- Ann: Describe your ideal man.
Leslie: He's dark and mysterious, and he can sing. And he plays the organ.
Ann: I think you just described The Phantom of the Opera.
Chris announces that he is implementing a city-wide health initiative, starting with removing hamburgers from the commissary, to Ron's dismay. Ron suggests a cook-off: Chris' turkey burger against Ron's beef burger. If Ron wins, hamburgers will stay on the menu. If Chris wins, he gets a rare victory over Ron Swanson.
Leslie likes Ben and thinks he likes her too, but when she suggests they go out after work to discuss health initiative ideas, he turns her down. She laments this to Ann. Ann, who is now dating multiple men after taking Donna's advice to be more adventurous, tells Leslie to join an online dating website and helps set up her profile. Soon, Leslie gets a match that's 98% compatible with her - a "soulmates level" match. Leslie and Ann are shocked that Leslie's match is Tom. Leslie calls the dating service to complain but doesn't get much in the way of help. Additionally, the crude sanitation department employee Sewage Joe makes a sleazy pass at Leslie, prompting her to launch a "douche-vestigation" to find out why she attracts the wrong type of man.
Meanwhile, Chris takes Andy, April, and Ron to a health food market called Grain 'n Simple, where he gathers numerous ingredients for the perfect turkey burger, but Ron is unfazed, simply buying a pound of ground beef from his favorite food market, Food and Stuff.
In her investigation, Leslie quickly learns Joe merely hits on any woman as long as she is not elderly. She then takes Tom out to lunch to learn more about him. He responds to all of Leslie's questions with his usual chauvinistic answers, annoying her to the point that she admits she took him out because they were matched on an online dating site. A delighted Tom teases Leslie the rest of the day by pretending they are a couple.
Back at the office, the staff meets to discuss health initiative ideas. Tom openly flirts with Leslie, to Ben's confusion. Annoyed, Leslie drags Tom out to the hallway to yell at him, but when he continues the flirting, she kisses him to shut him up. Chris notices this and scolds them both, saying he doesn't allow office relationships, especially between an employee and his/her supervisor.
When the meeting is over, Ben keeps Tom back to ask him what happened between him and Leslie. Tom explains the dating service incident. He says that he was messing with Leslie and she kissed him to shut him up. He notes that while he didn't feel any spark there, he was impressed with her skills.
Chris and Ron gather Tom, Donna, Jerry, and Kyle to be the tasting panel for the cook-off. Chris presents his turkey burger with exotic ingredients. Everyone finds it very tasty. Ron then presents his plain hamburger on a bun. The tasting panel immediately chooses the hamburger. Chris doesn't understand why until he tastes the hamburger, immediately declaring it the winner. The commissary will continue to sell hamburgers, to everyone's delight.
Chris approaches Leslie to make sure there are no hard feelings about his office-relationship rules. He mentions off-hand that he had to tell Ben the same rules recently. Leslie realizes that is why Ben rejected her earlier and is glad when Ben asks her to eat in front of her favorite city hall mural.
Leslie deletes her dating profile and learns that Tom has 26 different profiles on the site to match himself with any type of woman, and the one Leslie matched with was his "nerd" profile.
Tropes
- Abhorrent Admirer: Sewage Joe, as per usual. This time, Leslie's his target.
- Butt-Monkey: Kyle. Even Jerry picks on him, as exemplified when he scoffs at Kyle to stop being pretentious during the burger taste test.
- Cooking Duel: When Chris plans to take hamburgers off the cafeteria menu for being unhealthy, Ron challenges him to a cooking contest to see who can make the best burger. Ron's plain beef burger beats Chris' fancy turkey burger hands down.
- Dating Service Disaster: Leslie's match-up with Tom. Turns out that Tom has 26 different profiles (with the middle initial being one for every letter in the alphabet) made to be appealing to all different kinds of women. Leslie was matched with the "N" profile, which stands for "Nerd" and she was the first woman who ever matched with it.
- Did Not Think This Through: It's hinted that this is at least part of the reason why Chris's turkey burger loses the contest. Chris is certain that everyone will prefer the turkey burger to the beef variant because he's spent years perfecting the recipe, and only uses the most quality ingredients... but he never stops to consider the fact that it's been several years since he's actually eaten a beef burger, and so he's plain forgotten what they taste like. His turkey burger may be good in its own right, but it doesn't taste like a burger.
- Exactly What It Says on the Tin: Food and Stuff, Ron's favorite shop.Ron: I love Food and Stuff. It's where I buy all my food. And most of my stuff.
- Fangirl: Leslie is one for The Phantom of the Opera.
- Girl on Girl Is Hot: When Leslie says she kissed a girl once in college, Tom gets very excited.
- Graceful Loser: Chris immediately concedes to Ron's hamburger immediately after tasting it.
- Hard Work Hardly Works: Chris bought the best, freshest and finest ingredients for his turkey burger ("my east-meets-west patented Traeger Turkey Burger, an Asian-fusion burger made with Willow Farms organic turkey, a toasted taleggio cheese crisp, papaya chutney, black truffle aioli, and microgreens on a gluten-free brioche bun") while Ron's is "a hamburger, made out of meat, on a bun, with nothing. Add ketchup if you want. I couldn't care less." Everyone agrees the beef burger is just better. Chris is baffled. Then Ron hands him a burger and he takes a bite, immediately declaring it the winner. Basically, Chris' mistake was treating the competition as one between cooks. Ron's whole point was that beef itself just tastes better.
- Like Brother and Sister: Leslie states she sees Tom like a little sister. Tom himself ultimately sees her in a similar light once he finally gets it through his head that they really aren't a good romantic match for each other.
- The Nicknamer: Tom, about food.Tom: 'Zerts are what I call desserts. Tray-trays are entrees. I call sandwiches sammies, sandoozles, or Adam Sandlers. Air conditioners are cool blasterz, with a Z. I don't know where that came from. I call cakes big ol' cookies. I call noodles long-ass rice. Fried chicken is fry-fry chicky-chick. Chicken parm is chicky-chicky parm-parm. Chicken cacciatore, chicky catch. I call eggs pre-birds or future birds. Root beer is super water. Tortillas are bean blankies. And I call forks food rakes.
- Pun: Leslie uses a presumably Indiana-specific online dating service called Hoosier Match.
- "Shut Up" Kiss: Leslie gives one to Tom to prove to him they're not a good match. Tom admits that he felt no spark in it but is still impressed by her skills. During the credits, Donna also plants a kiss on Tom to do this, causing him to be stunned silent for a while.
- Touché: Chris is initially confused as to why everyone prefers Ron's hamburgers... until Ron gives him one to try and Chris immediately concedes that it tastes better even though it's not as healthy.
- We Sell Everything: Food and Stuff sells, among other things, fresh meat, toilet seats and stuffed crows.
