The Leprechaun-Artist
"Consider for a moment, if you were a leprechaun, making your home under the roots of trees or in the hollows between rocks. Wouldn't you want to get away from it all now and then? A winter in Pismo Beach? A summer trip to Disneyland, where no one would even notice you? But if you really were a leprechaun, where else would you vacation — but in the Twilight Zone?"
Shawn McGool (Cork Hubbert) is a leprechaun on vacation and hoping to visit family in the United States. In his travels, Shawn runs afoul of Buddy, Richie, and J.P. (Danny Nucci, Bradley Gregg, and Joey Green), three teenage boys who spot him in the open and manage to capture him. In doing this, Shawn is forced by his peoples' laws to grant the boys three wishes before he can be let go. Letting their youthful and rambunctious natures get the better of them, the boys respectively wish for X-Ray vision, for their parents to do everything they tell them, and a fancy car with a driver who can think for himself. In his anger for being caught, however, Shawn's wishes tend to backfire pretty roughly for the boys.
Tropes
- All Myths Are True: The teenage boys discover that leprechauns are real when they capture Shawn, and he is forced to grant them three wishes so he can leave their treehouse.
- Be Careful What You Wish For: The boys each get a wish apiece from Shawn, the leprechaun they capture. In his frustration at being caught, Shawn has their wishes backfire in comedic fashion. Buddy's wish for X-Ray vision makes him see peoples' innards and skeletons, J.P.'s wish for the trio's parents to do everything they tell them turns them into mindless drones who have to be told every single step of what to do, and Richie's wish for a "real hot" car has the boys arrested by police, since their car was deemed stolen. For some reason, Shawn takes pity on his kidnappers and resets everything to normal.
- Bindle Stick: Shawn carries one as he strolls through the woods, on his way to visit his kin.
- Breather Episode: The episode is a humorous little romp involving three rowdy teenage boys who meet a wise-cracking leprechaun.
- Broken Record: Under the effects of the second wish, J.P.'s mother only repeats "Yes, dear." with everything her son tells her. Richie's father also repeats "Yes, son." when Richie orders him to drive home.
- Cool Car: Richie uses the trio's last wish for a "real hot" car, and a driver with "a mind of his own". The car conjured is indeed fancy, but the police suddenly start chasing after them. Thanks to the phrasing, the driver bails on the boys when the cops catch up to them, bringing them to the station for riding in a stolen car.
- Covert Pervert: Buddy wishes for X-Ray vision to sneak a peek at girls' undergarments.
- Easily Forgiven: Even though the trio captured Shawn, kept him in their treehouse for days, and gave him only junk food to snack on, the leprechaun takes pity on the three of them when they're arrested by the police. He grants them a free wish that ensures the cops have no memory of the car theft, allowing the trio to go home.
- Exact Words: The trio do try to learn from their mistakes with each wish, but no matter how carefully they word things, Shawn's magic finds a way to screw them over. The X-Ray vision lets Buddy see peoples' innards instead of under their clothes, the obedient parents have to be told every single step of what to do, and their hot car is pulled over for being stolen.
- Hawaiian-Shirted Tourist: Shawn wears a Hawaiian shirt under his regular Leprechaun attire, showing that he's on vacation in the States, where the trio capture him.
- Jackass Genie: Played with. Shawn's magic makes the trio's wishes rather literal, but the leprechaun himself claims he only grants the wishes, and is not responsible for the effects they bring.
- Karma Houdini: Thanks to Shawn inexplicably feeling bad for them, the three boys get away with essentially holding him hostage, trying to peek under girls' clothes, turning their parents into mindless slaves, and hitching a ride in a stolen car.
- Leprechaun: One of them named Shawn is traveling to the United States on vacation, and he's caught by a trio of teenagers who he is forced to grant three wishes to.
- Lighter and Softer: Three teenage wise-crackers catch a snarky leprechaun who is forced to grant them three wishes. The wishes promptly go off the rails as punishment for catching said leprechaun.
