🎶San Francisco International Airport, where the big B-actors roar!🎶
Film watched: San Francisco International
''The focal point of this failed TV pilot is the astounding pomposity and self-absorption of Pernell Roberts. He plays an airport administrator. You'd think that's a pretty mundane job and you'd be right, but Pernell struts and preens like balding cock-of-the-walk."
—The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Amazing Colossal Episode Guide (This pilot did, in fact, become a short-lived series.)
The Segments:
Prologue
- Tom and Crow hold a political debate about politics, with Mike acting as their moderator.
Segment 1
- The Mads become manly construction workers, blaring hard rock as they spruce up Deep 13. This inspires Mike to pull the old “turning/board in the face” gag with the 'Bots.
Segment 2
- Mike dresses up as and impersonates Steve Urkel, sending the 'Bots, the Mads, and even guests from previous experiments into hysterics.
Segment 3
- Mike continues his Urkel impression, and though he's ready to wind it down, he keeps going as more and more characters join in the laughter.
Segment 4
- Mike is STILL continuing his Urkel impression, everyone else is STILL laughing non-stop, and more and more characters are STILL dropping by to laugh. That is, until Torgo shambles in and admits that he’s never been a big Urkel fan, effectively killing the bit.
Segment 5
- Having finally come down from the Urkel-laughter high, Mike and the 'Bots read letters, including one with a picture of an ancient cave drawing that resembles Crow. Mimicking one of the film's character's large ears, Dr. Forrester’s ears are unknowingly growing at an accelerated rate.
The MST3K treatment of San Francisco International has examples of:
- The '70s: "I'm gonna check out what's going on over on the Harry O set."
- Actor Allusion: The crew gets a lot of mileage over the casting of Pernell Roberts of Bonanza fame. And Gunsmoke. And Trapper John, M.D..Mike: [as VIP, to Conrad] I've never spanked a member of the Ponderosa...
- Black Comedy: The Mystery Science Theater 3000 crew's riffs as Pernell Roberts tries to teach Davey how to land the plane he accidentally takes to the sky get dark. For example, "Davey, I need to know where your dental records are."
- At the start of the episode, Mike tries to show off the stock Plank Gag to Crow and Tom Servo. He winds up almost beating them to death.
- Body Horror: Thanks to his plank of wood, Mike not only winds up shearing off most of Crow's head, leaving only his eyes and beak, but Tom's chassis took a beating, and he's missing an arm. Not that it lasts much longer once the movie starts.
- Bowdlerize: William Sturtevant as Mr. Woodruff's supposed hippie assailant is just a regular guy with stubble and slightly messy hair. His hair isn't even much longer than Clu's.Mike: Oh, it's a made-for-TV hippie!
- Butt-Monkey: Mike and the 'Bots already have no problem laying into not-particularly-cute kid Davey as a geeky, unloved "child of a messy divorce", but all bets are off once he steals an unattended plane.Crow: [as Davey, sobbing] Nobody in the airport loves me!!
- Call-Back:
- When Clu Gulager appeared in Master Ninja I, the cast mistakenly called him "Clu Gallagher", and were astonished to realize his name was actually Gulager later on, the reason Crow exclaims, "Clu Gulager? What kind of last name is Gulager?!"
- "MEGAWEAPON!"
- The host segments feature return appearances from characters including Jan in the Pan, Santa Claus and Pitch, Crow's informant friends from The Sinister Urge, Nuveena, and of course Torgo (who brings the room down as usual).
- Twice in the episode, the line "Shut up, Iris." is uttered.
- Compilation Movie: Another canceled '70s series repackaged as a TV movie, in the vein of the Master Ninjas or Stranded in Space.
- Dull Surprise: The general reaction to the plane in trouble (or not) during the opening credits.Conrad: Had it been real...
Servo: [as Conrad] ...I wouldn't have done Trapper John. - Fan Disservice: Shirtless, sunburned Forrester and Frank as they do construction work (although Forrester is surprisingly buff).
- Here We Go Again!: The ending shot of the movie is a plane taking off; Mike and the bots pretend that it's Davey stealing another plane.Mike: Davey, no!
Tom: Daaaaaaaaveeeeeeey! - Hilarious in Hindsight: "Porno Pete
". - Kick the Dog: As if it wasn't bad enough that he got beaten to near-death by the plank, but once Movie Sign goes off, Mike hucks Crow to the side.
- Mr. Fanservice: Dr. F. as a shirtless construction worker. Complete with Deep 13 tattoo on his chest. Mmmmmm...
- The Nothing After Death: Invoked. Similar to how the crew single out Davey as being singlehandedly responsible for his parents' divorce, it's implied to only await Davey in particular.Servo: Oh, and Davey, when you die, there's only a dark nothingness awaiting you.
- Only Sane Man: After an increasing number of guests from previous episodes show up to laugh hysterically at Mike's Urkel impression, Torgo shuffles into Deep 13 to proclaim that he's "nEvER BEeN a bIg URkEl FAn"; the moment immediately collapses as the guests find other things to do. The Irony is that it's the Mike Nelson character who stops the running gag.
- The Other Darrin: Pointed out by Mike.Mike: [to Pernell/Conrad] Uh, sir? I should let you know Lloyd Bridges is replacing you when we go to series.
- Overly Long Gag: Mike Nelson does an impression of Steve Urkel during all three host segments. In his defense, he was ready to shut it down but the bots begged him to continue.
