Airdate: August 14, 2017
Sender: Kristian WithaK
Sender: Kristian WithaK
Strong Bad: (singing) Let's not make a big deal out of this. It's just a little Strong Bad Email! Boo-ding!
"Kristi Ann Withak" wants to know why Senor Cardgage doesn't have his own Character video, and wonders if he's "too cool to be on camera." Strong Bad says that Senor Cardgage is too cool for a lot of things, including "wiping honey mustard off his goatee", "knowing dead animals don't make good kneepads", and "being out of the way", but having his own character video is not one of them.
Strong Bad: I should know. I filmed the thang ding. Dang, I- I mean... dang thing.
(cut to Strong Bad and Senor Cardgage in The Field, next to a camcorder)
Strong Bad: Okay, Senor! I got my camera all set up, and—
Senor Cardgage: No, I bronk my own. (holds up a "Smellz Yeah!" air freshener)
Strong Bad: Oh, uh, you want me to use... this to record your character video?
Senor Cardgage: It's clearly state-of-the-arp.
(cut to Strong Bad and Senor Cardgage in The Field, next to a camcorder)
Strong Bad: Okay, Senor! I got my camera all set up, and—
Senor Cardgage: No, I bronk my own. (holds up a "Smellz Yeah!" air freshener)
Strong Bad: Oh, uh, you want me to use... this to record your character video?
Senor Cardgage: It's clearly state-of-the-arp.
Despite Strong Bad's efforts to dissuade him from trying to film on "a crusty key-lime-pie-scented air freshener", Senor Cardgage instructs him to "mash play", and proceeds to ramble in his usual fashion ("Protuberances about, Regolith!")
Strong Bad: He went on like that for 2 or 3 hours, until he informed me that we had "run out of film." So I'm thinking Cardgage just isn't gonna have a character video, right? Then, the next day, this mysterious package shows up!
(Cut to Strong Bad by his mail box, which appears to spit up a package as the screen flashes with a negative filter and spooky music plays)
(Cut to Strong Bad by his mail box, which appears to spit up a package as the screen flashes with a negative filter and spooky music plays)
The package contains a bizarre-looking video tape in "a short-lived format called Betaflop-D, apparently made for use only inside Tom Brokaw's house." And it was only recently that Strong Bad and company found "a beige enough device" to play it on.
(Cut to the TV room, with Homestar and the Brothers Strong gathered around the couch)
Strong Sad: So where's this beige-enough device? This doesn't look anything like the inside of Tom Brokaw's house!
Strong Bad: Oh, it's a few blocks away. (the camera pans over a series of wires and connectors leading from the back of the TV set) It took over four hundred different adapters to get that thing to plug into our TV.
Strong Sad: So where's this beige-enough device? This doesn't look anything like the inside of Tom Brokaw's house!
Strong Bad: Oh, it's a few blocks away. (the camera pans over a series of wires and connectors leading from the back of the TV set) It took over four hundred different adapters to get that thing to plug into our TV.
Out on the Field, Bubs has finished setting up a shed-sized device called the "BR0K4W Beigemost", and after receiving instructions via walkie-talkie inserts the tape for Senor Cardgage's character video.
Senor Cardgage: I'm Seron Cardgage, the lead star from Characters Website. I'd like to pintroduce you to the family might/could!
(Cut to a close-up of a crudely-drawn face somewhere on Senor Cardgage's wrinkled, mole-ridden torso)
Senor Cardgage: (in a high-pitched voice) Hedge, Packaged Sirloin! (groans incoherently)
(Homestar and the Strongs scream in horror)
Strong Sad: (turning away from the screen, with one eye closed) What part of his person are we even looking at?!
Strong Mad: (covering his face) TOO MANY FOLDS! TOO MANY FOLDS!!
Strong Bad: (also covering his face) Trust me, you guys! This is not what we shot that day! ...On an old air freshener.
Homestar: This is so exciting! My first rated-R movie! Today, I am become a man! (pulls out a can of cinnamon and starts sprinkling it on his face) Poof! Peff! Puff!
(Cut to a close-up of a crudely-drawn face somewhere on Senor Cardgage's wrinkled, mole-ridden torso)
Senor Cardgage: (in a high-pitched voice) Hedge, Packaged Sirloin! (groans incoherently)
(Homestar and the Strongs scream in horror)
Strong Sad: (turning away from the screen, with one eye closed) What part of his person are we even looking at?!
Strong Mad: (covering his face) TOO MANY FOLDS! TOO MANY FOLDS!!
Strong Bad: (also covering his face) Trust me, you guys! This is not what we shot that day! ...On an old air freshener.
