The Secret
Which one are we talking about here?
Crypt Keeper: (reading Oliver Twist to himself) What?! So where's the twist? And I had such great expectations! (puts the book away) Ah! Now here is a story you can sink your teeth into. A toothsome tale of tommyrot guaranteed to scare the dickens out of you! Lean in, fright fans. I'm going to let you in on: The Secret.
Theodore (Mike Simmrin) is a 12-year-old orphan at Gaines Orphanage who is constantly treated like dirt by the domineering director Ms. Hagstead (Georgann Johnson), who wants him out of the house far more than the other boys. She is unfortunately not able to easily have him removed since he's past the desirable age of most adoptable children, but one day, the home is visited by the Colberts (Grace Zabriskie and William Frankfather), a wealthy and eccentric couple who take a shine to Theodore and adopt him. In his new home, Theodore is given whatever his heart desires, but his parents keep him locked in his room all day and only visit him at night. The only regular contact Theodore gets is from the Colberts' butler Tobias (Larry Drake), who also takes a shine to him as he, too, was an orphan. Theodore eventually discovers that his new parents harbor a dark secret, but unknown to said parents, their new son just so happens to have his own secret.
Tropes:
- Abusive Parents: The Colberts hardly ever spend any time with Theodore, keep him locked in his room, and fatten him up so his blood will be extra sweet when they feed on him.
- Adults Are Useless:
- Ms. Hagstead wants Theodore out of Gaines' way more than the others.
- The Colberts don't take Theodore anywhere and lock him in his room, leaving Tobias the butler as the one person Theodore has regular interaction with. Tobias also attempts to help Theodore to escape before the Colberts could reveal their secret to him, but he gets killed quickly.
- Affably Evil: The Colberts are such with Theodore. They give him toys to play with and sweets to snack on, but this is because they want to fatten him up so his blood will be extra-sweet when they feed on him.
- Armor-Piercing Question: Ms. Hagstead is quite obnoxious and forceful, but that changes when Theodore asks her about what happened to his parents.
- Asshole Victim:
- The Colberts, who adopted Theodore solely so they could feed on him.
- Ms. Hagstead is hinted to become one in the near future, now that Theodore knows his secret.
- Big "NO!": Theodore, when Mr. Colbert gets the drop on Tobias.
- Bullying a Dragon: Theodore didn't know his secret, but Ms. Hagstead clearly did. And yet, that still didn't stop her from badgering the poor boy and treating him like crap.
- Commonality Connection: Theodore and Tobias quickly get along after Tobias tells the boy that he was also an orphan.
- Conveniently an Orphan: Theodore, whose parents have died, struggles to fit in Gaines' Orphanage. He ends up becoming a hero when he discovers his secret.
- Dirty Coward: After revealing to Theodore that they're vampires, the Colberts proceed to chase him through the courtyard. When he's cornered, turns into a werewolf, and proceeds to butcher to murder his wife, Mr. Colbert turns and runs as fast as he can, though this doesn't save him.
- Everyone Has Standards: Tobias was originally in on the Colberts' scheme in exchange for being made a vampire and gaining eternal life. However, after bonding with Theodore, he can no longer go through with it and tries to help the kid escape instead, giving his life to save him in the process.
- Evil Is Hammy: Mr. Colbert is a loud and stoic Yes-Man who acts like a broken record, and Mrs. Colbert is outrageously posh and eccentric.
- Evil Old Folks: All signs point to Ms. Hagstead as being one of these, given her treatment of poor Theodore. She even hints to Theodore that she knows what the Colberts are planning to do to him during their kitchen confrontation, and she still threw him into their home just to be rid of him.
- Fattening the Victim: The Colberts only give Theodore sweets to eat, fattening him up so his blood will be extra sweet when they finally feed on him.
- Flashback: Theodore thinks back to some of the fun times he had with Heather and his friends at Gaines'.
- Foreshadowing:
- Theodore's secret is hinted at in the very first scene in the episode, where he sneaks to the fridge and devours a chicken leg for a midnight snack, picking it clean in a matter of seconds.
- Ms. Hagstead tells her assistant Heather to never mention Theodore's parents, and she's incredibly eager to give Theodore up to whoever will take him.
- The Colberts have bars on their windows, and are also absent during the day, only being active at night.
- They also only give Theodore sweets to eat, hinting that they want to fatten him up/sweeten his blood for them to feed on.
- After Heather takes Theodore to bed, we get a transition involving the full moon. The next morning, Heather says that Theodore is nowhere to be found. Hagstead brushes off her concern, saying that the kid runs off every now and then for hours at a time. Sure enough, Theodore comes to the front door the next morning, disheveled and dirty.
- For the Evulz: Mr. and Mrs. Colbert are vampires who adopted Theodore purely so they could feed on him.
- Fur Against Fang: Upon realizing that he's a werewolf, Theodore makes quick work of the vampiric Colberts. As the Crypt Keeper says, he had the "upper paw".
- Heel–Face Turn: Tobias was in league with the Colberts and was in on their plans for Theodore since they promised to make him a vampire. He has a change of heart after bonding with the boy and helps him escape, sacrificing himself in the process.
- Hell Hound: The Colberts have one as a pet, which they've named Lilitu, and they sic her on Theodore when he makes a run for it. She isn't that bad, though, as Theodore adopts her after taking care of the Colberts.
