Recap / Mystery Science Theater 3000 S06 E21: The Beast of Yucca Flats

"And talks, and talks, I can't get a word in, edgewise!"

"Oh, when did they change the name?"
"A Quinn Martin production!"

Ah, Abbott and Costello meet the Beast of Yucca Flats.
Wish it was the Breast of Yucca Flats.

"This movie stops at nothing - and stays there."

—Tom Servo

Film watched: The Beast of Yucca Flats, with shorts Money Talks! and Progress Island U.S.A.

The last of three episodes in the series to feature two completely different short films played back-to-back.

Money Talks! is a 1950s educational short in which teenager William bemoans how he always runs out of money when he needs some. While idly playing with a half-dollar, William is visited by the shadow of Benjamin Franklin, who educates him about the concept of budgeting, as well as how he can make it work for him.

On the other hand, Progress Island U.S.A. is the most modern short film the SOL crew have ever riffed. It's a groovy 1970s outing about Puerto Rico, detailing everything there is to do there and its permanent affiliation with the United States, primarily to lure investors down there so they can contribute to the then-recent U.S. Commonwealth.

The episode is available in the Gizmoplex here, and on Shout! Factory here.

The Segments:

Prologue

• Mike and the 'Bots are putting wallpaper on the SOL's bridge. Since all their patterns are conflicting, Gypsy freaks out when she sees the new style.

Segment 1

• Dr. Forrester goes into a rather political route as he announces "Proposition Deep 13", his newest cinematic campaign to break Mike and the 'Bots into submission. Mike puts up a brave argument, but his resistance is crushed when he learns that Coleman Francis is directing today's experiment.

Segment 2

• A gang of rowdy trailer-trash college kids interrupts the SOL crew's quiet time with their loud partying. Crow very briefly joins the fun, but Servo scares them off by imitating a police siren.

Segment 3

• As Mike tries to read, Crow repeatedly nags him. He REALLY wants to know if it's 11:30.

Segment 4

• In order to curb the ongoing rise of bad movies, Crow creates FAPS, the "Film Anti-Preservation Society", to help encourage their destruction and save future generations from the agony of having to watch such horrible rubbish. He goes a little mad as Mike drags him away.

Segment 5

• After Crow and Servo read a letter, Mike emerges and declares the crew's victory over Proposition Deep 13. Dr. F is so demoralized by his latest loss that his only response is to repeatedly slap Frank as the credits roll.

The Mystery Science Theater 3000 presentation of Money Talks! contains the following tropes:

• Artistic License – History:
  • Crow, as Benjamin Franklin, asks William "Can you have your slave press my suit?" In reality, Franklin was an abolitionist.
  • The short itself has Franklin refer to the use of the word "tips" for gratuities as if it's a modern invention, when the first recorded instance of that usage was in 1706.
• Missing Mom: "Have you seen your mother lately?"
• Shout-Out:
  Crow: [during a cross-dissolve between William and the spinning coin] There's no place like a bank, there's no place like a bank...
• Standard '50s Father: Naturally, what with it being an educational short from 1951.
• Values Dissonance: Invoked.
  Crow: [as Benjamin Franklin] Could you have your slave press my suit?
• "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue:
  Mike: [during the closing shot - a close-up of the half-dollar, with the words "The End" superimposed over it] Benjamin Franklin was tried in the Eighth Circuit Court on stalking charges; in a minute, the results of that trial.

The Mystery Science Theater 3000 presentation of Progress Island U.S.A. contains the following tropes:

