The entire premise of 1000 Ways To Die
is that most of the deaths presented are caused by negligence, clumsiness, or stupidity. These deaths are just a fraction of the many, many examples this show has.
"Love Bugged"
A French man with an interest in lizards and bugs decides to try and build immunity to black widow spider venom by letting one bite him.You'd Expect: He would first try to find out if it's a good idea, such as asking a toxicologist who would hopefully tell him that it's an awful idea. Or at least find a spider whose bite would be less poisonous.
Instead: He lets the spider bite him, and he grows weaker until he dies from a heart attack.
"Wet Dream"
A man with a deep love of fish constructs a fish suit out of waterbed material and goes to a lake to test it out.You'd Expect: He would put it on near the water or use it on a cooler day.
Instead: He puts it on far from the water on a hot day.
As A Result: He starts overheating, but the suit prevents his sweat from cooling him and he dies of hyperthermia, just inches away from the water.
"Butt F***ed"
A man ends up in the hospital with serious burns all over his body after falling asleep in bed while smoking.You'd Expect: He'd take this as a sign from the man upstairs that it's high time he kicks the habit.
Instead: He bribes the night nurse to take him out back for a smoke. The ash from his cigarette holds enough of a spark to ignite the highly flammable ointment his bandages are soaked in.
The Result: Set ablaze, he rolls uncontrollably down the wheelchair ramp and at the bottom his oxygen tank explodes into a ball of fire, burning him to a crisp.
On Top Of That: The nurse had just told him, "Okay, Mister Burns. You've got two minutes. Don't do anything stupid."
"Tanked Girl"
A female diver was in the decompression chamber after a spot of trouble down below. A maintenance worker was making his rounds when he came upon the chamber door.You'd Expect: He'd have the presence of mind to ask if the chamber was occupied before opening the pressure door.
Instead: He opened the door without checking if someone was inside.
The Result: The sudden change in air pressure causes the poor woman to die from exploding. One can only hope that this moron was, at the very least, fired and charged with manslaughter.
Also: That episode was all sorts of Fridge Logic: why didn't the chamber have an intercom, window, or some sort of signal light or sign to indicate when it was being occupied, and why exactly did the maintenance man open the door? Curiosity? Or did he have a legitimate reason to go into the chamber? As for the maintenance man opening it without asking, the occupant was presumably screaming out loud to warn him of what he was doing, and the chamber was either soundproofed or so sound-shielded that he couldn't make out her words and thought someone was stuck in there and trying to free them, which again brings up another question of why there wasn't a speaker/intercom hooked up to the outside.
"Blend-Dead"
In another example of an innocent woman dying because of another idiot's carelessness, a yoga practitioner grows a vegetable garden for herself with the goal of keeping herself healthy. Her landlord occasionally watches over the garden for rats and insects.You'd Expect: That the landlord would either:
* A. Install rat traps in safe areas around the backyard.
* Or....
* B. Hire an exterminator and warn them to not go near the vegetable garden.
Instead: He does neither, and sprays the garden himself with rat poison. He does this without ever informing the gardener or receiving her permission. Unsurprisingly, the woman continues eating the food without knowing that it's been contaminated, and ultimately dies when the poison kills her blood stream. One can only hope that the dumbass landlord goes to jail for getting that poor woman killed.
"Any Given Gunday"
In yet ANOTHER example, a rich football star named Jerome hooks up with a jersey chaser named Cindy. They spend the night making love, but Jerome wakes up the next morning with no memory of it. Worried that a burglar might have entered his home, he reaches for one of his guns.You'd Expect: That Jerome would keep his guns in a special safe or locker that only he has access to.
Also: That he would call out to ask who's in the house first before reaching for his gun.
Instead: He keeps one gun under his pillow, and the other in the oven. When he gets to the kitchen, he finds that it's only Cindy making breakfast. Unaware of the gun, she heats up the stove to 400*F.
The Result: Predictably, the heat ignites the powder in the bullet and causes it to discharge, killing Cindy with a bullet to the head. Not only did an innocent woman die, but Jerome's life and career are almost definitely ruined since he'll likely go to jail for involuntary manslaughter. The Narrator said it best: Jerome, why the hell did you hide a gun in the oven!?
"Work of Fart"
A trainer tries to prepare the fraternity student for a fart competition. After feeding him several cans of beans and other stuff, he decides to test him out.You'd Expect: That the trainer would stay somewhere safe to not get burnt by the fart.
Instead: After lighting the fire up, he stands right behind the student in order to test the fart power. Predictably, the fart sets the trainer on fire and kills him in seconds.
"Exhaustdead"
A cruel man named Mark is abusive towards his girlfriend, Julie, and one month later, she dumps him for a nicer man. Mark finds out about Julie through a friend and drives to the restaurant where Julie is with her new boyfriend. Being too much of a coward to confront them, he decides to pelt them with paintballs and drive off. He backs up his car to hide but begins to feel lightheaded because he backed up his car into a garbage heap, therefore, trapping the carbon monoxide exhaust in the car.You'd Expect: He would get the idea that something was wrong with him and step out for a bit or at least open the window for fresh air.