- Henpecked Husband: It's not very strongly shown, but Mrs. Colbert calls the shots between her and her husband.
- Hired Help as Family: Theodore's only friend inside the Colberts' house is Tobias, the couple's butler, who feels the same way about him.
- Hollywood Darkness: The climax moving to the forest in the middle of the night is presented with lowered lighting and a dark blue tint.
- Homage: The episode can be seen as one of Annie (1982), since both the film and the episode center on a red-headed orphan who is adopted by a wealthy parental figure.
- Intergenerational Friendship: Theodore and Tobias, the Colberts' butler.
- Irony: A positive variation occurs in the climax, when Theodore discovers that the Colberts aren't the only ones with a secret.
- Jump Scare: As Theodore looks through his room's door's peephole, Lilitu pops up in front of it, furiously barking.
- Kubrick Stare: Theodore gives a rather wolfish glare to Ms. Hagstead, after stating that things are gonna change around the orphanage.
- Laser-Guided Karma:
- Mr. and Mrs. Colbert, having revealed themselves to be vampires, end up being killed by Theodore, the kid they intended to snack on, who is himself revealed to be a werewolf with "an appetite for vampire".
- Ms. Hagstead, who treated Theodore like shit throughout his time at Gaines' and was all too eager to give him to the Colberts (even hinting that she knew their true intentions for him), discovers that Theodore has returned and now knows his secret. Given how he tells her that there are going to be some "changes" around the home, it's very strongly implied that she becomes his next meal.
- Lighter and Softer: While there's still a good amount of gore to be thrown around, the episode's plot, concerning an orphan who is adopted by eccentric (and evil) parents, make it one of the more lighthearted and kid-oriented episodes in the series.
- Mythology Gag: Gaines' Orphanage is named after William M. Gaines, publisher of the original EC Comics.
- Oh, Crap!:
- The look on Mr. & Mrs. Colbert's faces when Theodore reveals that he's a werewolf.
- Ms. Hagstead, when Theodore returns to Gaines' Orphanage after she eagerly had him sent away to a pair of vampires... along with the fact that he now knows his secret.
- Parental Abandonment: Theodore keeps asking about his parents, but Ms. Hagstead simply tells him that they've died and to never ask her again. This hints that she knows what Theodore really is.
- Parental Substitute: Heather is one to Theodore, and she's one of the reasons he's disappointed about leaving Gaines'. When he returns, she's actually happy to see him.
- Pint-Sized Powerhouse: Despite being a child, Theodore is still a werewolf, and is perfectly capable of killing off two full grown vampires. One can only wonder how deadly an adult werewolf must be.
- P.O.V. Cam: We get a brief scene from Theodore's point of view as Ms. Hagstead throttles him.
- Pre-Mortem One-Liner: "I'm a werewolf! And I have an appetite... for vampire!"
- Red and Black and Evil All Over: The Colberts' outfits are largely red and black, hinting at their vampiric natures.
- Roaring Rampage of Revenge: Mr. Colbert kills Tobias, and after he finishes his wife, Theodore hunts him down as revenge.
- Scream Discretion Shot: When Theodore catches up to Mr. Colbert, the episode cuts to black amid his howl and Colbert's scream.
- Secret Identity: The Colberts are vampires, and Theodore is a werewolf.
- Shout-Out: Theodore is an orphan with red hair and a wisecracking attitude who is adopted by a ludicrously wealthy parental figure (or two), much like another well-known, red-headed orphan. Just like said orphan, the boy even quips "I think I'm gonna like it here!"
- Shut Up, Hannibal!: The moment where Theodore discovers his secret:Theodore: I have a secret, too, Mrs. Colbert.
Mrs. Colbert: (indifferently) I'm sure you have, dear—
Theodore: And mine is better than yours! (turns to reveal that he's a werewolf) - Surprise Party: Mr. and Mrs. Colbert spring a birthday surprise on Theodore one night. Theodore tells them that it's not his birthday, to which Mrs. Colbert tells him that it wouldn't be a surprise if it was.
- Tempting Fate:
- After catching up with Theodore under the full moon, an amused Mrs. Colbert quips that the boy will be the death of them. She had no idea how right she was.
- After switching sides, Tobias scoffs at becoming immortal by saying eternal life would be tedious and boring. Mr. Colbert kills him immediately afterwards.
- Title Drop: "You don't want us to spoil the secret, do you?"
- The Unreveal: The reveal of what actually happened to Theodore's parents, despite them clearly having been killed by a werewolf or perhaps being werewolves who were killed themselves, is left vague.
- Wham Line: "I'll decide when our little orphan delicacy is ready."
- Wham Shot:
- Mrs. Colbert baring her fangs.
- When Theodore reveals that he's a werewolf.
- Would Hurt a Child: The Colberts adopted Theodore purely so they could fatten him up and feed on him.
- Yes-Man: Mr. Colbert is one to his wife, usually repeating whatever she says like a broken record.
Crypt Keeper: (wearing Theodore's coonskin cap) Finally, the kid gets the upper hand! Or should I say, the upper paw. Just when Mom and Pop were about to satisfy their sweet tooth, Theodore decides to wolf down something besides sweets! (cackles) Well, that's all for now, kiddies. As one cow said to the other as they headed off to slaughter: "'Til next we meat!" (cackles)
