- Leslie: Great news! Lots of old people have chlamydia!
Leslie, along with Donna, Ann and Andy, has decided to hold a sex education class at the senior center following an STD outbreak amongst senior citizens in Pawnee that has reached record levels.
Tom's gadgets are taken away from him after he hit a fire hydrant because he was looking at his phone while he was driving. He is sentenced by a judge to a week with no electronic devices. He tries to recreate his favorite apps, such as making his own Pinterest board out of a corkboard and pictures of food, clothing, and other items and an iPhone out of paper, as well as watching Jerry work on his computer through a mirror.
Meanwhile, in Washington D.C., April and Ben meet Congressman David Murray, the man whose campaign they are running. They find he's very strange, seeming to turn himself off and stare at the wall for hours when he's not smiling, shaking hands, and giving speeches. Both April and Ben compare him to a robot.
During her presentation at the senior center, Leslie is asked various raunchy questions by the senior citizens. Her session is interrupted by Marcia Langman and her husband Marshall Langman, members of the Society for Family Stability Foundation. They cite Pawnee's abstinence-only sex education law, stating that it applies to all government officials.
Ron finally helps Tom acclimate to life without technology by taking him to his secret cabin in the woods for the day. Ron suggests Tom purges, telling him everything that he misses about technology, and is subjected to hours of Tom's rambling.
Leslie goes back to the senior center, with no choice but to teach abstinence-only education. She is forced to read from a ridiculous pamphlet explaining that the human body is the devil's playground and finally reaches her breaking point. She does a condom demonstration by putting one on a banana and throws condoms at the audience, much to Marshall and Marcia's horror.
Tom tricks Ron into letting him use his car with the promise of buying steaks, but instead goes to Best Buy to buy a phone and then crashes Ron's car while tweeting. Disappointed in Tom, Ron agrees to not turn him in as long as he reads a giant manual on car repair and then help him fix the car. He also stipulates Tom must look someone in the eye like a real man when he talks to them and not look at his phone.
Leslie is met with an official censure from Mayor Gunderson's office. She expects to receive further punishment from Chris Traeger and is surprised when he points out that she is now his boss. Leslie makes an appearance on The Final Word With Perd, arguing to get rid of abstinence-only education in Pawnee. She refuses to apologize and vows to work hard to change the abstinence-only law, despite the public backlash she will receive.
Tropes
- Armored Closet Gay: Although never explicitly shown, Marshall Langman can give Tobias Funke a run for his money in the "Married to a woman while implying homosexuality in everything he says or does" category. He talks about how everyone has physical urges that they must constantly repress on Perd's show and his Piss-Take Rap includes a line about how he waited until marriage....and then some.
- The Beard: If Marshall is indeed gay, then Marcia would definitely be this.
- Cool and Unusual Punishment: When Tom is charged with reckless driving for causing a wreck while texting and driving, the Judge sentences him to one week without the use of any kind of electronic screen (Tom would sooner go to jail, even though he'd be deprived of his gadgets anyway). When Tom wrecks Ron's car in the process of violating the conditions of his probation, Ron ups the ante by making Tom read a professional-grade service manual so that he can fix the damage to Ron's car.
- Gay Conservative: Possibly Marsha Langman's husband Marshall, who behaves very flamboyantly yet shares his wife's moral guardian attitude. He seems to be intended as something of a No Celebrities Were Harmed version of Michelle Bachman's husband Marcus, who is rumored to be gay.
- Head-Tiltingly Kinky: Donna's response to the woman at the senior center who's into threesomes.
- Loophole Abuse: The Langmans use some key wording in the abstinence-only sex ed bill to shut down the senior sex ed class, even though the bill was clearly meant for teaching teenagers in schools.
- Old People are Nonsexual: Leslie holds a meeting for seniors to discuss safe sex practices. At some point, Andy suddenly realizes that old people do have sex, at which point he is extremely grossed out.
- Out with a Bang: When asked about the risks of unprotected sex, one old guy shouts out "Partner dies on top of you!".
- Phoneaholic Teenager: He's definitely not a teenager, but as one of the youngest and most immature in the office, Tom more than fits. He nearly has a panic attack at having his electronics taken away from him and violates his probation to get a new phone.
- Piss-Take Rap: Marshall's pro-abstinence rap song.
- Take That!: The story is an obvious and ruthless jab at abstinence-only sex education.
