L to R: Quick and Foster.
If It Moves, File It is a Britcom that aired on ITV in 1970, starring John Bird and Dudley Foster.
Quick (Bird) and Foster (Foster) are two hapless and unsuccessful Civil Servants obsessed with secrecy working in the filing department of a government department.
Their boss is Froggett (John Nettleton), who the pair try their hardest to stay out of his way. All three of them work under the orders of the Minister (John Barrard).
The series was never repeated after 1970, and all of the episodes are now lost. However, the series' theme, "Pinstripe Patrol", is available on YouTube here
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If It Moves, Trope It:
- British Brevity: Only six episodes were produced in one year.
- Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": The Minister's name is never given, and he is only referred to as "Minister".
- Locked in a Room: "Walled In" sees Quick and Foster trapped in their office when workers refurbishing the building accidentally nail up and plaster over their door. Foster reassures Quick that they'll get out, only to lose his nerve and break down in panic.
- No Full Name Given: We don't get to know Quick, Foster, or Froggett's first names.
- One-Word Title: Episodes two and five were simply titled "Surveillance" and "Grandmothers".
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here: In "Surveillance", Quick and Foster are ordered to supervise a house, only for criminals to burst out shooting for them. Naturally, the pair don't stick around and run for their lives.
- Short-Runners: The series only aired for a one-series run of six episodes.
- Tempting Fate: In "Surveillance", Quick and Foster are sent to the intelligence services, where they are tasked with watching a house. While watching the house, Quick has a flight of fancy about dangerous criminals bursting out of it guns blazing. Once he tells Foster about it, a group of criminals do come out shooting, and Quick and Foster run for it.
