Schmuck Bait / Literature

"If somebody put a big red lever in a hidden cave with 'End Of The World Lever - Do Not Touch' on it, the paint wouldn't have time to dry."

— Terry Pratchett, in several Discworld novels.

• The Adventures of Tom Sawyer: Becky is tempted to open the teacher's desk when she sees the key in the lock, as the entire class is curious to find out what Mr Dobbins's book is about.
• The Kid Stays in the Picture: Robert Evans was offered pharmaceutical grade cocaine during the early 1980's, which he described was "mythical" at the time. He even labels it schmuck bait, and castigates himself, "How could I be so fucking stupid?!"
  Robert Evans: A woman we knew was offering to sell us pharmaceutical cocaine at bargain prices. Pharmaceutical cocaine was mythical manufactured by only one company in America, Merck. So mythical was its allure, that it became the DEA's most effective bait to entrap schmuck buyers.

• C. S. Lewis' The Magician's Nephew:
  • Kid protagonists Digory and Polly explore the ruined world of Charn and find a bell inscribed "Make your choice, adventurous Stranger; Strike the bell and bide the danger, or wonder, till it drives you mad, what would have followed if you had." Digory then proceeds to waltz right up to it and hit the damn thing, despite the fact that Polly is physically trying to stop him. Cue the Big Bad getting uncanned.
  • Occurs in the backstory, too. Uncle Andrew tells Digory the story of how his godmother gave him a box before she died, making him promise to destroy it without opening it. Opening it started him on his quest to be a magician, which eventually was the cause of Digory and Polly traveling to other worlds in the first place.
• Terry Pratchett's Discworld: Used or referenced constantly. Anything in Discworld that is labeled "Do Not Touch" will be meddled with.
  • In the very first book, Rincewind gets stuck with the Eighth Spell of Creation because he went and opened the Octavo on a dare, when every student was perfectly aware that it was not to be touched.
  • The wizards of the Unseen University are the people who put the Schmuck in Schmuck Bait. As a footnote explains: Any true wizard, faced with a sign like "Do not open this door. Really. We mean it. We're not kidding. Opening this door will mean the end of the universe," would automatically open the door in order to see what all the fuss was about.
  • Hogfather:
    • Archchancellor Ridcully discovers a hidden door, which his predecessor had had sealed off, leaving a sign saying, "Do not, under any circumstances, open this door." So, naturally, Ridcully has it unsealed. One of his subordinates asks if he'd seen the sign, and Ridcully says, "Of course I've read it. Why d'yer think I want it opened?" When it's sealed again at the end, the worker makes sure to leave the nails loose.
    • A footnote says, 'this exchange contains almost all you need to know about human civilization. At least, those bits of it that are now under the sea, fenced off or still smoking.'
  • Thief of Time:
    • Perhaps not coincidentally, Lu-Tze reasons that he should go to Ankh-Morpork, a veritable city of schmucks, because "the day someone pulls the plug out of the bottom of the universe, the chain will lead all the way to Ankh-Morpork and some bugger saying 'I just wanted to see what would happen.'" Guess what city the Unseen University is in?
    • A narrated line points out, "If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH,' the paint wouldn't even have time to dry."
    • The concept is inverted, played-with, subverted, taken out behind the Mended Drum, kneed in the groin and thrown in the River Ankh: The heroes set up a series of possible schmuck baits to confuse the literal-minded Auditors—"Do not feed the elephant" when there is no elephant to not feed, for example.
  • In The Last Continent, the wizards discover a window that has been turned into a portal to a desert island. The Archchancellor props it open and attaches a warning that 'showed some thought has gone into the wording: "Do not remove this wood. Not even to see what it does. IMPORTANT!"' It half-works, as somebody later removes it... accidentally.
  • In Soul Music, the Librarian picks up on the beat that is infecting the world, and pulls out all the stops on the University's mighty organ, including the ones "with faded labels warning in several languages that they were on no account to be touched, ever, in any circumstances" before he begins to play. This is mostly to illustrate the magnitude of the music, since nothing extraordinarily bad actually happens when he plays. There's the wall of noise and the explosion afterwards, but that's par for the course when it comes to musical instruments designed by Bloody Stupid Johnson. Considering it was a Johnson, they were lucky it didn't blow up when they stepped on the pedals. The reason for the labels may have been provided in Hogfather, in which the existence of the "Organ Interlock" mechanism in the sealed Archchancellor's Bathroom is demonstrated, to Ridcully's great distress.
  • Lords and Ladies:
    • The circle of stones up on the moor in Lancre, mentioned in Lords and Ladies. They're there partly to keep the elves out, and partly "in the hope that enough daft buggers would take it as a warning, and stay away." Guess what happens. Subverted in that the circles are described as safe and stable (except for the very rare times when the universe barriers are weak) and thus the villagers of Lancre specifically don't forbid the children to hang around the circles, simply because they know that this way, the kids will quickly lose interest.
