Airdate: Sunday, December 4, 2005
Sender: Dylan Bragers (aka Coolio da Fabio), Texas
After cutting his Musical Episode short, Strong Bad answers a question from Dylan Bragers, AKA Coolio da Fabio ("No one calls you Coolio da Fabio, AKA Quit Makin' Up Nicknames For Yourself! I'm just gonna call you "Dealin' Burgers", which I assume doubles as an accurate job description.") asking if he's ever considered having a portrait commissioned of himself.
Strong Bad also considers having a picture of himself done in the style of the black-and-white ink portraits seen in "rich guy newspapers", the sort that look like they're made out of Morse code ("Dah dah dah dee dee dee... I a-am ho-o-olding a real-ly ol-d cel-l-l pho-o-one."), or a black velvet portrait of himself hunting skunks, to be showcased "in only the finest double-wide trailers" alongside moose lamps and blacklight posters of unicorns on snowmobiles.
The Cheat is still taking his sweet time on a hand-sculpted (or rather, mouth-gnawed) wooden sculpture of Strong Bad, while the best Strong Mad can manage is a glitter-coated macaroni painting. Strong Bad decides it's time for a self-portrait... in the form of a cheap photo cut-out of a muscular version of himself with a "keyswordtar" and a hawk.
Strong Bad passes the time plotting his escape from the cut-out by chatting it up with Lord Quackingstick and Princess Shellbra (both played by a duck-head toy).
(Strong Bad looks down at the mermaid cut-out)
Strong Bad: Well, what about you, Princess Shellbra? (high-pitched, sultry duck voice) Quack, quack! (normal voice) But of course. I love to serenade you anytime with my mystical keyswordtar. I mean it's not like I'm goin' anywhere... anytime soon.
(The Paper comes down.)
Tropes:
- Brick Joke: Strong Bad's first imaginary portrait (fine art painted by a "Deutsch Master") features him with a duck-head toy. At the end, Strong Bad actually owns that toy in reality, and he calls it Lord Quackingstick.
- Continuity Nod: During the spot with the velvet portrait of Strong Bad, after the moose lamp gets knocked over we hear Homestar mutter "Thanks for breaking my moose lamp", in a reference to "caper".
- Did You Get a New Haircut?: An Easter egg shows Strong Bad after he escaped from the cut-out. His head is still through the hole, but he broke that part off the rest of the portrait. Homestar's reaction?Homestar: Strong Bad, there's something different about you. Did you get a haircut?
- Help, I'm Stuck!: Strong Bad gets his neck stuck in the self-portrait cut-out, since the hole is far too small to fit his head through.Strong Bad: Uh-oh... How do I get outta this thing? How did I get INTO this thing?
- Her Code Name Was "Mary Sue": As usual, Strong Bad's self-portrait is a ridiculously idealized version of himself: tall and muscular, with a sword/keytar on his belt, a falcon resting on his hand, and a mermaid at his electric boot-clad feet.
- Hypocritical Humor: Strong Bad calls out the sender for making up a Self-Applied Nickname, despite the fact that Strong Bad himself is guilty of doing the same thing in previous cartoons, such as calling himself "Prof. Tor Coolguy" in "Strong Bad Is In Jail Cartoon" or "Strong Bad the Good Dancer" in "bottom 10".
- Humongous Mecha: The Cheat spray-paints a "rad, rad robotank" over Strong Bad's first attempt at an imagined portrait.
- I Will Wait for You: Strong Mad shouts this in response to Strong Bad's line about going to jail for trying to get a kindergarten student to make macaroni art of him.
- Instrument of Murder: Parodied with the "keyswordtar" included in Strong Bad's "self-portrait"; it's half-sword, half keytar.
- Lamaze Class: An Orphaned Punchline referenced a time when Strong Bad apparently took a Lamaze class, only to learn that he didn't need it.
- Malicious Misnaming: After mocking Dylan for making up his own nickname, Strong Bad says "I'm just gonna call you Dealin' Burgers, which I assume doubles as an accurate job description."
- Mistaken for Pedophile: Discussed, Strong Bad complains to Strong Mad that he could go get an actual kindergartner to make a macaroni portrait of himself if he wanted, "Except that sounds pretty creepy and I'd probably go to jail."
- Musical Episode: Subverted. Strong Bad announces "It's a musical Strong Bad Email this week!" near the beginning, but gives up singing after a few seconds.
- Orphaned Punchline: From an Easter Egg featuring Strong Bad showing off his keyswordtar to Homestar: "...so that's when I realized I don't even need Lamaze classes."
- Overly Long Gag: The Cheat attempting to gnaw a wooden sculpture of Strong Bad.Strong Bad: You're really just... goin' to town there, aren't ya? (beat) I'm gonna leave you two alone.
- Seashell Bra: The mermaid from Strong Bad's final portrait wears one. He even names it Princess Shellbra.
- Smart Animal, Inconvenient Instincts: The Cheat seems to have gone feral as he continues to gnaw on the wood sculpture he is making at full speed while ignoring all of Strong Bad's comments. Strong Bad gets more and more unnerved about it as he watches on.
- Unsound Effect: Strong Bad says "Whammy bar!" while showing off his "keyswordtar" to Homestar.
Strong Bad:...So that's when I realized I don't even need Lamaze classes.
Homestar: Strong Bad, there's something different about you. Did you get a haircut?
Strong Bad: No, but I did get this new keyswordtar. (imitating a guitar riff as he swings the keyswordtar around) Maow, maow, maoooooooow, keyboard keyboard! Maow, maow, maoooooooow. Fight some brigands!
Homestar: (smiles and holds up a lit SAAB lighter)
Strong Bad: Maow maow, maoooow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-owwowwoww-whammy-barrrrr-uh!
