hey, look who's tropin' around.
how are ya, kid?
how are ya, kid?
(for best effect, read this in a voice similar to Cr1TiKaL, djsmell, patrick star, steel (like so
), sonicmega, timberpuppers, revtrosity… you got a lotta options, pal. also, pretend it's all written in comic sans. but you don't really have to. spoilers are unmarked, by the by. don't say you weren't warned. just gonna tibia off on that one.)
H u m a n .
D o n ' t y o u k n o w h o w t o g r e e t a n e w p a l ?
T u r n a r o u n d a n d s h a k e m y h a n d .
(You turn around to do so. and then suddenly... pffffffffft.)
heh heh. the old whoopee cushion in the hand trick. it's always funny.
anyways, you're a troper right? ah, nice to hear. (heh, nerd...) well, i guess i should introduce myself. 'sup? i'm sans. sans the skeleton. i'm the "unhelpful" brother of papyrus the skeleton. i'm one of the major characters from undertale, which i'm sure you've heard of. if you haven't... well, then what are you even doing here? well i guess you could probably google it or something. there's a ton of stuff about it... a skele-ton. me and my bro papyrus usually walk around snowdin and just look for humans. i'm not a hunter myself, but paps is a human-hunting FANATIC. mainly 'cause he's trying to get into the royal guard. together we usually make puzzles to capture any humans who come near. to be honest though, it's not really my thing. i just prefer to be lazy and whatnot and make some jokes and bad puns.
lately, i've been seen hanging around the town of hometown, because... well, now, i could tell ya why, but that'll just ruin the surprise. i think you'll have more fun figuring that one out for yourself.
oh, and buddy? now that i have your attention... please, remember to be nice around these parts, ok? i mean, like, a real good neighbor, ok? don't get me wrong. i like being friendly with you, and would prefer to keep it that way, if you catch my drift. and should you happen to do something ridiculously, unfathomably stupid... trust me when i say i'll be in the know about it. so keep that conscience clean, capeesh? or else, well, i would hate having to be not so friendly with you any more, pal. you wouldn't want to… ahem… have a Bad Time, do you? though the regular kinda stupid is fine, i guess.
anyways, i'm supposed to put some tropes up here and everything. apparently people get a kick out of things like this. eh, i think i'll take a crack at that after grabbing a quick hour-long lunch or two at grilby's. well, maybe. i'll probably need a nap after that. and papyrus does get kinda cranky if i don't read him his bedtime story, so i'm afraid this evening just won't do either... in the meantime, why don't you take a look at it? i know i can count on you, bud.
tropes that i show are:
- almighty janitor: i'm not exactly the best when it comes to puzzles, fighting and anything else, really. i don't really like having to do lots of work... but that doesn't mean my boss battle is gonna be a breeze for you, so ya might as well abort the genocide run.
- all lowercase letters: as you can clearly see. i'm perfectly capable of using all the big letters like the so-called "professionals" do… but, eh, it's usually just too much effort. besides, using two sizes for the same letter just seems a little shifty to me!
- all-powerful bystander: it's pretty tough to get me off my lazy butt to do anything, but don't think i can't show you what for if you do make me mad enough to fight.
- always someone better: well, if you're determined and bloodthirsty enough, it could be you. but you don't really wanna go through that much pain to get there, do you? but you know, there was also this one guy i knew a long, long time ago... but i'd rather not talk about someone who might be listening.
- badass boast: pal, i'd much prefer it if we were just friends, honest. hell, you'd hear nothing from me but the facts if you murder somebody. but if you try one of those "kill 'em all" runs, you gonna have a Bad Time.
- beware of the silly ones: normally, i'm a pretty laid-back and humerus monster, but as i've said at the mtt resort, if it wasn't for the promise i made to tori... Y o u ' d b e d e a d w h e r e y o u s t a n d . and if you decide to go for the "kill em all" route like a numbskull, i'll be waitin' for ya, and trust me, bud... I will make you regret everything you did. and even if i can't... well, trust me even more when i say a certain character much, m-u-c-h scarier and more twisted than me will be waiting for you.
- big brother instinct: it ain't like i enjoy fibbing to my brother or anything, but sometimes i can't bear to tell him about some if the, uh, well, let's say, "uglier" truths about the world around us. paps is a toughie, but i'm just afraid that big bony heart of his couldn't take it. remember not to overstep his boundaries, by the way. this may be a running theme throughout this page.
- big brother worship: eh, swappy-swapped. have i ever told you how my brother papyrus is the coolest?
- big fun: i love making puns and pulling pranks on people.
- brilliant… but lazy: i dunno if i'd call myself "brilliant," but i do tend to get the last laugh more often than not.
- cheshire cat grin: i'd say i've got a jolly face, but if i ever pull this face◊ on you, then you're most certainly in for a Bad Time.
- combat pragmatist: heh heh heh, you really thought i'll let ya have the first turn, take a weak attack, get to hit me standing still, or see my special attack?
- "common knowledge": i've seen all the fan art, but i hate to break it to ya: my eye only glows blue when i'm using some magic. anger has nothing to do with it. you'll know when i'm mad if my pupils disappear.
