The New Arrival
And you thought Junior was screwed up...
Crypt Keeper: (wrapped in a straightjacket and speaking to a psychologist; notably distressed) You see what I mean, doc?! It's- it's just like that nightmare I told you about! The one I keep having when I'm petting Bambi! (gasps) You've got to help me, doc! I'm losing my mind! I can't seem to take a joke anymore! I mean, a choke! I mean... It's like the man in tonight's tale. He's a head shrinker who's about to undergo a little final analysis of his own, in a paranoid parable I call: The New Arrival.
Dr. Alan Goetz (David Warner) is an award-winning child psychologist who hosts the radio talk show Good Psychology, where he takes calls from troubled parents. Being pompous, snobbish, and utterly full of himself, Alan advises these burdened parents to ignore their children's troubled behavior and ridicules them for their lackluster parenting, not bothering to give any actual sound advice. Rona (Joan Severance), the atrocious owner of the radio station, insistently tells Alan's long-suffering producer Bonnie (Twiggy) that the show is sharply falling in the ratings and is facing replacement by the trashy shock jock Lothar’s (Robert Patrick) show. Alan then receives a call from Nora (Zelda Rubinstein), a regular caller whose daughter Felicity is inordinately troubled. In a stroke of inspiration, Alan decides to offer Nora, who he considers "the epitome of the inept parent", a chance for some sit-in counseling, planning to broadcast a series of episodes live from Nora's home. Nora graciously accepts, so Alan and Bonnie head over to her large, secluded, and decrepit house. Rona takes the opportunity to tag along with them, hoping Alan will fail in his attempts to discipline the girl so she can finally drop his show.
Alan and Bonnie soon find out that Felicity is indeed a rather problematic tyke, wearing a white porcelain mask over her face, electrifying the doorbell and her room's doorknob, coating the walls in grape-flavored bubblegum, banging her head against the wall, and emitting primal screams that echo through the empty halls. Upon hearing Nora sharing that Felicity's father is allegedly fighting in "the War", and discovering that she has books from every major noted child psychologist in her possession, Alan theorizes that Nora and Felicity are one and the same; a split personality resulting from a damaged psyche. Determined that good psychology will always beat bad behavior, Alan braves the booby trapped house to find "Felicity" and give her the help she desperately needs. When he's finally ready to give the demented girl some counseling, Alan discovers that Felicity isn't exactly who he thinks she is.
Tropes:
- Adaptational Jerkass: In the comic, Alan was just an unlucky guy who accidentally happened on Nora's house during a storm. The episode makes him a pompous radio psychologist that's only out for himself.
- All for Nothing: In the end, Nora turns on the radio to Felicity's "favorite show". The program she turns on is Lothar's show, revealing that Rona actually cancelled Alan's show before he and Bonnie even left the station, and Alan put himself through hell for nothing.
- Asshole Victim: Alan ends the episode at the mercy of the undead child he failed to reach, forced to endure her "playtime" and her favorite show (the shock jock who Rona replaced him with) while tries in vain to "ignore" his problems like he told so many struggling parents to do.
- The Bad Guy Wins: Nora is only a "bad guy" in the sense that she abducts child psychologists and locks them in the attic until they die so they can help her daughter, which she subjects Alan to at the episode's end.
- Felicity also never gets disciplined for killing Rona and Bonnie, and is free to "play" with Alan all she wants until he dies.
- Berserk Button: The slightest contradiction to whatever he has to say is all it takes for Alan to go off like a rocket.
- Bookends: The episode begins and ends with an episode of Lothar's show being broadcast.
- Booby Trap: Felicity managed to electrify the doorknob to her room, as well as the doorbell to her house. Alan gets shocked when he tries to open her door by himself, while Bonnie manages to get around the shock by coating her palm with some of Felicity's old bubblegum.
- Break the Haughty: After doing away with his manager and producer, the threat of Felicity doing the same to him turns Alan from a stoic and competent professional, to a coward who begs to be released from his newfound prison.
- Calling the Old Man Out: Alan tells troubled parents this in regards to their children, telling them that their misbehaved children are entirely their fault and slinging insults at them for their lackluster parenting, not even bothering to give actual advice to their problems.
