Sarcastic Confessions in Fan Works.
Crossovers
- A Fake Hero: After showing up late to his first Stray Devil Hunt, Shirou explains his tardiness by declaring "I just lost track of time while chatting with sarcastic jerk that's taking a vacation in the back of my head." This is taken as a joke rather than admitting that he was dealing with Archer.
- A Game of Cat and Cat: In the second Omake of "(In)Effective Communication": Joker's idea of an explanation."I masterminded a series of heists targeting the rich, powerful, and otherwise untouchable, effectively but not literally blackmailing them, thereby forcing them to publicly confess their crimes and betray their fellow conspirators. I'm only here because I refused to sell out my crew, and so the bigwigs we targeted can go to jail."
The other inmates stared.
"That was a joke. Trespassing." - In A Hero, a Doctor Who and Puella Magi Madoka Magica crossover fanfic, Dalek Sec introduces himself like so: "I AM AN IM-PERIAL-IS-TIC SPACE NAZI." Most write him off as a particularly dedicated cosplayer and move on.
- Hell Is a Martial Artist: Hild exploits this; in order to form a valid contract with a mortal, she has to work through agents unless approached directly, and must declare her identity and intentions. So she lets Nabiki assume she's yet another member of Ranma's Unwanted Harem, and when the Con Artist approaches, makes a big show of dramatically declaring that she's the Daimakaicho and that Nabiki's soul will be forfeited if she fails to uphold her side of the bargain. Nabiki blows her warning off, unaware that it still counts as binding.
- Subverted in Jaune Arc, Lord of Hunger. When Professor Goodwitch asks Jaune where his new powers came from, Jaune responds by sarcastically quipping "I'm possessed by the spirit of an ancient, magic warlord that got turned into a Grimm." While he only said that to throw her off, Goodwitch's experience with Ozpin leads her to immediately deduce that he's telling the truth, though she tries to hide it by pretending she doesn't believe him.
- In Kyon: Big Damn Hero, when Kyon's mother asks him if he's stopped being a delinquent, he replies that he's skipped straight to joining the yakuza.
- Kyon uses Sarcastic Confessions many more times in the same fic, including the following gem to Sasaki, the resident Agent Scully:Let's see... I have to have a conversation with past instances of several people, rescue an heiress from twelve boryokudan thugs, arrange for an alien artifact to be delivered, and... hum, tomorrow is Tuesday, so I really should study for that math test, too.
- Kyon uses Sarcastic Confessions many more times in the same fic, including the following gem to Sasaki, the resident Agent Scully:
- Ladybug in a Half Shell: When Chloé accidentally kisses Casey Jones' cheek thinking he was Adrien, Nino was holding Donatello's camera, capturing all of it. He tells her that the footage has already uploaded to his computer and he was already emailing it to her entire class. When she demands to know where he lives so that she can sue him properly, Casey Jones tells her where Donatello lives knowing that she won’t believe him.
- Last Child of Krypton: Shinji goes out and gets Asuka some of her favorite chocolates to cheer her up. Misato spots this and asks where he got them.Shinji: I am in reality Superman. I flew to Germany, bought Asuka a box of chocolates, and flew back just in time to sneak in here before anyone saw me.
- Done by Izuku in My Hero Playthrough, though with nervousness instead sarcasm. Some of his classmates are asking about the sudden jumps in skill exhibited by Izuku, Tsuyu, and Cassandra:Ochako: Then how did you get better so fast?
Izuku: We went into a dungeon inside of All Might-sensei and fought some of his past enemies?
Mikoto: If you can't or won't talk about it, just say that. Don't just go making video game jokes.
Izuku: Sorry?