- cool big bro: i like to mess around with my bro papyrus, but i do care for the guy. in my honest opinion, he's even cooler.
- crouching moron, hidden badass: i'm more a lover than a fighter, but if you feel like taking the path of total murder... you're gonna have a Bad Time.
- dem bones: i think it's kinda obvious, ain't it?
- despair event horizon: i mean, the idea that my life can be taken away from me at any second is pretty depressing. i usually just mask it with some jokes and stuff.
- disappeared dad: that gaster guy might be this, but, eh, nobody knows for sure, not even me. he could be another brother or just some cousin for all i know. jury's still out on that one. go see if the little dog has answers. good luck getting anything out of him though. even i can't get a read on that mutt.
- the dragon: to my brother on a good day, aaaaaand king fluffybuns on a really, really, really bad day.
- exact words: hey, the "check" doesn't lie. i do deal one damage a hit. it's just that i hit a lot faster than anybody else.
- the fatalist: ya know the deal. why bother putting effort into doing anything when it's all gonna to be reset without any warning? i'll only afford to care if you're the anomaly that's gonna end all the timelines.
- fat slob: hey, i'm not fat... i'm just big-boned. and i already told ya, what's the point of cleanin' up my act if it'll just get messy again?
- foolish sibling, responsible sibling: well, it sure looks like i'm the foolish one, huh? true enough, between us, papyrus is the energetic one, who cleans the house, does his job and chores, and constantly pushes me to do mine too. and i gotta admit, for all i rib(cage) on him for it, i'm happy he does that. i'm not sure how i would fare in life without him. i would probably sleep all day, even moreso than i do now. you know… i sometimes wish i could see the world how he does. but, unfortunately, i'd say i have my own heavy responsibilities to bear. i know of quite a few ugly secrets about the nature of the world we live in, and frankly, i hope paps never becomes aware of them.
- fourth-wall observer: ahem… hilarious bone pun. (camera zooms in on Sans, rimshot plays) yeah, i'd say that's it. but trust me, kid, i know what's going on here. i'm lazy, but i'm not stupid.
- friendly skeleton: i'm a pretty nice guy, if you ask me. i'd love to stay that way, too.
- glass cannon: the CHECK don't lie: i've got 1 HP. if you've fought me, you'll prob'ly get the cannon part, too.
- godzilla threshold: i know you can always undo the killings you did, which is part of why i don't usually bother. but if you continue this path down to its logical extreme, i've seen what comes next... and i won't be able to afford not to care anymore.
- guest fighter: i'm in super smashing fighters. wait, that's not right… ah, super smash bros, got ya. though, not really, it's just a mii gunner costume that looks like me. the responsibility's too much for me, i guess. nice to see that big companies can also slum it in style. but hey, you get a remix of my theme song with it too. pretty sure i also showed up that blonde guy too. heh. oh wait. it looks like the humans got me in smash for real this time. it's not actually official, but at this point, who cares. my bro papyrus shows up too as a stage cameo. i guess they wanted to reward me for being the lazy one.
- hopeless bossfight: oh no, that ain't me. that would be you. look, pal, while i do hope that things never ever get that bad between us, i'm quite aware that any fight i would pick against you will be futile for me. with you being... well, whatever big scary thing you really are, as long as you're determined enough, you can try to beat me as many times as you'd like, due to those fancy powers of yours. me, on the other hand? i only have to fail to stop you once, and it's curtains for me and my world. y'know, the big sleep. oblivion. and that's all she wrote. i know my only hope in that case lies in giving you as much of a Bad Time as possible so that you'll come to your senses and leave me alone.
- i gave my word: normally, i hate making promises, but on the off chance i have to make one, i won't back down on them. like with tori for example. she told me to never harm any human children that should ever find themselves in snowdin. the only time i would really break a promise is if it was getting outta hand. so just promise that you won't get ansty in your pantsy for a monster mash... unless you really like the feeling of your sins crawling on your back.
- it's probably nothing: my brother said he had a conversation with some kind of talking flower the other day... meh, it's probably just someone playing a trick on him with an echo flower... but then again, there is something about that thought that makes my hands twitch. huh, strange.
- memetic mutation: go on, try to slaughter everything and everyone in the underground. you're gonna geeeeeeeeettttt dunked on!
- heh. hell, my entire existence is a meme at this point. my fandom got so huge that it collapsed in on itself. now my name's thrown around mostly for laughs. i don't really mind, though. besides, some of the stuff i see from you humans is hilarious. keep it up. no idea why you all seem to think my last name is "undertale", though.
- my card: oh, why, yes. in case you want to talk later, here's my phone number... what? oh, the black sharpie marks? don't worry about them, they're not covering up anything important... (heh… sucker...)
- mysterious past: huh, my past? what's there to talk about? well, i'm something of a quantum physics enthusiast, i might have had some connections with the current royal scientist and, just between you and me, there's somethin' in my basement that i could never fix. don't worry though, i've given up all of that a while ago.
