Habenyan chooses a bride for Ritsuka is a Fate/Grand Order fancomic by exterminate68
that follows the fairy Habetrot's attempt to make the female servants Ritsuka's brides. It goes as well as you might imagine.
This series can be found on Reddit.
This fic has examples of:
- All Amazons Want Hercules: Though Scathach is happy for the bride offer, she prefers her lover to be strong both mentally and physically. As such, she puts Ritsuka through a Training from Hell before he can be her groom.
- Bait-and-Switch: In-Universe. When Minamoto-no-Raikou expresses surprise at marrying "her son" Ritsuka, Habetrot thinks the former sees him like her own child. Except Raikou then declares that it is wonderful, leading Ritsuka (plus Kintoki and Watanabe-no-Tsuna) to hide away in Osakabehime's pocket dimension.
- Beneath the Mask: Charlotte Corday appears perfectly tranquil that her marriage with Ritsuka is just for a day. However, she is actually quite frustrated about the prospect.
- Berserk Button: Penthesilea's button of being called "beautiful" is triggered by Habetrot when the latter talks about making a wedding dress to make the new bride beautiful.
- Blatant Lies: Ritsuka lies to Habetrot about Mash being his favorite during Tamamo-No-Mae's chapter. He recalls various moments the Caster comforted him, whether it be post-Gil Fest farming or the aftermaths of dealing with the Lost Belts.
- Breaking the Fourth Wall: Blended with Biting-the-Hand Humor with BB, where she complains about the lack of BB Channel music and her own voice, and calls out the author of the comic for being both too lazy to make it a video and too poor to afford hiring her voice actress.
- Broken Pedestal: Played for Laughs for Barghest to Gawain after he jokes that he is jealous that Ritsuka can marry Gareth and wishes they didn't share a parent. Barghest decides to fix this potential Brother–Sister Incest by using her Noble Phantasm on him.
- Catchphrase:
- Habetrot will exclaim "Yabe!" in the face of doom, though other servants will use it as well.
- GODDAMN HOT for Anastasia, who appears when its said and even drops it during her own chapter.
- Do Not Taunt Cthulhu: Habetrot's Open Mouth, Insert Foot tendencies with happily married servants tend to do this, though up to eleven after she questions why Europa would want to stay commited to Zeus due to his adultery in myths. In fury, Europa calls upon Pan-Human History Zeus, who while caring to humans has no problem smiting Habetrot for doubting his love to Europa.
- Everybody Has Standards: In Ganesha's chapter, while she desires the upmost offering and devotion from her followers, she doesn't want a husband toiling through such a pain. Hence why she requests that Ritsuka doesn't pick her as the final bride.
- Good Angel, Bad Angel: Pariodied when Zenobia is asked to be Ritsuka's bride for a day, with the warrior having doubts because of her chastity and her family in her past life. Medb is whispering in Zenobia's ear telling her to not cling to her past and go for Ritsuka, while Tomoe is whispering that Zenobia should remained devoted to her husband even after death. Zenobia decides to marry Ritsuka since Medb's voice is louder, and she doesn't think she'll reunite with her husband as heroic spirits.
- Groin Attack: Baobhan Sith decided to test if male genitals are really the most sensitive part of the body, with a big bloodstain on Ritsuka's crotch as the aftermath.
- Height Angst: Medusa feels that Ritsuka wouldn't be happy marrying a woman as tall as she is. Habetrot points out that she is average for a European woman, and there are several servants that are taller. Medusa wonders if this insecurity stems from how short her older sisters are.
- Hypocritical Humor: Jeanne tells Martha that it would be fine with God to love and marry Ritsuka since He would want her to be happy. Come Jeanne's chapter, and she is sputtered and has to ask God if her marrying Ritsuka will be okay. Martha not only lampshades this but even laughs.
- I Need a Freaking Drink: Jing Ke after being picked to be Ritsuka's bride. She even comes back completely drunk.
- I Want My Beloved to Be Happy: In the epilogue, although Habetrot is still determined to make Mash Ritsuka's bride, Mash doesn't care because he is happy.
- Just Friends: Hephaestion declines becoming Ritsuka's bride, saying that while she enjoyed being his Servant she never saw their relationship as anything more than friendship. Ritsuka happily accepts her response, and invites her for a gaming session with Iskander, El-Melloi, Reines, and Gray.
- Loophole Abuse: Elisabeth points out that an idol can't date, much less get married, because they belong to everyone. Habetrot dryly points out that Elisabeth isn't an idol yet, so those rules won't apply.