• Alien Invasion: When the camera pulls back from a building's sign to reveal a UFO-looking structure next to it, Crow quips "Why, even aliens from Mars are here!".
• Call-Back: "That nose wheel feels mushy."
• Crossing the Line Twice: invoked
  • "Fun times at Guantánamo!"
    • Also counts as Harsher in Hindsight , given that MST3K went off the air long before Guantanamo Bay gained a new notoriety.
  • "A rich culture and heritage..." "Which we bulldozed in order to build more skyscrapers."
  • "Puerto Rico has been praised for the beauty of her landscape..." "And sacked and pillaged many many times."
  • "Spinal injuries are popular on the island as well."
  • Over the image of a Union Carbide facility, the narrator states that "Nearly two billion dollars has been invested in plants and facilities." Tom adds, "And millions poisoned!" This is in reference to the Bhopal disaster, in which a tank containing methyl isocyanate ruptured, killing thousands and injuring over half a million more.
  • Dude, Not Funny!: In a subversion, Mike does take offense at Crow saying Ponce was the sight of many muggings. Meanwhile, Servo groans when Crow stated Judy Garland's death destroyed Puerto Rico's pharmaceutical industry.invoked
  • They conclude the short by stating "We would like to apologize to all the people of Puerto Rico we did not offend." In other words, we apologize only to those people who knew we were just kidding.
• Double Take: Mike has a verbal one in this exchange:
  Narrator: Building into the clean blue skies, the island is on the move.
  Mike: Hawaii?
  Crow: No, an island.
  Mike: Wha-?
• Ear Worm: The bots can't help but dance and hum along to the peppy The '70s music.
• Finishing Each Other's Sentences: Occurs throughout the riffing.
  Narrator: An American democracy.
  Servo: ...would be really great.
  Narrator: A wealth of historic grandeur and beauty.
  Servo: ...does not exist here.
  Narrator: Modern hospitals.
  Servo: ...are not here.
  Narrator: Luxury hotels.
  Crow: ...are desperately needed.
  Narrator: Progress can be seen everywhere.
  Mike: ...in places other than this.
• Here We Go Again!: Since the short film opens and ends roughly the same way (with a fast-paced montage, followed by a narrator), Mike and the bots wonder why the short's starting over.
• Running Gag: Mike, Crow and Tom shouting in unison whenever the Latin jazz/funk soundtrack reaches a final-sounding cadence.
  "PUERTO RICO!"
  "PROGRESS!"
  "GAMBLING!"
  "A CENTURY AGO!"^note  The setup line for this one is "It has formed a continuing pattern of progress that all started more than a quarter of a century ago."
• Shout-Out:
  • During footage of Casa Blanca, Tom notes the similarity between the soundtrack and the guitar riff from Simon & Garfunkel's arrangement of "Scarborough Fair", and starts singing "Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme..."
  • At the sight of iron smelting, Crow exclaims, "Then KISS came to town!"
  • Over a shot of people folk dancing, Mike starts to sing "Don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart..."
• Take That!:
  • Mike and the Bots make a Running Gag of contradicting the narrator's overly triumphalist rambling ("There's something for everyone..." "...like flights out!"), building up to the final joke:
    Narrator: The Spaniards called it "Puerto Rico".
    Mike: Because they couldn't think of anything else.
    Narrator: Today, we call it...
    Crow: Cheap Labor Ville!
    Narrator: "Progress Island, U.S.A.".
    Servo: Because we have no regard for history, culture, or tradition.
  • A subtler one when Crow chuckles, "Another fun friend!" when a Texaco sign is displayed.
  • During a montage of folk dance and music:
    Mike: Yes, no matter what the culture, folk dancing is stupid.
• With Lyrics: Servo sings with the bouncy commercial-jingle music. "Strawberries, marshmallows, tinfoil and fudge and some dingle-balls hanging from trees..."

The Mystery Science Theater 3000 presentation of The Beast of Yucca Flats contains the following tropes:

• Acrofatic: The aversion is sarcastically pointed out as Tor Johnson shambles across the screen: "Tor's much like the Thompson's gazelle. You know, running, leaping to elude his predators..."
• Big "WHAT?!": Crow's reaction to the narrator's "flying saucers" line.
• Call-Back:
  • "Watch out for snakes!"
  • "I'm Cherokee Jack!"
  • Crow hums "hum de de hee hee" while waiting for it to be 11:30.
  • "It's the Coffee Guy!" "'Coffee? I like coffee!'"
• Continuity Nod:
  • At one point, the lawmen trying to solve the string of deaths decide they'll have to parachute into a remote area:
    Crow: Luckily, Coleman has plenty of skydiving footage lying around.
  • In the "Film Anti-Preservation Society" segment, Crow cites The Skydivers and Red Zone Cuba alongside Yucca Flats as awful films made during the past century. He lumps it in with the films Sylvester Stallone made, namedropping Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot and Oscar.
• Dull Surprise: Everyone that gets strangled in the movie goes without putting up a fight or making a sound. Especially so for the girl in the prologue, who sees the killer coming and just looks at him as he grabs her throat.
  Mike: Well, it's really not worth screaming. What's the point?
• Everyone Has Standards: Mike hates the movie, but he thinks what Crow is proposing with the Film Anti-Preservation Society is morally wrong.
• Faux Horrific: Gypsy has a huge meltdown over the guys' new wallpaper.
• Feedback Rule: Enforced during Dr. Forrester's concession speech.
• The Fourth Wall Will Not Protect You: As the sniper in the plane takes aim, the barrel of his rifle briefly points toward Mike and the 'bots. Oh, Crap! ensues.
• Genius Bonus: Mike quipping, "Hey Tor, got a match?" is a reference to the joke: "Hey buddy, got a match?" "Yeah, my butt and your face." invoked
• Groin Attack: As the deputies are climbing to the Beast's cave, the first one straddles a boulder in a very awkward way, to say the least.
  Crow: Joe? Joe, what are you doing to that rock? Joe, do not do that. Joe!
• Have a Gay Old Time: Crow's "Film Anti-Preservation Society" takes the acronym FAPS. (At the time the episode was made, that term had not yet acquired its more common association.)
• Hilarious in Hindsight: invoked Beast of Yucca Flats was Mike's warmup for The Brain That Wouldn't Die — and this time, it threatens to crack the SOL crew.
  • As noted in the Take That! entry below, Crow attempts to dissuade viewers from letting Stallone's filmography be shown to future generations; one of the films he mentions is Demolition Man, which has since become more positively received in the years since its initial release.
• Hulk Speak: Mike & the Bots give Tor Johnson this kind of speech when they riff as him.
• Ignored Epiphany: Mike interrupts Crow's "Film Anti-Preservation Society" commercial to ask if his intent is morally wrong. Crow takes a moment to ponder this, and agrees... before continuing the commercial.
• Informed Attribute: The KGB agents are repeatedly pointed out as being ruthless, but they don't actually do much that would qualify as "ruthless".
• Informed Deformity: Mike and the bots talk as if Jim's wife (the woman in the nightie) is downright ugly, but the actress is actually rather attractive.
• In-Joke: Crow constantly asking when it'll be lunch is a reference to Frank Conniff doing the exact same thing in the writers room.
• Lame Pun Reaction:
  Servo: [as a character changes a tire] Ah! That must be the Yucca Flat! [both Mike and Crow groan]
• Male Gaze: Defied.
  Servo: [annoyed] Okay, BREASTS! We get it!
  • Reality Subtext: A scene that was removed from the television edit had bare breasts, which the crew probably saw.
• Mondegreen Gag: Narrator: Joseph Javorsky. Noted scientist.
  Mike: Melted scientist?
  • Narrator: A-Bomb Testing Ground.
  Crow: Avon Testing Ground? What rabbits with shaved butts?
• Mook Chivalry: The KGB agents, while ruthless, also wait for a bodyguard to reload his revolver before continuing a shootout.
  Crow (as bodyguard): Just don't shoot while I'm reloading! It wouldn't be fair!
• Oh, Crap!: Mike and the Bots' confidence that they can overcome Proposition Deep 13 quickly dissipates when Dr. Forrester tells them that The Beast of Yucca Flats was directed by Coleman Francis (considering the last time one of his films appeared on the show, it practically broke them).
  Mike: [voice wavering] Well... I think we can survive.
  Crow: We're doomed!
  Servo: We have been forsaken!
  [all three break down sobbing]
• O.O.C. Is Serious Business: The poor quality of this and others by Coleman Francis convinces Crow to start the "Film Anti-Preservation Society", in stark contrast to the typical MST3K philosophy of "Keep Circulating the Tapes".
• Overly Long Gag:
  • Crow wants to know how soon to 11:30 it is.
  • After Proposition Deep 13 is defeated:
    Forrester: Frank, I'm going to start slapping you now, and I may never stop.
    Frank: Let the healing process begin.
    [cue slapping sounds during the entire end credits]
• Police Are Useless: Mike's riffs on the cop insist he's irritated he has to go investigate a crime when he'd rather have breakfast.
• Running Gag:
  • The trio constantly bring up the "flag on the moon" line and wonder just what it was supposed to mean.
  • The deputy's search for crullers (see Police Are Useless).
• Sanity Slippage: Crow clearly goes through some form of this with his "Film Anti-Preservation Society" stunt, to the point where the segment concludes with Mike calmly leading him offscreen for a talk.
• Skewed Priorities: After getting caught in a nuclear blast, Joseph Javorsky's singed hand is seen reaching for his burning suitcase in dismay.
  Crow (as Javorsky): "My Lunchables!"
• Skyward Scream: "WHY CAN'T I GET A BAKED POTATO BEFORE FIVE IN THIS TOWN?!"
• Shout-Out:
  • Crow is reading an issue of Amethyst, Princess of Gemworld.
  • "Harcourt Fenton Mudd, you lazy thing-thing-thing...!"
• Take That!: "If we don't take action now, the entire filmography of Sylvester Stallone may be available for our children and our grandchildren to view."
• Terse Talker: Francis's narrator. Talks in sentence fragments. A source of bottomless mockery.
  Servo: [narrating] A thin plot. Endlessly restated.
• With Catlike Tread: The Beast fails miserably at chasing a couple kids. "You know, for Tor, sneaking up and pursuit are not his forte."

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[Javorsky throws a rock, screams]

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