey, i used to gnaw you !"

Edited by Coock-atoo on Jul 19th 2022 at 12:03:01 PM

What do you call a woman who predicts the future, and punishes you if you ignore her predictions. A Nostradominatrix

What's the difference between Coldplay and James Brown?

one is known for "Yellow", the other was known to yell "Ow!".

Edited by MikeK on Aug 20th 2022 at 4:35:42 AM