Forever Ambergris
Take a picture, it'll last longer... than you.
Crypt Keeper: (wearing a vest and ID tag reading "PRESS" while surrounded by photography equipment; he rips the eye out of a dead fish in front of him and places it in the lens of a camera) Yes, I think the fisheye lens will do fine. (to the viewers) Greetings, fashion fiends. So glad you could join me. Bet you didn't know your pal the Crypt Keeper dabbled in photography. (from the view of his camera) I just love winding a few rolls of Koda-groan into my camera, turning on the old fright meter, and snapping off a few head... shots. (snickers; back in the normal POV) Tonight's putrid picture is sure to increase your shudder speed. It's about a photographer who's losing his touch and would do almost anything to get it back. Did I say "almost"? (as he takes pictures of the episode's book) I call this sickening snapshot: Forever Ambergris.
Dalton Scott (Roger Daltrey) is a jaded military photographer who was once famous for his miraculously shot, vividly depicted wartime pictures. His boss Randolph (Paul Dooley), thinking that he's losing his edge, forces Dalton to team up with Isaac "Ike" Forte (Steve Buscemi), a young up-and-coming photographer who admires him immensely. When he's invited to Ike's house for dinner, Dalton begins to lust after the young photographer's immensely beautiful wife Bobbi (Lysette Anthony), but she rejects his advances, even after he creeps in on the pair having sex.
Dalton and Ike are later assigned to travel to Central America with a group of mercenaries, Rock, Salucci, Uncle Salty, Pirate, and Little Wing (Marshall Bell, Titus Welliver, Tim Ahren, Luis Ramos, and Kevin Benton), who have been tasked with searching for a unique drug. En route, Dalton learns of Valmalera, an abandoned village near their destination whose population was wiped out by germ warfare. Dalton sees the diseased village as his chance to make a big comeback, but the mercs warn him that the area is so heavily contaminated that he will certainly die. Ike volunteers to go to Valmalera, and Dalton is all too happy to let him do so, neglecting to tell him about the lethal danger to his life.
To Dalton's surprise, Ike returns from Valmalera in good health, but later that night, the young photographer wakes up screaming in agony as the viral agents from the village begin to destroy his body. Dalton gloats over Ike's impending death, telling him the truth about Valmalera and that he deliberately misled him to steal both Bobbi and the pictures he took, leaving Ike to die. The next morning, Ike, barely-alive and heavily rotting, shambles toward Dalton and the soldiers. Dalton shoots and kills Ike, claiming that he needed to do so to lower the risk of him and the soldiers getting infected. His lie fools the soldiers, who decide to burn the corpse to prevent further contamination.
When Dalton gets back to the States, Randolph is impressed with his new pictures, and Dalton later visits Bobbi to reflect on Ike's death. She shows him a letter she received from Salucci, telling him what really happened, but tells Dalton that she doesn't believe the story. As the pair have sex, Bobbi accuses Dalton of killing Ike and springs her revenge on him: Ike had sent Bobbi some fragrant balsam from Valmalera, and she and Dalton shared a cigarette made from the stuff before they had sex, resulting in the both of them contracting the virus that killed Ike. Satisfied after avenging her husband, Bobbi's body rots away as she dies, her blood vessels bursting and drenching Dalton with her blood. After pushing Bobbi's body off of him, Dalton races to the bathroom and frantically tries to scrub himself clean... only for his nose to fall off and land in the sink, upon which he starts screaming in horror.
Tropes:
- The Ace: Ike is an extraordinary photographer, able to make a rotting possum corpse look elegant. It's because of his skills (and his incredibly hot wife) that Dalton, a former ace in photography, aims to kill him and take his photos for his own.
- Adaptational Heroism: Bobbi actively gets revenge for her husband's murder in the episode. In the original comic, the wife didn't love her husband (a sailor, the antagonist being his captain) and reciprocated the captain's feelings. The only reason she contracted the plague in that story was because her new boyfriend gifted her perfume made from the ambergris from a whale that had been trailing their ship, realizing only too late that the whale had swallowed an infected man prior to this. Here, she only pretends to be in love with Dalton to catch him off guard and avenge her husband, dying in the process.