Instead: He does neither and he eventually passes out and dies of asphyxiation.
"USSR-Dead"
A Ukrainian immigrant hooks up with the Russian mob. After bumping off three men who owe debts to the mob, the immigrant's fingertips are burned off with sulfuric acid so he can't be identified by the cops. To celebrate his joining, the mobsters order a round of vodka.noteYou'd Expect: The mobsters would do one of three options:
* A. Keep the vodka and the sulfuric acid in different-looking bottles, and/or label them so that they don't get the two liquids confused.
* B. Do the "manicure" outside of the bar, and then put the sulfuric acid in a safe place.
* C. Give the acid to someone who can tell the difference and order them to get rid of it.
Instead: The two liquids are kept in identical containers with no identifying labels. Also, the barkeeper is too old and senile to tell the difference.
The Result: The barkeep mistakes the sulfiric acid for the vodka and serves it to the two mobsters and the immigrant, resulting in all three of them dying from internal damage.
"Jaw Boned"
A meth cook/addict chews gum while he works and occasionally dips it in citric acid to keep it fresh.You'd Expect: He'd keep the citric acid away from all the dangerous chemicals.
Instead: He places the citric acid right next to red phosphorus, an explosive substance in meth and fireworks.
The Result: Eventually, during a meth-fueled rush, the addict dips the gum in red phosphorus and when he bites down on the gum, his jaws apply 120 lbs of pressure, igniting the red phosphorus, blowing his lower jaws off, and causing his brain to compress to the back of his skull, killing him.
Also: He even kept a can of soda near a bottle of hydrogen peroxide, which he nearly drank earlier but spat out before he could swallow.
"Lesboned"
A horny lesbian real estate agent is selling a house to a fellow nymphomaniac and they decide to start "having fun."You'd Expect: For them to go to the bedroom or living room to do the thing.
Instead: They do it in the laundry room where any number of accidents could happen during coitus.
The Result: They end up rocking the dryer so much that it unhooks, releasing natural gas and causing an explosion that kills them both.
"Smoke Stalked"
A Cute and Psycho woman stalks her ex-boyfriend and his wife, popping up outside and putting fish in their mailbox. When they go on a week-long holiday, she decides it'll be hilarious to sneak in.You'd Expect: The stalker to lockpick the door or break a window. If she does decide to go down the chimney, she should bring a rope to pull herself out, or at least her phone so she can call for rescue at the price of being charged with housebreaking.
Or, Better Yet: Quit her stalking and see a therapist immediately before she gets herself arrested or killed in some stupid way.
Instead: The stalker climbs down the chimney without a rope or phone and finds herself trapped for a week.
The Result: Unable to climb out or call for help, she dies a long and painful death from dehydration.
"Chemi-Killed"
A lab assistant has a fling with her married boss. He breaks it off soon after, leaving her heartbroken and furious.You'd Expect: The assistant to reveal or threaten to reveal the affair to his wife or his bosses. If she really wants to screw him over, she can carefully dispose of or contaminate the chemicals, swap them in a way that would backfire on him, or file a harassment complaint.
Instead: The assistant throws a tantrum and starts smashing the lab and throwing things around. The only reason she doesn't get fired is because she gets herself killed in a lab accident. This is a trained, professional chemist here.
"Dog Dead Afternoon"
A dogfighter sneaks into an animal shelter to steal a pit bull named Michael. He tranquilizes Michael with a tranquilizer gun and is about to leave, but a security guard comes by and takes a nap in his car.You'd Expect: The thief to grab Michael and flee while the guard is asleep. If it's too risky, he can just bite the bullet, leave Michael, and sneak away.
Or, Better Yet: To shoot another tranquilizer at the guard, ensuring that he stays asleep.
Instead: He decides Michael is too good of a catch and tries to wait for the guard to leave.
The Result:An hour later, the guard awakes and sees the cage open, prompting the thief to tranquilize the guard. However, this causes the guard to fall in front of the cage and shut it. As the thief tries to get the cage open, the tranquilization on Michael wears off, and Michael bites the thief, ripping out his trachea.
"Dead on Arrival"
A drug smuggler comes up with an innovative plan to smuggle LSD by soaking a shirt in it to get past airport security.You'd Expect: The smuggler to stuff the shirt into his luggage.
Instead: He wears the shirt as he boards the plane and starts tripping when the LSD soaks into his body as he sweats. Not only does he make a scene and alert airport security, but he also dies on the spot from an overdose.
"Vertigo, Going, Gone"
A sociopathic accounting worker who was fired for his Jerkass attitude and general incompetence, climbs an oak tree to kill his boss with a single-shot, bolt-action rifle. However, he is revealed to have an allergic reaction to oak pollen and starts sneezing uncontrollably.You'd Expect: He would get the idea that something's wrong with him and come down.
