Season 6, Episode 03
This Episode Sucks
"What... in the hell... are you wearing?"
Directed by James Roday Rodriguez
Written by James Roday Rodriguez and Todd Harthan
After a hard day at work, Lassiter meets a woman named Marlowe in a bar who actually seems to be getting on very well with him. Sadly, she flees out a high window after ducking out to use the restroom. Later that night, a man is drained of blood by a caped figure who tackles him to the ground. Clenched in his fist is the distinctive “eternal-life” necklace Marlowe wore. Lassiter soon tracks Marlowe down, but she still has her own necklace. As odd clues pile up, and another man is attacked by a caped figure who tries to drain his blood, the detectives need to hurry and find the mysterious vampiric killer… and only hope that they aren't an actual vampire.Tropes:
- AB Negative: The killer exclusively goes after people with O- blood. Unfortunately, that’s Lassiter’s blood type…
- Accidental Murder: Adrian insists that he never intended to kill anyone in his desperate attempts to get enough blood for a transfusion.
- Actually Not a Vampire: The killer is a man with a rare blood type who drains people of blood (and robbed a blood bank) for the transfusions he needs to stay alive. His sister is in on it, meaning he can seem to invoke Offscreen Teleportation, and his Black Cloak and night attacks are how he keeps his identity hidden.
- Aerith and Bob: Marlowe's three roommates are named Eddy, Jake, and Lucien. Everyone immediately zeroes in on Lucien.
- Agent Scully: Juliet is the only character directly involved with the case who flatly denies that a vampire is behind the whole thing. Even Lassiter isn’t sure what to think, though he's somewhat emotionally compromised by falling head-over-heels for the main suspect.
- Artistic License – Anatomy: The murderer has von Willebrand disease, a clotting disorder that can cause severe bleeding and can be treated by blood transfusions, and is portrayed more or less accurately in the show. At one point a doctor mentions that the killer's blood type, O negative, is the rarest blood type there is and only two dozen people in Santa Barbara have it. This is not true in two ways - O negative is not the rarest blood type (actually the fifth rarest in the United States, though still relatively uncommon) and even the rarest (AB negative) would be far more prevalent in a city of Santa Barbara's size.
- Be Careful What You Wish For: Shawn and Gus are both mildly unhappy that Lassiter has finally signed on with one of Shawn's wild theories.
- Bittersweet Ending: Marlowe is going to jail for several months for her involvement with her brother’s crimes. However, Lassiter decides I Will Wait for You, and will visit her whenever possible. Moreover, since Adrian is in the system, he’ll be getting the blood donations he needs to stay alive.
- Black Widow: Marlowe is a variant. She's not seducing men for their money, she's seducing them for their blood.
- Casting Gag: Lucien, the first suspected vampire, is played by Buffy the Vampire Slayer alum Tom Lenk. Another Buffy alum, Kristy Swanson, plays the killer's co-conspirator.
- Corey Feldman (the vamp club's bartender) was in fellow vampire flick The Lost Boys.
- Chekhov's Gunman: Adrian, who Lassiter meets working at the Bling Crosby haberdashery near the beginning, turns out to be the killer.
- Crazy-Prepared: Apparently Lassie has been building up a tolerance for chloroform for years, which is why he was able to subdue the killer.
- Drowning My Sorrows: Lassiter does this a few times, once at the beginning of the episode after a hard day, and later after he has to let Marlowe get arrested.
- Dumb Muscle: The killer’s second would-be victim, a huge, muscular man who doesn’t seem to know what’s going on much of the time, but was tough enough to fend off the killer despite being caught off-guard.
- Get a Hold of Yourself, Man!: Gus briefly goes catatonic at the sight of blood. After several gentle attempts to bring him back to his senses, Shawn elects to slap him as hard as he can in the face... except right before he does, Gus snaps out of it and instinctively punches him instead.
- Heroic BSoD: Gus gets a bad one for several minutes after Shawn accidentally sprays the contents of a blood bag at him.
- In Love with the Mark: Marlowe was supposed to go after Lassiter first to drain his blood, but she fell for him, felt guilty, and escaped instead.
- Instant Sedation: A chloroform-soaked rag is used by the killer to subdue Lassiter near the end. It takes several seconds of struggle to work on Lassiter, due to his self-induced Acquired Poison Immunity to chloroform, but Gus takes one whiff and he’s down for the count.
- Interrupted Intimacy: Just as Lassiter and Marlowe are starting to get hot and heavy, half of the show's cast knock on his door to warn him that Marlowe is now a serious suspect in the case, and he may be in danger. Lassiter is not pleased.
- Love at First Sight: Marlowe and Lassiter fall for each other, hard, during the course of a very short conversation.
- Running Gag: Gus’ Blacula costume is mistaken for Count Chocula several times, to his increasing annoyance.
- Shout-Out: A few, to various vampire movies.
- Shawn yells “Let the Right One In” to Lassiter while knocking on his door.
- Shawn and Gus dress as Lestat de Lioncourt and Blacula at one point, to infiltrate a vampire-themed bar.
- Tragic Villain: The killer is a man with a rare blood disease who recently lost his insurance. He insists the first death was an accident, and he’s only siphoning enough blood to keep himself alive. He becomes an Apologetic Attacker towards Lassiter even while he’s tied the detective up and is preparing to drain his blood. That said, he’s not entirely sympathetic, since he didn’t come forward when his sister took the heat for his crimes.
- Utility Belt: Gus puts together a vampire-fighting belt for the case, complete with crucifix, spray bottle of holy water, stake and mallet, and garlic.
- Vampire Episode: Yup.
- Vampires Own Night Clubs: Subverted. Shawn, Gus, and Juliet enter a vampire-themed bar to look for clues at one point. The moment Juliet flashes her badge, the bartender loses the accent (and his costume) and admits that he’s just a normal person, and the bar’s clientele are harmless people with an odd fixation.
- Vampiric Draining: The killer’s M.O., draining the victim’s blood through punctures on the neck and wrists.
- Voluntary Shapeshifting: While staking out a blood bank, Shawn and Gus worry that a stray cat wandering past might be the transformed vampire, especially when the cat slips into the building through an opened door. Juliet is more concerned about who left the door to a blood bank open. Averted when it turns out to be an ordinary cat.
- Window Love: Marlowe and Lassiter at the end, followed by literal fireworks.
