Release: March 7, 2012
Film: Thomas and the Magic Railroad (2000)
This review contains examples of...
- Big "WHAT?!": Critic does this when he finds out that Peter Fonda and Alec Baldwin are in a Thomas the Tank Engine movie rather than the other way around, though it cuts off before he can finish it.
- Continuity Nod: When Critic points out that Mr. Conductor and Junior are actually cousins, he says that if the Mario brothers can be father and son, anything is possible.
- Fake-Out Opening: The Critic dramatically introduces the movie as if it's a Peter Fonda/Alec Baldwin drama, only to get thrown off when he reads that "Most Adorable Smile Award Mara Wilson" is in the movie, then really confused upon learning that Thomas the Tank Engine is in this movie.
- Heroic BSoD: Parodied. When Mr. Conductor "thanks" the audience for their participation, Critic starts to freak out wondering if he's all Alec Baldwin's delusion.
- Foreshadowing: He'll find out he's someone's delusion later.
- Innocent Innuendo:Diesel: I'm gonna destroy her and dominate you!
Critic: Whoa! Keep it in the bedroom, Diesel! -
Questionable Casting: Very much has this reaction to both Peter Fonda and Alec Baldwin's presence in this film, and feels that the film does not earn the very real commitment both men put into their respective performances. - Running Gag:
- "It's Thomas the FUCKING Tank Engine!"
- "Fuck yeah, sparkle-sparkle-sparkle!"
- Shout-Out:
- Critic calls Mr. Conductor Bob the Builder's lobotomized grandfather.
- Critic shows how Alec Baldwin reacted when Percy came in late by running an audio clip of his infamous phone rant to his daughter.
- A scream from The Ren & Stimpy Show plays as Diesel throws Mr. Conductor onto a pile of sacks.
- "Prepare to meet Amtrak! IN HELL!"
- Synchro-Vox: The Critic edits the movie this way in response to the trains' lack of lip movement, but with gag dialogue:Thomas: Say, Gordon, I was just wondering why we live in a town called Sodor. Is that a retirement home for Lord of the Rings villains?
Gordon: I'm just trying to put together how we procreate. I mean, do trains have sperm?
Thomas: Goodness gracious me. - Take That!
- Critic calls Mara Wilson "Haley Joel Osment with a wig".
- When making fun of Mr. Conductor Breaking the Fourth Wall to encourage Audience Participation, Critic shows a clip of Edward saving Bella and congratulating her audience for it before saying "For shame!".
- Critic replays Alec Baldwin's infamous angry phone call to his daughter in mocking Mr. Conductor's bizarre manner.
- Critic calls the film's climax buildup a kids' version of Memento.
- Took the Bad Film Seriously: In-Universe. The Critic's biggest complaint towards Peter Fonda's performance is that he's acting like a character in an austere Oscar Bait drama instead of "Thomas the FUCKING Tank Engine!"
- We Want Our Jerk Back! (or "Depressed Guy", rather): After Peter Fonda's character is happy once more, Critic wishes he was back to being depressed.
"Because the magic you refused to believe in will get the better of you."