- Pun-Based Title: It's a combination of "leprechaun" and "con artist".
- Reset Button: For whatever reason, Shawn inexplicably takes pity on the boys who captured him and returns everything to normal, allowing them to go home unscathed.
- Selfless Wish: The boys consider using their three wishes for world peace or a cure for cancer, but they instead use them to peep at girls' underwear, turn their parents into drones, and ride around in a fancy car. When they're arrested and brought to the police station after their car is deemed stolen, Buddy mopes that he should've wished for the cancer cure instead.
- Take That!: Shawn takes a few digs at the suburban American way of life, such as modern TV and domestic issues, as well as the greasy fast food and heavily processed candy that the trio feed him.Shawn: You are a primitive country, aren't you? My brother was right.
- Three Wishes: The boys are granted three wishes by Shawn after they capture him, as is set by the rules of leprechauns. Though he says he's not responsible for the effects, Shawn's magic screws the boys over on each wish, but he also reverses them when he determines the boys have learned a valuable lesson.
- Buddy wishes for X-Ray vision so he can see girls' underwear, but the power works too strongly and lets him see their organs and skeletons.
- J.P. wishes for his and his friends' parents to do everything that they tell them, but the parents are turned into mindless drones, as J.P. has to tell his mother every single step when he asks her to make him and his friends pizza.
- Richie wishes for a "really hot" car, with a driver who has a mind of his own. While the boys enjoy their new stretch limo, they are suddenly chased by the police. The driver, given that he has a mind of his own, refuses their instructions to stop and leads the cops into a chase, then flees the scene after a short while. When the police catch up with them, the boys are brought to the station, as their limo was "hot" as in stolen.
- Unnamed Parent: None of the boys' parents have spoken names.
- Vanity License Plate: The "hot car" Richie wishes for has a plate reading "THIRD WISH".
- Win-Win Ending: Shawn finally escapes the boy's treehouse and continues his vacation, and he also resets everything to normal so the boys aren't thrown in jail for riding in a stolen car... for some reason.
- X-Ray Vision: Buddy wishes for X-Ray vision so he can see through girls' clothes. His power starts working the next morning, and he is initially able to see under his female classmates' clothes. However, after a few seconds of concentrating on one girl, he sees her internal organs and faints in shock. When J.P. and Richie come to his aid, he can only see their skulls. Branding Buddy as a "little deviant," Shawn eventually removes the wish when it becomes clear to him that Buddy has learned his lesson.
- "YEAH!" Shot: The episode ends with one, as Buddy, J.P., and Richie leap in celebration as they exit the police station.
- You Wouldn't Believe Me If I Told You: While in the police station, the boys tell the officer interrogating them that he wouldn't believe how they got in the backseat of a stolen car.
Dead Run
Johnny Davis (Steve Railsback), a good-hearted trucker whose accident record has left him unemployed, is offered a job by one of his father's old friends. Johnny learns that his new job has him carrying the souls of the damned to Hell, which appears as a prison-like area in the backwoods in the midst of an insurrection. In the chaos, Johnny meets damned souls who insist that they don't belong in Hell, including a former manager who tells Johnny that a new bureaucratic group has taken over the duties of who goes where when they die. Seeing the turmoil that the group's incredibly-rigid standards are causing, Johnny talks with "upper management" in the hopes of straightening things out.
Tropes
- Adaptational Backstory Change: Johnny decides to help the wrongfully condemned souls whom he had been transporting to Hell only a day after taking the job. In the short story by Greg Bear, he's on the job for two years before his conscience gets the better of him, and he begins to help the damned escape to Heaven.
- Adaptation Name Change: The former member of the Celestial Bureaucracy who has been condemned to Hell is named Gary Frick. In the short story, his name is Charlie Frick.