    • When Magrat surrenders to the Elves, she hands one a box telling him not to open it. He does, and answers the Discworld version of Schrodinger's cat (the states of the cat can be dead, alive, or alive and bloody furious) as "Greebo went off like a Claymore mine".
  • In The Last Hero, it's revealed that mysterious treasure maps, and accompanying tales of how perilous the treasures' locations are, were placed in the paths of gullible heroes by the gods, who consider Schmuck Baiting a spectator sport.
  • In Carpe Jugulum the vampire Count de Magpyre and his ancestral home, Dontgonearthe Castle. People came from all over the country to see what the fuss was about, eventually necessitating the installation of road signs along the lines of "Last chance not to go near the castle, 100 metres on your left" and directions on how not to go near the carriage park. At the end of the book the count is having a gift shop installed. This is something of a Lampshading/Subversion as it's part of an unspoken agreement between Vampires and Humans: As long as heroes continue to be schmucks (and vice-versa), Vampires will continue to stock their castles with convenient crosses, bundles of garlic, easily-pulled-aside curtains and breakable wooden furniture — as opposed to enslaving humanity, while villagers will continue to pretend to believe that the old vampire that they killed a century ago couldn't possibly have returned, for at least another century or so, before killing him for another century or so — as opposed to bottling up the ashes and throwing them off the Disc to make really, really sure.
  • Going Postal has Vetinari offer a nice cushy job to two former criminals as an alternative to execution. He tells them that if they like they can simply walk out the door behind them, and never hear from him again. One man is smart enough to look first, and sees that a quick death lurks beyond that door. The other is never heard from again...
  • Making Money:
    • Subverted in Making Money, where Moist expects the missing floor from Going Postal and is surprised when it is now a normal room.
    • Aimsbury the chef is allergic to the word garlic. Not actual garlic, but the word; if someone says "garlic" near him, he briefly goes catatonic before throwing anything he might be holding and shouting in fluent Quirmian for eight seconds straight. People often find themselves with an inexplicable urge to say it, which can actually be dangerous for anyone standing directly in front of him while he's holding a knife.
  • Recurring Ankh-Morpork street merchant Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler's commercial success as a meat-pie and sausage-in-a-bun seller is largely based on this trope. People who've tasted his appallingly-bad pig products invariably have to come back again to buy another, as they just can't believe it was really as dreadful as they recall it being. So, they buy another a few days later. And another after a few more days, etc.
• The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Arthur Dent spots a big red button next to a sign that temptingly reads, "Please Do Not Press This Button". He presses the button only to have a warning message appear that says, "Please Do Not Press This Button Again".
• The Hounds of the Morrigan: Subverted. Some mooks charged with capturing the protagonist set up some road signs: "This road is the winner of the Safest Road in Ireland competition. This road is so safe that a boy can cycle down it with his eyes shut." The boy keeps his eyes open and easily avoids the feeble roadblock set up to trip him.
• Alastair Reynolds' Revelation Space series is loaded with schmuck bait, most of it left behind by the Inhibitors. There are unusual alien artifacts designed to get attention of intelligent space-faring life forms and contain difficult puzzles as locks. If you're smart enough to open it, it signals the Inhibitors to wake up and come exterminate your race for being too intelligent. The artifact found around the neutron star in the book Revelation Space is transformed into Schmuck Bait by a later culture, the Amarantin's (genuine) attempts to disguise it, keep others away and warn them.
• The Gunslinger: Whatever you do, Allie, don't tell Norm "nineteen". Given that it's a Stephen King book, it's played for suspense and terror. Norm, incidentally, is a man who was bought back to life, and after Allie tells him "nineteen", whatever he tells her is so horrifying she begs the lead to put a bullet between her eyes.
• One book in the Enchanted Forest Chronicles mentions a well full of Water of Healing, which has hanging nearby two dippers: an ordinary one, and a golden, jewel-encrusted one that turns to stone anyone who touches it. One of the characters in the book is a prince who knew not to use the gold dipper, but still picked it up to take a look at it (after all, it's not every day you see a golden, jewel-encrusted dipper); when he started turning to stone, he thought quickly and dipped his arm into the water, making him a living statue.
• H. P. Lovecraft:
  • At the Mountains of Madness: The author acknowledges the possibility:
    In hinting at what the whole revealed, I can only hope that my account will not arouse a curiosity greater than sane caution on the part of those who believe me at all. It would be tragic if any were to be allured to that realm of death and horror by the very warning meant to discourage them.
