Honeymoon
A post-coital David and Stevie lie in the Honeymoon Suite, with the red satin sheets up to their necks. There is a mirror above them. They both seem to regret what just happened, softly and sarcastically declaring it a healthy choice. Stevie declares she’s going to work, where she should have been fifteen minutes ago. Stevie gets dressed and opens the door to see a bathrobe-clad Johnny. He needs towels. Stevie whispers to David that his dad saw her. She says he can’t know about this as it is humiliating for her. He comes to the door, and Stevie answers out of a crack in the door and gives him a face cloth and a bath mat. Johnny persists and starts to think something is wrong and maybe Stevie is being held hostage. He says he’s going to call the police, but David says just take the towels and go. A surprised Johnny sees David, who is still undressed and under the covers, and says he has everything he needs.
Later, David and Alexis are looking at their phones in their room, and Alexis says he slept with Stevie. David asks if Dad told the whole motel, and she says she heard Johnny telling Moira through the wall. She asks if it was cute for him, and he mumbles a reply that it was weird but good. She’s happy for him. She then says Ted wants to meet her friends because she thinks it’s getting serious. David replies it's been two weeks. She invites David and Stevie to a dinner party. David tries to say no but she insists, and she says she already invited Stevie.
Later, Johnny and Moira come into David and Alexis’s room. Moira begins a lecture about the local friends they have found, reminding them they can’t afford a podunk baby. Alexis and David cringe and turn the conversation on Johnny and Moira for not having any friends. Alexis says their interest in them was fine when they were child actors for a bit, but she and David are now adults. David and Alexis feel suffocated, and the conversation shuts down.
Later, at the cafe, Johnny wonders if David’s “sexually adventurous phase” was a product of college, especially with the haircuts. Moira emphatically replies it is not a phase. She says the kids are right, they have been talking about them too much. She sees Roland and Jocelyn, and she invites them to lunch with them to Johnny’s surprise. She invites them for cocktails and charades, but they reply they are having a big party at their house that night.
David goes to see Stevie in the motel lobby. David mumbles that the night before was a one-night thing, a blip. She agrees. He mumbles something about his sister, and she offers to come get him, and they agree that’s normal for them. He mumbles it’s a blip, blip pity, blop as he leaves.
Mutt and Alexis are washing a car at community service. She says he’s quiet, and she’s bored. He says have you ever been in a relationship and you find yourself cheating in your dreams? She replies if it is in your dreams or over your clothes it is not cheating. He says it's been happening a lot, and when he sees Twyla he feels bad. She smiles and invites Mutt and Twyla to Ted’s.
Moira hands Roland a tissue, and he wipes his nose. She asks what kind of an event they are hosting, and he replies it is more of a soiree. Jocelyn says it is their annual Hawaiian night. Johnny hints for an invite, but Moira asks for one. Roland and Jocelyn say they didn’t think they would want to come and hang out with regular people. Johnny and Moira insist they love regular people, and they get an invitation.
David and Stevie are perusing the meager wine selection a the Schitt’s Creek General Store, which sells a little bit of everything. She tells him that she’s a red wine drinker. He says that’s fine. She replies that she only drinks red wine and up until the previous night, that’s what she thought about him. He nods and says I see where you are going with this. He explains that he likes red, white and has been known to sample the occasional rose. He even once tried a merlot that used to be a chardonnay. She gets the metaphor for pansexuality, and she says this is all new to her, but as long as he didn’t roll over and cry himself to sleep with regret, they are good. He tells her playfully that he wept for hours in the dark and chooses the biggest bottle of red wine as they head over to Ted’s place.
Stevie and David are with Ted and Alexis in his immaculate apartment. David remarks it looks brand new, and he asks if Ted designed it. Ted replies that he found a website that sells off old department store showrooms. The living room is the bachelor’s den, and the dining room is the executive dining lounge. After an awkward silence, Stevie asks if they are the only ones coming. Ted says they are waiting for Mutt and Twyla, and he goes to check the dinner rolls. David thought this was a “party” party, but Ted replies it's a dinner party for couples. Stevie and David share a look, and there is a knock. Alexis opens the door to Mutt and Twyla. Mutt has a case of craft beer on his shoulder, and asks where everyone is. He thought it was a party. Alexis replies its an exclusive little party.
Johnny and Moira show up at Roland and Jocelyn’s luau in coordinating white outfits, and Roland teases Johnny about wanting to wipe his hands on Johnny’s suit. Jocelyn asks if Moira’s wigs are real hair, and Moira replies yes and that “Maureen” doesn’t like to be handled. Roland produces a joint and says that he is in charge of upholding the law so don’t bother trying to report them. Jocelyn says she understands if they don’t want to partake, to which Moira replies they had friends at the FDA. Roland is delighted, and Johnny takes a drag and says “Let the party begin.” Jocelyn goes to fire up the cheese fountain.
