Warp That Aesop / Avatar

• Avatar:
  • Only by abandoning their old culture and becoming fully integrated into the local society can immigrants hope to be accepted. Those who refuse to assimilate want to kill you and bulldoze your house for shits and giggles. The only solution is to forcibly deport them at arrowpoint.
  • Don't ever change even when others (even by force) try to change you resist them at all costs. Even the smallest amount of personal or social change will lead to nothing but a lifetime of spiritual emptiness and physical/emotional misery so its good to have the exact life you've lived since childhood (or at least as far back as you can remember) with not even the slightest deviation in routine.
  • Diplomacy is a crap-shoot so the only way to solve our problems is to fight.
  • Paraplegics have no redeeming factors, so be sure to take the first chance at getting virtual legs.
  • Minority groups will never prosper without white people there to solve their problems.
  • If you want to get some Nookie, get someone assigned to teach you about their culture until they fall for you.
    • Selling out your species for the chance of getting some Alien Nookie is perfectly acceptable.
  • Any region, island, continent, or planet untouched by post-Stone Age civilization will consist in a single, unitary tribe of magical native Americans who display all manner of indigenous people tropes. With one single tribe living there, the area (can be an entire moon) is sparsely populated, intertribal politics and conflict are nonexistent, fertile land is freely available pretty much everywhere, and the natives never disturb hostile wildlife or overhunt.
  • People who evolved differently than your race did cannot be forgiven for not living up to the genetically imposed ideals of your culture. How dare they not be able to hear the trees screaming in their brains like you do!
  • No matter what you do to a group of people, they will forgive you if you show up in a sweet enough ride.
  • Killing animals, even in self-defense, is terrible and wrong. Killing people or animals for food, on the other hand, is totally fine, not to mention lots of fun!
  • Space marines are awesome!
  • Racism and hostility towards those with a culture different from your own is wrong if you're not a 10-foot tall blue kitty-cat person.
  • The best way to solve environmental problems is to evolve a ponytail that functions as a USB port for connecting your brain to a brain made out of tree roots.
  • When a group of highly advanced aliens arrive on your planet because they desperately need the rocks that are under your house, just tell them to screw off. You have arrows. You'll be fine.
  • When someone desperately needs something that is of no value to you, refuse to give it to them at any cost.
  • The best way to solve environmental problems is to abandon all technology and return to a tribal existence and everything will be happy!
  • The death of your sibling will result in an opportunity for a fantastic life-changing adventure!
  • Reptiles have breasts.
  • Signing up to fly a military gunship for a living does not necessarily mean you signed up to fire said guns, and you are fully justified in betraying your comrades and even killing them if you're ever made to use those guns on hostile targets.
  • Disobeying immoral orders to fire on "hostile" civilians, and fighting former comrades willing to carry out mass murder of innocents, will only make you a Doomed Moral Victor.
  • Humanity is unfulfilling, so get your self uploaded to a Na'Vi body, and go enjoy life on Pandora, you can ride "dragons" there! This is also great for paraplegics, going back to the point above.
• Avatar: The Way of Water:
  • So, the main villain from the last film comes Back from the Dead in an alien avatar, starts ransacking your tribe's home, and won't rest until you and everyone associated with you is dead by his hands. The best solution? Take your family (no one else important), get the hell out of Dodge and head to an island dozens of miles away and take refuge there. It's not like you'll also be endangering that tribe by dragging them into the bad guy's petty revenge quest against you.
  • Belittling someone for their lack of aquatic adaptations is harmless fun that can't possibly go awry, so long as you're Na'vi.
  • Some kid who says he wants to be friends with you the day after you beat him up for bullying your sister can totally be trusted.
  • Earth is dying, you say? Better kill all those whales for their immortality-inducing oil and sell it to the rich big-wigs back home while the getting's good! It's not like all that money will be rendered completely worthless once Earth finally goes kaput.
  • To save the earth, we have to incite whales to violence.
  • Threatening to harm the child of an enemy leader is a legitimate tactic in warfare. This is true even if the child isn't on the enemy's side.

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