- o.o.c. is serious business: hey buddy? i quite like you, so i'd like to let you in on a little secret, now that we've gotten to know each other. you've probably noticed how i normally speak in all lowercase letters by now, and that maybe i sometimes dont really even care about usin "proper" punctuation marks. it's because i really like to take it easy, yknow, keepin it all casual and laidback. But when I speak with proper capitalization, like, say... Right now, it means that I'm being completely serious. And if you see me doing even stranger things with my speech, l i k e t h i s r i g h t h e r e . . . You had better watch out, because it means you have actually managed to made me mad. (pants) jeeze, that whole thing took a lot of effort. just... (yawn) just give me a moment here...
- off-screen moment of awesome: you're not the first to try and kill everyone in the underground. boy did i give that little flower a bad time.
- off-screen teleportation: takin' shortcuts around the underground allows me to get to places pretty quickly and with less effort. it also helps me keep an eye on your progress. but if you go down the wrong path and refuse to stop... well, i'll show you through my shortcuts into some attacks. hey. if they're all set up and you just keep bumpin' into 'em, that still makes it one attack, right?
- the prankster: as if my intro isn't enough of an indication. whoopee cushions, loosening the lid on ketchup bottles, painting the eyepiece of a telescope, you name 'em. i even got one involving trust passwords. if you want to know more, call the number i gave you. it's totally mine.
- pungeon master: it's my specialty, really. i really work it... down to the bone. papyrus thinks they're low-effort, unfortunately. tough crowd.
- red oni, blue oni: and color-coded to boot. between me and papyrus, i'm the one who likes taking it easy.
- ripple effect-proof memory: eh, not really. i know more about timelines than i do with remembering each reset. guess when you're as lazy as me it all just blends together.
- sherlock scan: i'm pretty good at reading people's expressions, kid. that expression... that's the disappointed expression of someone who's expecting a trivia about myself, only to find absolutely nothing.
- the slacker: like i said, i'm not really a "working" kind of guy. i'd rather hang out at grillby's or take a good long nap at the couch at home than capture humans.
- series mascot: not entirely, but thanks to a lot of the fans of the game, i'm pretty much the most recognized character in the bunch... "sans undertale", huh? heh, can't lie. i do kinda like the sound of that.
- sincerity mode: i always knew my brother is the coolest, and he sees the world in a way most could only dream of, even if i have worried about him because of it. but if he can actually stop a murderous human bent on killing everyone with just words, then it's not just him i respect. maybe deep down, there's a chance we can be friends since i can't help but give a chance to anyone that spares my brother. even if every other potential ruler is killed, i can't judge a human to be all good or all evil if they're willing to give my brother a chance. as i say here:
"hey, i really respect what you did back there." (winks) "thanks."
- stepford smiler: don't get me wrong, i love my puns as much as the next guy. but after living in a literal hole for so long and getting to that end of the tunnel (no pun intended there) just to have that taken away with a reset, and losing a bunch of close friends, the best i can really do is put on a brave face.
- theme music power-up: my leitmotif laid back and relaxing. my battle theme is a step more upbeat. yeah, you know i lied, its way, way more upbeat. prepare to have one hell of a BAD time. although technically, that last one isn't really my theme. some might even say it's YOURS. but whatever. not really worth thinking about.
- Took a Level in Cynic: at some point or another, i wasn't the lazybones you know me as. things were better back then... but now? i've given up goin' back. after all, when everything's liable to just be undone at a minute's notice, wouldn't you feel just the slightest bit upset? that said...
- Took a Level in Idealism: if you wanna try and give us all a happy ending, without anybody dying? then i'm rootin' for ya, kid.
- trademark favorite food: ketchup. i simply can't get enough of the stuff. true, grillby has tried to explain that you're supposed to put it on food rather than drink it straight from the bottle, but i think i keep at least half his business afloat from buying bottles in bulk from him, so he's kinda sorta given up on it.
- tranquil fury: depends on what happens at the end of the game. either i'll be rootin' for ya over on the phone, or if you've offed a lot of folks, but not all of the monsters, especially toriel or papyrus... well, let's just say that you're lucky i can't get past that barrier.
- walking spoiler: yeah, but everyone knows about the genocide run 'cause of me, huh? doesn't mean you should waste your time with it, though. it's a real sucky experience.
- weak, but skilled: in a fair fight, i'm pretty much dead on arrival... what with being a skeleton and all. but if i have to throw down, i'm not gonna fight fair. incidentally, don't let all the badass boasting and threats on this page give you the wrong idea about me. i'd really, really prefer to be your friend than your enemy. and i sure as hell don't enjoy fighting. some jerks just don't understand anything other than violence.
- the woobie: apparently a lot of people feel bad about my depression and half the crap i have to deal with. thanks, guys, but it's fine. really. asgore's got it way worse than me, for one. if i had that kinda weight on my shoulder blades, i'd be beggin for a reset.
- welp, i'm off to grillby's.
papyrus, you want anything?
WHAT THE—? SANS, NO, GET BACK HERE! IT'S YOUR TURN TO CALIBRATE THE PUZZLES!