- Adapted Out: The episode omits two supporting characters from the short story: a young hitchhiker named Bill and his recently deceased girlfriend Sherill, whom he managed to rescue from Hell.
- Afterlife Express: Under the new rules, truckers like Johnny and Pete drive the condemned to Hell in semi-trucks, though only condemned Americans. According to Pete, trains are used in India and China, tramlines in Russia, and buses in Mexico.
- Black-and-White Insanity: The Dispatcher, new manager of the ethereal planes, tells Johnny that his crew only uses the "time-honored Biblical standards" of God, though his standards are insanely picky, to the point where innocent, non-violent people are being sent to Hell for minor misdemeanors.
- Canon Foreigner: Pete is exclusive to the episode, and he is the one who teaches Johnny about the job of transporting condemned souls to Hell.
- Celestial Bureaucracy: Johnny begins working as a transporter taking condemned souls to Hell. Within hours, he discovers that many of the damned don't deserve to be there, such as one woman who was too self-centered in life, one man who only saw the dirt in life instead of the beauty, and another man who was an atheist. When the souls riot, Johnny is brought to meet the Dispatcher, who has the final say on who is sent where because God abdicated the responsibility long ago. He explains to Johnny that he is instituting "time-honored Biblical standards" in holding the departed souls to a high standard. He sees it as his duty to combat the "secular, intellectual propaganda" of the modern age, and ensure that pornographers, heathens, atheists, and humanists receive the punishment that they deserve. Johnny is disgusted by this, and helps a draft dodger, a junkie, a librarian who fought against banned books being removed from her shelves, and a young gay man escape to Heaven.
- Circles of Hell: Newly-condemned souls are brought to the Outer Circles, which resemble ordinary countryside, and are eventually brought to Hell's center, where they are to spend eternity. The Dispatcher and his crew don't care whether the damned suffer, as long as they are kept in a place where they can't hurt others.
- Cop Killer: One of the damned in Johnny's last truckload claims that he killed a cop.
- Cool Old Lady: In life, the old librarian Johnny talks to is said to have fought for banned books to be kept on her shelves.
- Disproportionate Retribution: Under the new management, people everywhere are going to Hell for relatively mild offenses. Examples of this include a sweet old librarian who fought to keep banned books in her library, a junkie who was trying to clean up her act, a draft-dodger who only fled to Canada because he didn't have it in him to kill anyone, and an average-looking young man whose only "sin" was being gay.
- Draft Dodging: One of the innocent souls wrongfully sent to Hell fled to Canada in the 1960s, but only because he didn't have the heart to kill another living person.
- Drives Like Crazy: In spite of his good nature, Johnny is a pretty reckless driver, as he's introduced nearly running a car off the road and almost running over a group of cyclists. He tells Pete that he's gotten into four accidents in two years, and can no longer get any insurance company to take risks on him.
- Drugs Are Bad: The Dispatcher certainly thinks so. One of the wrongfully-damned was a drug addict who was trying to clean herself up, only to die before she could kick the habit. Her using drugs at all was enough to send her to damnation under the new rules.
- Faux Affably Evil: The Dispatcher tries his damnedest to come across as an upstanding righteous type, but he casually sends people to Hell for the slightest offenses.
- Food as Bribe: Pete tells Johnny that the demonic guards love cigarettes, and he should always keep a pack on him in case he needs to bribe, trade, or negotiate with one of them.
- God Is Evil: The Dispatcher claims that God Himself abdicated the duty of judging every soul to him, who follows His biblical standards so strictly that the innocent are indiscriminately thrown into Hell, simply because He was tired of the job.
- Hell: Johnny is taken there by Pete, a friend of his father, to learn about his new job. It appears as an industrial center in the sticks where the damned are locked up for minor offenses, even undergoing a riot like in a federal prison.
- Invincible Villain: No one is able to stop the wrongful condemnation that the Dispatcher allows, since he and his crew likely have divine/demonic abilities.