Momo: So long as you three aren't breaking the law, I suppose you are allowed to have your secrets. - Whenever asked what he is in The (Questionable) Burdens of Leadership of a Troll Emperor
, Naruto will flippantly tell people he's a god. Likewise, if he's asked how he became a god, he'll tell the questioner that he killed a zombie, let his wife eat a primordial god, then she fed him the fruit of life to make him a god as well. - In Strangely Literal during a conversation about true intentions, Xander asks Cameron what her true intentions are.Cameron: I am a cyborg from the future sent to protect humanity from other cyborgs.
Xander: (after studying her expression) Not even a hint of a smile. You are good. - Thousand Shinji:
- Shinji is a master at lying by telling the truth. In a scene, Misato walks into Shinji and Asuka sprawled out over the floor after making out. So Shinji tells:Shinji: This is exactly what it looks. Asuka and I were making out so hot and heavily that we tipped over and broke the chair.
- Later Asuka asks him how he got them out of that mess earlier, and Shinji explains the theory:Asuka: Anyway, how did you do that earlier?
Shinji: In situations where denial or dishonesty is expected, the truth can often be dismissed as fabrication. Control of a situation is not just based off what you do, but what others expect you to do.
Asuka: You... lied by telling the truth?
Shinji: Think of it like pretending to make a feint in combat. If your opponent expects you to feint, if you follow through then the expected strike was the lie while the feint was a real attack.
Asuka: Okay, that makes a bit more sense when put into those terms.
- Shinji is a master at lying by telling the truth. In a scene, Misato walks into Shinji and Asuka sprawled out over the floor after making out. So Shinji tells:
- In Back to the Roots, after being badgered about his past constantly, Ichigo finally says, "Aizen is going to rule the world because he betrayed Soul Society and killed the Spirit King. I'm here to kill him before that happens because I'm a time traveler from the future. A future where you [Yoruichi] are a cat and Kisuke Urahara owns a Candy-Shop." Shusui and Yoruichi find this story hilarious. Even Aizen, who's eavesdropping, thinks Ichigo is crazy.
- The Price of the Wish: As a senior Watcher, Dame Margo cannot be lied to... but is also incapable of lying herself. When she needs to disguise herself, she wears a badge that truthfully declares she is wearing a disguise, which nobody takes seriously.
- Kallen Stadtfeld, Countess of Britannia: C.C. puts her real age and the many languages she's fluent in on her enlistment form. Lelouch and Kallen assume that her age was a typo.
- In Once More with Feeling, Lelouch gets called by Suzaku during the Saitama battle, asking where he is.Lelouch: I'm in the middle of a life-or-death battle with the Emperor's forces.
Suzaku: Uh-huh, and I'm actually Zero.
- Danganronpa School Mode Storage Room Of Love features an unusual variant, as the titular storage room is supposed to let those inside of it live out their fantasies. Mukuro exploits this to reveal her true appearance to Makoto and confess her feelings, with Makoto believing this is all just Junko's personal fantasy.
- At one point in Ghost Zone Experience, Maddie angrily tells Danny (when he's in his ghost form) not to swipe their ghost hunting equipment (again). After a moment, he cheekily replies with "Yes, mother."
- In the Daredevil (2015) fanfic series Three Wise Monkeys, part 51 Leviticus 19:11 has Matt Murdock teaching Peter Parker how useful sarcasm is in covering secret identities:Matt: You, my dear Dominic explanation , are going to learn sarcasm.
Peter: Sarcasm?
Matt: Yes. Sarcasm. I want you to use sarcasm as a misdirection: say what you want to hide in the most sarcastic tone you can manage. For example, if someone says "You're a kid!", you say "Yes, sure, I fight crime, jump from buildings using a chemical compound I created myself and fought against Captain America, and I'm actually a teenager with school and homework and a curfew because I'm, you know, underage, despite spending most of my nights out."
- In the final chapter of Death Note II: The Hidden Note, KJ tells Angela that he's writing his cause of death in a journal he brought with him. When she asks why, he tells her that he's Kira, her dad Nate River isn't insane, the journal he's writing in is actually a Death Note disguised as a journal, his mother and father are Shinigami now, and they're there to see him as he finishes being the new Kira. To which she smiles and says that if he didn't want to tell the truth, he could have just said so.