- Always Someone Better: As far as Randolph is concerned, Ike is the go-to photographer for any pictures needing to be taken for his company.
- Artifact Title: In the original comic, the ending hinges on ambergrisnote infected by contact with a plague-stricken man, which is then inadvertently harvested by his killer, made into perfume, and given to his erstwhile girlfriend as a present.
- Awesome McCoolname: The mercenaries that Ike and Dalton travel with have some pretty badass names, including "Rock", "Pirate", "Little Wing", "Salucci", and "Uncle Salty".
- Betty and Veronica: Dalton (Veronica) sees himself competing with Ike (Betty) over Bobbi (Archie).
- Big Creepy-Crawlies: Ike says that a huge number of bugs were present in the ruins of Valmalera, illustrating how decrepit it is.
- Big Damn Heroes: Salucci is an offscreen example, as he sends Bobbi a letter describing what really happened to Ike, allowing her to get revenge on his killer.
- Big "NO!": Dalton screams one to the bathroom mirror as the episode ends, after his nose falls off.
- Bittersweet Ending: Ike is dead, and Bobbi kills herself by her method of avenging his death, but her doing so allows the man responsible for the murder to face his just desserts.
- Body Horror: We see, in graphic detail, just what the virus does to people, as it causes the body to rapidly decay and fall apart.
- Broken Ace: Dalton was an experienced photographer famous for his photos of wartime action. In the present day, he's a washout who shamelessly dupes the young photographer who idolizes him into suffering an agonizing and gruesome death so he can steal his wife and his fame.
- Broken Pedestal: Ike discovers that Dalton, the formerly astounding, award-winning photographer he's idolized since he was a child, wants him dead so he can get his place in the spotlight and bone his beautiful wife. In all honesty, the pedestal can't get anymore broken than that.
- Chekhov's Gag: Ike says that he usually collects herbs and plants from places he travels to for Bobbi. The end of the episode reveals that he sent Bobbi some balsam he collected from the contaminated ruins of Valmalera, which Bobbi uses to get revenge on Dalton for killing her husband.
- Chromosome Casting: The majority of the episode's cast is of men, given its military nature. The only female present is Bobbi.
- Coitus Uninterruptus: Ike and Bobbi have sex as Dalton watches them in bed together. Bobbi catches him, but she keeps going after he leaves.
- Cruel and Unusual Death: Ike rapidly rots as he succumbs to the virus (to the point where one of his eyes falls out of his head) for hours. We don't see the whole thing for ourselves, but from what we see of Dalton's infection, we can assume he's in for much of the same... and it's very well deserved.
- Crusading Widow: Bobbi, who actively decides to get rid of Dalton as revenge for Ike's murder by his hand, even sacrificing herself in the process.
- Didn't See That Coming: Dalton definitely didn't see Bobbi deliberately contracting the virus herself to kill him.
- Due to the Dead: Subverted. Uncle Salty and his men burn Ike's body after Dalton shoots him, but mainly to lower the risk of contamination.
- "Everybody Dies" Ending: All three main characters are dead by the end of the episode. Or rather, two are dead, and the third is on his way out.
- Eye Scream: As the virus attacks him, Ike's eye falls right out of the socket, at which point Dalton mockingly puts his cigarette out on it.
- Fan Disservice: As Dalton and Bobbi start having sex, the virus goes to work on her body by causing her veins and arteries to rupture, drenching Dalton with her infected blood.
- Fanservice: Ike and Bobbi's sex scene, complete with a shot of Bobbi's breasts. There's another moment near the end where we get a close-up of her naked as she and Dalton begin to have sex, just before the virus takes effect.
- Faux Affably Evil: Dalton treats Ike like a fan at first, humorously bantering with him over his old work. He soon devises a plan to kill him so he can steal his photos to make a comeback, as well as his incredibly hot wife.
