- Date First Aired: 07/02/1991
- Alternative Name: "Staff Pilfering"
The centre has been closed for the fourth time this month. The reason for this is that Brittas suspects that there is a thief going around the leisure centre, taking stuff such as Carole's money, Patrick's sachet of shampoo, Gavin's soap-on-a-rope, and three biscuits. Brittas thus tries to din out the thief.
Meanwhile, Helen is trying to get more valium to cope with Brittas. However, she's now gotten a new doctor, and he's quite insistent that he doesn't provide the prescription until he gets to see Brittas - a bit difficult considering the fact that one of the reasons for Helen's depression is that her Invented Invalid affair, "Uncle" Simon, has left her.
As Brittas is interrogating Tim on the stolen items, Carole reveals that it was her who took the biscuits. With this in mind, Brittas continues his quest, implementing a plan where he puts phosphorus powder on his banknotes and wallet, puts it in clear view of the staff changing room, and hides in a cupboard to catch the thief. Unfortunately, it goes awry - he's asked up by Helen, who wants him to come with him to the doctor, and as he is heading back to retrieve his wallet, Angie picks it up and returns it to Helen, leading him to believe that his wallet is stolen. It is quickly returned by Tim, so Brittas gets Colin to take over whilst he's at the meeting. Unfortunately for Colin, Gavin and Angie believe him to still be Brittas and decide to play a prank on him by removing the locker and getting it airborne.
Meanwhile, Brittas makes it to the doctor, but he proves to be so obnoxious that Dr. Grey happily gives Helen the prescription that she desires. Upon his return, he finds out who took the £5 - turns out Ben ate it. Before he can resolve this, however, he finds that someone has taken £20 from his wallet. Unfortunately, further suspicion suggests that it was him who took the money. He decides that the only solution to this is Colin, who presumably saw the whole thing. However, he is already airborne, and he ends up dropping from a distance and injuring himself. Brittas eventually narrows down the culprits for the other stuff (excluding the pencil, which fell off the back of a radiator) to a handful of four who soon handed in their notices.
Tropes featured in this episode:
- Accidental Pervert: Colin becomes one when Brittas makes him hide in a locker to discover who had been stealing from the centre.
- Actor Allusion: Helen reveals that Brittas briefly worked for the Samaritans, on what became known as Black Friday because all four people he spoke to committed suicide, even though one of them was a wrong number. In the Red Dwarf episode "The Last Day", which aired two years earlier, Rimmer (also played by Chris Barrie) had also mentioned he worked for the Samaritans, on what became known as Lemming Sunday for the same reason, complete with the wrong number.
- Amusing Injury: Colin falls from an airborne locker and suffers some broken limbs.
- Call-Back: "Uncle" Simon (Helen's Invented Invalid affair from "Bye Bye Baby") is brought up again. Apparently, the relationship did not end well.
- Continuity Nod:
- Helen mentions how the staff had filled Brittas’ car in concrete, which had been shown at the end of "Laying The Foundations".
- Carole's mother is back in hospital after her hip replacement from "Bye Bye Baby" failed.
- The Diaper Change: Carole finds a lost £5 note in Ben's poop when she changes his nappy.
- Entertainment Below Their Age: Colin mentions getting the idea that a magpie might be behind the thefts from what is heavily implied to be the children's show Postman Pat. Gavin's reaction reveals that Colin was not the only one to have watched that episode.
- Extreme Omnivore: Ben manages to eat an entire £5 note.
- Gasshole: Brittas mentions Colin having an issue with flatulence.
- Haplessly Hiding: Brittas hides in a locker to catch a thief. It doesn't initially work, mainly because Helen needs him to come to a doctor's appointment, so he makes Colin hide in it whilst he leaves. It doesn't work out - Gavin and Angie mistake him for Brittas, sedate him using chloroform, and make the locker airborne. Poor Colin doesn't even find out until he opens the locker and goes plummeting down to the ground.
- Here We Go Again!: After Brittas spends the entire episode accusing the staff of pilfering, he finds that someone took some of his Kit-Kats, with the episode ending with him deciding to interrogate his children.
- Instant Sedation: Angie and Gavin decide to knock out Colin using chloroform. It only takes a few seconds before he falls unconscious, although it may be justified by the fact that Gavin got it from a vet.
- Jar Potty: When Brittas makes Colin get into the locker to catch the thief, he gives him a milk bottle so that he can satisfy his constant Potty Emergencies. It's not very long before Colin fills it up.
- Mistaken Identity: Gavin and Angie knock out who they think is Brittas in the locker, even though by that point, Brittas had enlisted Colin to go into the locker.
- Mystery Episode: Someone has been stealing in the leisure centre, and Brittas spends the whole episode figuring out who did it. The biscuits turn out to have been eaten by Carole, the £5 turns out to have been eaten by Ben, Brittas’ pencil turns out to have simply fallen behind a radiator, and Helen is revealed to have borrowed the £20, although a group of four were apparently responsible for the theft of Gavin's soap-on-a-rope and Patrick's shampoo.
- Noodle Incident:
- When Brittas closes down the centre, Laura mentions that it's the fourth time this month that he's closed it down. What happened the other three times which led to Brittas closing it?
- Mention is made of Mandy having a criminal record, but it’s never explained how she got it.
- Oh, Crap!: Angie, upon realising that she knocked out and made airborne the wrong person.
- One-Shot Character: Danny, Mandy and Dr. Grey.
- The Peeping Tom: Brittas is thought to be one by the staff when they believe he is hiding in a changing room locker.
- Polyamory: Danny was sent to prison for apparently participating in a bigamist marriage.
- Potty Emergency: Colin suffers from a hyperactive bladder throughout the episode.
- Riddle for the Ages:
- Brittas mentions that the culprits for the theft of the soap-on-a-rope and the shampoo were a group of four who quit soon after. Whilst it is possible that two of them were Danny and Mandy, seeing as they never appeared again after the episode, the identities are otherwise left a mystery.
- The culprit who ate Brittas' Kit-Kats is also never revealed.
- Schmuck Bait: Brittas' plan to catch the thief involves putting his wallet with money in it out in the open and hiding in a locker to catch the thief. Unfortunately, everyone keeps trying to return it to him and it doesn't work.
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here: When Tim is accused of stealing, he considers quitting and moving back to his mother, although this luckily never happens.
- Ship Sinking: "Uncle" Simon breaks up with Helen off-screen.
- Shout-Out:
- Colin mentions watching a show about a postman who goes around his village in his van.
- Brittas' tenure with the Samaritans mirrors Rimmer’s tenure with them in Red Dwarf.
- Sneaking Snacks: Carole eventually admits that she was the one responsible for eating the biscuits under Brittas' nose.
- Stalker without a Crush: Brittas hides in a locker and intends to watch people getting changed solely so that he can find the thief in the centre.
- Suicide as Comedy: Brittas' tenure with the Samaritans, which led to four people (one of which had the wrong number) committing suicide.
- Thieving Magpie: Colin's initial theory for the thefts is that a jackdaw may have taken off with the items, although this turns out to be incorrect.
- Toilet Humour: How did Carole find out that Ben ate the money? Finding it in his poop.
- Uncertain Doom: Outside of references to her past upbringing of Carole, Carole's mother is never mentioned again after the reveal that she's back in hospital, leaving it unclear whether she's still alive in later episodes or simply too invalid to take care of Carole's children.