- Those Who Stand for Nothing Fall for Anything:
- After Kiyomi learned that her father had an affair while her mother was pregnant, she worries that Light might do the same to her. Light assures her "you're my affair". He'd been seeing L for years before he even met her.
- L does this too when he tells his steady boyfriend Stephen that he "fucks Prime Ministers".
- Fox-Face and Flames: After Tadashi wakes up from his Angst Coma and learns he's been missing for nine months, he asks what he was doing during that period. Fred responds with the truth, only for Tadashi and Cass not to believe him.
- Across The Time:Nearly-Headless Nick: If only our dear Harry would tell us what his secret is.
Harry: Alright, fine. What if I tell you guys that I'm not from here? What if I tell you that I came from the distant future and in that future, I am the best auror ever live - or so they told me, and I was trained to handle both human and magical creatures such as ghost as well?
Hermione: If you didn't want to answer our questions in an honest and truthful way then just say it. You don't have to blurt all those crazing things just like what you did on the train. - In Chapter 11 of A Cat's Tale, the seventh-year prefect is teasing fifth-years Harry and Hermione about being up awfully early to find a place to go make out. Harry's response does get a laugh, plus their questioner walking away.Harry: Anyway, we’re not sneaking away to make out, we’re just meeting up with my mom, who returned from the dead and is now a cat, so we can discuss how to take down Dumbledore and Voldemort at once.
- In Dreams, Harry is sent back to his second year at Hogwarts when he's hit by a spell, then time-jumps again to fourth year after Ron beats him up for dating Ginny. Hermione becomes suspicious.Hermione: Don't just sit there. Say something!
Harry: What do you want me to say, Hermione? That I'm some sort of time or inter-dimensional traveller switching places with my alternate self at random times?
Hermione: No!... I don't know! I just wish I knew what was going on. - In George Weasley and the Computational Error, George isn't allowed to admit that he's a time traveler for a year, but whenever he's questioned about his identity (at least when he's possessing his younger self) he does admit that he's George Weasley. At one point, he lays claim to all the other names he's acquired throughout canon as being identifiers for him, including "Harry Potter" and "Tentacula".
- In Harry Potter and the Marauders of the Mind, Harry is looking for a book which supposedly tells how to become the Master of Death so he can create new bodies for the spirits of his parents, Sirius, and Remus. During his search, he mentions it to Andromeda.Andromeda: So are you going to tell me why you need Sacrum Obitus?
Harry: So I can become the Master of Death. Obviously.
Andromeda: Of course. How silly of me. - Innocent: Dudley passes a library book over to Harry, noting that the librarian will be so pleased that he's actually reading a book that she won't care if it's overdue.Sirius: And if she does mind?
Harry: Then Dud'll probably tell her he's loaned it to his magical cousin in Scotland. - Knowing the Future:Justin: Hey, Ogden, what happened to your hair? And where did you go with the unicorn yesterday?
Lucy: An entire herd of unicorns kidnapped me and performed an ancient unicorn blessing on me that removed all imperfections such as color in my hair. It's probably all listed in a book in the library. I can give you directions if you need?
Justin: Geez, if you didn't want to tell me, you could have just said. You didn't need to be rude. - Murphy's Law:Fat Lady: And just what were you doing out of bed at this hour?
Harry: Handing an illegal dragon egg off to some people who were going to smuggle it out of the country.
Fat Lady: If you were going to lie, you could have come up with something more believable. - In the Peggy Sue fanfiction Oh God, Not Again!, Harry constantly tells the truth about how he knows certain things, stating specifically that no one would believe the truth anyway. A notable example:Dumbledore: I am quite curious: how do you know so much about the attacks?
Harry: I've come back from the future.
Dumbledore: Indeed.
