The Universal Genre Savvy Guide / Multi Genre

• No matter what, the very first thing I will do is determine what medium and genre my story is. Being Wrong Genre Savvy is no better than being Genre Blind.
• Secondly, I will ALWAYS assume my nemesis has read the Evil Overlord List. It is better to assume my opponent is as Genre Savvy as I am and turn out not to be than to assume I'm the most savvy guy on the block only to be killed by a rookie mistake.
• No matter what genre I am in, if I walk into a room/house/cave/forest clearing/etc, and see my beloved spouse/fiancée/love muffin being kissed by someone else, I will not automatically assume that s/he is cheating on me. I will remember that sometimes people are the recipients of unwanted affection. Above all, no matter how much emotional pain this puts me in, I will not run away sobbing and flat-out refuse to listen to anything my loved one has to say. I will at least stay there until I have clear confirmation that he/she is cheating on me. Then I will run away/take revenge/whatever.
  • Scratch the above, actually. Whenever I see people doing strange, seemingly violent or suggestive things, I will not make assumptions about the situation. Far too many relationships—both romantic and platonic—have been ruined that way. Anyway, if the situation really is as dangerous as it seems, running away won't help—it'll just alert the killer to my presence.
  • I will also consider the possibility of it being an illusion or the result of brainwashing by a villain. There's nothing better for seeding conflict than telepathic abilities.
• If I am informed that I have, for example, won something in a contest I don't remember entering, I will ring back and inquire about it. I will not simply say "Woot, free stuff!" and accept—many cursed items cannot be passed on unless the receiver willingly takes it on themselves.
• If someone I know causes the lights to flicker when they enter the room, I will disassociate myself with them immediately until it is conclusively proven to be safe to do otherwise.
• My Best Friend is not allowed to take my Cool Car out for any reason, least of all to impress a chick. The Monster of the Week will start his attack the instant that car hits asphalt.
• If the dashboard of my Cool Car is covered with buttons, I will have it programmed to only accept input from myself and the True Companions least likely to start blindly pushing random buttons trying to find the A/C and radio controls.
• I will never just roll on into a backwater town or county in my Cool Car and start asking questions unannounced. Instead, I will conduct careful research into the area and call ahead to make sure the sheriff knows who I am and what I'm expected to be doing in his jurisdiction (as much as I'm at liberty to disclose to him, anyway).
• If I am going into a dangerous, nasty, and/or crime-ridden area, or any place where I'm fighting a war / crime / drug dealers / the Mafia, and/or going to be there for a while and the locals don't like me, I will not drive my Cool Car anywhere in that area. Instead, I will park said vehicle at home or in a garage, then take a taxi, public transportation, a cheaply purchased beater, or a rental car (and accept the insurance) into the suspicious area.
• I will ascertain whether the fireproof tunic makes me fireproof as well. If it only actually protects an area of my body the size of a short-sleeved shirt, it's not going to be that helpful to me.
• I will be polite towards any cop who arrests me, unless they're working for a tyrannical dictatorship (and maybe even then). Especially if the cop is forced to postpone my imprisonment for whatever reason and go on a journey with me. We may have just found ourselves in a buddy cop movie.
• Being interrupted in the middle of a ritual is a real bummer. As a guideline, any single ritual longer than 15 or so seconds (30 seconds maximum) can generally be replaced with the appropriate use of a 12-gauge shotgun or other mundane weapon of choice. If this is not an option, I will keep around someone I trust with some mundane weapon, preferably well trained.
• While keeping an important key on a chain around my neck isn't a bad security idea, I will make sure to tuck it under my nightwear before I go to sleep so some enterprising hero can't steal it while I lie there helpless. To help this, a short and relatively tight chain is a good measure, although I will make sure I can't be choked using it.
• I will not send an inexperienced patrol to deal with a dangerous suspect, especially not if the crime is happening so many floors up. Instead, qualified site personnel will be dispatched in packs to subdue the offender.
• If I'm head of a religious order or a cult, I will abolish the practice of lynching anyone thought to be a witch without so much as a fair trial. The long-term results are never worth it.
• If my enemies ever try to get me to cease my actions by listing off all of my flaws, vices and past misdeeds, I will realize my enemy is trying to psychologically manipulate me. If possible, I will ignore them. If I can't ignore them, I will refute everything they say. If I can do neither, I will kill them, then go back to whatever it was I was doing.
  • Furthermore, if I am the hero, I will realize that the villain believes I won't attack him while he's talking. Fighting with honor and glory is certainly preferable to underhanded tactics, but if the fate of the city/country/planet/universe/etc. is on the line, my moral quandaries about murder become secondary.
