Hero Critique Thread (Because it's about damn time for this too!)

Yeah, that one might be more fitting.

Anyone have a character they wanna discuss? I have another character but I've been wanting to wait and let others go first, assuming other people have characters to present.

Edit: Dang flabbit, page topper. I was referring to factions being best for the other thread linked.

Edited by WarJay77 on Jan 29th 2021 at 1:09:35 PM

I do, but writing her will take some time. Feel free to add yours for the time being.

A'ight. Here's one of my last heroes, Rainy Hart. Fun fact! He was named after my old Warrior Cats RP character "Stormheart", except the only similarities to him at this point are very superficial and his personality changed a lot.

Name: Rainy Hart

Age: In his 30s

Personality: Rainy is a calm, laid-back extravert with a charismatic streak. He's able to act as a calming presence to other people and is empathetic enough to get to know them.

Abilities: Besides his ability to easily make friends and talk to people, he's also a talented healer and musician.

Weaknesses: Being a healer, though, he's a Non-Action Guy and can't really hold his own in a fight, even if he's stubborn enough to try. In a general sense, he's my take on what it'd be like if a generally normal, easy-going, stable person was thrown into my story's world; he represents the average middle-class people who might not be outright suffering from their treatment, but are well aware of what's going on around them. As a pretty normal dude, he's not the most impressive fighter or strategist or even healer- he's just someone trying to help out.

Goals: Rainy's a member of the rebellion, meaning one of his goals is to see the end of the current government. However, he's generally more interested in just...helping people and spreading kindness by working personally with patients and helping out in small ways, rather than fight the enforcement directly.

Motivation: A mix of empathy and a love of comic-book superheroes; he always wanted to help people even as a child, and once he settled on healing people as a doctor, he's motivated generally by the pure desire to see people get better.

Role in the story: Here's where it gets more interesting. See, All of what I said above is true...at the start of the story. Rainy (and his friend) first introduced as Constance Parker's old friends, but it's extremely obvious that Rainy and Constance are and always have been in love, only separated due to Constance's work as a healer-on-the-run. Immediately after she reunites with him in person for the first time in years, a sociopathic enforcer arrives and takes extreme measures to get to Constance, ultimately capturing both her and Rainy. Though they manage to escape, Rainy and his best friend Savage are forced to flee from their home and live on the run, eventually winding up in Denver where they're helping to run a homeless shelter.

That's when that enforcer finds him. Recognizing him as Constance's accomplice, he arrests Rainy and throws him in a prison where he gets tortured for a few weeks, hoping to learn about and draw out Constance. Rainy's torture occasionally gets filmed and broadcast for the sake of manipulating Constance and humiliating Rainy. He attempts to end it on his own terms by dehydrating and starving himself, looking to die, but the enforcers prevent that. Eventually, he's offered a Sadistic Choice of betraying Constance or the rebellion, broken enough and manipulated enough at this point to believe that he'd be dooming Constance to even worse torture if he gives her up, so he's prepared to betray the rebels...but is rescued before this happens. Emory however learns about his choice and goes ballistic, screaming at a still-recovering Rainy.

Later, Constance and Cleo plan to head off to Alaska and bust some bars, and Constance brings Rainy along with them because she doesn't want to abandon him after what happened. However, at this point he starts suffering from some awful PTSD, not helped by the fact that they're traveling with rebel pirates who only see him as pathetic, and the fact that Constance is so busy working she can't actually help him. One night he's attacked by a drunk pirate and this triggers him; in a panic, he pushes the pirate away and accidentally sends him overboard, killing him. Cleo takes the blame for it, but Rainy's left feeling even worse than he already did, and eventually confesses his murder to Constance. Constance takes it seriously and betrays the pirates by stealing their ships and weapons, but starts teaming up with the rebellion's biggest rival and realizes that keeping Rainy in Alaska is hurting him, so she breaks up with him and sends him back to Savage, who's been traveling with Ira and Tate in the meantime.

Rainy's in Denver for a while, still healing, while trying to do his thing and be a doctor around the rebel base. He manages to mend his relationship with Emory after he suffers from similar torture, reconfirms his status as a rebel even while Constance has betrayed them, and basically tries to live a decent life while dealing with his trauma.

Of course, his trauma does change him. Instead of the relaxed, optimistic, and ever-kind person he usually is, he's a lot more withdrawn, anxious, and occasionally more aggressive than he used to be. He tries to put on a mask of being a lot more okay, but he's not really. At least, not for a while.

Backstory: Rainy was born to a pretty average middle-class family living in Cape Coral, Florida. He grew up obsessed with superheroes and even wanted to be one, but obviously that was just a childhood fantasy. Eventually he took up guitar and went to high-school and lived like a normal person, except in a messed up dystopian world. One year, he and his family suddenly decided to go north for an extended vacation, which he eventually realized was because a massive hurricane was striking the state. When they returned, things were still a mess. Anyone who couldn't afford proper treatment was sick, injured, and left to die- including some members of the enforcement. Temporary and legal shelters were made to try and help people, and Rainy started learning first aid to help people, which inspired him to go to medical school. Specifically, his goal was to try and open the first free medical clinic, wanting to save lives more than make money.

At school, he met Constance and Savage. Savage was his roommate and the two of them quickly became best friends, and they'd drag Constance into their fold after he asked her for study help, grew a crush on her, and took her out for a date. That same night he learned about her true identity and despite the risk to his own life, agreed to keep her secret. Rainy and Constance started dating and for the next few years, he'd help her overcome her depression, help her raise her brother, and generally enjoy their life in college...until he and Constance started to seek different paths. Constance wanted to set out and help people all over the country, just like her parents did. Rainy wanted to help people too, but locally, and teamed up with the rebellion to try and help people while under their ranks.

Constance and Ira left after the two of them had an amicable breakup, while he and Savage found a place to live and started working for a hospital. The hospital was extremely expensive and staffed with talented, but unempathetic, doctors who followed the enforcement's guidelines of healing only those who could afford it. Rainy and Savage were only really secretaries who did the menial, bottom-of-the-barrel labor, but they'd also spend their time getting supplies and getting into contact with patients, who'd they then heal for free at the patient's own home. Things were pretty okay for a while, but this leads up to when Constance and Ira reunited with them and started the whole downward spiral.

