Colonel March of Scotland Yard is a British television series consisting of a single season of 26 episodes broadcast in 1955 and 1956, and starring Boris Karloff as the one-eyed criminologist Colonel March. It is based on author John Dickson Carr's fictional detective Colonel March from his book The Department of Queer Complaints.
Working out of D-3 (a.k.a. 'The Department of Queer Complaints'), Scotland Yard's department for seemingly unsolvable cases, March's investigations bring him into contact with the impossible, the unnatural and the supernatural. March is aided on most of his of his investigations by the dependable Inspector Ames.
Tropes:
- As Himself: In "The Case of the Misguided Missal", Real Life Stage Magician Chan Canasta appears as himself: brought in by March to demonstrate how the missing book could have been stolen from the safe.
- Badges and Dog Tags: In "The Headless Hat", March mentions that he was in Army Intelligence during WWII, which taught him a few tricks of his own. It is not known if he was a police officer before the war and joined up for the duration, or if he joined the police after leaving the army.
- Blackmail: In "Death in the Dressing Room", the owner of a nightclub is inveigling well-to-do young men into compromising relationships with his dancers, and then using their love letters to blackmail them.
- Bookmark Clue: In "The Stolen Crime", the Victim of the Week is murdered when the killer douses her cigarettes in a Perfect Poison. The killer then enters her room and removes all her cigarettes and empties the ashtrays so there is no evidence of how the poison was administered. However, when March searches the room, he discovers that she had used a cigarette as a bookmark.
- Brandishment Bluff: In "Hot Money", Colonel March gets the drop on a safecracker by jamming his finger into the middle of his back. The crook is convinced that it is a gun.
- Cane Fu: Even though March's iconic umbrella is actually a Sword Cane, he is also adept as using it as a weapon without drawing the blade. For example, in "Hot Money" a criminal attempts to draw a gun from a desk drawer, only for March to hook the man's swivel chair with the handle of the umbrella and spin the chair around, then knock the gun from his hand with the brolly.
- Carpet-Rolled Corpse: In "The New Invisible Man", a crook knocks March out and rolls him up in a carpet preparatory to dumping him in the Thames.
- Clothing Combat: In "The Case of the Misguided Missal", the Victim of the Week is strangled with a scarf. the scarf is then left on the body in an attempt to frame the scarf's owner.
- Compilation Movie: Colonel March Investigates is a 1953 British film consisting of the three pilot episodes of the TV series.
- Continuity Nod: In "Death in the Dressing Room", Colonel March attends a masked event at a nightclub wearing the rubber demon mask worn by the bank robber in "Hot Money".
- Couch Gag: The opening title sequence shows Colonel March taking off his coat in his office and writing the title of each episode in a book. This then dissolves to an image of an object from within the following story. Often it's a murder weapon or an item of clothing. Sometimes its relevance is a mystery until it is revealed later in the episode. Other episodes, such as in "The Headless Hat", show the item that the episode is named after.
- A Deadly Affair: In "Death in Inner Space", a scientist discovers that his assistant is having an affair with his wife. He murders the assistant by sabotaging the breathing apparatus being used in a space flight simulation.
- Dead Man's Chest: In "The Case of the Misguided Missal", the body of the Victim of the Week is found stuffed inside a chest in a locked room with solid stone walls in the university.
- Dead Person Impersonation: In "Death in the Dressing Room", a maid takes the place of a murdered dancer and appears in the nightclub floor show to make it look like the dancer was murdered later than she actually was and allow the killer to establish an alibi.
- Death Faked for You: In "Present Tense", Ernest boards a plane, but changes his mind and leaves before the plane takes off. After the plane crashes, he sees his name on the passenger list and realises the world believes him dead. He decides to take advantage of his supposed demise to trick his wife into committing suicide, and the reappear and claim her estate.
- Disappearing Box: In "The Case of the Misguided Missal", March brings in a Stage Magician who uses a miniature version of the disappearing box to demonstrate how the eponymous could have been stolen from the safe. However, even this demonstration turns out to be a piece of misdirection on March's part to allow him to catch the thief off-guard.