Harry: Oh, yes. Of course, when I'm from, Ginny Weasley had the Diary and was attacking only Muggleborns, Sirius Black was completely innocent of the crimes he was sent to Azkaban for—without a trial—and escaped next year, Draco Malfoy is the Master of the Elder Wand, and Snape helps euthanize you.
Dumbledore: Indeed. How did you come back, if you don't mind me asking?
Harry: Drapery accident. It was very traumatic.note
Dumbledore: I wish you would be honest with me, Harry. - In The Peace Not Promised, Lily arrives back in her dorm after curfew, having just had her First Kiss with Severus. Since her dormmates both dislike Severus and have a hard time believing that anyone could be attracted to him, she nearly gets away with telling them that she was, "Why, snogging Sev under the moonlight, of course," — but the memory of the kiss makes her blush, giving her away.
- The Rigel Black Chronicles: When Draco is surprised by Harry making a joke about the life debts owed to her, thinking that that kind of humour seems uncharacteristic for Rigel, Harry tells him, "I'm an imposter. I've hidden the real Rigel Black in a closet and taken over his life."note
- In The Serpent Beguiled Me Harry, having had his consciousness sent back to his eleven-year-old body, uses an aging potion to have a very nice summer, resulting in him not showing up at Hogwarts until September 4th.Draco: Where were you?
Harry: I was busy fucking my way through an international hostel in Bali.
Draco: Very funny. What really happened?
- Aletheia's Daughter: While she doesn't actually go through with it, Merel considers doing this when she encounters Davis in the middle of her preparations to flee Mardelen with Chisa, thinking that it would be a "Truth he wouldn't believe."
- Comes up in Honesty is the Best Policy during an interrogation.Leon: Next question—have you ever practiced sorcery?
Merlin: Oh, yeah—all the time. Like an idiot, every day I practice magic right under Uther's nose, right here in the very heart of Camelot. In fact, I use it around you knights a fair bit, too—not that you lot have ever noticed. In between mucking out the stables, scrubbing floors, being used as a target, and cleaning Arthur's socks—I'm enchanting weapons and scrub brushes, lighting fires with my incredible powers and then learning new spells at night, holed up with my secret spell book. You see — I'm actually an all-powerful sorcerer. I just still feel this strange need to scrub Arthur's floors and let him throw things at me.
Leon: Honestly, Merlin, you shouldn't joke about such things.
- In chapter 4 of On Love Squares, Triangles, and Pairings Simple, Alya insists that Marinette explain how she went from being unable to even talk to Adrien to kissing him over a single weekend. Marinette responds by telling her exactly how it happened:Marinette: Well, if you must know, he showed up on my balcony last night, serenaded me with Disney tunes, carried me off to the Eiffel Tower for a romantic midnight dinner, plied me with champagne, and declared his eternal love for me. That good enough for you?
Alya: (rolls eyes) Fine, keep it your secret for now. - United: Marinette and Adrien privately agree to a Marriage of Convenience as soon as she turns eighteen, so he can support her financially without her identity becoming public (although they probably would have married at some point anyway). Her parents don't know about their circumstances, though, and she doesn't want to lie to them more than necessary about such an important step — so when they ask about her plans for the day, she flatly tells them, "We’re going to elope." Just as she hoped, they burst out laughing.
- In Cuckoo Bird, Izuku and Shinsou are both changelings (which means that they Cannot Tell a Lie), and instead of getting One For All, Izuku uses his natural Animorphism powers at UA. After witnessing it for the first time:Bakugou: Hey. Do you really think Deku has a Quirk?
Shinsou: Deku?
Bakugou: Midoriya. Team A.
Shinsou: And you're asking me... if I think he has a Quirk. You saw what he did yesterday. What else would he have—magic?