Relevant Tropes:

• Break the Cutie: Rainy starts the story as a pretty good guy whose entire role and motivation is to save lives, but he's treated horribly by the enforcement and then is thrown into the darker side of the rebellion, where people look down on him for being nothing more than Constance's boyfriend and even make fun of his trauma. He's pretty damaged by it.
• Geek: A comic-book loving dork of a man. He's the kind of person who'd totally be a cosplaying weeb in real life.
• Gender-Blender Name: Okay, this one is a bit of a mistake I rolled with. I didn't initially realize the name "Rainy" was a feminine one, and was already well through writing the story when I realized this. So, the explanation is that his parents expected a girl, picked out a name, saw they had a boy...and shrugged, keeping the name anyway. I think it suits him.
• Girls Like Musicians: One of the reasons Constance is attracted to him is because he's a talented guitarist.
• Insecure Love Interest: Starts to drift this way, internalizing the mockery from people who think he holds Constance back. Constance however makes it very clear to him he's not only good enough, but that his personality and way with people helped her out a lot when she was unsure of how to help someone- meaning that he helped Constance get better as a healer, rather than held her down.
• Nice Guy: Rainy's seen as a very kind, good-natured guy who can calm people down pretty easily.
• Past Experience Nightmare: He starts having nightmares of the cell after being freed from it.
• Swapped Roles: Spent college helping Constance heal; after getting tortured, it's him who needs the help.
• Stepford Smiler: Rainy tries to act like he hasn't changed at all and that everything's going well, but it's very obviously not.
• Too Upset to Create: His trauma makes it difficult to even do things like play the guitar.
• Understanding Boyfriend: Back in college, he had to put up with a lot of crap for being Constance's boyfriend. She'd constantly be running late or forced to postpone their dates, she was suffering from a lot of emotional baggage and trauma, and being with her could literally get him killed. But he remained supportive and encouraging throughout it all.

SO, that's Rainy. My biggest challenge is making him interesting and developed beyond his relationship to Constance and Savage, who I find generally more interesting and complex. However, his arc is basically me throwing a stable, happy, good person into an awful situation and watching as he struggles to recover while also getting more involved in the rebellion. I'm definitely trying to make him more than just "Constance's love interest", and he was in a place where he was doing well before being forced into the situation he was in, which I do think is interesting and makes him unique compared to the generally more messed up and more overtly flawed cast of characters. He's a good foil and a good way to add some stability into the cast, at least at first. Well, that's how I see him at least.

Edited by WarJay77 on Jan 31st 2021 at 11:56:28 AM

I like how the name Rainy was a mistake you rolled with, but Savage is apparently not worth commenting on. Also, Rainy Hart sounds like the name of a Magical Girl, so I'm choosing to believe that his parents were big fans of a magical girl show and named him after her.

Okay, real talk now. I get where you're coming from about worrying he'd be boring. I find that's a common issue when someone writes a "normal" person but misunderstands normal as bland and they never really develop beyond being a blank slate for other characters to exposit at. You don't really have that issue from what I can see here, so those worries can be laid to rest. If anything his passion for wanting to help people reminds me of The Education of an Idealist, Samantha Power's memoirs detailing how her strong desire to help people led her to become a journalist, fake credentials to get into the collapsing Yugoslavia, and experienced the horrors of the war and genocide going on there, writing about what was going on in order to spur public outrage and a government reaction from the US. She later became the ambassador to the United Nations. An ordinary person wanting to do good in the world can lead an extraordinary life. So rock on, doctor/healer dude.

I am wondering about the insistent use of the word healer over doctor or nurse or medic. You mentioned this was a dystopian world, but everything seems based on real life. Is there a more fantasy aspect to it as well?

I like the evolving relationships he has with some of the others. Constance and Emory in particular. When you've gone through a life altering experience you react differently to the world around you, and people in turn react differently around you. It is interesting that despite what they went through, not only are Rainy and Emory on amicable terms again, but that they're still rebels, while Constance, who didn't go through the same torture to force her to turncoat as far as I can tell, betrays them.

I do hope he finds someone who can help him with trauma and go back to playing his guitar. Though he'll probably be playing the blues for awhile. I'm sure its frustrating for a healer to have wounds he cannot heal because they're psychological rather than physical, but no man is an island. Hope Savage is a better therapist than his names suggests.

Name: Krayton

Age: 10 Earth years

Personality: Krayton knows he's the bad guy, and is loving it. He'll always talk in an intimidating manner, boast about how evil he is, and frequently practices his Evil Laugh...when nobody is looking, of course.

...But deep down, he only uses the "evil overlord" act as a way to seem stronger, and usually does the right thing with people who don't do anything wrong. And if you do get on his good side, he's not that bad of a person.

Abilities: Physical: Manipulates something he calls "Void Matter". With it, he can form it into any shape he likes, as well as exerting the stored power in bursts of what he calls "Void Energy". However, he prefers battle axes standard balls of energy, and flight.

Mental: "Pragmatism" is Krayton's middle name, and he'll do anything to gain the upper hand. Along with this, he is surprisingly intelligent when it not only comes to combat, but diplomacy as well.

Weaknesses:

Physical: Despite his power, his armor only barely helps in terms of protection. Not only this, but even Void Matter and Void Energy has its limits, and does take a toll on his health if he uses too much at a time.

Mental: Even though he's surprisingly intelligent for his age, he's still 10 years old, so still a child. And despite his attempts to control his anger, it frequently lets itself out.

Goals/Motivation: He wants to conquer what was rightfully his in the first place: The Elsar Empire and everything related to it. Why does he have such a cliched goal in mind? Well...