- Forbidden Zone: Valmalera is firmly avoided by the mercs. The only person who enters the place is Ike, unaware of its history and advised to travel there on Dalton's advice. He begins rapidly decaying the night he returns from it.
- Foreshadowing:
- When Dalton fails to win Bobbi over, he hypothetically asks her what would happen to her if something were to happen to Ike. Bobbi replies "I'll probably die myself."
- Ike also tells Dalton that he usually sends Bobbi plants, herbs, and incense from the places he travels to, which comes back to bite him when he and Bobbi are in bed together.
- Bobbi offers Dalton a post-coital cigarette after she and Ike have sex. She offers another one to him at the end of the episode, which turns out to have a special "kick" to it.
- Uncle Salty entertains Dalton and his men with a ghost story about a Lance Corporal in Vietnam whose nose was eaten by bugs when it started to show signs of rot. Dalton himself has his nose fall off as the virus slowly kills him at the end.
- Give Geeks a Chance: The geeky-looking Ike is married to the insanely beautiful Bobbi, who genuinely loves his skills with a camera and his wonderful personality.
- Ghost Story: Uncle Salty entertains Dalton and his men with one of these, about a corporal in 'Nam who had his nose eaten by bugs, then went crazy and cut up every insect he could find to get the pieces of his nose back.
- Ghost Town: Valmalera, the abandoned Central American village that Ike is duped into entering. All of its inhabitants were gruesomely killed by fatal and highly contagious viral weapons, and anyone who enters the area is doomed to meet that same fate, as these weapons contaminated the area surrounding the village.
- Green-Eyed Monster: Dalton is this towards Ike, who idolizes him, because of his successful career and his loving relationship with Bobbi.
- Hate Sink: Dalton is slowly revealed to be a hateful, jealous, and petty individual with no redeeming qualities at all. Resentful of the younger and more successful Ike, Dalton devises a plan to steal Ike's work and seduce his wife Bobbi. Tricking Ike into visiting Valmarlera, knowing full well it would result in his horrific death, Dalton gloats to Ike about his evil plan when the virus manifests itself and causes Ike to slowly rot alive, even putting his cigarette out on Ike's decaying eyeball. After gunning Ike down when he attempts to reveal what Dalton did, lying that he needed to prevent the others from getting infected, Dalton then tries to seduce Bobbi and lies to her about Ike's fate. Despite only killing one victim, Dalton easily stands out as one of the most unpleasant and despicable leads in the series.
- Heroic Sacrifice: Bobbi willingly smokes a cigarette made with the diseased balsam from Valmalera, then splits it with Dalton before they have sex, allowing herself to take Dalton with her as revenge for Ike's death.
- Hired Guns: Ike and Dalton are assigned to travel with a group of mercenaries to Central America, where they learn of the contaminated village Valmalera.
- I Know You're Watching Me: Bobbi tells Dalton that she saw him watching her and Ike have sex, through the mirror atop their bed.
- I'm Melting!: The virus gives infected subjects the appearance that they're melting, due to how fast it destroys the body.
- Ironic Echo: As Bobbi tells Dalton: "We all have to make sacrifices."
- Karmic Twist Ending: Dalton receives his comeuppance for killing Ike, courtesy of Bobbi sharing a cigarette loaded with the deadly virus with him.
- Kick the Dog: As Dalton brags about his plans to take Ike's career and Bobbi away from him, Ike's eyeball falls out of the socket, prompting Dalton to put his cigarette out on it.
- Love Triangle: One between Dalton/Bobbi/Isaac makes up the plot.
- The Man Behind the Man: Bobbi discovers what Dalton did to her husband (and ultimately kills him) after she got a letter from Salucci, who seems to know what really happened between them.
- Mercy Kill: Dalton shoots the decaying Ike as he shambles towards him and the mercs, then plays it off as one of these, considering how far along Ike's contamination had gotten.
- Murder the Hypotenuse: Or rather, expose the hypotenuse to a fatal virus, but it's all the same.