- Ironic Echo: The Dispatcher tells Johnny that he's applying "time-honored Biblical standards" by condemning people to Hell for minor transgressions. After helping four such people escape to Heaven, Johnny recalls the Harrowing of Hell, where Jesus journeyed to Hell in the three days between the Crucifixion and Resurrection to give the damned another chance at redemption, declaring that he's using his own time-honored Biblical standards.
- Jerk with a Heart of Jerk: Johnny is able to tell which souls deserve to go to Hell, because unlike the innocent souls, they're unrepentant of what they've done.
- Karma Houdini: The Dispatcher and his workers are free to keep damning the innocent, but Johnny ensures that the souls who don't deserve any punishment slip through their fingers.
- Miscarriage of Justice: Every soul who gets wrongfully sentenced to damnation, which Garry outright calls injustice.
- Mundane Afterlife: The center of Hell is a dark industrial complex surrounded by the Outer Circles, which are indistinguishable from ordinary countryside.
- Named by the Adaptation: The episode's protagonist is named Johnny Davis, while his name is not given in the short story.
- Nice Guy: Johnny is a humble trucker who only takes the damned to Hell because he desperately needs work and no insurance company will cover for him thanks to his accident record. He takes personal offense at the fact that the innocent are being condemned en masse, and when he's unable to change "management's" minds, he personally checks every soul in his loads and releases anyone who doesn't deserve damnation. He even compares his actions to Jesus' Harrowing of Hell, where He spent the three days between His Crucifixion and Resurrection rescuing the damned from the infernal realms.
- No Name Given: The Dispatcher's name is never revealed.
- Obstructive Bureaucrat: The Dispatcher and the new owners of the afterlife, who blindly follow the literal interpretations of the Bible and condemn the innocent to Hell in the process.
- Playing with Fire: The demons who guard the condemned can light cigarettes by pressing them into their palms.
- Rerouted from Heaven: Johnny takes a job delivering the souls of the dead to Hell. However, most of the people that he's delivering don't seem to have actually done anything that warrants damnation. It turns out the new Celestial Bureaucracy that has taken over the afterlife uses an overly-literal fundamentalist interpretation of the Bible, mainly due to them being paper-pushers instead of naturally malevolent.
- Sharp-Dressed Man: The Dispatcher wears an extremely expensive-looking suit during his meeting with Johnny.
- Straight Gay: One of the damned souls in Johnny's last truckload is a gay man who, until he realizes he was sent to Hell for his orientation, looks no different from anyone else.
- Take a Third Option: Johnny is faced with the choice of either giving up his new job, or continuing to condemn the innocent. He chooses to keep the job, but halfway to Hell, he pulls over, opens the trailer, and lets out anyone who doesn't deserve to go to Hell, letting them take the road to Heaven.
- Take That!: The episode is a very unsubtle dig at conservative Christianity, especially in regard to who "deserves" to go to Hell or Heaven. The Dispatcher and his affiliates are modeled after the Moral Majority, which was notorious for their similar strictness in enforcing the Bible's writings throughout the 1980s.
- Thou Shalt Not Kill: The draft-dodging soul fled to Canada instead of going to Vietnam because he knew he didn't have the heart to kill anybody.
- We Are Everywhere: Any complaints made about the runs the truckers make are answered with threats to shut up, as the demonic guards are always listening in, such as the waitress at a nearby truck stop.
- What Measure Is a Non-Human?: Pete and the other truckers treat the souls of the dead simply as "the cargo", outright ignoring their pleas of innocence.
"Centuries ago, Hell was reached by chalk-white horses pulling shuttered coaches; by Spanish galleons borne on black sails through uncharted seas. Legend has it Leonardo da Vinci was once commissioned to build a flying machine to carry souls to Hell, but it never returned from its maiden flight. But along this particular road to Hell, lies redemption for the damned, as well as for drivers who have found work — in The Twilight Zone."