• I will never insult— or even mention— anyone's weight, height, unusual name, disability, lack of a partner, pronounce/spell their name wrong, question their expertise, question the importance of something they value greatly, insult their family, touch their hair or their hat, misidentify their species, or do anything else that could make them angry unless it's absolutely necessary. You never know what could set people off. If I do any of these things unintentionally, I will apologize immediately.
  • Furthermore, by deliberately refusing to make fun of their disability, especially if it's very noticeable, I may win myself a friend through my compassion.
• I will not create or work with any artificial intelligence while I'm emotionally distressed. The AI will pick up on my strange, erratic behavior and question it, and it will take whatever I answer I give it while in this state to unforeseen horrific conclusions.
  • The Jerkass custodian is banned from the lab where the AI is being developed, and will not be given a key. As an added precaution, I will take care to alert the AI to this idiot and instruct it to ignore anything he says about anything, ever.
  • The Klutz is likewise banned from the lab, as are food and beverages of any kind.
  • If the AI has a Morality Chip, I will not remove or deactivate it, even if the Corrupt Corporate Executive orders me to do so. If he brings in an outside party to get around me, I will vacate the premises with maximum haste before the premises gets locked down.
• If I'm a criminal and I've just learned that the guy I've been bonding with this whole time is an undercover cop, I will not respond by freaking out and turning on him. The second I learn he's a cop, I'm in a sensitive situation where the bad guys I've been running with could turn on me at any second, and one wrong move can get me killed right along with the cop. Instead, I will request that he help me fake my death and turn myself in. The bad guys he's investigating will somehow find out I know who the cop is by the time I see them again and torture me into giving up that information, and then possibly kill me to tie up a loose end. The cops will at least put in the effort to keep me alive long enough to appear in court.
• No matter how much I want it, I must accept I can't be normal again. I'll never be normal, and thinking otherwise is obsessive, whining, or detremental to the mission at large. So much as considering leaving might cloud my judgement and turn me into a potential Load for the team. However, I can't just flippantly break ties with my hometown and pretend it doesn't exist; the only acceptable time for this is if the plot does this for me, or my old life wasn't special to me in the first place.
• For the love of all things, watch out for gender non-conforming people, and if I am one, watch myself too. If there's even a slight chance that I or someone else doesn't do something expected of our gender, either we go all in or cut ourselves off from toxic influences. Hiding who we really are rarely goes well, if at all, and I don't want to have to go through any dumb drama or regret my decision. And I need to make sure I don't alienate people who do conform and make clear about what I am and what I like, because if the narrative takes a side I'll be in for some unpleasant discussions or be grossly misinterpreted.
• If I am in a setting where Virtual Reality has advanced enough that players can fully immerse themselves in a video game, and I am part of said game's development team, I will create a backdoor that will allow me to prevent crazy game developers from trapping my players in there, or at least give and take away admin rights without going into the game itself to do it. I will not force players to complete a difficult and dangerous quest before getting those admin rights.
  • If I am a player in an aforementioned Virtual Reality game, especially one that uses feedback and the like to simulate damage and injury, I will bear in mind that the equipment utilized to do so is more or less plugged into the most vital organ in the human body, and that any damage to such would be very bad, so I should probably think very carefully over whether I really want to commit to a medium of entertainment that could literally cause me to keel over and die if I lose.
• If someone says, "This isn't a movie/cartoon/video game!", I will take very careful note of my surroundings and recent events, as such statements constitute evidence that "this" is in fact a movie/cartoon/video game. Though not necessarily the specific medium so denied.
• I will not enter an unfamiliar vehicle or any vehicle that is very obviously compromised. Such vehicles tend to take off on their own to author-knows-where, often with whatever hapless sap entered them stranded inside. Sitting on a bike or similar personal vehicle also counts as "entering the vehicle".
• If a person takes you to a place you have never been before, look up reviews and other information as the place might have food that could harm you.
• Prophecies Are Always Right. If a prophecy concerns the main character, this applies even in a setting where prophecies are explicitly not always right. However, the most obvious interpretation may not be the correct one.
• If the evil science institute tells me "It's ok, we got rid of all the people who did those horrible things", I will assume they have been replaced by someone just as bad, especially if the institute's activities do not seem to be disrupted by a chunk of their staff being sacked. This assumption will remain until proven otherwise.
• Revenge Before Reason is the ultimate faux pas. That includes a home invasion, which is ultimately going to inspire previously clashing sides to unify against mine.
  • Besides, seeking "Justice" in lieu of "Revenge" tends to work out better; "Avenging the murder of my parents" might sound find to me, but "Stopping a double-murderer" is likely to garner a lot more sympathy and support. Hell, depending on the competency of the local law enforcement and/or the murderer in question, they may just do my task for me (though I probably shouldn't count on this in most cases).