Backstory: Krayton was born with powers that were unique for his kind: He was born with a power that only 0.1% of his species had...but with the drawback of it being useless without an external machine to use it. Despite these quirks, at the age of 8, Krayton was declared heir to the throne of the great Elsar empire, and as such, was given the highest education, health care, and diplomatic relationships apart from the empress herself. However, he started to notice cracks in the Elsar's way of ruling. Societal inequality, lack of support for failing colonies, and suppression of any source of rebellion were all things that the Elsar were guilty of, so in a fit of anger, he sought to conquer the Elsar throne by force. He failed, however, and they banished him and his mother, the sister to the queen, to the forest planet of Vharl, where he spent the next 4 years of his life not only building relationships with the inhabitants of the planet, but building up the innate power his race has by creating inventions that not only increased his power, but also powered the entirety of Vhral. However, on his 10th birthday, the Elsar realized that not only was he was still alive, but Vharl was inhabited. As such, staged a planetary invasion, but failed to completely invade the whole planet...but not without killing his mother, as well as the village he had become a part of, leaving him abandoned and alone. After the smoke cleared, Krayton decided to conquer everything the Elsar held dear, and enjoy every moment of it.

Relevant Tropes:

Anti-Hero: A mix of both Type 3 and Type 4. Sure, he might act like a villain, but he certainly isn't crossing the Moral Event Horizon any time.

Badass Adorable: If you get on his good side, he is admittedly, pretty cute. But don't let that fool you, he's still extremely powerful without considering the fact that he commands an enormous space fleet.

Card-Carrying Villain: Constantly boasts about how evil he is? Check. Imposing looking armor and powers? Check. Evil Laugh? Check.

Dark Is Evil: He certianly invokes this, with black armor and purple accents. With how he acts however, he falls into...

Dark Is Not Evil: Sure, he acts like an imposing Card-Carrying Villain at every turn, but at the end of the day, he isn't truly evil. Far from it, actually, as not only treats his men fairly, but also allows colonies he conquers independence if they want it.

Enfant Terrible: Subverted. See Dark Is Not Evil.

Evil Is Hammy: Again, he acts like a Card-Carrying Villain, so this is par for the course.

Glacier Waif: Being a child, this is a given, but he's able to lift Void Matter weapons twice his size, he can definitely qualify. This is a Justified Trope, however, as Void Matter, and by extension, Void Energy, is near weightless.

Purple Is Powerful: A vast majority of his attacks are a purplish-black, as well as his armor having purple accents.

Edited by MisterSixtyFour on Feb 15th 2021 at 4:58:19 AM

~Parable: Thanks for the critique!

Hahaha, Savage...Savage was also named after a character from that Warrior's RP, Stormheart's best friend Savageflight. However, Savage is actually on a Last-Name Basis with everyone, because of an Embarrassing First Name of "Rudolf". He's also a great dude, though more in a Plucky Comic Relief-with-Hidden Depths sort of way. I'll get to him at some point. Seriously though, I love him a lot and he and Rainy are basically Heterosexual Life-Partners...though heterosexual only on Rainy's side.

The reason I keep using "healer" is mostly just because of the specific role he and Constance play. They are doctors technically, but not in any legal sense. They're doing unauthorized medical work for free in order to save people who wouldn't get saved, making them criminals. They're "healers" in that regard because in this setting, they can only really be called "doctors" if they do it legally under the government. So there's no really fantasy, it's just the best way to describe it without implying they're not doing this stuff illegally, which they are, but for the best of reasons.

Constance herself is...super complicated. My friend and I joke that she's both the most loyal and unloyal person ever, since she'll backstab anyone who isn't her brother in the whole "fighting a war for the leadership of the country" sense because her ambition is so important to her, but at the same time she's still loyal to them in a personal sense. So she and Rainy do go through a rough patch after the break up and both have their own arcs to deal with, but nothing so severe that their relationship is permanently damaged, and she's even made a deal with her new leader that her loved ones in the rebellion get spared. Constance is probably one of the more complex characters; the reason I've not covered her is that she's technically my friend and co-author's character, while Rainy (and everyone else I've discussed) is my creation and mine to develop.

Edited by WarJay77 on Feb 6th 2021 at 11:36:12 AM

(REVISED) Name: Krayton

Age: 10 Earth years

Personality: Krayton knows he's the bad guy, and is loving it. He'll always talk in an intimidating manner, boast about how evil he is, and frequently practices his Evil Laugh...when nobody is looking, of course.

...But deep down, he only uses the "evil overlord" act as a way to seem stronger, and usually does the right thing with people who don't do anything wrong. And if you do get on his good side, he's not that bad of a person.

Abilities: Physical: Manipulates something he calls "Void Matter". With it, he can form it into any shape he likes, as well as exerting the stored power in bursts of what he calls "Void Energy". However, he prefers battle axes, balls of matter, and flight.

Mental: "Pragmatism" is Krayton's middle name, and he'll do anything to gain the upper hand. Along with this, he is surprisingly intelligent when it not only comes to combat, but diplomacy and engineering as well, given that he designed much of the craft in his starfleet.

Weaknesses:

Physical: Despite his power, his power armor mostly exists to increase Void Matter's potential, and does little to actually protect him. Not only this, but even Void Matter and Void Energy has its limits, and does take a toll on his health if he uses too much at a time.

Mental: Even though he's surprisingly intelligent for his age, he's still 10 years old, so still a child. And despite his attempts to control his anger, it frequently lets itself out. And even though most of the people he handles with violence still have it coming, he's still extremely cruel and vicious, and must change that part about himself enough to make sure he doesn't become the tyrant he wanted to be.

Goals/Motivation: He wants to conquer what was rightfully his in the first place: The Elsar Empire and everything related to it. Why does he have such a cliched goal in mind? Well...

