Release: April 2, 2013
Film: Catwoman (2004)
Tagline: Catwomen unite against the evils of Halle Berry!
This review contains examples of:
- Actor Allusion: Two In-Universe cases.
- Sean Young is the Kwisatz Haderach!
- At one point, as the Catwomen question their duality, Anne Hathaway briefly sings "I Dreamed a Dream".
- Answer Cut: In the Cold Opening, the Catwomen's counselor tells them he's not sure they would even be able to appear in a review of the Catwoman movie. They demand to know who it is that is reviewing it. Cue the opening titles with the Critic.
- Armed Legs: The catwomen's high heels work as guns.
- Aside Glance: After reminding Sean Young of ambushing Tim Burton in order to get the role of Catwoman, the therapist glances toward the camera out of the corner of his eye to say that it really did happen.
- Back from the Dead: Lampshaded and parodied with Eartha Kitt (played by Malcolm).Eartha Kitt: I agree with them! We should keep our focus on the pussy bitch who stole all our chances to shine! If it wasn't for her, one of us could be the definitive Catwoman!
(beat)
Sean Young: Aren't you dead? - Berserk Button: The catwomen have already decided to seek retribution against Halle Berry for ruining Catwoman, but Michelle Pfeiffer's reaction to the counselor misreading their words is what finally triggers instant action right then and there:Michelle Pfeiffer: It's time for retaliation. We can't just sit here all day and listen to this halfwit psychic analysis.
Counselor: Psycho.
Michelle Pfeiffer: (dangerously) What did you call me?
Anne Hathaway: The counselor's name-calling!? This group is falling apart! - Cat Girl: Four of them, all former Catwoman actresses.
- Cut Lex Luthor a Check: Critic suggests that cosmetics that ruin people's skin when not applied regularly and make people "indestructible" should just be marketed for the military.
- Downer Ending: Critic gets attacked by Halle Berry at the end of the review, and doesn't stand a chance against her.
- Early-Bird Cameo: Catwoman Anne Hathaway is portrayed by Rachel's roommate Tamara Chambers, who would eventually replace Rachel as a Nostalgia Critic regular from 2014 onwards.
- Fanservice: The Catwoman actresses (such as Rachel Teitz and Tamara Chambers) going barefoot for the 2nd half of the review.
- Not to mention Tamara's cleavage being on prominent display as she bends over to look at the cat videos near the end.
- Fun with Acronyms: Critic says the catwomen suffer from Catwomen Raging Against Halle Berry Syndrome.
- Grievous Harm with a Body: The various Catwomen use Eartha Kitt as a battering ram to bust a door open.
- The Internet Is for Cats: He got Anne Hathaway, Michelle Pfeiffer,
Sean Young, and Eartha Kitt to make a video of themselves and adore at the end of the review. It bit him in the ass when Halle Berry appears and beat him up while the girls were distracted by the video. - Large Ham: The Eartha Kitt Catwoman, who gets a delightfully hammy presence while played by Malcolm. Unsurprising, seeing Eartha Kitt was quite hammy in life.
- Male Gaze: Critic somewhat stepford-bitterly tells the Catwomen that the only way to get more view-counts on the internet is if you show boobs. Might be Reality Subtext considering how Doug's last heavy Female Gaze-aimed show went.
- Metaphorgotten: When discussing how he is embarrassed to look at how the film turned out considering all the time it spent in Development Hell: Critic: It's like that kid that joins the football team even though he's like that big (holding his hand up to his chest) and you show your support anyway, but that turns out you shouldn't have because he's in the hospital with five fractured ribs and he's like, "Why'd you support me? Why'd you show your support?" and it's like "I don't know, I saw a movie where a woman sniffed catnip and it fucked me up!"
- Failed a Spot Check: He also gets very frustrated with Tom Lone for not realizing that Patience is Catwoman despite the obvious evidence.