  • In an earlier story, The Case of Charles Dexter Ward, the Big Bad Joseph Curwen receives a letter from an associate giving him this little gem of advice: "I say to you againe, doe not call up Any that you can not put downe; by the Which I meane, Any that can in Turne call up Somewhat against you, whereby your Powerfullest Devices may not be of use. Ask of the Lesser, lest the Greater shal not wish to Answer, and shal commande more than you.". Guess what he tries to do later on.
• Briar Patching (as introduced by Joel Chandler Harris's Uncle Remus stories) is a particularly active form of Schmuck Bait. In "Brer Rabbit Rides Brer Fox", Rabbit's been claiming Fox has been his pa's riding horse, and Fox wants to make him eat his words in public. Rabbit begs illness, and slowly maneuvers Fox into carrying him to the public place by donning a saddle and bridle so Rabbit can "hold on easier" -and Rabbit slips on some spurs when Fox isn't looking.
• Warhammer 40,000: The Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer has a page in it that has a large blanks space labeled, "Do not deface. ON PAIN OF DEATH!" Nearly every owner of the Primer has scribbled something in that space.
• In Robert W. Chambers' short story collection The King in Yellow, almost anyone who reads the eponymous fictional play has had to intentionally seek it out and is therefore well aware of the fact that anyone who had already read it was quickly driven insane. So why do they still read it?
• The opening of House of Leaves specifically tells the reader not to read the book.
• In The Belgariad, the nomadic Algars have one massive self-sustaining fortress for the sole purpose of acting as bait for invading armies. Being nomads, they never actually are there, but over the centuries nobody's caught on. They do visit the place, they just don't stay there long. They temporarily set up housekeeping around it while Gareth and company are visiting, mainly for the purpose of, essentially, doing minor repairs and light weeding so that it doesn't start to look too abandoned. During Torak's invasion of the west, he and the Angaraks laid siege to it for ten years, and only stopped because the prophecy that led him on told him he had to be somewhere else at a certain time.
• Invoked in Romance of the Three Kingdoms: Zhuge Liang does not have nearly enough men to defend the city he's in from his rival Sima Yi's massive advancing army. So he orders all the doors to be opened, all the soldiers to hide, and sits on the top of the wall playing the zither. Sima Yi takes one look at this setup, declares it to be Schmuck Bait, and immediately retreats.
• Harry Potter:
  • The Headmaster of Hogwarts would like to remind you that the corridor on the third floor is off-limits to absolutely everyone. As well as the Forbidden Forest.
  • The groundkeeper Rubeus Hagrid would like to add that the huge three-headed dog behind the easily unlockable door in said corridor doesn't guard anything of any interest to students.
  • Deputy Headmaster Minerva McGonagall would like to affix that the legendary Chamber of Secrets allegedly built by Salazar Slytherin and containing some unspeakable horror, most certainly does not exist, and thus students should not divert their attention from their studies to the knowingly fruitless searches of said Chamber.
  • Death would like to offer you the Elder Wand, a wand so powerful it will make any wizard who wields it unbeatable. Just ask the hundreds of dead wizards who owned it before you.
  • Strangely Averted in regards to the time turner in book three. Hermione is given a number of rules to follow when using it. Many of them get broken, but the one rule that begs to be broken is "Don't change things you already know happened." Harry and Hermione actually follow that rule. They never even try to break it.
• A Song of Ice and Fire:
  • No matter how many times Lord Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish informs other characters of his being an untrustworthy liar either quite directly, through Sarcastic Confession, by using paid proxies, by expensively dressing like one of the most blatantly indoorsy clerks ever (a Braavosi style of display that should be a a humongous, red flag) or just through pointing them at general gossip, they still manage to trust him. Or, at least, believe they can use him enough for this, one, particular instance, even if they don't trust him in general terms or think they are wise to him and, therefore... safeish. The rational is usually that he's good at his job, amusing company and rather harmless, or failing that, is weak to physical threats and can be reined in later. Very bad move. The list of people he's disarmed/ set-up by doing this to is steadily growing.
  • Petyr's very obviously only semi-habitable castle-complex that is Harrenhal, the title to which he's managed to wrangle. It's humongous, the lands are great and the titles usually attached to the lot (there has been some change over time over the specifics) practically shine with promises of further political and social advancement, but only if you can play your cards right in the game of thrones — and, you can, can't you, slugger? Lies, lies, lies, lies, lies. Sure, it has a bit of a widely broadcast (and very bad) reputation and needs a lot of TLC, but... it's just superstition and nothing a bit of elbow grease won't fix, right? Unlike most poor saps, however, Petyr's staying as far away as possible from the sodding thing while using his title's perks, given he sees it for exactly what it is. He's even got wrecking balls in mind. We've yet to find out which one will win, or if they'll each manage to scupper each other. Or, worse, if they'll join baity forces, somehow.