• Whatever business I need to conduct with any banking institution will be carried out online, at the ATM, or from the drive-thru. The second I step inside the bank, there's a 100% chance of the bank being robbed and everybody inside becoming a hostage.
• Any piece of equipment I do not want to lose, such as weapons, requipment, or any plot-important Macguffins, will be secured to my person with a reliable lanyard or carabiner.
• If The Inspector Is Coming, there is an even chance that it is actually a Surprise Inspection Ruse, and so I will authenticate with the higher-ups.
• I will never, EVER, drink something offered to me until the person who offered it drinks it. And even then, I will beware the assassin's teapot.
• If I have multiple lives, I will not recklessly waste them while laughing in the face of Death.
• If the heroes clearly attract problems through their own presence, the heroes will be sent far, far away from where I live.
• If the villains need a Dismantled Macguffin and I don't, I will just find the first piece, smash it, and call it a day instead of letting the villains use me to regain all the pieces.
• I will not trust Deus ex Machina to save me. When defeat seems certain, it probably is.
• I will not wear a necktie into battle. Jackie Chan will grab it and use it to yank my head around.
• If I must wear shoes, they will not have laces.
• I will not let anyone with a blatant Story-Breaker Power onto my team. Threats that counter said power and further stack the deck against me will come into existence, and the story-breaker will be a walking Idiot Ball.
• If my fellow heroes constantly fight each other more than their enemies, I will request to be with different heroes. Infighting between heroes benefits the villains.
• I will not wear high heels. Because heels are a male invention designed to make women's butts look smaller...and to make it harder for them to run away.
• If I can be the likes of Kirby or Rayman, I will so I will not have shoulders to shoot me in, a neck to snap, or knees to hurt by tripping.
• I will not ignore my issues and refuse to let anybody else even try to help me. After all the external threats are dealt with, it will make me the biggest threat to everyone else.
• Anyone who does not physically interact with anything or anyone or talk to anyone other than me will not be considered. This way, I can identify anyone who's imaginary and/or incorporeal.
• I will never, ever climb up a rusted ladder, especially one leading to the top of a radio tower. The ladder will collapse and leave me stranded on the top with no way down.
• If I find a large stash of money in the middle of nowhere, I will leave it be. It is a criminal magnet.
• If I am in a movie or show where the goal is to kill a single normal human, I will invest in ninja stars, kunais, and/or grenades instead of normal guns. For some reason, unless legions of enemies are involved, a normal gun tends to become an Idiot Ball with a trigger, and the crippling stupidity I'm required to possess while I hesitate to pull said trigger is in no way worth padding out the movie to feature length or the show for more episodes. If guns are necessary, I will invest in laser guns, freeze rays, blessed bullets, rocket launchers, and/or portal guns.
• I will not constantly use the F word. For some reason, it greatly increases my chance of being killed off.
• If I am a comedian, I will not joke about having a stroke on stage. It will get me killed on stage with no one noticing it isn't an act.
• I will not be a Heroic Mime. Others will constantly put words in my mouth and find me intimidating and creepy rather than heroic, I will be easier to catch if I must disguise myself to infiltrate enemy territory, and I will get shot for not answering someone who expects me to talk.
• If I seemingly kill a bad guy and see an intact corpse, I'm blowing it up so they don't get back up. In fact, I will be a Power Ranger or Kamen Rider.
• If I am a secondary character, I will not suddenly have an emotional scene. I might as well wear a neon sign flashing "Kill me".
• I will not be in anything with the word "kill" in the title. Case in point: Killing Eve ends with Villanelle shot dead by unseen snipers.
• If I must pick a name (mostly for superhero names, machines, or children), it will not be Invincible or anything similar.
• I will never let myself become single-minded in pursuing a single goal and nothing else. If I fail or even succeed to achieve it, I should be able to immediately list off and set out to achieve the next things I will do, instead of falling to my knees and having an existential crisis.
• If I am set on fire, I will never run around while panicking. Instead, I will put my stop, drop, and roll training into action.
• Females who must wear dresses will wear non-flammable ones. There are much better uses for cotton that will not get their wearers burned to death.
• Any so-called professional killers on my side who do not make sure their targets are dead will be used for target practice.
• I will not wear nail polish or non-powering rings that I can easily be identified by, ensuring that if someone likes to cut off hands, fingers, feet, and/or toes to confirm kills, my offscreen death cannot be confirmed by the nail polish or rings, thereby implying that I lived.
• I will never, ever write a song containing "I Got Shot" or any other harmful thing happening to me. It will happen for real.