Backstory: Krayton was born with powers that were unique for his kind: He was born with a power that only 0.1% of his species had...but with the drawback of it being useless without an external machine to use it on. Despite these quirks, at the age of 6, Krayton was declared heir to the throne of the great Elsar empire, and as such, was given the highest education, health care, and diplomatic relationships apart from the empress herself. However, he started to notice cracks in the Elsar's way of ruling. Societal inequality led to those who could not use their powers well being ostracized, but at the age of 8, he sought to change that by making machines that would help increase that power. However, an attack on all major factories led to production of these devices being halted...but it was found that it was Elsar forces that destroyed the factories. In a fit of anger, he decided to take the throne by force. He failed, however, and they banished him and his mother, the sister to the queen, to the forest planet of Vharl, where he spent the next 4 years of his life not only building relationships with the inhabitants of the planet, but building up the innate power his race has by creating inventions that not only increased his power, but also powered the entirety of Vhral. However, on his 10th birthday, the Elsar realized that not only was he was still alive, but Vharl was inhabited. As such, staged a planetary invasion, but failed to completely invade the whole planet...but not without killing his mother, as well as the village he had become a part of, leaving him abandoned and alone. After the smoke cleared, Krayton decided to conquer everything the Elsar held dear, and enjoy every moment of it.

Relevant Tropes:

Anti-Hero: A mix of both Type 3 and Type 4. Sure, he might act like a villain, but he certainly isn't crossing the Moral Event Horizon any time.

Badass Adorable: If you get on his good side, he is admittedly, pretty cute. But don't let that fool you, he's still extremely powerful without considering the fact that he commands an enormous space fleet.

Card-Carrying Villain: Well, he certainly acts like one. Constantly boasts about how evil he is? Check. Imposing looking armor and powers? Check. Evil Laugh? Check.

Dark Is Evil: He certianly invokes this, with black armor and purple accents. With how he acts however, he falls into...

Dark Is Not Evil: Sure, he acts like an imposing Card-Carrying Villain at every turn, but at the end of the day, he isn't truly evil. Far from it, actually, as not only treats his men fairly, but also has enough standards to fill a book.

Enfant Terrible: Subverted. See Dark Is Not Evil.

Evil Is Hammy: Again, he acts like a Card-Carrying Villain, so this is par for the course.

Expy: Of Freeza.

Purple Is Powerful: A vast majority of his attacks are a purplish-black, as well as his armor having purple accents.

Edited by MisterSixtyFour on Feb 16th 2021 at 7:43:26 AM

I'm not sure you're on the right thread...or is he just a Villain Protagonist type?

Well...sort of. I mainly wanted to make an anti-hero that wasn't just the gruff, stoic, "badass" type, and wanted to do something different. And in a way, he is a Villain Protagonist...but not entirely. The character arc I've got planned for him is that he starts out as a villain that never crosses the Moral Event Horizon...but as the story goes on, he starts to do a lot more heroic stuff, before realizing that he's the good guy. So, I guess he could be considered a Villain Protagonist, but in my mind, he talks instead of acting like a villain most of the time.

Edited by MisterSixtyFour on Feb 17th 2021 at 7:48:02 AM

Well, ok then. I'll give a review later, hang tight.

~Mister Sixty Four: Alright. Krayton sounds neat. It's a cool twist on the generic "evil dark conqueror" fantasy trope by having that conqueror be a heroic child character just wanting to do what's right...by any means necessary. I like him, though admittedly he doesn't seem to act a lot like a 10 year-old. Do children on Elsar mature faster? Or is he just smarter than average due to his education?

I would say the latter is true. His high social status lead to him having some of the best education in the empire, which led to an intelligent heir to the throne. And that intelligence was not only put to good use on Vhral, but also increased his knowledge of mechanics as well.

honestly i think thats a pretty good character and cant think of much to change, but maybe make him a liiiittle older as I feel the hyper-young genius thing is slightly overdone.

Name: Daniel Browne

Age: 300~ (became immortal around 32)

Personality: Snarky, unstable, and violent. Commits unspeakable crimes pretty much hourly and uses sarcasm and wit to hide his guilt. Very jumpy if he doesn't know your approaching him, due to growing up in a pretty rough neighborhood.

Abilities: Energy projections/constructs, mild-medium regeneration, emotional manipulation, mild shapeshifting (mostly uses it to fit whatever he feels like due to being genderfluid), immunity to aging/disease, enhanced agility, strength, and speed.

Weaknesses: Very, very slow to trust (will make acquaintances but rarely makes friends), constantly tired due to severe insomnia, unwilling to accept help 90% of the time, buries all emotions and self-loathing deep down, has a deep-seated hatred for pretty much anything that breathes, can't come into contact with coffee (bit of a joke about the true origin of holy water being coffee beans).

Goals: At first to simply cause chaos and kill, later to redeem himself (at least in his own eyes) and overthrow Heaven, which he sees as a corrupt system that condemns people for the smallest of reasons.

Motivation: Mother was murdered at 10, he had to kill his father during a fight at 12, and generally was exposed very early to a very very bad lifestyle.

Role in the story: Protagonist (not necessarily good guy), leader of movement against Heaven later on.

Backstory: Born in the early 1600s, parents ended up dead as stated earlier, went on several murder sprees before being convicted and sentenced to hanging. Nearing the end of his life, he managed to muster enough energy to make a Deal with the Devil which gave him immunity to aging and disease. After that point, he roamed the earth until 2020, dying in a gun fight and being made a Hell Prince, which granted his other powers.

Bastard Bastard: Definitely this. 'Nuff said.

Villain Protagonist: Not exactly the best guy, but still the protagonist.

Jerkass: Very snarky and jerkass-y in general.

Deal with the Devil: Important to his backstory

Berserk Button: Hates people bringing up the fact that he stands at 5'7" and things relating to his shortness in general.

Good character; some questions about him.

I like him, but wouldn't want to come across him.

First of all, is he frozen to a certain age physically, and as for his shapeshifting, has it ever affected his body so badly that he feels ill (well, as ill as someone his age can get).

How do you avoid him being a Story-Breaker Power?

In theory, could he regenerate his father with the abilities he has of regenerating things, or would that be too damaging to the story, or provide a useful conflict for the story?

I like the idea though, he's an interesting character with a common name, but unusual background.

Who, in canon, does he actually trust or like?

Does he have a particular form that he likes shapeshifting to as a form he is comfortable with?

Has he ever had Split Personality due to shapeshifting, or is that a question too far?

