Airdate: Monday, March 11, 2002
Sender: Roy
Strong Bad: Ohh! Electronic mail!
Roy wants to know what he should do about his girlfriend who keeps calling him when he's trying to study. Strong Bad has one piece of advice: "Close the book and quit being such a dork-on!!!!!!"
Strong Bad: I mean, this girl obviously has the hots for you, man! Why do you think she's calling you? I mean, you've got the potential here to get to 1st, 2nd, and quite possibly even third base. So unless you're studying a book called "This Book is Better than 1st, 2nd, and Quite Possibly Even 3rd Base", I suggest you hightail it over to your girlfriend's house ASAP, man!
After asking for a copy of said book, Strong Bad briefly ponders on whether he could take the opportunity to steal Roy's girlfriend, but quickly discovers a flaw in his plan.
Strong Bad: You keep studying, Roy. I'm going over to your girlfriend's house. (runs off, then runs back in) Um, I forgot... I don't know her name or where she lives, but your girlfriend still loves me, Roy.
(The Paper comes down)
Tropes:
- Better than Sex: "This Book is Better Than 1st, 2nd, and Quite Possibly Even 3rd Base" by Leomard Sportsinterviews.
- …But He Sounds Handsome: In the Bookazon.com Easter Egg, the most positive review of Lem Sportsinterview's book was clearly written by Lem himself, under the unconvincing alias "Just Nobody Sportsinterview".
- Damned by Faint Praise: On the Bookazon.com page, Lem accidentally does this to himself. He breathlessly shills his own book, but praises everything except its actual contents: "The cover, the title, the fonts, the spacing, the margins, all of it: GOLD!"
- Shout-Out: An Easter egg features a spot-on parody of Amazon's website in "Bookazon.com", complete with unhelpful reviews.
- Skewed Priorities: Strong Bad seems to think that Roy has skewed priorities, turning down the potential to get with his girlfriend in favor of reading a book.
- Suddenly Shouting: After reading Roy's email, Strong Bad says "I think I might have a little piece of advice for you, Roy... Close the book and quit being such a dork-on!"
- Take That!: The Bookazon.com listing for This Book is Better Than 1st, 2nd, and Quite Possibly Even 3rd Base features three product reviews that are positive but unhelpful, blatantly negative, and an obvious shill respectively.
- You Need to Get Laid: A variant, Strong Bad thinks Roy is a "dork-on" for turning down the chance to get to first, second, or quite even possibly third base.
This Book is Better Than 1st, 2nd, and Quite Possibly Even 3rd Base
By Lem Sportsinterviews
Spotlight Reviews
4/5 Better than 4th base even?!?
Reviewer: Tempe Sam
I'm read this book! Twize! It had more chapters than any book I've ever read! Which was my favourite? I dunno. I only read wan. But it got me where I needed to be. The restroom. When I'm done read this book I plan to ride my own. I call it "Leftover Sam and the Leftover Sam Book." Will you by it?!
1/5 DISAPPOINTED!!
Reviewer: Dean With
This book is only as good as AND NO BETTER THAN first base. Trust me folks, I've been there. True, only once and yes it was about 18 years ago but I'm no dummy. The title is a clear cut case of the ol' Bait and Switch. Most of the book ends up being about one time when the author's basement flooded and how it ruined all his old "Prince Valiant" comics.
5/5 Another Triumph for Sportsinterviews!!
Reviewer: Just Nobody Sportsinterviews
Lem Sportsinterviews has outdone himself this time. After the soothing, mild success of his first published essay, "Why People in Hollywood Ought to Give Me $5,760," Lem has come roaring back like some type of book writing lion. The cover, the title, the fonts, the spacing, the margins, all of it: GOLD! Of particular import are his Chapter Headings including such tear jerkers as: 'My favorite pen quit working just now' and the politically charged 'I had to pay taxes AGAIN this year!' Lem has clearly entered a new stage in his career. Here's hoping it's the bonus stage.
By Lem Sportsinterviews
Spotlight Reviews
4/5 Better than 4th base even?!?
Reviewer: Tempe Sam
I'm read this book! Twize! It had more chapters than any book I've ever read! Which was my favourite? I dunno. I only read wan. But it got me where I needed to be. The restroom. When I'm done read this book I plan to ride my own. I call it "Leftover Sam and the Leftover Sam Book." Will you by it?!
1/5 DISAPPOINTED!!
Reviewer: Dean With
This book is only as good as AND NO BETTER THAN first base. Trust me folks, I've been there. True, only once and yes it was about 18 years ago but I'm no dummy. The title is a clear cut case of the ol' Bait and Switch. Most of the book ends up being about one time when the author's basement flooded and how it ruined all his old "Prince Valiant" comics.
5/5 Another Triumph for Sportsinterviews!!
Reviewer: Just Nobody Sportsinterviews
Lem Sportsinterviews has outdone himself this time. After the soothing, mild success of his first published essay, "Why People in Hollywood Ought to Give Me $5,760," Lem has come roaring back like some type of book writing lion. The cover, the title, the fonts, the spacing, the margins, all of it: GOLD! Of particular import are his Chapter Headings including such tear jerkers as: 'My favorite pen quit working just now' and the politically charged 'I had to pay taxes AGAIN this year!' Lem has clearly entered a new stage in his career. Here's hoping it's the bonus stage.