- Dramatic Half-Hour
- Eiffel Tower Effect: "Death in Inner Space" opens with a shot of the Eiffel Tower, followed by the Arc de Triomphe and the Fontaines de la Concorde to establish beyond a doubt that the episode starts in Paris.
- Extreme Doormat: March's niece Emily in "Present Tense". Just before he attempts to murder her, her husband Ernest expresses his contempt by saying:"No man can long be in love with the mat on which he wipes his feet."
- Eyepatch of Power: Colonel March sports one.
- Fakin' MacGuffin: In "The Case of the Misguided Missal", a university professor forges of a copy of the rare prayer book he is supposed to verifying: planning to fob the university off with the forgery and sell the real missal on the antiquities black market.
- Follow That Car: In "Hot Money", a bank clerk who has just been robbed chases the robber out of the bank and jumps in a taxi and gets it to follow the getaway car.
- Fresh Clue: In "Death in the Dressing Room", March feels the palm of the Body of the Week before it is moved, much to Inspector Ames' confusion. Later March reveals that her hand was bone dry and not covered in oil as it would have been if she had been dancing, meaning that she had been killed before the floor show and that someone else had taken her place.
- From Camouflage to Criminal: In "The Headless Hat", the mysterious 'Monsieur Z' was a leader of La Résistance during WWII. However, when the war ended, rather than returning, Z stayed in the shadows and used their skills at organization and subterfuge to take control of the Marseilles underworld.
- Gaslighting: In "Present Tense", Ernest, the husband of March's niece Emily, takes advantage of his supposed death in a plane crash to 'haunt' Emily and attempt to drive her to commit suicide.
- Having a Gay Old Time: Colonel March is the head of 'The Department of Queer Complaints'.
- High-Class Glass: Baron Novakov, one of the suspects in "The New Invisible Man", is an impecunious European aristocrat living in London who nevertheless wears a smoking jacket and a monocle. It even pops out of his eye in astonishment at one point.
- Inspector Lestrade: Inspector Ames usually fails spot the intricacies of a case, ignores any incongruent evidence as inconvenient, and is always keen to arrest the most obvious suspect. However, he is willing to admit that March is usually right, and is the officer that March most relies on at the Yard.
- It Works Better with Bullets: When March exposes the mysterious 'Monsieur Z' in "The Headless Hat", Z tells March that he is very clever and then pulls a gun. March tells Z that the gun won't help him because it is empty. Z pulls the trigger only to discover that March is telling the truth.
- Laughing Mad: When the murderer is revealed in "The Sorcerer", his facade of sanity breaks and he starts laughing crazily as Ames leads him off.
- Locked in a Freezer: In "Death in Inner Space", March and a French lawyer are locked in an airtight chamber—designed to simulate the rigours of space travel—while all of the air is slowly extracted.
- Locked Room Mystery: In "The Sorcerer", a psychoanalyst is found dead in a seemingly sealed room. Inspector March needs to decide who had the most reason to kill him, and how did they accomplish the task.
- Mistaken for Own Murderer: In "The Strange Event at Roman Falls", the wife of famous reclusive writer is accused of his murder after she reports him falling off the cliff near their home into the sea. However, it turns out the writer never existed at all. He was a Moustache de Plume created by the woman to allow her to publish her works and be taken seriously. However, after an old romance rekindled, she decided to fake the death of the fake husband to allow her to marry her love.
- Moustache de Plume: In "The Strange Event at Roman Falls", the wife of famous reclusive writer is accused of his murder after she reports him falling off the cliff near their home into the sea. However, it turns out the writer never existed at all. He was a male nom de plume created by the woman to allow her to publish her works and be taken seriously. However, after an old romance rekindled, she decided to fake the death of the fake husband to allow her to marry her love.
- Mystery of the Week
- Naughty Birdwatching: In "The New Invisible Man", Major Rodman is a Dirty Old Man who surveys the neighbourhood with his old field glasses, and in particular the house opposite where a pretty young bride lives, on the pretext of checking the weather. All of the street knows of his proclivities. However, while doing so he inadvertently becomes a "Rear Window" Witness.
- Never Suicide: In "Passage of Arms", the killer attempts to make it look like the Victim of the Week committed suicide by leaving an empty bottle of sleeping pills by her body. However, he had actually smothered her with a Vorpal Pillow and then forced some of the pills down her throat after she was dead.