Homestar: This is so exciting! My first rated-R movie! Today, I am become a man! (pulls out a can of cinnamon and starts sprinkling it on his face) Poof! Peff! Puff!
On learning that Strong Bad's tape appeared out of nowhere "with no return address and a spooky music sting", Strong Sad comes to the conclusion that they just watched "one of those urban legend cursèd video tapes" and are all cursed for life.
(Cut back to the Lappier)
Strong Bad: See? Cardgage is so cool his character video probably cursed us all for life! But if there were any adverse side-effects, we haven't seen anything so far. I'm sure they'll manifest some day when we least expect it. Thanks for emailing me, Kristi Ann. Now Ima grab a sharpie and head to the bathroom. Try and make my own "family might/could."
Strong Bad: See? Cardgage is so cool his character video probably cursed us all for life! But if there were any adverse side-effects, we haven't seen anything so far. I'm sure they'll manifest some day when we least expect it. Thanks for emailing me, Kristi Ann. Now Ima grab a sharpie and head to the bathroom. Try and make my own "family might/could."
Sure enough, cut to "8 or 7 years later" and Homestar is working at his latest job at "Hot Jones Investments".
Homestar: Well, Widow Jankroe, if we're talking about your children's future, primary and secondary investments simply won't be enough. We're gonna need to start talking about (his mouth suddenly shifts into a more realistic human one, and he speaks in an eerie sing-song voice) tertiary (his mouth and voice go back to normal) investments, and... WAH! (spooky music plays) WAH! WAH!
Strong Bad: Let me guess, you just said (his mouth also shifts into a realistic human one, and he wiggles his hips as he speaks in the same voice Homestar used) tertiary (mouth goes back to normal) WAAAAAH! It's the Cardgage curse! It finally caught up with us!
(Cut to a VHS cassette box for "SENOR CARDGAGE CHARACTER VIDEO", featuring a distorted image of Senor Cardgage on the cover, as the spooky musical sting plays once more)
Homestar: (rattling off a disclaimer) Rated F for Folds. May contain graphic images of vague skin folds, references to Family Might/Could's, and scenes of strong foldulence.
(The CGI Paper comes down)
Strong Bad: Let me guess, you just said (his mouth also shifts into a realistic human one, and he wiggles his hips as he speaks in the same voice Homestar used) tertiary (mouth goes back to normal) WAAAAAH! It's the Cardgage curse! It finally caught up with us!
(Cut to a VHS cassette box for "SENOR CARDGAGE CHARACTER VIDEO", featuring a distorted image of Senor Cardgage on the cover, as the spooky musical sting plays once more)
Homestar: (rattling off a disclaimer) Rated F for Folds. May contain graphic images of vague skin folds, references to Family Might/Could's, and scenes of strong foldulence.
(The CGI Paper comes down)
Tropes:
- Accent Upon The Wrong Syllable:
- Strong Bad emphasizes the "Ian" in "Kristian", and then pronounces (and spells) it as "Kristi Ann".
- When saying "cursed", Strong Sad emphasizes the letter "e".
- Brick Joke: Homestar is still wearing his cinnamon Permastubble 8 or 7 years later at the office.
- The Cameo: F Sack joins Couch Z after the latter raps.
- Cloudcuckoolander: Senor Cardgage once used dead rodents for kneepads and wants his character video recorded on an old air freshener.Strong Bad: He went on [rambling] like that for 2 or 3 hours. Until he informed me that we had "run out of film."
- Comically Missing the Point: Homestar seems to mistake Senor Cardgage's character video for some kind of horror movie, and even though he's horrified at the sight of Senor Cardgage's body folds, he's happy to participate in what he seems to see as a rite of passage.Homestar: My first rated R movie! Today, I am become a man!
- Content Warnings: The email ends with a film poster for Senor Cardgage's video, which, Homestar warns, is "Rated F for Folds. May contain graphic images of vague skin folds, references to Family Might/Coulds, and scenes of strong foldulence".
- Continuity Nod:
- Homestar sprinkles cinnamon on his face to simulate stubble, like in "caper" and "email thunder".
- In the scene at the end, Homestar is addressing the Widow Jankroe, who might be the same person as the "Mrs. Jankroe" mentioned in "Costume Commercial".
- The Easter egg with "Couch Z" features a cameo by F-Sack from "Flash Is Dying!", who criticizes Couch Z's rhymes.
- Curse: Senor Cardgage's video curses everybody who watches it. However, it doesn't take effect for seven-to-eight years and only makes them say the word "tertiary" in a weird manner, complete with human mouths.
