Kisegach's sponsor needs a prostate massage. Bykov doesn't want to do it, so he forces Romanenko to do it instead. But Gleb, being too squeamish, tries to use a marker pen instead – which results in the cap being stuck in patient's ass; now, Gleb must somehow remove it before anyone finds out. He fails, and his mother learns about it, making her extremely angry at him. Fortunately, her sponsor agrees to forgive her, if they manage to fix their mistake without anyone else finding out.
Lobanov must work in female part of the hospital, where one old woman offers to gift him or Lyuba apartment in the (highly prestigious) central district. Since only one of them can get it, they starts competing for her attention. They quickly realises that this competition isn't gonna end anytime soon, they tries to ask Kupitman for help. But when Kupitman tells them that the "old granny" simply manipulates them to receive free attention, they decides to take all gifts back... only to find out that Kupitman chose to take the patient for himself instead. They're ready to force Kupitman into giving them that "granny" back... only for her grandson to appear, making them realise that they have no chance to get that apartment. Kupitman tries to dump the granny back on Lyuba and Semyon, but they don't accept her back.
Varya must deal with a patient from neurosurgery. For some reason, he is tied to his bed, and asks Varya to untie him, so he can at least use a toilet like a normal man. When she falls for it, it turns out that he is insane (he believes himself to be Vladimir Putin), and ties her to the bed before escaping, taking her white coat. Meanwhile, Levin must prepare a patient to operation. He starts examining her... but then her husband comes by, and mistakes this for harassment (especially since she is not even Levin's patient; he mistook her for another woman). This leads to him attacking Levin, injuring him enough for Levin to require a bandage for his head. Varya hires two orderlies to help her catch "Putin", but they brings Levin instead, mistaking him for a psycho. Fortunately, she realises how to lure the patient into the trap, and uses hospital's intercom to make an announcement for "Vladimir Putin". Patient falls for it, and gets captured.
This episode provide examples of:
- All for Nothing: Semyon and Lyuba competes for old woman's attention, hoping that she would gift one of them free apartment in the central district. Kupitman attempts to "steal" her from them for himself, but just when they confronts him about it, the patient's grandson appears (specifically, youngest grandson; and she has eight more grandsons and five children), leaving all three with nothing.
- Ass Shove: Romanenko is too squeamish to give his patient prostate massage the normal way, so he tries to do it with a marker pen — only for the marker's cap to detach and remain in the guy's ass.
- Bait-and-Switch: Bykov gives the guy who broke both hands when beating Levin the proper first aid (since Levin is unable, with his hands stuck in gypsum), and instructs him to never beat doctors again — right after which he specifies that it doesn't include Levin, as he's not a doctor.
- Beware the Nice Ones: Kisegach finally shows that she has her limits, too:
- Bykov is ignoring his boss' calls to play video games. When Kisegach comes in personally and asks him to give massage prostate to her investor, Bykov annoys her with childish jokes and tries to dump the work on Anastasia herself. She gets fed up and just turns off TV (and the game with it), as well as announces that now, it's an order.
- Gleb thinks that if he admits his failure to his mother, she would forgive him; she always forgives him. But this time, he angers her enough for her to start shouting at him and trying to hit him with a stack of paper. When Bykov comes to see why Kisegach is shouting and sees this scene, he tries to joke that he wants to join, only for her to attack him as well, since it was his task in the first place.
- Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: Downplayed; Semyon, Lyuba and Kupitman don't plan to hurt the old woman, but they don't care about her either; all they want is the free apartment she promises to whomever treats her best at the moment. When Kupitman tells Semyon and Lyuba that she's manipulating them to get free stuff, they instantly starts acting like jerks towards her... only for Kupitman to "steal" the patient for himself and try the same tactics as them before — and also attempt to give her back once he finds out that she has actual heirs for the apartment.
- Canis Latinicus: Romanenko uses fake Latin to force the guy with a marker's cap stuck in his ass to not leave his ward.
- Chekhov's Gun: Levin was injured by ill-tempered Caucasian, hard enough to require bandage for his head. This later leads to him being mistaken for Varya's insane patient.
- Description Cut: When Romanenko asks Lobanov to whom he should confess about his failure — to Bykov or Kisegach, Semyon suggests that he better choose Kisegach: she would be more forgiving. Cut to her very angrily shouting at Gleb.
- "Eureka!" Moment: When orderlies fails to catch insane patient, Varya suddenly comes with another plan. She uses the hospital's intercom to address "Vladimir Putin" and ask him to go into his ward, where he finally gets caught.
- The Farmer and the Viper: Varya's patient is tied to his bed. He asks her to untie him, so he can at least use a toilet like a normal man. When she reluctantly agrees, he ties Varya herself.
- Hates Everyone Equally: Levin complains that because of Bykov's bullying, he has low self-esteem. Bykov gets surprised that it's only Levin: he treats everyone as if they're worthless, not him specifically.
- Hot-Blooded: The husband of the blonde girl whom Levin tries to examine is portrayed like stereotypical man from the North Caucasus
— very hot-tempered and overprotective of his woman.- When he mistakes Levin's actions for harassment, he instantly attacks him. This leads to him breaking his hand, forcing Levin to bandage his head.