From my own work:

Although not the main character, she's one of the main characters in an unnamed work under development that's very much a Lighter and Softer setting (no Sugar Bowl, just low-stakes conflict):

Image: click here◊

Name: Victoria Jayne

Age: 36, but looks 25

Personality: A largely Girly Girl Nice Girl who's something of The Fashionista and prone to Refuge in Audacity and has something of a Big Eater tendencies, especially with potato chips, but somehow doesn't get overweight.

Abilities: Has a knack for knowing about what's happening, a Knowledge Broker (gained from her mom who sold used cars for a living), excellent knowledge of cars and other vehicles, and quick at running, athletic. Hypervigilance.

Weaknesses: Has an accent that's difficult to understand; takes a long time to research things and always wants it to be good; always needs to eat; often questions things and takes a while to trust people. Charges large fees for her knowledge broking. Hypervigilant. In general, always seems to be on her guard.

Goals: To find love; to move to a larger town and Soft Reboot her life.

Motivation: To leave the Wretched Hive town she lives in for a job that she's Only in It for the Money (In-Universe counterpart to Money, Dear Boy) and move elsewhere.

Role in the story: Not the protagonist, but deuteragonist.

Backstory: The Spook. All we know about her is half-Anglo-Swedish, half-Nigerian and tan-skinned; she's from Reddish near Stockport, Ambiguously Bi and has a mom who was a car saleswoman. Other than that, little else on her backstory is known.

Relevant tropes:

• Adaptational Badass: Has defensive driving skills she learnt at some point in the 2010s.
• Adaptational Personality Change: Was a Genki Girl but now made into a Girly Girl and an entirely different character.
• Alternate Self: In an alternate timeline, she's wealthier than now, and lives in a large town on her own self-contained estate, but is largely the same personality-wise and an Auntie Pennybags.
• Ambiguously Bi: Has mentioned liking Girly Girl women as romantic partners to friends, if she's had a boyfriend who he was is not known.
• Bare Your Midriff: A lot of the time she wears outfits like this; not for fanservice reasons, just a personal preference. Influenced by Adriana La Cerva of The Sopranos.
• Cool Car: She owns a 2004 Vauxhall Vectra 3.2 V6 GSi hatchback◊ in bright red, although it's her second car, not daily driver.
• Dark Is Not Evil: Wears a lot of black, white and gray clothing, but is in no way evil and actually a very Nice Girl. Often wears a black crop top/black sports bra-style crop top and pinstripe skirt/hotpants.
• Forgetful Jones: She was forgetful of how much she'd drunk to end up being found passed out on a street in Stoke-on-Trent in 2004.
• Girly Girl: Yes, she's one, despite the knowledge on cars and interest in it, things traditionally seen as Tomboy-ish.
• Great Big Library of Everything: Has quite a big library of books, albeit non-fiction.
• Heroism Won't Pay the Bills: It actually did; she worked for an AA / RAC breakdown, although in this case, hero is YMMV.
• Identical Stranger: She's identical in looks to Ava Starr from Franchise.Marvel Cinematic Universe.
• Inexplicably Identical Individuals: Several other unrelated individuals in canon use the same character design.
• Leitmotif: Kim Petras' I Don't Want It At All is used as her leitmotif.
• Knowledge Broker: She seems to be in the know on a lot of things... but has lines she won't cross.
• Names The Same: There are six Lady V's in-universe.
• Nice Girl: Not her defining trait, but noted for being very kind and helpful to people.
• No Celebrities Were Harmed: Looks like Creator.Hannah John Kamen .
• Only in It for the Money: While no Burger Fool, her current job at a pop-up business in a Wretched Hive is clearly for the paycheck.
• Period Piece: Flashbacks to 2007-2008 appear, and are very much of their time, but not Nothing but Hits or popular history.
• Refuge in Audacity: She still manages to get away with things that some people wouldn't, although this fits her personality.
• Second Super-Identity: Well, not a superhero persona, but another blogger, this time writing about scams, consumer issues and another one writing about food issues. So she's got three secret identities.
• Secret Identity: Of the virtual kind, "Lady V", who writes an advice blog on buying/selling used cars. Even goes so far as to have an Identity Impersonator model pose for photos as Lady V (an Identical Stranger of her, but the differences are slight).
• The Fashionista: Somehow she's got the knack of being one on a budget.
• The Alleged Car: Her daily driver is a 2008 Nissan Sunny B11 1.5 GL auto sedan◊ (the Alternate History of this setting meant it continued in production until 2019, unlike in Real Life where it was discontinued in 1986 worldwide, ran until 1996 in Malaysia and 1991 in Mexico); here, this one is a Downplayed example in that it's kinda ugly but works decently enough, only the 1.5-liter 74hp 4-cylinder is fairly slow and Victoria complains about its lack of speed; she bought the car because it was cheap. Zig-zagged, as while it's no looker, it's not as reliable as it could be, yet it's prone to wheelspin in the wettest of conditions, and this being Britain, well... makes sense.
• The Generic Girl: At least in looks terms, when she's shown in a flashback at a Notting Hill carnival in 2008 where she looks fairly similar to other women of some Afro-Caribbean ethnicities in the crowd.
• The Spook: Other than her ethnicity, her mom being a car saleswoman and them being best friends, and that she's from Reddish near Stockport, little else on her background is known.
• Token Good Teammate: While her co-workers aren't exactly evil (it is a Lighter and Softer setting, after all), she's largely the one who has standards and lines she won't cross and although she won't tell them to stop (going by live and let live), she won't get involved in anything extremely questionable that they get up to.
• Write Who You Know: A Composite Character of several people I knew during the 2000s/2010s (with the exception of the defensive driving, her backstory and knowledge and blog stuff).

Edited by Merseyuser1 on Feb 27th 2021 at 11:41:01 AM

Victoria seems like a good character to me. I like that mix of girly girl with some typical masculine things thrown it, is something I like in my characters too. Although I have to say I don't quite get the why of the Refuge in Audacity part. Is because she's so nice nobody would suspect her? Anyhow, I think she'll work fine as a deuteragonist and I'm curious about her background. Do you plan to reveal her past throught the story or leave it a mystery? Or something in between; hinting at it but never fully show it? I also wonder how she'll pursue her goals. All in all, good job.