Instead: He stays up in the oak tree with tens of thousands of pollen particles and ends up with allergy-induced vertigo.
As A Result: When his former boss comes out of the building, he misses the shot, falls out of the tree, and dies of paralysis resulting from the compression of his cervical spinal cord.
"Withdrawn"
An expert bomb maker plots to rob a bank by making the bank teller think he had had a bomb forcefully strapped to his neck and he'll be killed if they don't give him the money.You'd Expect: That he would remove the blasting cap from the C4. That way, it can't accidentally go off and the ploy would still remain credible. (The interviewee even said that C4 is totally harmless unless hooked to a blasting cap.)
Or, Better Yet: Use a fake bomb that can't actually blow up.
Instead: To be authentic, he makes the bomb real.
The Result: When the cops show up, the frightened teller flees to her car. Her transponder key turned out to be on the same frequency as the bomb, blowing it up and taking his head off.
"Slippery When Dead"
A women's oil wrestling ring is set up in a basement. To add authenticity, the place finds an antique boxing bell, complete with a spike.You'd Expect: That the people running this thing would think to remove or cork that spike to prevent it from hurting someone since the fighters are obviously not always on stable footing.
Or, At The Very Least: If they don't remove that spike, to be sure the bell table isn't so close to the ring, perhaps in a corner somewhere.
Instead: They leave the spike on the bell and put the arena right next to the ring.
The Result: Soon enough, one wrestler (who to be fair, was a violent cheater), ends up slipping, falling backwards, and impaling her skull on the spike. The announcer puts it best:
"Snake du Jour"
A chef at an underground criminal restaurant serving endangered species learns that the King Cobra has escaped and is now hissing at him on the ground.You'd Expect: He'll run out of the kitchen and probably close up shop. If he must confront the snake, he could try toppling a pot or something on it.
Instead: He lies down in front of the cobra, trying to sway it. It bites him.
"Tenta-killed"
A man forces his daughter's boyfriend to eat live animals with him at dinner. Despite making a good effort, he declines to eat a live octopus, so the father mocks him and eats it.You'd Expect: The father to chew on the poor octopus, or better yet, carve it.
Instead: The father swallows the octopus whole.
The Result: The live octopus stays alive long enough to latch itself in the father's throat and choke him to death.
"Botoxicated"
A housewife pays a shady doctor for a Botox injection. Soon after, she starts getting massive headaches.You'd Expect: That she'd call the hospital as fast as possible before something worse happens.
Instead: She decides to dip in the hot tub.
The Result: When she becomes paralysed, she inevitably goes under and drowns.
"Hummus Among Us"
Two Libyan terrorists are trying to sell government stockpiles to Al-Qaeda, and Habib's shooting demonstration causes him to hit a barrel that was mislabeled as containing hummus but actually contained mustard gas and sarin gas.You'd Expect: Everyone would immediately run out of the room as soon as they see the barrel smoking.
Instead: They remain in place, and it doesn't take long for the gas to reach them, causing them to succumb to the gas and die.
"Dead Light, Green Light"
A ticket scalper has his cover blown and is approached by angry customers.You'd Expect: He'll take a quick look for any cars and sprint across the road.
Instead: He waits for the walkman to appear, not that it was any use due to a slug short-circuiting the traffic lights, before slowly crossing, stopping in the middle to turn around. He is struck and killed by a car.
"Harmoured Car
Two armed robbers attack an armoured truck full of money. When the police arrive, one of the robbers returns fire while the other hides in the truck. After a while, he decides to check on the battle.You'd Expect: He'll peek through the window, join his buddy in shooting the police or just stay put.
Instead: He opens the truck door and peeks his head out. He somehow isn't shot by the police, but the door slams against his neck and crushes it when his friend is shot and falls against the door.
"Deep Sleep (Walk)"
A woman suffering from somnambulism has sleepwalking tendencies at times.You'd Expect: Assuming she is aware of her condition, she would at least try and live somewhere she wouldn't sleepwalk into trouble.
Instead: She chooses to live in a house that is on a dock near the water. Sure enough, one night she sleepwalks right off the pier, falls into the water, and drowns before she can fully come to her senses.
"Dead-dy Dearest"
Megan's overprotective father Mike shoots her boyfriend Nick when he finds them together in her room. Nick is left unharmed, as the gun only contained blanks.You'd Expect: That Mike, being a war veteran, to remember from his training that blanks can still cause injury or death and fire the gun at the wall or ceiling to prove it has no bullets.
Instead: Mike seemingly forgets that and shoots himself at point-blank to demonstrate that the gun had blanks, accidentally killing himself in front of his daughter. It turns out that while the blank was not harmful enough to kill him, the blast force from the shot on its own did the job instead.
