If Disney Cartoons Were Historically Accurate - Disney Musical Parody - With Rachel Bloom
is a 2013 music video animated by Spookingtons and hosted by Cracked. It follows a Disneyesque princess (voiced by Rachel Bloom) as she wanders through the idyllic fantasy village, blasely singing about all the gross, depraved, or otherwise offensive things that happen in her Crapsaccharine home. Highlights include plagues, witch-burnings, limb loss, anti-Semitism, and a cart full of baby corpses. At the end of the song, she comes across the Prince Charming she's been dreaming of... only for him to instantly drop dead from the horrific disease she's carrying.
If Disney Cartoons Were Historically Accurate contains examples of:
- Amputative Sentencing: The village square prominently features a statue of Jesus Christ, adorned with the severed hands of thieves and a placard that reads "THOU SHALT NOT STEAL AGAIN." The princess affectionately refers to the statue as "Hand Jesus."
- Artistic License – History: Although the video touts itself on "historical accuracy," there are a few shortcomings:
- Witch-burning was not actually a thing in the Middle Ages; while burning at the stake was a punishment frequently carried out against heretics, the Catholic Church's official stance was that supernatural witches did not exist, and opposed blaming witches for natural disasters.
- Although cousin marriages were the norm in the past, there was never any point in European history where parent-child incest was socially acceptable.
- Raccoons are native to the New World and would not be found in Europe until after the Age of Exploration.
- Medieval European nobles may have had strange taste in foods, but horse vagina was not a delicacy they enjoyed.
- Many medieval towns and cities actually had strict laws about dumping chamber pots in the street.
- Bigotry Exception: Although the princess is nice to the little Jews in the forest, she still seems to hate all Jews in general.
- Black Comedy Animal Cruelty: A bear is shown chained up, performing tricks, and being whipped by its handler. Suddenly, the bear turns toward him and raises its claws...
- Blood from the Mouth: At one point, the princess stops to cough up blood. Subverted in that whatever disease that causes it doesn't kill her, but it does infect and kill the prince she intends to marry.
- Burn the Witch!: A witch who's blamed for the recent plague outbreak is shown being burnt for the stake.
- Crapsaccharine World: The village seems perfectly peaceful and lovely at first, but as the princess goes through it, it's revealed just how disgusting everything really is.
- Death by Childbirth: The princess fully expects that she'll die shortly after giving birth to a son.
- Death of a Child: Befitting how much of a Crapsack World the village is, child death is presented as a normal occurrence and Played for Laughs. The princess even points out an entire cart full of baby corpses from the recent plague.
- Deliberate Values Dissonance: The entire point of the song: contrasting a Disney fantasy setting with all the unsightly details about the Middle Ages that Disney chooses to leave out.
- Disney Creatures of the Farce: The princess's "friends from the forest" are all little cartoon Jews hiding from persecution by the village guards.
- Disneyesque: Being a parody of Disney cartoons, it's not surprising that the whole video is animated in such a style.
- The Dung Ages: There's urine and feces scattered everywhere throughout the village. At one point, the princess walks under a row of houses whose residents are all emptying their chamber pots into the street, and there's shown to be literal human-sized piles of dung sitting around.
- Foreign Queasine: The princess's planned wedding would include courses like kidney cream and horse vagina.
- Fractured Fairy Tale: The idyllic fairy tale village is actually revealed to be an appalling dump full of disgust and depravity.
- Funny Background Event:
- One peasant runs a stand selling frankfurters called "The Dawg Ages."
- Aladdin is shown having his hands getting cut off by a town guard for stealing. Abu is later shown to be biting the severed hands as they're hung on "Hand Jesus."
- The market has a stall selling deerskins that resemble Bambi and a butcher selling the body of Meeko the raccoon.
- When the princess mentions eating "horse vagina" at her wedding feast, a horse in the background looks shocked and disturbed.
- Instant Illness: It only takes one cough from the princess to make the prince contract the plague, which kills him in a matter of seconds.
- "I Want" Song: The whole video is a song about how the princess wants to find love and marry a beautiful prince.
- Marital Rape License: Implied with how the princess imagines her wedding night. She specifically imagines her prince behaving "forcefully and roughly" in bed with her.
- Medieval Morons: All the residents of the fairy tale village are generally shown to be disgusting, backwards barbarians.
- Parental Incest: The local blacksmith is mentioned to have already married and impregnated his daughter... who's also ten years old.
- The Plague: The village is said to be so peaceful and quiet because many of its inhabitants have recently died of a plague.
- Precision F-Strike: The princess drops one after her would-be husband keels over and dies of the plague.
- Prince Charming: The subject of the princess's "I Want" Song. He appears at the end, handsome and radiant as ever... only to keel over from a disease she gave him.
- Ridiculously Cute Critter: The Jews are depicted as adorable little forest-dwelling creatures with giant noses that take up most of their face. The princess gives them some gold coins, which they peck at with their noses like chickens.
- Stock Punishment:
- A man is shown wielding a paddle and beating a criminal who's locked in the stocks. They both stop and wave at the princess as she walks by.
- Another is shown leading his wife (with a sign around her neck reading "ye wife") around on a chain while her hands and neck are pilloried.
- Truth in Television: A lot of the things depicted in the film actually do have a basis in history:
- Barbers did in fact act as surgeons, taking care of responsibilities like bloodletting to balance a patient's humors.
- It was common for Jews to be banished from a city, usually after being blamed for a plague or after lurid rumors of child sacrifice circulated.
- Death by Childbirth was indeed a real risk for medieval women, with the fatality rate being anywhere from 2% to 20%.
- Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe: Some of the signs, like those in the barber-surgeon's office, are filled with excessive "ye"s and flowery language.