- No-Holds-Barred Beatdown: Critic receives one from Halle Berry at the end.
- "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer: The therapist mentions that Sean Young ambushed Tim Burton dressed as Catwoman trying to get the role. He then looks toward the camera...Therapist: That's not comedic writing, she really did do that.
- Obviously Evil: Critic says that of they work at a company where the bosses do an Evil Laugh, that means they're evil.
- Oh, Crap!: Critic when the Catwomen reveal that their high-heeled shoes are actually guns.
- Again at the end when Halle Berry shows up and he checks his Catwomen survival book to see that there's no use fighting against her and that he's totally screwed.
- Overly Long Gag: The commercial segue's lame cat puns.
- Pet the Dog: Despite his hatred for the film, and critics usually calling Halle Berry's performance terrible (she received a Razzie for it), Critic actually thinks she did fine. Not great, mind you, but as he points out, is there really an actress that could have rubbed catnip all over her face professionally?
- Running Gag: The words "male academia".
- Screams Like a Little Girl: The Critic does this when he is attacked by Halle Berry at the end.
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here: The Catwomen leave the therapist in a dangerous situation, bound to a chair in front a door behind which there is a tiger ready to kill and eat him, with a narrator explaining what is to become of him in this situation. However, the therapist manages to undo the ropes himself with no trouble and casually leaves the office to have lunch at a fast food burger joint — all while the narrator continues to explain what is to become of his now-nonexistent situation.
- Shout-Out
- Sharon Stone's character is referred to as Cruella Jane Lynch.
- The commercial segue is a parody of the Batman TV show.
- The Anne Hathaway Catwoman briefly sings "I Dreamed a Dream".
- Critic prefers that a yellow-haired niece solve the mysteries for the hero.
- Sean Young rides a giant sandworm.
- Critic calls the cop character Inspector Clouseau.
- Probably unintentional, but Malcolm as Eartha Kitt seems to be channeling Ruby Rhod.
- Also, just as unintentional, Malcolm as Kitt sounds a lot like Edna Mode.
- Small Name, Big Ego: The Catwomens' weaknesses are Fetish Fuel, critical praise and romantic dance sequences.
- Take That!:
- Critic says that this movie is so terrible, it's the kind of movie that the main characters of The Producers would make as an intentional flop to cash in on some sort of money making scheme.
- Critic says the animation of the cat that breathes life into Patience is just leftover animation from Puss in Boots.
- Critic says Catwoman's CG climbing effects remind him of a rerun of fucking ReBoot.
- Apparently, cat videos are the only things that get more views than porn.
- "I know! You've read the reviews to The Call! I'd be depressed too!"
- The Stinger: A public service announcement about C.R.A.H.B.S. starring the Catwomen. Chester A. Bum appears and admits he has the actual crabs parasite.Chester: I'm Chester A. Bum, and I have crabs.
Anne Hathaway: Really? You have Catwomen Raging Against Halle Berry Syndrome?
Chester: (realizing his mistake) Oh, God, am I in the wrong place! (leaves) - This Is Gonna Suck: When Critic sees Halle Berry's Catwoman costume, he shrugs and says "Oh God, let's just get this over with!"
- Too Dumb to Live: Critic notes that Patience wouldn't have risked her life on the building side had she called the fire department to save the cat instead of attempting to save it herself.
- Trrrilling Rrrs: At the meeting, Eartha Kitt exclaims, "Purring Rs, unite!" The Catwomen then all turn on their therapist and purr loudly at him like this.
- Tropaholics Anonymous: Various actresses who have portrayed Catwoman attend one of these at the beginning.
- Unreliable Voice Over: The narrator announcing the therapist's potential dreadful fate as he visibly escapes it.
- Visual Pun: The Catwomen engage in a Cat Fight.
- Wholesome Crossdresser: Malcolm as the Catwoman Eartha Kitt. Also, at the end, Orlando as the Catwoman Halle Berry.