- Character Catchphrase: Alan has two: "Ignore it, ignore it, ignore it!" and "Good psychology beats bad behavior every time!"
- Child Hater: Rona admits that she hates kids when Felicity's old gum gets stuck to her fancy Italian shoes.
- Creepy Child: Thanks to her primal shrieking, coating the walls with gum, electrifying the doorknob to her room and the house's doorbell, and banging her head against the wall, Felicity is the child from Hell. It's taken literally after The Reveal that she's been dead for 40 years, and even before then, Alan theorized that she was the type to burn her house down, smear feces on the walls, and electrocute the cat.
- Dead All Along: It turns out Felicity has been dead for 40 years, but is still highly active even as a zombie.
- Deadly Rotary Fan: Felicity manages to kill Bonnie by causing the ceiling fan above her to rapidly increase in speed and descend from the ceiling, allowing it to chop her head off.
- Disappeared Dad: Nora tells Alan and Bonnie that Felicity's father is still "in the War." Rona can tell that her story doesn't add up because the father, whose picture she picked up, is seen shaking hands with General Douglas MacArthur.
- Dr. Jerk: Alan has absolutely no interest in actually helping parents discipline their children. All he does is call them out for being bad parents and tells them to ignore their misbehaving children instead of actually getting to the root of their problems.
- Entertainingly Wrong: Alan initially suspects that Felicity and Nora are two personalities sharing one body, given how they have the exact same physical stature and they're never seen at the same time. The ending reveals that Felicity is actually a separate person... who's been dead for 40 years.
- Rona also had her own theories of how Nora's eccentric behavior meant that she couldn't possibly have a kid of her own, thinking that she kidnapped some missing kid from a milk carton, or was housing an escapee from a mental institution in her attic.
- Evil Brit: Alan isn't outright evil, but he is incredibly self-centered and treats everyone else, especially parents he considers inept, like shit.
- Exact Eavesdropping: Alan overhears Rona's threat to can his show by switching frequencies from Nora's call to the station's control room.
- Food as Bribe: Nora offers Felicity some of her favorite bubblegum if she behaves herself, but Alan stops her, stating that bribing a child to stop their bad behavior only reinforces said behavior.
- Foreshadowing:
- Lothar tells Alan, as his shift ends, his ratings are skyrocketing and there are rumors that he's going to be getting the doctor's time slot. The episode's ending reveals that the rumors came true.
- Bonnie notes that Nora's library holds books written by every child psychologist who ever lived, including one who disappeared. This is the case because Nora lured a good amount of these psychologists to her house and locked them in the attic to have them try and help Felicity behave, only for them to starve to death and Nora to collect their books for her library.
- Rona screams when she turns around and sees four chairs placed in a specific manner in the attic. We later find the psychologists' corpses in those same chairs.
- Good Parents: As twisted as her methods are, Nora absolutely loves her daughter and wants to help her behave better, even if it means essentially abducting child psychologists and locking them with Felicity until they starve to death.
- Gross Gum Gag: Alan, Bonnie, and Rona discover the hallway leading to Felicity's room is completely caked in old grape bubblegum.
- Heartbeat Soundtrack: Heartbeats can be heard mixed into a series of creepy crawling noises as Felicity runs throughout the house.
- Hell Is That Noise: Felicity's primal shrieks echoing through the halls of her house, depicting her as a feral and tormented animal instead of a misbehaving child.
- Hidden Depths: In spite of her borderline lunacy, Felicity happens to be a pretty effective electrician, rigging the doorbell to shock unsuspecting visitors, electrifying the doorknob to her bedroom, and rigging a ceiling fan to descend to the ground and decapitate Bonnie.
- Homage: The episode serves as one to films such as Home Alone and Problem Child, as it features a badly misbehaved child who has a penchant for setting tricks and traps around the house.
- "Home Alone" Antics: Alan and Bonnie are subject to these as they explore the house trying to find Felicity, including electrified doorknobs and a ceiling fan that kills Bonnie.
- Horrible Judge of Character: Alan has somehow been given a metric ton of recognition and awards before the episode began, even though he tells parents to ignore their children and rebukes them for being bad parents.