- Not-So-Fake Prop Weapon: In "Passage of Arms", the killer removes the the safety cap on his fencing foil—revealing a sharpened tip underneath—and attempts to stab his opponent during a fencing bout.
- Parasol of Pain: Being a Quintessential British Gentleman, Colonel March naturally carries an umbrella, which is also a Sword Cane. However, he is also shown to be a dab hand at using it for Cane Fu without drawing the blade. For example, in "Hot Money" a criminal attempts to draw a gun from a desk drawer, only for March to hook the man's swivel chair with the handle of the umbrella and spin the chair around, then knock the gun from his hand with the brolly.
- The Perfect Crime: In "The Stolen Crime", a man claims to have devised the perfect method of murdering his wife, and begs Ames to lock him up for three days so he can not put it into action. Ames refuses, as no crime has actually been committed. Then the man's wife dies under mysterious circumstances, and March and Ames' suspicions are aroused. In reality, the man's mistress stole the method and murdered the wife. She figured that even if the death was detected as murder, the husband would be the logical suspect and take the fall.
- Perfect Poison: In the "The Stolen Crime", a man who believes he has devised The Perfect Crime describes a new German insecticide that is colourless, odourless and tasteless, that vaporises when heated, and is fatal if inhaled. Later, his wife is poisoned using this exact poison.
- Pistol-Whipping: In "The New Invisible Man", March attempts to turn the tables on a crook who has the drop on him, only for the crook to knock him unconscious with his pistol.
- Pocket Protector: In "Death in the Dressing Room", the killer throws a Javanese throwing dagger at March, but the blade is blocked by the hardback book March is holding.
- Public Secret Message: In "Death in the Dressing Room", a Javanese dancer incorporates movements meaning "Help. Danger" into her dance. Fortunately for her, Colonel March understands the meaning of Javanese dance moves.
- "Rear Window" Witness: In "The New Invisible Man", a man indulging in some Naughty Birdwatching claims to have seen a pair of gloves fatally shoot a man in the front room of the house opposite.
- La Résistance: In "The Headless Hat", March befriends Mrs. Sargent: an English widow living in France. She tells him that her late husband was part-French, and they were both members of the French Resistance. She also reveals that 'Monsieur Z', the head of the underworld in Marseilles, is a former Resistance leader, and she may be one of the only people to know him by sight.
- Shrouded in Myth: 'Monsieur Z', the head of the underworld in Marseilles in "The Headless Hat", to the extent that the majority of his underlings do not know what he looks like.
- "Shut Up!" Gunshot: In "The Second The Mona Lisa", March breaks up a fight between the two bodyguards over the paintings by taking Lawson's gun off him and firing two shots into the ceiling.
- Smith of the Yard: Colonel March. When he is introduced, people often remark that they have read or heard of him.
- Stage Magician: In "The Case of the Misguided Missal", Real Life stage magician Chan Canasta appears As Himself: brought in by March to demonstrate how the missing book could have been stolen from the safe.
- Stolen by Staying Still: In "The Second Mona Lisa", the would-be thief breaks into Lawson's hotel room, knocks out his bodyguard, and twists the eponymous painting so it is hanging askew on the wall. This convinces Lawson that the painting has been stolen and replaced with a copy, so he removes it to be re-authenticated, allowing the art expert to misidentify the real painting and send Lawson away with the copy.
- Sword Cane: March's iconic umbrella is also a sword cane. He undoubtedly bought it at the same place as John Steed.
- Tainted Tobacco: In "The Stolen Crime", the murderer douses the Victim of the Week's cigarettes in a new insecticide that is colourless, odourless and tasteless and vaoprizes easily when heated. After she is dead, the killer removes all of the cigarettes from the room and empties the ashtrays to disguise the cause, but doesn't realise that the victim had been using a cigarette as a bookmark.
- Tap on the Head: In "The New Invisible Man", March is knocked out when a crook lightly raps him on the base of the skull with a pistol.
- Teacher/Student Romance: A university professor's desire for one his students becomes a motive for murder in "The Case of the Misguided Missal".