Edited by Winterbird on Mar 5th 2021 at 7:15:05 AM

• Name: Derra Terapashi
• Age: 17
• Personality: Fun and lively. Derra is a bubbly person who can talk up a storm and make friends with anyone after knowing them for, like, 12 minutes. She loves outdoor activities and would gladly spend all of her time hoverboarding, traveling, and sampling various food stops. She is curious to the point of nosiness, which leads to the latest gossip in her regular life and down the rabbit hole of Revolutionary thought.
• Abilities: A native of Saffron, she has an insider's knowledge of the world and it's working. The Heart of the Empire is her home and any information about what goes on is of vital importance to the Revolutionaries planning to seize it. As a secret member of the Underground, she can just walk about in public in ways the actual Revolutionaries cannot.
• Weaknesses: When push comes to shove, the simple fact is that she's not a soldier. Once Saffron becomes a battleground, her inexperience in combat and lack of gear results in a trial by fire she barely makes it out alive from.
• Goals: Initially, to help the Revolution win her world as quickly as possible, come out looking like a hero in the post-war world. When that doesn't pan out, her goal is to make it through the ongoing conflict alive. And increasingly, to make sure her cousin Derrec doesn't.
• Motivation: While not as negatively affected as many others by the stratified society of the Empire, she is just barely old enough to remember the Seven Days of Darkness, when the power of the entire world was shut down due to a solar storm. The lackluster imperial response and the stupidity of the cost cutting nobles who enabled the problem in the first place was the source of much murmuring in her early years, and a source of Revolutionary sympathy among the adults in her life. A chance encounter with some radicals while visiting a nearby college led her to join with a reformist groups on who shaped her political views while growing into her teen years, and then join the Revolutionary sympathy group, the Underground, after the war breaks out.
• Role In The Story: Derra is a late arriving character and serves as a pair of fresh eyes on the ground of a war that's been going on years by this point, but hasn't effected her part of the Empire until then. Unlike many of the other characters who were part of the early moments that led up to the conflict, Derra is thrust in without much chance to shape events.
• Backstory: Born and raised on Saffron, the Heart of the Empire. Located in a well established, populous, strategically located, and resource rich star system, Saffron is the dominant cultural and economic world of the entire nation. Politically second only to the capital world, with a population second to none, and a history stretching as far back as being the birthplace of the First King himself. To Derra, all this meant was that this was where most movies are shot. Saffron was home. Specifically the capital, Saffron City, where almost half the population lived, was home. And home meant family, and friends, and school, and life.
  • Derra was born just a month before her cousin, Derrec, and they were like two peas in a pod, doing everything together from the time they could walk. So often were they at each other's houses and in the same activities in and out of school that most people assumed they were twin siblings, a fiction the duo rarely bothered to correct. While Derra was the more rambunctious one, and Derrec shy and quiet, the two had a deeper connection to the point of almost feeling what the other was feeling even when far apart.
  • Those connections dimmed as they got older, partly because new friends came into their lives, but the two remained close even so. Which helped a lot when a solar storm wrecked the energy grid of Saffron, leaving most of the population with no energy whatsoever for a week. Countless people died as critical systems failed in mid-use. Many had no means to contact loved ones. And a young Derrec was separated from his family. It was Derra's intuition that allowed her trace her cousin's footsteps and a day latter he was safe and sound. It was a happy end for them, but not for countless others, and Derra would always remember the helplessness the adults felt and the botched, impotent efforts by the Empire to help them. It was instead the work of a group Derra never learned the name of that brought the most relief to the people of Saffron. A group her parents warned her not to talk about, and which the imperial authorities did not seem fond of.
  • For the longest time that fell from her memory. Derra and Derrec were joined by the gregarious Daya and girly Chelsie and the duo became a quartet from 5th grade to high school. The four found their favorite past time to be exploring the blocks of buildings in the older parts of the city that were abandoned after the Seven Days of Darkness and deemed not worth the money to upgrade. It was like walking back in time, seeing these older structures that nature was reclaiming, with the occasional lost treasure found to make the trip worthwhile. In middle school their exploring took them beyond the confines of Saffron City and out into the frontier, trains and hoverboards taking them where their legs couldn't. There they found the ruins of even more ancient settlements. Cities that were abandon during the Nightmare Years hundreds of years ago, before the rise of the Empire. Derra was fascinated by these ruins that held up despite their age, and the implication that people were once not afraid to live outside the greater community of the city
  • Young people cannot remain young forever though. Sooner or later the outside comes interfering in the lives of children. Barely into her teens, Derra became aware that worlds tired of the Empire had begun a revolution, and that the nation was now in a civil war. Saffron was so secure and far from the fighting that it did not affect her life much, but murmurs and hushed tones from adults told Derra something was amiss now. Still, life goes on. Derra still went to school, still hung out with her friends, occasionally talking about the war, but for the most part sticking to their routines. While Derra was interested in the causes of the fighting and explored the ideas of democracy, political rights, and social justice in her own time, her friends were decidedly indifferent and that was enough to keep her from pursuing the subject any further. A few years went by, and Derra had to start thinking about college. A trip to one nearby institution of higher learning took an interesting turn when she stumbled across a secret meeting of the Underground at the college. The Underground, Revolutionary sympathizers working to aid the cause from Imperial controlled territory, was just the sort of exciting cause that fed her democracy-curious mind. She soon became its youngest member, attending meeting on the sly and communicating via encrypted lines. Derra's talent for communicating with fae, the A.I.s who ran so much of the world's infrastructure, was very helpful in setting up secret locations for the group's activities.
  • Derra grew to lead a double life. Encouraging Derrec to ask Chelsie out by day, spray painting pro-Revolutionary graffiti by night. It was sneaky, but fun. An adventure for her alone. Then came some weird instructions from the Underground. They wanted her to scout around certain building; government offices, public utilities, police station. Take note of what she saw, how many people were there, things like that. Derra did as she was told, wondering if this meant they were going to have her sabotage something. As much as she wanted to be part of the cause, she wasn't enthusiastic about hurting anyone. With that on her mind, Derra tried to keep on with her normal life. After much prodding from herself and Daya, Chelsie had been the one to start a courtship with Derrec. Derra was delighted at the idea of one of her best friends becoming her sister-in-law, and was determined that Derrec didn't make a fool of himself at the school dance coming up. And he didn't! Because he didn't get a chance to. No sooner was the slow dance supposed to start was the event interrupted with news that the Revolutionaries had arrived in the system with a massive invasion force. Saffron was undoubtedly their target.
  • Derra was as thrilled. Now her work with the Underground was going to pay off as the Revolutionaries swiftly moved in to take the planet right from under the Imperials' noses. Her mood grew apprehensive almost immediately when Saffron's Imperial garrison asked all able bodied students to join them to repel the invaders. In a burst of patriotic fervor, almost all the students at the dance signed up, all her friends included. Faced with peer pressure like never before Derra also enlisted. And as Imperial reinforcements arrived in the system much faster than expected, it was becoming clear that the planned cakewalk was going to be an all out battle for control of Saffron. Things happened so fast. Derra found herself with the Imperial army, preparing to fight the very people she'd been helping all this time. Her friends none the wiser also preparing to "defend their planet" (Derra gagged at how easy the Imperials manipulated their loyalties to home).
  • When the invasion began, Derra did the only thing she could do. She deserted. Running away before anyone noticed she was gone, she was able to reconnect with her Underground allies. Now she was faced with a harsh reality; The Underground was going to fight alongside the arriving Revolutionaries and they were going to expect her to help. She was going to fight a war and her friends were all fighting on the wrong side.

