Recap / M*A*S*H S4 E5: Hey, Doc

The doctors are approached with a series of deals by fellow officers, including a British patrolman who trades Scotch for the removal of an ingrown toenail, a falsified medical report in exchange for a replacement microscope, and a treatment for an STD that is later employed as a bargaining chip in exchange for the loan of a tank to ward off snipers. After seeing how impressed Margaret was by the visiting tank commander, Frank decides to take the borrowed tank for a joyride, leading to one more deal...

Attention, all personnel! The doctors will exchange favors for the following tropes:

• Berserk Button: Hawkeye furiously likens the thief who stole the microscope to someone who would be callous enough to steal Tiny Tim's crutch.
  • When B.J. asks Kimble to find a new microscope for the unit, he inquires as to what happened to the original. He is left steamed by the answer.
    Kimble: What's wrong with the old one?
    B.J.: Stolen.
    Kimble: Stolen?!
    B.J.: Stolen.
    Kimble: These people are too much. Do you know what I had to go through to steal it for us?!
• The Bet: To keep himself in the running in the opening poker game, Radar uses a 2-day pass as a substitute for a bet.
• BFG: The tank.
  B.J.: Monster, isn't it?
  Hawkeye: Good old American know-how and insanity.
• Big Damn Heroes: Colonel Potter with nothing but himself and a Jeep confronts Frank as the major is in an out-of-control tank.
  Margaret: Colonel, save us!
  Colonel Potter: No sweat. Watch an old cavalry hand in action.
• Blatant Lies:
  • Hawkeye tells Potter that Frank jumped into the runaway tank and saved everyone. Potter clearly doesn't believe it, but lets it go.
  • Hawkeye's claim that the tank commander's medical records were "burned to a cinder" in the last sniper raid.
• "Blackmail" Is Such an Ugly Word: Done twice.
  • Hawkeye's offhand mention that the visiting Colonel's STD treatment could be made public if he doesn't help drive away the sniper.
  • Hawkeye holding Burns destroying half the camp with the tank over his head.
• Born Unlucky: Radar bows out of the poker game, claiming he must have been born under a ladder.
• Captain Obvious: The PA Announcer only reports the third sniper attack when it's well underway.
• Card Games:
  • The episode opens with a game of poker.
  • Frank and Margaret have a game of Gin to take their minds off the sniper's attacks.
  • Another game of poker after the tank arrives
• Casual Danger Dialogue:
  Radar: Yeah. Can you speak up? Someone's trying to kill me.
• Continuity Nod: A medical file or discharge still needs to be signed by three ranking doctors.
• Curb-Stomp Battle: A Jeep is no match for a tank. Hilarity Ensues afterwards.
• Deadpan Snarker:
  • When Kimble reveals he's planning to ship two thousand pounds worth of stolen loot home to open a cafe, he says he's going to name it "Kimble's Korean Kafe".
  Kimble: Three K's. You get it?
  Hawkeye: You can buy your linen from the Klu Klux Klan.
  B.J.: What about the two eyeholes?
  Hawkeye: You can put the salt and pepper shakers on them.
  • When the two bottles of Scotch that Lieutenant Chivvers gives Hawkeye are both destroyed by the sniper, Hawkeye laments that they were "only twelve years old". Potter snarks that "the good always die young."
• Disproportionate Retribution: According to Lieutenant Chivers, British Command punishes any officer who has an ingrown toenail or some other issue regarding poor footcare by either holding up promotion or denying the officer leave.
• Entertainingly Wrong:
  • In a Shower Scene, Father Mulcahy asks Radar and Klinger if they've also heard that snipers were spotted near the camp. The two brush it off, telling the father it's just rumours. One moment later, a gunshot rings out, frightening Mulcahy who dashes for cover in the stalls.
    Father Mulcahy: That rumour almost came through the door!
  • When Potter suggests using a tank to deter the snipers, Hawkeye takes it to mean the colonel wants to blow the enemy to kingdom come. Turns out he thought wrong and Potter just wants to use the sight of a tank for intimidation.
• Funny Background Event: When Margaret is looking out the window at the sniper situation, Frank can be seen looking at her cards.
  • A little before that, there's the Bandage Mummy waving "bye" to Col. Griswold as he leaves with just the few fingers not wrapped up.
• Fun with Acronyms: "Kimble's Korean Kafe", as mentioned above.
• Foreshadowing: As Colonel Griswold is about to leave the 4077 in his Jeep, he is about to promise Hawkeye that if there's anything he can do in return for his help, the sniper starts a second attack. This foreshadows Griswold lending the 4077 one of his tanks.
• Green-Eyed Monster: When Margaret starts showing romantic interest in Griswold because of his command over a tank squadron, Frank is quick to pull her away. His jealousy is what leads towards him driving the tank Griswold loans the unit later.
• Honor Before Reason: Subverted with Frank. While it would appear Frank is choosing the integrity of his medical career over the camp's important requiring of a microscope, it soon devolves into a Glory Hound rant.
  Frank: I'm sick of hearing about the wounded. What about all the thousands of wonderful guys who are fighting this war without any of the credit or the glory that always goes to the lucky few who happen to get shot?
  Hawkeye: Frank, I really think you've finally gone out of your skull!
• I Am Very British: Lieutenant Chivvers assures Potter that the Scotch he'll be providing is "jolly good, sir."
• I Lied: Margaret tricks Frank into giving her the last card she needed to win their game of Gin.
  Frank: You're certainly a savage at cards, Margaret.
• I Am Very British: Lieutenant Chivers
• Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy: Played with. The snipers don't hit a single person, but do break the window in Potter's office...and two bottles of Scotch on the ground.