- Yet again, with a little extra help: When Raikage A asks Yugito to report anything she discovered during the Chuunin Exam Invasions, she's entirely truthful about what happened, knowing that he won't take her words seriously.Yugito: Yes, Raikage-sama. While I was in Konoha, I met people who can travel between dimensions, several people who came back through time to prevent Armageddon, more than half of the jinchuriki in the world, learned of a secret organization that wants to take over the elemental nations, and met the creator of all the known universes in existence. It was a very enlightening experience.
A: Heh! I see you've been getting more creative with your responses.
- Advice and Trust:
- Before going out Misato asks Shinji and Asuka if they will be alright by themselves. Asuka replies: "Please, Misato. I can handle baka-Shinji. Somehow, I will control myself against his suave, Don Juan-like charms and not let him ravish me. [...] He and I will eat dinner, wash, and I'll send him right to bed." Meaning her bed.
- Rei says in front of Hikari and Touji that Shinji and Asuka are screwing each other like rabbits in such a way that everybody believes she is joking (she is not):Asuka rolled her eyes at him. "You're our friends and need our support right now, and this is serious NERV business. Shinji and I are more than mature enough to stop fussing and focus when it's important."
Behind them, Rei quietly said, "Mature? As soon as no one's looking they're constantly making out, really. They're like bonobos on Spring Break. Nothing but 'whumpa, whumpa, whumpa' all the time." There was no change in her usual perfectly deadpan tone.
Shinji and Asuka froze. 'Oh Holy shit! Rei, what happened to keeping that secret?!' Shinji thought frantically. Touji and Hikari gaped in shock for a moment before exploding into laughter.
- Witt and Witticism: Witt regularly passes off his knowledge of the series' evidences as "psychic powers". When Ace refuses to accept this explanation, declaring that he wants an actual excuse, not something that only Luffy would believe, he's entirely honest with him, knowing he won't be believed:Witt: I'm an extra-dimensional traveler, come here to enjoy this lovely oasis world of freedom and chaos.
Nami: (rolling her eyes) At least come up with something good, Witt.
Luffy:' Witt's an alien?
- Learning How to Be a Princess: Eda arrives late to save King, only to find that he not only freed himself but that his former captor is now completely terrified of him. When she asks what happened, King declares that Tibbles just couldn't handle the King of Demons. While this is entirely true, as King activated his Super Mode to scare Tibbles into submission, Eda dismisses it as a joke.
- Start Again: After he regains his memories, Yusuke's fellow pupils ask him why he's been acting so strangely. Yusuke bluntly recounts the final events of the Bad Future he was booted back from, finishing up with how a golden cup conquered Tokyo and he's trying to figure out whether or not he's currently stuck in a Dying Dream.
- The Soulmate Timeline: Homura at one point admits to having stolen drug money to Sayaka and Hitomi to explain that she can pay for the contents of the groups shopping trip. This confession, as Homura does in fact go around breaking into Yakuza dens to steal weapons and materials, nearly gives Madoka a heart attack...and causes Sayaka and Hitomi to laugh, just assuming Homura has a good sense of humor. Homura, who has No Social Skills, admits to Madoka she's found the phrase 'stolen drug money' works better than 'stolen extortion money' or 'stolen prostitution money' afterwards when said in complete seriousness, and if she says it in a certain tone people will believe it to be a joke. Mami tells Homura she can just say the money's from her instead next time. A few chapters later Sayaka, in disbelief, finds out that yes, Homura was being serious.
- In To See You Again, when Yuriko's parents demand to know what's been going on for the past forty chapters or so, she says, "[Kenshin] came through a time-warp, and I'm the reincarnation of his wife." She also said "I mean, he's not like a hundred and fifty!" Of course, this is exactly what happened. Yuriko's father actually figured out it was the truth by the epilogue. He was cool with it.
- Stacking The Deck: When Zane asks Yarden where he gets all his muscle and energy, Yarden replies that he's been fueling up on Duel Monster spirits. Zane only starts to consider that he might have been telling the truth after he uses Cyberdark Horn during his duel with Dimitri.