- Plank Gag: Mike lampshades and invokes the trope, demonstrating it to the 'bots. Unfortunately, he does far more damage to them than he planned.Crow: (pained) I- I see a light, Mike. I'm- I'm going down a hallway, and I- I see a light. Is that you walking with me, Jesus?Servo: (dazed, Simpleton Voice) Duh, where is the board? Please don't hit me with the board again, mister...
- Poorly Disguised Pilot: No one on the S.O.L. is fooled.Mr. Woodruff: [Dana Elcar Chewing the Scenery as an outraged, hippie-hating businessman] You haven't heard the last of me.
Mike: [as Woodruff] Just wait til we go to series! - Running Gag:
- Pernell's bad hairpiece.
- The obvious commercial breaks get lampshaded as well.Mike: ♪ By Mennen! ♫
- Mike and the 'bots are constantly implying that the divorce is all Davey's fault and that nobody loves him.Tina Scott: [to Davey] It's just that sometimes married people—
Mike: [as Tina]: —break up because of their kids.
Tina: —simply have to live apart for a while.
Servo: [as Tina] Apart from their kids, I mean.
Davey: You're going to get a divorce.
Mike: [as Tina] Yes, and I don't want custody.
Tina: That hasn't been decided.
Crow: [as Tina] Although because of you, it's very likely.
Davey: Do we have to go now?
Servo: [as Tina] You have to go now.- And then, later, as Jim and Davey fly over the city:Crow: [as Jim] Davey, all those people down there are getting divorced because of you.
- They get downright abusive with Davey just for being Davey.Servo: [as Jim] You know, people are gonna hate you for quite a while after this, Davey.
- And then, later, as Jim and Davey fly over the city:
- The source for subsequent episodes' "This nosewheel feels mushy" riff.
- The ugliness of David "My face is large and troublesome" Hartman, and Robert Sorrells and his ears. The latter achieves Brick Joke status when Forrester's ears keep growing larger and hairier from shot to shot during the final host segment, until they're each bigger than his whole head.Mike: He's a handsome rat.
- Shirtless Scene: Funnily enough, Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank in the first segment, as home renovation contractors working on Deep 13.
- Shout-Out:
- In one of the riffs, Crow asks "So, where's George Kennedy in all of this?", a reference to Kennedy's recurring role as Joe Patroni in the Airport movies. This sort of serves a host of ironies, since one of the inspirations for Airplane! was Airport, and Lloyd Bridges' character in Airplane! was a riff on the role he'd play in the series itself when he took over for Pernell Roberts.
- Also, hilariously enough, there's a shout out to Mazes and Monsters of all things, with Crow (as Davey) partially reenacting the infamous "blood on my knife" scene when he's flying the plane.
- Mike throws in Gary Coleman's "What'choo talkin' about, Willis?" Catchphrase in between asking if "Laura" wants any cheese.
- Snap Back: Moments before they leave to watch the movie, the aftermath of the Plank Gag sees Mike cradling Crow as he rambles about seeing the bright light, while Tom has some form of brain damage. The second they enter the theater, Crow and Tom casually remark how they're now fine.
- Standard Snippet: Well, standard for this show, anyway; part of Frank & Forrester's "construction worker" cliche is the blasting of loud rock music; longtime fans will quickly recognize the generic pseudo-Hair Metal riff playing in the background.
- The Stoner: The crew assume Clu/Hatten is interested in the "made-for-TV" hippie because he desperately needs to score some marijuana.
- Stopped Reading Too Soon: A verbal variant, as Pernell Roberts talks Davey through landing his stolen plane:Conrad: Now, Davey, pull out the throttle!
Davey: [pulls out throttle knob]
Crow: BUT FIRST—- Another variant when the head thief is giving Ross his instructions over the phone:Thief: You're gonna hang up and high-tail it out of that room right now....Servo: *click!* H-hello?
- Another variant when the head thief is giving Ross his instructions over the phone:
- Take That!: The Running Gag of Mike impersonating Family Matters' breakout Drop-In Character Steve Urkel during the host segments are basically one big jab at the immense popularity of the nerdy Urkel at the time and how (in the show's eyes) undeserved the acclaim was. Mike's Urkel impression is deliberately one-note and repetitive yet still leaves everyone gasping for more.note
- Technology Marches On: Invoked by Mike when he snarks, "Featuring state-of-the-art technology!" on seeing an early Telex machine.
- Token Minority: Lampshaded:
- There's one credited black character among the main cast, and he gets so much less screentime than Pernell Roberts and Clu Gulager that the riffers don't catch his character's name (Frank Davis). They do cheer for "Black Guy" when he helps Clu bust Tab and his fellow hostage-takers/smugglers, though.Mike: [to Frank Davis] And thank you, Token!
- Just before the bust, when a female extra appears on the same flight as the smugglers:Crow: [as the flight attendant] Here's your script. You'll be playing Black Woman On Plane.
- There's one credited black character among the main cast, and he gets so much less screentime than Pernell Roberts and Clu Gulager that the riffers don't catch his character's name (Frank Davis). They do cheer for "Black Guy" when he helps Clu bust Tab and his fellow hostage-takers/smugglers, though.
- Unusually Uninteresting Sight: "Oop, child of a messy divorce on Runway 2."
Conrad: My job, my way.