- My Sister Is Off-Limits: Castor when Pollux is picked as a bride, saying that a human is not worthy to have his sister as a bride. Pollux, frustrated by his antics, knocks him out and asks to meet with Ritsuka later.
- No Sense of Direction: Xuanzang misses her chances to become a bride since she got lost on the way to Ritsuka and Habetrot, who got tired of waiting for her and decided to play video games with other servants.
- Oh, Crap!!: Happens various times throughout the comic, whether it be Habetrot's Open Mouth, Insert Foot moments, Ritsuka realizing that he bit off more than he could chew, or when a Dominatrix servant is made a bride.
- Open Mouth, Insert Foot: Habetrot when around the various female servants that are already married, such as Bradamante and Tomoe Gozen.
- Recursive Fanfiction:
VereorFau has made a comic featuring Ritsuka (as a guy) who is made a bride. A good chunk of the servants involved in this are those that have either had close relationships with Ritsuka (Mandricardo), have had Ho Yay relationships in the past (Enkidu), or have had a historical track record of having boyfriends (Achilles). - Sadist: Baobhan Sith, who... isn't a pleasant partner, to say the least.
- Shipper on Deck:
- While she is turning all female servants into brides, Habetrot sees Mash as Ritsuka's true bride.
- Both versions of Romulus are this between Ritsuka and Lancer Altria.
- Mata Hari is this for Qin Liangyu. She even declines her spot as a bride so she can support this ship.
- Calamity Jane declines the bride offer because she knows Space Ishtar likes Ritsuka, and would like to avoid her wrath.
- Morgan supports the relationship with Ritsuka and Baobhan Sith, though mainly for the sake of seeing how her daughter would treat her husband.
- Ozymandias supports his "little sister" Tamamo-no-Mae and fellow pharaoh Nitocris as Ritsuka's brides.
- Moriarty also shows support for the marriage between Ritsuka and Frankenstein, his daughter.
- Shipper with an Agenda: Jeanne is happy to support Martha and Ristuka being together... because it means Martha will become her little sister.
- Ship Tease: Obviously between Ritsuka and the other servants. However, there are cases where this doesn't work.
- Shout-Out: Ritsuka compares his ability to dismiss Koyanskaya of Darkness's assigning a 24/7 schedule to Iceberg from One Piece able to do the same thing.
- Surprisingly Realistic Outcome: Many of the female servants like Irisviel, Parvati and Brynhildr decline Ritsuka's marriage offer because they are already in happy relationships currently or in their past lives.
- Take Over the World: Morgan's idea to celebrate her (temporary) marriage to Ritsuka is to take over Pan-Human History and rule it together with an iron fist.
- Take That!: Parvati states that she wishes people would stop trying to pair her with Emiyanote , since she is already devoted to her husband Shiva.
- Through Her Stomach: When Caenis dismisses Ritsuka's proposal as an insult, Ritsuka bribes her with a giant croissant that he and Goredolf made.
- Too Kinky to Torture: Ritsuka, though he has his limits. When Quetzacoatl says that her previous partners died of broken pelvises while doing the deed, its quite clear that he's excited to do it with her. Fergus also applies, who is the only Servant still asking for more pain from Baobhan Sith.
- Trauma Button: After Baobhan Sith, Ritsuka has this for any servant with a sadistic streak, such as Reines or Vritra. The only time it wasn't pressed was with Meltryllis, as he sees through her charade and knows she wouldn't hurt him like Sith did. That subversion in particular even surprised Habetrot, as well.
- Tsundere: A bunch of Chaldea's Servants can qualify as this, ranging from Carmilla to Qin Liangyu. It almost always ends with them screaming something along the lines of "Don't think that I like you anything, you baka!"
- Updated Re-release: Baobhan Sith and Morgan's chapters were redone after their Valentine events were released, giving a more happier ending for all the parties involved.
- Demon King Nobunaga's chapter was redone as well, ending in typical GUDAGUDA fashion, with Demon King Nobunaga admitting she doesn't have an army, admitting that she said she did to look cool to Ritsuka.
- The ending comic gets updated as well since the author has Tamamo as his bride. The updated version has Caster Artoria be picked with Morgan allowing it.
- Unwanted Harem:
- Marie Antoinette has one in the form of Mozart and Sanson, who constantly fight over her. She declines being Ritsuka's bride because she knows they'll target him if she does.
- Murasaki Shikibu also has one consisting of Lancelot, William Shakespeare, Tristan, and Julius Caesar.
- Worth It: Ritsuka is certainly thinking this when he learns a night of passion with Quetzacoatl will lead to a chance of death from broken pelvis.
