Hey Kids! Is your Imaginary Friend not up to snuff? Does all he ever talk about is candy and lava on the carpet and things that only you like? Is he limited only by your imagination and are you the only one who can see him? Well imagine no more as I introduce to you the brand-new, state of the art, Trope Co.®-brand Humanoid Abomination™!
With the Trope Co.® Humanoid Abomination™, you can make any trip to the playground an event. It is tall enough to reach high-shelves, can cool any hot summer day, heat any frigid winter night, it can be a boy/enby/girlfriend worth telling your associates about and is completely bio-degradable.
Are your parents too busy and also too judgmental for you touring them among your teachers or parent-teacher conference? Bring the Trope Co.® Humanoid Abomination™ instead! They don't even need a mouth to converse with your teachers and they would never know the difference.
Your parents don't like the idea of an anomalous stranger crawling through their floorboards? Don't worry, as he is also adult friendly as well! Trope Co.® Humanoid Abomination™ scares away all forms of biting insectsnote within three feet of it; all it eats are recyclable material and it can even wash your dishes for you.
Trope Co.® is not responsible for any anomalous properties your property (be it public or private) may develop within the presence of Humanoid Abomination™, including manifestations of rooms that did not exist, the flocking of any species of corvus, cathartes or rattus within the vicinity of the property, the anomalous stacking of books by the hundreds, the a coating of b-class ectoplasm across the walls, black-haired exchange-students with the habit of crawling on the ceiling appearing in your classrooms, testing papers turning into trees, trees turning into cheat-sheets, mysterious deaths at your local auditorium, movie theater and teen center, or any and all other unexplained phenomena.
All by-products of Trope Co.® Humanoid Abomination™ are considered highly dangerous and must be disposed of at your local Radioactive Material depository. For your safety, please dispose of all dishes handled by Trope Co.® Humanoid Abomination™ immediately.
