Original air date: 1/8/2006 (produced in 2005)
Production code: HABF-03
Some mail is unfrozen after 40 years after Marge's protest against a toll booth damages a lot of tires that end up at the Tire Fire. One of the letters was for Mona from her lifeguard lover, who could be Homer's biological father.
This episode provides examples of...
- Bilingual Bonus: The treasure Fairbanks looks for is the Emeralds of Piso Mojado. Piso Mojado is Spanish for "Wet Floor".
- Daddy DNA Test: Homer takes one after his true parentage is put into question. Abe messes with it after seeing how happy he is with Fairbanks.
- Digging Yourself Deeper: Homer visits Fairbanks, claiming he's a reporter for the local newspaper doing a story on people who wear sweaters. When visiting Fairbanks' boat, "The Son I Never Knew", Homer asks for details behind the name for his listeners. Fairbanks picks up on the use of the word "listeners" instead of "readers", and Homer then insists he works for a radio station, but then he refers to his audience as viewers. When Fairbanks calls him out for the inconsistency, Homer hesitates a bit before dropping all pretense and outright telling him, "I think you're my pappy!"
- Family of Choice: After realizing how much Abe sacrificed for him, Homer rejects the paternity test's results and claims Abe is his true father. Of course, Abe is Homer's biological father—he interfered with the paternity test results under the belief that Homer would be better off with Fairbanks.
- Female Gaze: Mona is seen staring at the lifeguard's backside in a photo with Abe.
- Halfway Plot Switch: The toll booth plot is immediately ditched as soon as the mail comes into the plot.
- I Want My Beloved to Be Happy: Abe switches the names in the patternity test to make Homer believe Fairbanks is his father, after seeing how happy Homer is with the man.
- Karma Houdini: Marge is never blamed for busting the tires of everyone else in line for the toll booth or Quimby for cutting off access to "The Ol' Cheapstake's Trail" due to the halfway plot change.
- Mama's Baby, Papa's Maybe: Homer isn't sure if his real father is Abe Simpson or Mason Fairbanks. It is Abe.
- My Life Flashed Before My Eyes: Homer experiences it near the end and finally remembers the good moments he spent with Abe Simpson.
- Noodle Incident: The Couch Gag presents a parade of these in short order, being a series of (obviously, non-canon) Simpson family portraits from 2006–2013. In 2007 the family haven't changed, in 2008 Homer is gone and the family are dressed for a funeral, in 2009 he's been replaced by Lenny, in 2010 Marge has been replaced by Carl, in 2011 Marge returns to replace Carl again while Lenny is replaced by Jimbo Jones, in 2012 Jimbo is replaced by a robot version of Homer, and in 2013 the whole family are now robots.
- The Scrooge: Everyone who'd rather take "The Ol' Cheapstake's Trail" than pay the toll.
- Special Guest: Michael York as Mason Fairbanks.