In Ted’s dining room, there is an awkward silence. Ted asks Mutt if “you criminals” did any good for the community today. Mutt replies they washed a car. David says the judicial system is really cracking down on delinquents. Ted asks Mutt and Alexis what they talk about all day out there. Alexis and Mutt share a look, and she replies nothing. Ted presses and Alexis says Mutt was having a bad day today so they talked about that. Twyla says you didn’t tell me. Stevie interjects that the food is delicious. Alexis replies to Twyla that she didn’t mean it like a bad day it’s just that Mutt was questioning things. Ted tells Stevie he ordered the food online from Nevada. Twyla wants to know what Mutt was questioning, and David asks if the lasagna came frozen. Twyla doesn’t know why Mutt didn’t feel comfortable telling her. Ted asks how long Stevie and David have been seeing each other, and Alexis replies it’s very fresh. David says it’s not. Stevie asks if everyone knows. Twyla asks what? Ted gestures to Stevie and David, saying these two have..he sticks his finger through the circle of his other fingers. David remarks that is an elegant gesture. Ted apologizes, thinking everyone knew.
Moria and Jocelyn sit on a porch swing. A stoned Moira says she’s been with these people before. Jocelyn thinks that means she’s met them, but Moira admits she’s from a town not unlike Schitt’s Creek. Jocelyn doesn’t buy it at first, but Moira says she couldn’t wait to get out. She asks Jocelyn if she ever dreamed of getting out. Jocelyn admits she wonders what would have happened had she enlisted in the military instead of marrying Roland. Moira asks what if she hadn't been crowned Miss Snow Cone at 16 and left town with her driving instructor? What if she hadn’t hand modeled at a microwave trade show and asked who the eyebrows buying all the drinks was? Jocelyn replies now you know.
Stevie says to David, so now your family thinks I’m this big hooker? David denies it. He says it was a funny one-night thing. She asks if he thought it was funny. Twyla says one of her friends was a hooker and married one of her johns on Twyla’s birthday. Alexis says cool, and she says she doesn’t think Stevie is a big hooker. Mutt tells Twyla she has a tendency to say the wrong thing, and she responds by asking if there is a right time to talk about being a hooker. Stevie said she bets no one thought sex with Trixie was funny, and David insists he never said it was bad. Ted says things are getting out of proportion, and he just wants to know what Alexis and Mutt talked about. She says they were washing a car and talking about bad dreams. He accuses her of being defensive. Stevie remembers she has an early check-in, and David replies no one checks-in. Stevie says tomorrow someone is, thanks Ted and asks David to walk her home.
Roland and Johnny are eating ribs. Roland says his son lives in a barn in the woods by choice, even though he could be the next mayor if he wanted it. Johnny says his son is pansexual. Roland thinks if that is a cookware fetish. Johnny says no, that David loves men, women, women who become men, men who become women. He says he always wanted David’s life to be easy, and if he picked one gender everything would be less confusing. Roland replies when it comes to matters of the heart, you can’t tell your kids who to love. Johnny is surprised at the sentiment coming from Roland.
Stevie and David walk, and Stevie thanks David for playing along. David is surprised that it was all a put on to get out of dinner. She thought he was in on it, and he says she deserves a Daytime Emmy Award for her performance. He says, so you’re not raging mad at me? She says no because it’s fair that neither of them had ever worked with a ceiling mirror. She says it was funny, and a little humiliating. He saw a lot of his body and didn’t like it. She tries to go to her place, but he suggests they try again for the sake of practice. She agrees, and they walk toward the motel.
At Ted’s, there is silence. He says they probably aren’t playing the headband game.
Outside the motel, David is with Stevie, carrying a bottle of wine in a bucket. David sees his parents. Johnny says hello, and asks if they are spending another night together. Moira tells Stevie to track her cycle. David keeps saying “Oh my god!” David tells them to go to bed, and Johnny says he’s happy for David…girl..or guy…he endorses all David’s sexual encounters. Stevie says she’s going to draw a bath and plug in a hairdryer. David realizing they are high, tells his parents goodnight as he enters a room with Stevie.
Snarkiest Person in Schitt's Creek: David Rose
Tropes that Appear in This Episode
- Erotic Dream: Mutt is having erotic dreams about a woman who is not Twyla and very probably Alexis.
- Hidden Depths:
- The oafish Roland tells Johnny that he has to allow David to love who he wants to love.
- Moira grew up in a town not unlike Schitt’s Creek.
- Stevie reveals being willing to feign a fight to get herself and David out of an awkward dinner party.
- Hula and Luaus: Roland and Joceyln’s Hawaii-themed party features many kitschy details associated with Hollywood’s version of Hawaii, including Hawaiian shirts, leis, and a pig roast.
- Friends with Benefits: Stevie and David decide to become this.
- Innocently Insensitive: Mutt points out that Twyla can be this.
- Living in a Furniture Store: This trope is parodied and literalized, since Ted’s perfect apartment is the product of him buying entire department store showrooms to decorate his apartment.
- Modesty Bedsheet: David and Stevie cover themselves to their necks with the red satin sheets of the Honeymoon Suite.
- No Bisexuals: Discussed. Stevie thought David was gay up until the two of them getting high and sleeping together. David confides in her that he is not gay but actually pansexual and uses wine as a metaphor.
- Only Shop in Town: The Schitt’s Creek General Store sells a little bit of everything, including large bottles of red wine.
- Open-Minded Parent: Johnny and Moira are accepting of David’s pansexuality, and even though Johnny does wish David’s life was simpler, he tells David he endorses all his sexual encounters.
- The Stoner: The parents get stoned at the luau.