• Les Voyageurs Sans Souci: Sébastien and Agathe know Miss Alavolette is a child-kidnapping witch who uses magic to abduct children who are dumb enough to buy her wares. Nonetheless, they reason that they can buy Alavolette's flying suits and avoid their kidnapping by learning how to use them properly. When they meet Alavolette, though, they smugly ask if her suits have a user's guide or something, visibly clueing her in on the fact that they may be less dumb than that she had hoped. Alavolette gets mad but she says she will answer their questions if they try her special liquor first...which Sébastien and Agathe proceed to drink despite Alavolette's servant making desperate "No, no!" signs behind her back. Needless to say, their drinks were drugged, and they are only saved from getting abducted by Opportune -Sébastien's aunt's maid- storming into Alavolette's tent, and dragging both kids out of there.
• A few times in Galaxy of Fear.
  • The miners in Spore Dug Too Deep in an asteroid and found a Door of Doom with recorded warnings (now destroyed) and, in case those failed, a terrified-looking statue outside. Best guess anyone, including a visiting anthropologist, has is that it's some kind of tomb. The miners decide to open it anyway in case there's treasure. There's not.
  • Zak deciding to side with SIM and do as it says. Okay, this is a universe where computers are so hard wired with restrictions that them spontaneously turning on people is unheard of, and the man warning him had earlier proven to be a Jerkass and was now incoherent, but still.
• There is a failed bit of Schmuck Bait in The Road by Cormac McCarthy. The man finds a jar of preserved fruit in an abandoned house. It looks very nice, but "other people hadn't trusted it, and in the end, neither did he."
• In To Sail A Darkling Sea by John Ringo, the non-infected humans place modified cargo-carriers where zombies can approach it. The cargo-carriers have sirens and lights to draw infected 'zombies' in. Schmucks go in, chum comes out.
• Straight example in Idlewild: the radio at the HQ.
• This trope is the basis of the plot of Ralph Williams' "Business As Usual, During Alterations".
  Matter duplicator instruction panel: 'Warning! A push of the button grants your heart's desire. It is also a chip at the foundations of human society. A few billion such chips will bring it crashing down. The choice is yours.'
• Played with and lampshaded in a mission in Invasion of Kzarch; where the heroes get steadily more and more nervous as they approach their destination, because nothing's happening. Almost there, one suggests to the other they tell their commander to retreat; the other's only objection is that it would sound ridiculous (Although he goes ahead and does it anyway, too late to be of any good):
  "And how do we do that, sergeant? 'Sir, everything is nice and clear with no problems. We need to retreat at once!'"
• In Edgar Allan Poe's The Cask of Amontillado, Montresor uses his offer of a pipe (a large barrel of about 126 gallons) of Amontillado, a very expensive sherry, to lure Fortunato to his doom.
• Fantastic Mr. Fox: Defied. When the farmers are trying to starve the foxes out of their hole, Boggis waves a piece of roast chicken in front of the opening, daring the starving foxes to go for it, in spite of the shotguns they know are aimed at the opening. Littlest fox is tempted, but shut down by his father, who says that's exactly what the farmers want, and that it's Better to Die than Be Killed.
• Sideways Arithmetic from Wayside School has a chapter solving math problems using words as ciphers for numbers. Mrs. Jewls uses EARS + EARS as an example problem. Todd blurts out SWEAR... and gets sent home on the kindergarten bus for swearing, even though that was the correct answer.
• In Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, every knight at the table immediately realizes that the Green Knight's beheading challenge is an obvious trap, but he manages to bait them until Arthur (and then Gawain, to take his place) accepts anyway.
• Bruce Coville's Book of... Magic: Subverted in The Wonderworm. Jana opening the box containing the Wonderworm proves the key to inheriting its power and overcoming her believed status as being Born Unlucky.
• Moongobble and Me: In book 5, Snelly the Mischief Monster sees a box that says "Open me for a beautiful experience". Ignoring everyone's warnings against opening it, she opens it... and regrets it, as it turns her into a beautiful human woman.
• The Witch of Knightcharm: Several older students at an evil Wizarding School suddenly leave phones out in places where the rookies could steal them and call for help, even though the older students have previously made it clear the rookies aren't allowed to contact anyone. The phones are hexxed with curses that will explode and kill anyone who tries to use them. The older students only left them out as a way of identifying and eliminating any rookies who were thinking about running away.
• "Wizard Bait": Thusalah keeps a lot of magical MacGuffins in her Dragon Hoard so that she could deliberately attract eccentric wizards who desire their power. She sees it as a public service to keep the wizard population low, considering they're all incredibly powerful and megalomaniacal.
  Thusalah: I've found that all you really need to do is collect a few enchanted baubles, sit back and wait for them to come to you.
• The Devil Game, a Creepypasta telling you how to summon the Devil, starts off telling you that it is an absolutely stupid idea to do just that.

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