- Ironic Echo: Alan's catchphrase of "Ignore it, ignore it, ignore it!", the horrible advice he's given to countless parents in need of help, is thrown right back at him at the end of the episode, as he says it to himself while Felicity plays jump rope and listens to the show that replaced his.
- It's All About Me: Alan is a pompous asshole who thinks of himself as the most superior psychologist on the planet, and either tells troubled parents to ignore their misbehaving kids or straight up insult their skills in parenting.
- Jerkass Has a Point: As atrocious as she is, Rona is completely in the right that Alan's "advice" is causing his ratings to plummet. She even points out Alan snapping at Nora's suggestion of coming to her house and meeting Felicity in person to prove her point to Bonnie.
- Karma Houdini: Felicity isn't punished for killing Rona and Bonnie, and Nora gets away with sending another child psychologist to his death in the name of helping her daughter behave.
- Know-Nothing Know-It-All: Alan is an award-winning child psychologist who's written a best-selling book, but he's utterly full of himself, treats everyone like crap, and is gradually revealed to be less competent that he looks, to the point where Bonnie calls him out for all of this before she's killed.
- Laser-Guided Karma: After trying to get through to Felicity and resorting to throttling her, Alan discovers the truth about her and is left locked in the attic with her until he dies, listening to the show that replaced his own on the radio as Felicity plays games around him.
- Lighter and Softer: There are some hints of this formula for the episode, given that it's focused on a psychologist who's at the mercy of a demented child bombarding him with Home Alone-style traps.
- Mean Boss: Rona, the radio station manager, is astoundingly bitchy to all of her employees, and she rubs it in poor Bonnie's face that she just can't wait to cancel Alan's show. She actually does so before she, Alan, and Bonnie even leave the station, hoping to personally watch Alan's reputation crash and burn. Thankfully, Felicity makes her her first victim.
- Morton's Fork: Felicity's undead state runs on this, since her love for her mother allows her to stay active after death, but the state of undeath itself brings her great pain.
- Mummies at the Dinner Table: The mummified corpses of four other child psychologists who came to Nora's house are revealed to be locked in the attic, each of them having been tied up to try and help Felicity until they starved to death.
- Not Evil, Just Misunderstood: Once her mask and wig come off, Felicity becomes frightened of Alan, then decides to "get acquainted" with him at her mother's request. It can be assumed that her bad behavior streak was just a way of venting with the frustration and pain that comes with being undead, and that she's not as bad as she seems when given the right kind of treatment.
- Similarly, while her motives are rather illegal, Nora genuinely thinks that locking psychologists in her attic with her zombified daughter will help Felicity behave herself, even though that wasn't the case with the last four she sent up there.
- Nothing Is Scarier: The deranged screams that Felicity makes before she's introduced, establishing that she could be anywhere in the house.
- O.O.C. Is Serious Business: Nora is seen as gentle, kindly, and supportive of Alan's attempts to help her daughter. Near the end, when she comes across him throttling Felicity, she yells to him that he should be ashamed of himself for attacking a little girl.
- Offscreen Moment of Awesome: If the Crypt Keeper is to be believed, Alan managed to escape Nora's attic at some point after the episode ended, and even got a job at another radio station.
- Off with His Head!: Bonnie is killed when Felicity tinkers with the ceiling fan she's standing under, making it speed up and descend to the floor to chop off her head.
- Ominous Music Box Tune: It serves as a Leitmotif for Felicity, usually playing when she's not actively causing trouble.
- Parental Neglect: Alan actively encourages parents to ignore their misbehaving children instead of taking the time to find out why they act out in the first place. He even wrote a bestselling book titled The Art of Ignoring Your Child.
- Peek-a-Boo Corpse: When Bonnie discovers Rona's corpse lying on Felicity's bed, a jump rope wrapped around her neck and her face frozen in shock.
- The Power of Love: Nora hints that Felicity came back from the grave thanks to her love for her mom, but notes that her being undead gives her great pain as well.
- Red Herring: The evidence tying into the theory that Felicity may be an alternate personality of Nora's, including the knowledge that she was tinkering with the doorbell, and the tape recorder where she tells Felicity that she's badly behaved, is rendered moot by The Reveal mentioned below.
- The Reveal: Felicity has been dead for 40 years, and Nora's been luring child psychologists like Alan to her house so that they can help her, only to end up keeping them there until they die.
