"Eat this, you giant tree trunk piece of ass."
— John
Richard McBeef
is a 10 page play by Seung-Hui Cho, written in late 2006.
The play follows Richard McBeef, a middle-aged man recently married to a woman named Sue. His new stepson, John, has it out for him after a tragic boating accident that took his biological dad’s life, and constantly accuses Richard of molesting him.
The play became notorious and widely mocked online in the late 2000s, due to its bizarre themes, strange prose, and for the actions of its author - Virginia Tech student Seung-Hui Cho. Less than a year after writing Richard McBeef, on April 17th 2007, Cho killed 32 people at his college and then himself, in what would prove to be the worst school shooting in US history.
Richard McBeef contains examples of:
- Ambiguous Situation: It's left unexplained whether or not Richard really did kill John’s dad.
- Antagonistic Offspring: John really has it out for Richard. He accuses him of rape, repeatedly insults him, and accuses him of having murdered his dad in a secret government coverup to get with his mom. He also doesn't think much of his biological father, saying Sue was too good for him.
- Asshole Victim: John is murdered by Richard at the end of the story, after falsely accusing him of rape and (maybe) falsely accusing him of murdering his father.
- Chainsaw Good: After John convinces Sue for the second time that Richard molested him, she threatens Richard with a chainsaw, which had apparently just been lying around.
- Dartboard of Hate: Enraged that Sue doesn’t believe him about Richard being a pedophile, John smiles and rants about how much he wants to kill Richard while throwing darts at a picture of his face.John: I hate him. Must kill Dick. Must kill Dick. Dick must die. Kill Dick... Richard McBeef. What kind of name is that? What an asshole name, I don't like it. And look at his face. What an asshole face. I don't like his face at all. You don't think I can kill you, Dick? You don't think I can kill you? Gotcha. Got one eye... Got the other eye.
- Depraved Bisexual: After John accuses him of being a pedophile, Sue asks Richard if he is a "a bisexual psycho rapist murderer".
- Government Conspiracy: John claims Richard is involved in one, and also claims that the government was involved in killing John Lennon and Marilyn Monroe.
- Lecherous Stepparent: Richard, at least in John and Sue's mind. Richard does manage to convince Sue that he isn’t, but John accuses him again and she becomes convinced once more, even threatening him with a chainsaw.
- Pædo Hunt: John manages to convince his mother that Richard is a pedophile, calling him a Catholic priest and Michael Jackson.
- Protagonist Title: The play follows a day in the life of the absurdly named Richard McBeef.
- "The Reason You Suck" Speech: When Richard escapes Sue chasing him with a chainsaw, John meets him in his car. He then proceeds to berate him for his previous job failures - having been a janitor, a truck driver, a fast food employee, and a pro football player, but all for extremely short periods of time. He finally calls him dad, the thing Richard has been trying to get him to do the whole story, but only to say he’s an asshole.
- Tragic Villain: Richard is portrayed this way, as he seemingly kills John at the end, but does so out of "sheer desecrated hurt and anger" when John's antagonistic behavior causes him to hit his Rage Breaking Point.
- Uncertain Doom: Taken literally, John is killed by Richard's "deadly blow", but the play does not make it explicit that he actually died.
- Villain Protagonist: This seems to be in effect whether you interpret John or Richard as the play's protagonist, as they both turn homicidal by the end.
- Would Hurt a Child: After John calls Richard a failure then tries to shove a half eaten cereal bar down his throat, Richard fatally strikes John, abruptly ending the play.