• Implacable Man: Potter is stated to be hopelessly honest by B.J. when Kimble suggests that the colonel be the one to sign the adjustment for the medical file stating Kimble can't fly.
• Jerkass Has a Point: While it seems a little excessive for the British Army to threaten the leave/career of an officer or soldier who is lax in their foot care, anyone who served in that army in WWI would remember the rampant issue of "trench foot", where the combination of standing water, cold temperatures, wet boots, and infrequently changed socks led to soldiers losing their feet to gangrene or becoming permanently crippled. Clearly, the Brits didn't forget that ordeal.
• Lame Pun Reaction: The man Colonel Potter contacts for help with the sniper makes an offscreen joke after telling Potter he'll send over a patrol of British soldiers.
  Colonel Potter: Right, it'll give me a chance to use my English. (hangs up the phone) Everyone's a comedian.
• Mass "Oh, Crap!": Everyone in the camp who sees the tank rolling towards them.
• Missing Time: It isn't until Klinger leaves the Swamp that he and the other players of the poker game notice that it's now daylight, meaning they've been playing all night long.
• Modesty Towel: When Frank is going out of control in the tank and is heading for the nurses' shower, the women occupying it are forced to evacuate in this state and remain so for the rest of the scene.
• Nerves of Steel: Colonel Griswold leaves the 4077 calmly under fire.
• Nervous Wreck: The third sniper attack has Radar fumbling around while trying to pour a drink for Colonel Potter.
• Not What It Looks Like: Radar and Klinger are practicing their act for an upcoming talent show, which involves a marriage proposal. Unfortunately, Hawkeye and Colonel Griswold walk in at the wrong moment, leading Radar to plead this trope.
• Oh, Crap!:
  • B.J. and Hawkeye, when the third sniper attack catches them unawares and they dive underneath an ambulance.
  • Margaret sees the tanks is heading for the nurses' showers and urgently orders those currently occupying it to evacuate.
  • Frank finally realises he can't control the tank so well as he thought and then he sees Colonel Potter driving into his path in an effort to stop him. He frantically tries to warn Potter out of the way.
• Precision F-Strike:
  • B.J. swears loudly when the third sniper attack commences.
  • After Frank's accidental rampage with the tank, Potter asks him why he did it.
    Colonel Potter: You got any excuse for that jackass behaviour?
• Produce Pelting: After Frank stops the tank, everyone in camp applauds him before throwing anything they have on hand in his face.
• Professional Butt-Kisser: Margaret makes a proud claim to Colonel Griswold that Frank is the surgeon who handles all the difficult cases. Hawkeye, as is typical, snarks.
  Hawkeye: Which is only fair. He's our most difficult doctor.
  • Frank takes up Margaret's initiative, showing off one patient.
    Frank: You see that foot? That's mine.
    Hawkeye: We had to take it out of his mouth.
• Remember the New Guy?: Apparently, Kimble has been around the 4077 for some time. As of this episode, he is about to retire from the Army after thirty years of service.
• Rule of Three: Hawkeye helps out Kimble, Chivers and Griswold with issues they don't want their superiors to know about.
• Sanity Slippage: Frank, when he starts driving the tank.
• Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Everyone in the Swamp appropriately flees their poker game once Margaret warns them and they see the tank coming their way.
• Serious Business: For command in the British Army, foot care is evidently this. (See Disproportionate Retribution above.)
• Shout-Out: Colonel Potter shoots the jeep that the tank smashes, in an homage to a famous Bill Mauldin cartoon from World War II of a soldier tearfully "mercy-killing" his broken-down jeep by shooting it, much like putting a wounded horse out of its misery.
• Take That!: Hawkeye remarks an appreciation that Colonel Griswold was brave enough to come to the 4077 for help rather than settling for one of the local Korean physicians.
  Hawkeye: Odds are you'd have given him twenty bucks for some penicillin and he'd have shot a few cc's of Wildroot Cream Oil^note A hair dressing/conditioner for men and women, still available in drugstores. in your rump.
  Griswold: [appalled] Hair cream?
  Hawkeye: That's right. Doesn't cure you, but you wind up with the best-groomed tuchus in town.
• Trash the Set: Frank drives the tank into the nurses' shower, bringing it down, and right over the Swamp, completely flattening it.
• Unnecessary Combat Roll: Not-so-Unnecessary (maybe), but when the tank Frank is driving is about to crash through the Swamp, where a number of the guys are playing cards, B.J. Combat Rolls out of the side of the Swamp, tearing the mosquito netting in that section. When everyone else cleared out, B.J. stayed for a moment to scoop cards and chips into his hat before vacating the Swamp.
• Unusually Uninteresting Sight: Potter observes Hawkeye attending to Lieutenant Chivvers' ingrown toenail with barely any reaction.
  Potter: This is my third war. I've probably seen more British toes than American bums.
• Yank the Dog's Chain: Both bottles of scotch given by the British lieutenant are destroyed by the sniper.
• You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me!: Hawkeye's reaction to Kimble suggesting Frank as a signatory for a false adjustment to his medical file.
  Hawkeye: Major Burns do something thoughtful? He sends his kids collect birthday cards.^note Technology Marches On — this is a Phone Tropes reference to a collect call or reverse-charge call. It used to be possible to do this with mail — have the recipient pay the postage — but that was phasing out by the 1950s.

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