- Nice Guy: Ike is a genuinely nice guy who admires Dalton, has a unique talent with photography, finds beauty in even the most grotesque things, and has an incredibly beautiful wife who genuinely loves him for his knack with a camera, his artistic vision, and his pleasant personality, even inviting Dalton to dance with her. It's a real punch in the gut to see him duped by his idol (who accuses him of putting on an act with his chipper attitude) into dying painfully so said idol can steal his work and his wife.
- Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: As a gesture of goodwill to Dalton, Ike essentially forces him to dance with Bobbi. It's at this moment Dalton becomes attracted to her and conspires to kill Ike to steal Bobbi from him.
- Nothing Is Scarier: We never actually see the ruins of Valmalera on screen, so what they look like after it was bombarded with artillery shells filled with biological weapons is left a complete mystery. Ike does tell Dalton that some details of what he saw included crazy vegetation, giant bugs, and fires that were still burning, all of which paint the ruins as a disease-ridden hellhole.
- The Noseless: Uncle Salty tells a story about a soldier in Vietnam who had his nose eaten by insects. Dalton meets a similar fate at the end of the episode, where his nose falls off his face and into the sink.
- Out with a Bang: Bobbi's last act on Earth is infecting Dalton with the virus from Valmalera by having sex with him.
- The Plague: The virus, which literally eats away at the body until it's basically ground meat, and it works quickly too.
- Primal Scene: Bobbi is featured in two of them. One where she has sex with Ike, the other with Dalton.
- Riddle for the Ages: Why did the US government feel the need to bombard a seemingly-innocent Central American village with canisters of biological weapons in the first place? All that Dalton hears about why they did so is Rock telling him that it's "strictly classified".
- Sealed Evil in a Can: Valmalera, the contaminated village. None of the mercs even dare to visit the place because of what happened to it, and Ike, who volunteers to go, contracts the same virus that gradually made its villagers rot.
- Self-Immolation: One of Dalton's award-winning pictures is of a Buddhist monk setting himself on fire in protest. Ike saw the photo when he was only seven, and he was utterly captivated by it, staring at it for days on end.
- Shell-Shocked Veteran: Little Wing tells Ike that Uncle Salty, the leader of the mercenaries, is one of those "still in Saigon" guys when he claims that ghosts are roaming the jungle.
- Synthetic Plague: The flesh-eating virus is said to originate from government-made biological weapons.
- Tainted Tobacco: Bobbi makes a cigarette out of the balsam Ike sent from Valmalera, and she tricks Dalton into sharing the cigarette with her as revenge for murdering her husband.
- Taking You with Me: Bobbi tricks Dalton into sharing a cigarette made with balsam from Valmalera, killing herself and taking Dalton, who killed her husband, with her.
- Time-Delayed Death: Ike initially appears to be fine after returning from Valmalera, but isn't until later that same night that he wakes up screaming in agony as his body decays.
- Vomit Indiscretion Shot: Ike pukes a pretty big amount of vomit when the virus starts destroying his body.
- War Is Hell: Dalton tells Randolph this to gloss over his involvement in Ike's death.
- "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue: According to the Crypt Keeper, Bobbi managed to survive being ravaged by the virus, and got a job modeling for Vic-"gore"-ia's Secret. He may just be screwing with us, considering the lethality of the virus and him, well... being the Crypt Keeper.
- You Are Already Dead: Once you're exposed to the virus, there is no hope for you. All you can do is shoot yourself where you stand.
Crypt Keeper: (snapping photos of a skeleton dressed as a model) Now that's what I call romance. Boy gets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl and goes to pieces over her! (cackles) You'll be pleased to know, kiddies, that things turned out pretty well for Bobbi. She got herself a job and started modeling... for Vic-gore-ia's Secret! (cackles; to the skeleton) Beautiful. (through his camera's POV) Beautiful! Turn your head a little more toward me. (the skeleton turns its head) Just a little more. (the skeleton turns its head more) Little more. (the skeleton turns its head again; its skull ultimately snaps off from the pressure and falls to the floor; the camera returns to its original angle as the Crypt Keeper takes more pictures) Ahhh. Perfect! (snickers)