Relevant Tropes:

• The Ace: Derra is an expert hoverboard rider, capable of riding down almost sheer ledges be they building or cliffs. While her recklessness has caused a few broken bones, the experiences have given her an uncanny ability to move around, over and under structures of any kind with breathtaking speed and reflexes.
• Bold Explorer: Of all her friends, Derra is the most eager to explore the old Commonwealth ruins and surrounding wilderness, seeing the grand old cities and marveling at what came before and after them.
• Childhood Friends: She formed a tight knight group not just with Derrec, whom she's known since birth, but Daya and Chelsie, who she's known since grade school. The four of them are inseparable and do everything together. Which made Derra being a member of the Underground so unbelievable as she'd never kept a secret from the others before.
• The Face: A social butterfly if there ever was one. Derra's chattiness and ease at getting others to open up lets her make friends easily and avoid awkward situations not only with people but with the sometimes incomprehensible fae that live in the world around her.
• Famous Ancestor: She shares a surname with one of the Five Heroes and comes from the same city. While no one can prove anything, Derra insists the Hero is a distant cousin.
• Jumped at the Call: It didn't take much for the Revolutionaries to convince Derra to join. Just the promise of being part of something exciting and larger than life brought her around. While she is serious about wanting the reforms she believes will make people's lives better, it was the idea of the adventure of it all spurred her interest the most.
• Robot Buddy: She owns a sylphie; a small, floating, spherical robot named Suga that she mostly keeps around as her camera man and acts as a fretful companion.
• Wide-Eyed Idealist: As the war up till now had been an abstract concept lightyears away, Derra had yet to experience the complexities and harshness the conflict brought with it. She firmly believes right makes might and that the sheer justness of the Revolutionary cause would allow them to steamroll their way to victory on Saffron.
• La Résistance: While not part of the Revolutionaries proper, Derra is instead a part of the Underground. The group operates in Imperial controlled regions and acts as spies, propogandists, and later saboteurs when the Revolutionary Forces prepare to invade.
• Naïve Newcomer: She joins the Revolutionaries not knowing the first thing about combat. Outside of her role as a scout and negotiator with the fae she spends most of her time running and hiding until the squadron she's attached to show her the ropes.
• My God, What Have I Done?: Derra is wracked with guilt after learning one of her best friends is killed fighting for the Imperials, and can't help but think her own actions for the Revolutionaries contributed to her death. Derrec certainly blames her for it.
• Flashback Nightmare: Derra's first run in with the terrifying Hexra war robots left her near traumatized and as a result she suffers constant nightmares of them plowing their way through rubble and flames to kill her like demons out of hell.
• Cain and Abel: Derra and Derrec are cousins who grew up together and practically brother and sister all their lives until the war came to them. Ideology pulled them to different sides, and the death of Chelsie, Derra's close friend and Derrec's girlfriend, in battle made it bitterly personal. Grief turned to hate, and hate to cruelty, and now the cousins are mutually bent on fratricide.
• It's Personal: Blaming Derra for the death of Chelsie, Derrec takes it out on captured Revolutionaries and kills her new comrades where he knows she'll see. Guilt gives way to anger and soon Derra is doing everything in her power to kill her cousin. Or at least make his life miserable. The two repeatedly meet and clash throughout the war.
• Fish out of Water: Not her, but the Revolutionaries she guides during the campaign. Derra does get a kick out of leading around the wide-eyed soldiers from other worlds through her complex planet and enjoys dispelling a lot of movie cliches, such as the idea the whole planet is one giant city, and yes it does in fact snow on Saffron. The latter being something off-worlders seem particularly unprepared for.
• You Can't Go Home Again: The campaign to take Saffron fails after nearly a year of fighting and Derra flees her homeworld with the retreating Revolutionaries to avoid capture, leaving everything she had ever known behind with no idea when or if she'll ever return.
• Safety in Indifference: With her closest friends dead or denouncing her as a traitor, her family God knows where, her planet firmly in enemy hands, and her new comrades having a very low survival rate, Derra increasingly closes herself off from everyone to avoid being hurt.
• Emotionless Girl: After actively avoiding feeling any sort of positive emotion towards anyone, she stops expressing emotions altogether and slips into depression, losing the will to do much outside of fighting. Even Derrec only conjures up mild anger.
• Aloof Dark-Haired Girl: Develops this reputation as people mistake her emotional withdrawal as detachment and her unique combat style garners awe among her fellow soldiers, making her something of an unapproachable warrior princess.
• Face Your Fears: After being terrified of them for so long, Derra finally engaged in an all night hit and run battle with the Hexra (controlled by Derrec, unknown to her) using every trick in the book to finally pin down the killer robots long enough to have them destroyed. Defeating the monsters that have been plaguing her nightmares alongside her new friends finally allows her to loosen up again.
• Took a Level in Cheerfulness: While not the happy-go-lucky girl she was before joining the war, Derra recovers some of her old self and is more relaxed in engaging with her comrades in their off-times and rekindles her love of hoverboarding and exploring.
• Band of Brothers: Derra grows close with her fellow Vanguard members, especially Tarot, Kirrin, and Tsune, as their shared dangers, and shared love of danger brings them together and molds them into a almost mentally linked team who understands each other's thoughts and feelings without a word being said during missions.
• Red Oni, Blue Oni: With the Vanguard, she and Tarot are the Red Oni, being more impulsive and personable, though she is noticeable quieter than he is. Meanwhile their Blue counterparts, Tsune and Kirrin, despite being more chatty than Derra, are generally more calm, calculating, and respectful. Note this is judging on a curve, all the Vanguard are wild adrenaline junkies compared to the average person.
  • She is the friendly, active, physical warrior Red to Derrec's grim, obsessive, technomancer Blue.
• Thrill Seeker: As she gets the hang of soldiering and finally brings down a Hexra, Derra finds the combination of combat welded to her extreme hobbies provide a rush she can lose herself in. While some might mistake it for a death wish, Derra and her comrades just really like the excitement.
• Chase Fight: What Derra and her Vanguard unit excel at, with hoverboards and sylphie scouts allowing them to constantly be moving quickly to attack from just about anywhere. Eventually the Imperials copy the tactics and high speed battles raging across highways, rooftops, and tunnels become the norm for Derra.
• Stranger in a Familiar Land: When the war ends she finally returns to Saffron, but the broken relationships and bitter memories of that first battle make her home feel suffocating instead of comforting. She leaves the planet to start a new life, joining the resettlement of another world that was torched during the war.