- Disco Dan: Turns out Senor Cardgage is just as much this trope as Strong Bad, if not more; the character video he sends to Strong Bad is on an outdated video format called "Betaflop-D" (a reference to two actual outdated video formats called Betamax and D-VHS) which combines a video cassette, an audio cassette, and a 5.25" floppy disk. It took a while for Strong Bad to find a "beige enough device" on which to play it, and even then it takes 400 different adapters to plug it into his TV.
- Fake Static: Bubs goes so far as to say "static" while speaking on a walkie-talkie to Strong Bad.
- Faux Horrific: All the curse does is temporarily transform your mouth when you say the word "tertiary" and force you to say it in an echoey, sing-song voice. Both Homestar and Strong Bad are scared out of their wits about this.
- Giving Up on Logic: After trying in vain to walk Senor Cardgage through the logistic problems of using an air freshener as a camera, Strong Bad ultimate just gives up and taps it to "press Play".Cardgage: Mash play, Polenta!Strong Bad: [looks at air freshener uncertainly] Um... okay. [taps air freshener] Boop.
- Gross-Up Close-Up: Senor Cardgage's video has an Extreme Close-Up of something on his body that includes skin folds, body hair, a mole, and a drawn face.
- I Would Say If I Could Say: F-Sack's reaction to Couch Z's rapping.F-Sack: Those are some of the worst rhymes I ever had laid ears on! But I ain't got no ears, just this nasty old mouth flap.
- Leaning on the Fourth Wall: Strong Bad's opening song indirectly acknowledges the significance of a new sbemail after so long.note Strong Bad: Let's not make a big deal out of this
It's just another Strong Bad E-mail! - Medium Awareness: Strong Bad says that the Senor Cardgage character video mysteriously arrived "with no return address and a spooky music sting". Then the music from earlier plays and Strong Bad says "That's the one!"
- Nightmare Fetishist: Strong Sad gets excited once he starts thinking that he's been cursed by Senor Cardgage's video.Strong Sad: I think we all may be cursed for life! (excited) Finally!
- Permastubble: After the Senor Cardgage video, Homestar declares he has "become a man" and sprinkles cinnamon on his face to make himself appear to have stubble.
- Photoshop Filter of Evil: The colors are briefly inverted while spooky music plays when Strong Bad gets Senor Cardgage's character video in the mail.
- Piss-Take Rap: An Easter egg at the end features a scene where "Couch Z" sings a song.
- Saying Sound Effects Out Loud:
- Bubs' attempt to play off some Fake Static is just him saying "static". He also says "ka-thunk" as he inserts the Betaflop-D casette into the BR0K4W Beigemost.
- Homestar says "Poof! Paff! Puff!" when applying his fake Permastubble.
- Screaming at Squick: Senor Cardgage's finished video eventually zooms in on an unspecified part of his body, which has folds of fat with a smiley face drawn on them. Strong Bad, Strong Sad, Strong Mad, and Homestar scream in terror and disgust.Strong Sad: What part of his person are we even looking at!?
Strong Mad: TOO MANY FOLDS! TOO MANY FOLDS!- Subverted in that Strong Sad is pleased to have been cursed by a tape, while Homestar Runner excitedly says he's now a man because he's finally seen an R-rated movie.
- Shout-Out:
- Senor Cardgage makes a (suitably mangled) reference to John Fogerty's "Centerfield" when he tells Coach Z to "Prude me in, Couch Z! I'm Reggie Toupee!"
- Strong Sad declaring that Senor Cardgage's character video is "cursèd" may be a reference to the cursed tape from The Ring.
- Spoonerism: Strong Bad mixes up "dang thing" and "thang ding". The second time he does this, it was deliberate.
- Time Skip: Once Strong Bad leaves his desk, the video cuts to "8 or 7 years later" to when the curse finally takes effect.
(Cut to a green vinyl couch with a taped-on patch on it in the shape of the letter Z)
Couch Z: (rapping) Hey, my name's Couch Z, a-one, two, one, three!
Check me out as I rock furnitularly!
I can't really recommend you ever sit down on me
'Cause your backside might stick to my upholstery!
(Pan to F-Sack sitting in the corner)
F-Sack: Those are some of the worst rhymes I ever had laid ears on! But I ain't got no ears, just this nasty old mouth flap. A-he-uh-ha-ho-hoo-hee.
Couch Z: (rapping) Hey, my name's Couch Z, a-one, two, one, three!
Check me out as I rock furnitularly!
I can't really recommend you ever sit down on me
'Cause your backside might stick to my upholstery!
(Pan to F-Sack sitting in the corner)
F-Sack: Those are some of the worst rhymes I ever had laid ears on! But I ain't got no ears, just this nasty old mouth flap. A-he-uh-ha-ho-hoo-hee.
