The weeping statue episode. First broadcast 7 September 1986
A hungover Rodney worries about what a muscular man named Biffo is going to do to him for drunkenly stealing his trumpet the previous night — and to make matters worse, Albert has subsequently thrown the trumpet down the rubbish chute. Del, meanwhile, goes to church to seek forgiveness for some stolen goods he has recently purchased.
The parish priest, Father O'Keith, explains to Del how the local hospice — which looked after Del and Rodney's mother when she was dying — is facing closure. They then witness an apparent miracle — a statue of the Virgin Mary on the altar appears to be weeping. Del instantly senses an opportunity to make money and save the hospice, and tells Rodney to alert the media. Within days, reporters and cameramen from all over the world are in Peckham to cover the story. Del presents himself as a modern-day prophet, predicting when the statue will weep again.
After several more miracles, enough money is raised to save the local hospice. It then suddenly dawns on Father O'Keith that the miracles always occur when it is raining. Upon inspecting the church's roof, he finds that all of the lead tiles are missing. Only then does it emerge that those lead tiles were the stolen goods Del had sought forgiveness for, but he points out that the money raised from the resulting "miracle" did save the local hospice. The priest, much to Del's surprise, blesses him for doing it.
As they exit the church, Del and Rodney shake hands with the many reporters and cameramen, until Rodney finds out that he is shaking the hand of Biffo, who demands to know where his trumpet is. Rodney runs away, with Biffo giving chase. Del senses an opportunity to make some more money from this, offering the journalists a chance to witness some "genuine inner city violence".
Tropes:
- Comically Missing the Point: Del, who's clearly not a regular churchgoer.Father O'Keith: Your sins have been absolved.Del: No, no father, I wanted to be forgiven.
- Continuity Nod: To "The Second Time Around", in which it was mentioned that Del used to donate to the church roof fund.
- The Ghost: Sunglasses Ron and Paddy the Greek, both of whom are referred to in this episode, were long-standing unseen characters on the show, usually mentioned in the context of Del having bought some dodgy goods from them.
- Irish Priest: Father O'Keith.
- Ominous Latin Chanting: When Father O'Keith and Del first see that the statue is weeping, "O Fortuna" from Orff's Carmina Burana is played.
- Reasonable Authority Figure: Arguably Father O'Keith, who is prepared to forgive Del for defrauding the newspapers and TV companies of thousands of pounds, on the grounds that the money went towards saving the hospice.
- Take That!: To Channel 4, as Del and Rodney both agree not to bother including it in the list of media outlets to contact about the "miracle". At the time, the channel was in its infancy and not a commercial success.
- Tears from a Stone: Del uses this and his own salesman skills to raise money for the church. It turns out the statue of the Virgin Mary is actually "crying" because the rain is dripping onto it, and it's doing that because someone stole all the lead tiles off the roof and the rain's getting in, which Del knew about because he bought the lead tiles from the blokes who stole them; his "sense" of when the statue would cry was based on weather forecasts.
- What the Hell, Hero?: Subverted. Father O'Keith calls out Del on his dishonesty in raising money to save the hospice. He then blesses Del for saving the hospice.