- Riddle for the Ages: What exactly did Nora mean when she tells Alan that she "spoiled" Felicity to death?
- Room Full of Crazy: Felicity's bedroom, full of stuffed dolls, active windup toys, antique televisions playing nothing but static, and a tape recorder with audio of Nora berating her daughter. This is what convinces Alan that Nora and her daughter are actually the same person, though the above-mentioned reveal makes all of this a red herring.
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Though they were already debating taking the show to another radio station, Alan and Bonnie are truly set to bail on Nora when they discover Rona's corpse on Felicity's bed.
- "Shaggy Dog" Story: The ending reveals that Lothar was given Alan's time slot before he and Bonnie even left the station, so Alan endured absolute hell in trying to discipline Felicity and is ultimately left to die in Nora's attic for no reason.
- Shock Jock: Lothar, who Rona was planning to have replacing Alan's show. We learn at the end that she did this in advance, rendering Alan's hellish trek to save his show and discipline Felicity pointless.
- Skewed Priorities: When she comes upon the gum-caked hallway, Rona's only complaint is that she got some of it on her shoes.
- Small Parent, Huge Child: It's downplayed, but Nora and Felicity are the same size in nearly all physical aspects. This is a factor that makes Alan believe that Felicity is actually a separate persona in her mother's body.
- Split Personality: Alan thinks that Felicity is an alter-ego of Nora, but it's proven incorrect in the end when Nora walks in on Alan throttling her daughter.
- Spoiled Brat: Felicity was apparently one in life, and continues to be one after her mother "spoiled her to death."
- Take This Job and Shove It: Bonnie usually puts up with Alan's unending abuse of her and everyone else on the planet, but she absolutely goes off on him for his phony know-it-all nature, prompting Alan to fire her. She immediately rebukes that she quits... just before the ceiling fan comes down on her head.
- Tempting Fate: As he approaches Nora's front door, Alan boasts to Bonnie and Rona that there's no child he can't possibly help. Felicity promptly disproves this claim.
- Trademark Favorite Food: Felicity is shown to enjoy snacking on grape-flavored bubblegum, having caked an entire hallway with the stuff.
- Troubling Unchildlike Behavior: Felicity demonstrates untold amounts of rowdy and dangerous behavior, but she's not the only child with such problems. A mother who calls Alan early in the episode tells him that her daughter learned how to masturbate and now does it all the time... at three years old.
- Tuckerization: One of the psychologists in the attic is named "Dr. Kassir". This is clearly a nod to John Kassir, who provides the voice of the Crypt Keeper.
- Undead Child: Felicity has been dead for forty years, but she's able to stay alive and continue making mischief thanks to her love for her mother.
- Villain Ball: Rona accompanies Alan and Bonnie to Nora's house solely to watch the former fail. Alan even lampshades that she should just go home if she isn't actually interested in visiting Nora, but she rebuffs Alan by telling him that he can't be trusted. After stepping inside the house, Rona makes her way to the attic to look for Felicity, where the demented child corners and strangles her with a jump rope.
- Well-Intentioned Extremist: Nora abducts child psychologists and keeps them locked in the attic until they die, but only so they can try and help her beloved daughter behave.
- What the Hell, Hero?: While she's highly trusting of Alan's methods, Nora loudly rebukes him when she finds him throttling Felicity.
- "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue: According to the Crypt Keeper, Alan eventually escaped his imprisonment and got a new radio show, but now he's more careful about "screaming" his calls.
- White Mask of Doom: Felicity dons one of these to disguise her zombified appearance, along with a wig
- World of Ham: Every character, especially Alan and Rona, can get pretty hammy at times.
- World of Jerkass: Alan only gives any semblance of care about himself, and Rona, his boss, is equally unlikable.
Crypt Keeper: (back to his old self) You'll be happy to know that Dr. Goetz did get another radio show, though he was much more careful this time about screaming his calls. (cackles) I'm feeling so much better. (to the psychologist, who's now wearing the straightjacket) You were right, doc. A little smother-ly love was all I needed. (to the viewers) So, 'til next time kiddies, I'm sending my shrink to join the others. You know what they say: "The morgue, the merrier!" (cackles)
