Release: June 17, 2014
Film: Jurassic Park III
Tagline: A sequel 65 million years in the sucking.
This review contains examples of:
- Abusive Parents: In a sketch where a father (Doug) forces his daughter (Tamara) to play with a Barbie doll instead of her Dora the Explorer doll. The Critic himself is surprised at how dark that sketch got.
- Artistic License – Paleontology: Critic referring to Pteranodons as dinosaurs. Yeah, about that...
- Black Dude Dies FirstCritic as Nash: Oh please, let this be one of the monster movies where the black guy doesn't get... God damn it! [gets eaten]
- Call-Back: Rob is a dinosaur. Also a clip of John Belushi saying "Bullshit'', from the previous episode, appears.
- Discredited Meme: The Critic is having these in his dreams, as nightmemes.
- Heroic BSoD: The Critic is stunned silent and then gives a Little "No" when he sees the T-Rex get killed. He recovers pretty loudly.
- Mood Whiplash: The Critic gets a call in the middle of showcasing how annoyingly stupid the talking Raptor is, saying that his mother just died. The Critic is prevented from hearing her last words by the talking Raptor.
- Becomes
Harsher in Hindsight since the recent passing of his actual mother on September 8, 2016. - The next sketch involves an Abusive Parent and his daughter.
- Becomes
- Realistic Diction Is Unrealistic: Played with. Dr. Grant asks Eric what he thought of Ian Malcolm's book. Eric's response: "It was kinda preachy... and too much chaos; everything is chaos. It seemed like the guy was kinda high on himself." The Critic added: "That, and he included all his um's." A still shot of a page of Malcolm's book is shown, with tons of "um"s.
- Running Gag: The talking dinosaur.Dinosaur: Alan!
- Running Gagged: The "Motherfucking T-Rex" gag from the first Jurassic Park (1993) review comes back, but ends (with the singer saying "Oh, shit!") when the T-Rex gets its neck snapped by the Spinosaurus. The Critic is rendered stunned for a moment before going into a rant about the stupidity of the writers doing that.
- Shout-Out: The Critic's rant about the stupidity of killing the T-Rex (which is the Series Mascot of the Jurassic Park franchise, and even points out is on the logo) includes him mentioning that the T-Rex is Grimlock's form, and what is on the poster of Transformers: Age of Extinction is not a Spinosaurus (or as he calls it, "the beak of Daffy Duck after being shot").
- When Grant hesitates dropping the raptor eggs, a clip of Elrond yelling, "DESTROY IT!" plays.
- When the Pteranodon grabs Eric, the Critic comments that "Pterri's never been the same since they canceled Pee-wee's Playhouse".
Pteranodon: (in Pterri's voice) Will you come outside and play with me? Will you go outside and play with me now? - So Okay, It's Average: Invoked; The Critic's overall opinion of the film.
- Take That!: The Critic calls Transformers: Age of Extinction "The Splooging of the Dong".
Alan!