- While high on sedatives and with both hands stuck in a bowl of gypsum, Levin, after a long delay, finds the guy to give him the required medical attention, but angers him again, which leads to the patient hitting him with healthy hand... only to hit a bowl and break another hand.
- Immediate Self-Contradiction: Semyon and Lyuba states that of course, the patient (an old and likely senile granny) isn't gonna give them anything: who's gonna believe that she would gift them her apartment in the city centre? They laughs... and rushes to fulfil the patient's request.
- Laser-Guided Karma:
- Kupitman "steals" the senile patient from Semyon and Lyuba, hoping that she would give him free apartment if he keeps treating her well. Then he finds out that she has actual heirs, and tries to give her back, as he doesn't want to actually bother with her, but they refuse, forcing him to continue treatment despite wanting nothing to do with it.
- Gleb caused everyone problems by using a marker pen to give a patient prostate massage instead of doing it properly. Bykov forces him to fix it, and then tells that the next day is gonna be "very hard" for him, and that it would involve "learning on one's mistakes", hinting that it would involve either dealing with a patient whom Gleb previously wronged, or entire day of prostate massage training. Or both.
- Manipulative Bastard: According to Kupitman, the old woman, whom Semyon and Lyuba are competing to please, does not actually plan to gift them anything: she just wants free attention. Except... it's Kupitman who deceives them, to "steal" the patient (and her apartment) for himself.
- Napoleon Delusion: Varya's patient thinks that he is Vladimir Putin. And he is here with a "special inspection". According to Pasha, he is fifth Putin they have this month.
- Not What It Looks Like:
- Levin orders his patient to strip, and starts examining her skin... and in just that moment her Hot-Blooded Caucasian husband shows up. It turns out that not only her problems were with an ear, she is not even his patient (which he could have find out had he bothered to ask). No wonder the patient's husband doesn't believe him when he says that he is her doctor, and attacks.
- In the end, when Levin (still with both hands stuck in a bowl of gypsum) asks the other guy in the restroom to help him unzip his pants, the guy mistakes him for psycho and runs in fear.
- Oh, Crap!: Gleb, too squeamish to do it properly, gives his patient prostate massage with a marker pen. When he tries to remove it, cup stays inside. He looks on the pen with "I'm screwed" look on his face.
- Poor Communication Kills:
- Levin doesn't bother with asking the patient (unknowingly, not even his) for her name before ordering her to undress, which leads to her husband mistaking this for harassment (as she was here due to problems with her ear), and attacking. This results in Levin injuring his head, and husband breaking his hand.
- Varya gives rather vague description of her escaped patient (not helped by the orderlies not bothering to remember details), resulting in them catching Levin instead (who's still with bandage over his head).Varya: Whom you brought up?!
Pasha: Your psycho.
Varya: It's my colleague, a doctor!
Pasha: Can't understand you, doctors. It's just like you said: bandaged head, in a coat, looks like a moron; he fits perfectly.
- Potty Emergency: Bykov refused to help Levin to remove that bowl of gypsum before leaving him on a night shift, so Levin has to somehow use a toilet without being able to use his hands. He tries to ask technician to help him to unzip his pants, but the guy unsurprisingly mistakes him for some psycho and runs away. Levin wets his pants as result.
- Refuge in Audacity: When Kisegach says that she has a request, Bykov says that they better do "it" at her office: his on-call room can't be locked properly. She's not amused.
- Scatterbrained Senior: An old woman in Lobanov's plot is highly implied to be senile; she regularly offers her apartment in the central district as a gift to whomever currently treats her, be it Lobanov, Lyuba or Kupitman, despite already having multiple heirs.
- Schmuck Bait: Bykov asks Gleb whether he wants to go home earlier today. Gleb correctly guesses that there's a catch, and refuses. Bykov agrees that it was a trap, and then orders him to give Kisegach's VIP patient a prostate massage anyway.
- The Slacker:
- Bykov words his order to Lobanov very specifically, explaining it as Lobanov often trying to avoid his patients unless forced to work.
- Kisegach, fed up with him ignoring her calls and requests, just orders Bykov to give prostate massage to her investor. Bykov dumps it on Gleb, who in turn sidesteps the proper procedure and uses marker instead. This backfires on them both when Gleb's laziness predictably results in marker's cup getting stuck inside the patient.
- Surrounded by Idiots: Bykov calls each intern a moron and "foreign object in the healthy body of the medicine". Varya points that he's calling them that all the time.Bykov: Of course I do. It's like with contraceptive pills: miss one time, and you're screwed.
- Tempting Fate: Gleb believes that he's better to tell about his screwup to his mother: she's gonna forgive him, cause she's his mother! Unfortunately, this screwup angers her enough to actually make her attack him (and Bykov, when he shows up).
- Ungrateful Bastard: Lobanov calls Levin (whom he has to give first aid) out on not thinking before doing, saying that "[they] have too much trouble because of his dumb head". Levin asks whether he's supposed to think with his ass, like Lobanov, which makes Semyon lose interest in treating him further: Levin may finish tying bandages on his own.
- Wet Cement Gag: Even after being sedated by orderlies, who mistook him for runaway psycho (both have bandaged head, medical coat, and "look like a moron"), Levin tries to prepare gypsum for his patient's husband; but, as he's slowed down, gypsum solids up before he even removes his hands from a bowl. He has to walk like this for the rest of the episode, only further adding to his "psycho" appearance.