Edited by Parable on Mar 14th 2021 at 8:41:09 AM

So, I take it back when I say that Anani was your most interesting hero featured (though still my favorite character don't worry!) now that Derra has arrived on the scene. Before I get into her actual review, I want to just praise your naming of both her and her cousin Derrec. Their names remind me of those that the author Garth Nix uses for characters in his books, and that will always earn a thumbs-up from me!

Now then about Derra herself.

All of the characters you've posted (heroes and villain alike) have been shaped by the upheaval that is inherent in the downfall of old systems and the birth of a painfully new way of life. But can I just say that Derra is the darkest character you've posted so far? It snuck up on me too, the tension slowly building until the final gut-punch that put into perspective just how harrowing her life is in comparison to almost all the others you've presented.

Or…perhaps it would be more accurate to say that Derra acts like a living portal to a darkness that is inherent in your setting, but has been previously paved over by way of characters who are more awesome than tormented. Alexis the hacker-terrorist was the closest I got to glimpsing the torturous effects these types of situations have on people, so I like that we now have a better glimpse into the “underbelly” of the fight, so to speak.

I know that brought Code Geass into the discussion once before when reviewing Saya but Derra in many ways reminds me of Kallen Kozuki/Standfield/Whatever-She-Calls-Herself from that anime. Both of them follow a similar path—-ordinary if prosperous students by day, while being swept up in the dangerous world of rebellion against the ruling government by night. Or something like that anyway.

From the moment I read of Derra’s entrance into the Underground, and the things she did on their behalf, I felt myself tense up. Considering her background, She certainly doesn’t lack a sense of motivation; it’s easy to see how she as slowly drawn into the fold of rebellion.

A combination of seeing the widespread failure and neglect of the common people (well-off and centrally-located though they may be) at an early age, and the normal restlessness and desire for change of one’s teenage years, would certainly act as an impetus to join a rebel group. I have to admit that I actually confused the Underground and the Revolutionaries for a while and had to reread some of this to understand that there was a difference. But that’s a whole other ball of wax, and I’ll continue on.

What made me so tense was the “light-hearted” nature of the narrative. It was clear early-on that there would be serious repercussions for her foray into insurrection, and those surpassed my worst expectations. I ‘’really’’ didn’t expect that it would be Derrec’s girl who paid the ultimate price though, and can I once again say that, avoiding spoilers, that REALLY hammers home that Code Geass vibe, especially with the toll it takes on her relationship with him.

The part about students being mass-recruited on the fly was just awful and shows how brutal and invasive the war between the rebellious elements and the empire has become. What’s even more shocking is how many of them joined. In a weird sort of way, it acts as a mirror to the naivete and sense of righteousness that Derra herself felt that propelled her into her current situation. Very good all around, if a tragic story.

…I realized that I spent all of this review rambling about Derra’s story rather than Derra herself, and I am sorry for that. It’s just that she’s one of those characters who I genuinely feel her backstory is so much a part of her that one cannot discuss her character without really delving into her origins. I’ve made a few of them myself so I know .

I hope she finds her way home, changed though she and it may be.

Hello guys!

So a while back, i posted a character profile in there for my heroine, Eleanor, i the context of a 19th century zombie plague story i wanted to do. However, the story evolved and changed significantly over time. Basically, it turned into a simple, silly slice of life story called "the Life and Times of Eleanor."

Now, my question is, can i post a new character profile for Eleanor, or is it disallowed, even if its a completely new and different context and story from the original?

How long ago did you post it? I don't think posting a little refresher would be breaking the rules

November of last year

I think that'd be okay.

Fine with me.

So i have written the character profile for Eleanor. Should i post it or should i talk about the previous poster's character first?

Post the new one. It beats having to wade through dozens of pages to find one post

[nvm]

Edited by eagleoftheninth on Apr 13th 2021 at 4:23:02 AM