Recap / Mystery Science Theater 3000 S09 E02: The Phantom Planet

...is quilted for softness!

Film watched: The Phantom Planet

Among other things, Mike and the 'bots ridiculed the silliness of the Solarites' appearance (repeatedly compared to that of dogs) and the eponymous Planet's resemblance to a piece of fried chicken. Other running jokes also include adding dialogue for the mute Zetha and how utterly silly the dialogue is when navels are contemplated.

The episode is available in the Gizmoplex here.

The Segments:

Prologue

• Mike and the 'Bots have an Andy Rooney-Off at Crow's request, with Gypsy serving as the judge. It devolves quickly as the trio try discussing soup in their best Andy Rooney impressions while sporting thick white eyebrows, prompting Gypsy to give up.

Segment 1

• Gypsy tries to announce the winner of the Andy Rooney-Off, but guys are too invested in their impersonations to hear it. In Castle Forrester, Pearl is getting herself, Brain Guy, and Bobo moved in, the ape man getting accidentally spilling a box of live rats on himself. She's also gotten her Spiegel World Domination Starter Kit in the mail (with some assembly required), but learns that the heavily radioactive nuclear core was sent to the SOL by mistake. The 'Bots grow rather attached to "the thing" while Mike fears its immense levels of radioactivity, enough that Crow gains a third eye, prompting them to debate over whether or not to send it back down to a gulit-slinging Pearl.

Segment 2

• Servo and Mike decide to take the advice of Frank's doomed companion to try and find the perfect balance of "the good and the beautiful", representing the "good" with food and the "beautiful" with photos of famous women. Servo's pairing of a Nut Goodie and a photo of Anna Nicole Smith seems to work somewhat well, while Mike suggests a plate of sauerbraten and a photo of Tawny Kitane, which works even better.

Segment 3

• Mike previously out for a space-walk and reminded Crow to keep an eye on him. The 'Bot was unfortunately more focused on putting decals on his model car, resulting in Mike gradually floating off into space, although he returns to the theater after 30 seconds. In Castle Forrester, Pearl and Brain Guy attempt to assemble the doomsday machine, but are interrupted by a cacophany of strange and eerie wails and rattles in the castle halls, which turns out to be Bobo yawning while absentmindedly dragging a chain behind him. Pearl wastes no time in making Brain Guy murder the ape with a pipe wrench.

Segment 4

• Mike finds Crow and Servo trying to play a glass armonica, mimicking the gravity control panels from the film. They struggle to get through "Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star" to show up Mike, but Mike himself demonstrates that he's an armonica virtuoso, prompting the 'Bots to descend into angered determination that makes their own attempt sound worse.

Segment 5

• Once more, Crow dresses up as a creature from the film he and the others have just watched, this time being a Solarite. Realizing that he has a problem due to how often this has happened and the fact that he doesn't even remember making the (very good) costume, Crow spirals into existentialism as he gets to the root of why he craves this kind of attention/ridicule. Mike and Servo, not even phased by his habit anymore, offer bored-sounding emotional support. Down in the castle, Pearl is struggles to build her doomsday machine (largely with duct tape) and fails miserably, expressing heavy doubt about her chances of world domination. What appears to be a mob of angry villagers approaches the castle with the apparent intent to storm it, lifting Pearl's spirits as she has Brain Guy conjure a cauldron of boiling oil to dump on them. It turns out that the villagers are there to politely welcome her to the neighborhood, giving her gifts and a casserole for the occasion. She's disheartened at first, but after some encouragment from Brain Guy, she thanks the villagers for their offerings anyway. In the process, however, she knocks the oil on them, reigniting her drive to take over the world. She promptly has a second cauldron of oil dumped on the villagers, but this one hits Bobo, who came to the front door to sample the casserole.

The Mystery Science Theater 3000 presentation of The Phantom Planet has examples of:

• Call-Back:
  • "He needs a Posture Pal."
  • "We must command the Fire of Ishtar — oh wait, wrong movie."
• Excessive Steam Syndrome:
  Servo: Look, there's the problem, their dryer's leaking.
• Evil Laugh: After Frank rejects her advances, Liara gives him a cold look and takes her sweet time leaving.^note Although that's probably down to the camera Eating the Eye Candy Mike supplies the requisite maniacal evil laughter.
• Flashback Effects: After Frank returns to his spacesuit, the movie kicks off a flashback sequence with some swirling effects, which continue throughout. Mike and the 'bots were not impressed:
  Crow: Come on, we didn't like these scenes the first time!
  Servo: Yeah!
  Mike: What if these flashbacks lap themselves?
  Servo: (as a Solarite) Can I go out, please?
  Crow: No fair! You can't flash back to stuff we saw ten seconds ago!
• Flashback... Back... Back...: Parodied, as Frank drifts through space early on.
  Servo: Congratulations, Mrs. Astronaut, it's a boy... boy... boy...
  Mike: Wake up, Frank. You wet the bed... bed... bed...
  Crow: Frank, you'll have to take third grade again... gain... gain...
  Mike: Mr. Chapman, this is Western Financial Collections. Do you value your credit rating... rating... rating...
  Crow: I'm afraid you're just not 7-11 timber, Frank... Frank... Frank...
  Servo: You're the worst party clown we've ever had... had... had...
• Haunted House: Castle Forrester is full of ominous moaning and rattling chains... but it's just Bobo wandering the halls and yawning, apparently having accidentally stepped into some random chains and not noticed.
• Lampshade Hanging:
  • The nature of these lovely 1960s sci-fi films.
    Crow: Somehow, the answer to all [the movie's] questions is "big white guys in jumpsuits."
    Mike: [chuckles, then realizes] Hey...
  • When the aliens say breathing a different atmosphere will cause people to shrink or expand:
    Crow: So people are just balloons?
  • Also:
    Mike: Good thing there's so much gravity in space, huh?
    Crow: So you can just take a sharp left in space.
    Crow: Ahh, remember when you could fix your rocket ship with just a crescent wrench?
  • During the final segment, Crow pointing out how he will see a movie, snap, think he's a character from the movie and dress himself up accordingly.
    Mike: I don't know if you do that any more than the rest of us, really.
    Servo: Yeah.
• Nightmare Retardant: In-Universe. The Solarites are meant to be scary, but aside from the usual People in Rubber Suits factor, they also look like big-eyed sad-looking poodles.
  Crow: Um, ma'am? I realize you don't know me, but I really need to go walkies.
• Retroactive Recognition: In-universe during the opening credits: "Oh, Richard Kiel! A real star for once." The crew had a somewhat different opinion during Eegah! and The Human Duplicators, both of which came out after Phantom. In the actual film, Kiel is completely unrecognizable (other than his height — he plays the Solarite), so they speak no more of him.
• Rouge Angles of Satin: In the first minute, Mike says Crow has "challenged Tom Servo and I to an Andy Rooney-Off." (It should be "Tom Servo and me".)
• Running Gag:
  • The aforementioned "good and the beautiful" speech. Also the "You know, captain..." line that precedes it.
    Crow: [as Chapman] Shut up, Ray!
  • Mocking the Special Effects Failure of the titular Planet. Based on its puffy, amorphous shape, it's "quilted for softness", or maybe it's a Sweet Sheep, or a chicken McNugget or an extra-crispy drumstick.
    Mike: They did chicken right!
  • The Solarites are dogs.
• Sanity Slippage: Crow once again decides he's a character from the movie (a Solarite in this case). Instead of the bit being about Crow acting like a Solarite, however, it's about Crow lampshading the fact that this keeps happening with various characters. He's rather baffled by his "sick, amnesic psychotic blackout."
  Crow: And you know what's weird? I don't even remember doing this, and it's a very good costume!
• Sci-Fi Writers Have No Sense of Scale: After a search party is dispatched to look for Chapman, who could be anywhere in space.
  Mike: So, which part of the universe do you want to search first?
• Security Cling: Pearl and Observer cling to each other when they think the ghost is coming for them. They are, of course, embarrassed (and enraged) once they realize it's just Bobo.
  Observer: It is among us! Oh, Pearl, hold me!
  Pearl: Embrace me in this moment of oblivion!
• Shout-Out: Mike and the 'Bots hold an Andy Rooney-Of-60 Minutes-fame-off in the opening segment. Gypsy moderates.
• Soundtrack Dissonance:
  Mike: Does this tepid little scene really deserve a TA-DAH! TA-DAH-dah-DAH-ta-DAH!!!
• Take That!: An extended one against Northwest Airlines, or really, air travel in general.
  Mike: [as Chapman is helped aboard the rescue ship] Just want to remind you this is a Northwest flight, so we'll be sitting on the tarmac for an hour with no beverages and air conditioning and we're out of meals and the flight attendants are overworked and abusive and if you complain we'll throw you off the flight.
• Throw the Dog a Bone: Perennial Butt-Monkey Mike gets one over on Crow and Servo when he casually bests them at the glass armonica.
• The Unreveal: We never learn who won the Andy Rooney-Off, as Gypsy gets fed up and leaves without announcing the winner.
• Torches and Pitchforks: A despondent Pearl, convinced that she'll never take over the world, perks up when she sees what looks like an angry mob of villagers outside the castle and has Brain Guy summon some hot oil for dumping on them. Turns out, they just want to welcome her to the neighborhood and have even made her a casserole. The oil gets dumped on the villagers anyway, which makes Pearl so happy that she dumps more on them (and also Bobo, who went down for the casserole).
• Zeerust: Invoked.
  Ray: March 16, 1980.
  Crow: Oh, our old future.

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"You know, Captain, every year of my life, I grow more and more convinced that the wisest and best is to fix our attention on the good and the beautiful... if you just take the time to look at it."
"You're some guy, Makonnen."

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