Hawkeye is appointed Payroll Officer for the enlisted men at the 4077 and Radar for the officers. Hawkeye winds up with an extra $10 and is unsure what to do with it; Radar looks nervous about it. He has paperwork and dire predictions for Hawkeye who shrugs him away, going on about what the U.S. Army SHOULD be paying him... and Radar writes it all down. In the next pay envelope they find $3,000.00 for Hawkeye. So, Hawkeye makes a huge donation to Father Mulcahy and the orphans. Meanwhile Frank buys two strands of pearls from a merchant: one fake set and one genuine. Margaret finds out and plays Frank to get the real set. Then Captain Sloan, Supervising Acc-Fin shows up to arrest Hawkeye for stealing $3k from the army, after he gave it away.
Attention, all personnel! The following tropes occurred on the most recent payday:
- The Ace: Hawkeye repeatedly asks the mob of fellow MASHers waiting to receive their pay to quiet down so he can focus on distributing the money, but he is ignored. Radar then shouts out for quiet once. They listen.Hawkeye: Radar, you've got class coming out of each bellybutton.
- Ask a Stupid Question...: Radar approaches Henry as the colonel is operating on a patient and asks if he is busy.Henry: No, Radar, just looking for my wallet.
- Be Careful What You Wish For: In his Word Salad Philosophy after everyone has been given their pay, Hawkeye says that the Army should owe him three thousand dollars for all the work he's missed back home. Because he didn't mean it, he thought the matter ended there. Unfortunately, Radar took his words seriously and applied for the compensation.
- Berserk Button: Insult Radar's height? Cue Death Glare from the company clerk.Radar: Cut that out.
- Blackmail: Trapper catches Frank coming out of the nurses' shower and demands seventy-five dollars from him or else he'll tell the AMA. Frank correctly assumes he's bluffing.Trapper: How could you tell?
- By-the-Book Cop: Radar refuses to take the leftover money for himself after Hawkeye gives it to him because it is against the established protocols of payday.
- Card Games: Payday also seems to be a good excuse to play a no-limit poker game.
- Crazy-Prepared: Father Mulcahy arranges a rummage sale to raise funds for the orphanage as the MASHers are going to collect their pay. It's strongly implied he does this every time.
- Deadpan Snarker: The PA Announcer issuing a message about the upcoming Movie Night.''Attention, all personnel. Due to the incredible mediocrity of last night's movie, it will be shown again tonight at 2100 hours.
- Explain, Explain... Oh, Crap!: Hawkeye is annoyed with Radar for interrupting his date at the Officers Club. Radar tells him it's about the (hypothetical) compensation he wanted.Hawkeye: Mr Kwang, can I have a martini, please?
- Fanservice: Margaret gets a Shower Scene.
- Gaslighting: Margaret tricks Frank into thinking he gave her the real pearl necklace that he intended to give his wife. He then switches the necklaces in secret, unknowingly giving her the real pearls.
- The Gambling Addict: Trapper, so much so that he blackmails Frank and asks Hawkeye for extra money so he can keep playing in a no-limit poker game.
- Good Samaritan: Hawkeye gives Father Mulcahy the $3000 to donate to the orphanage.
- Grey-and-Gray Morality: Klinger claims that bribery is just as much an American enterprise as toreador pants are.
- Hear Me the Money: When Radar gives Hawkeye the $3000, Hawkeye flips through a couple of bundles of scrip and says that one of them is a dollar short.
- Hypocrite: Frank shows Kim Chun Quoc his wedding ring to demonstrate he's a happily married man and that mistresses are not his business. What's the bet you're currently rolling your eyes and mouthing the name "Margaret"?
- Inspector Javert: Captain Sloan. He believes Hawkeye took the $3000 so he could deliberately swindle the United States Army and goes after him decisively, following that impression.Hawkeye: How long have you had this delusion that you're human?
- He also threatens to send Radar and Father Mulcahy to the stockade along with Hawkeye.
- It's Personal: Hawkeye is none too happy when Captain Sloan accuses Innocent Bystander Father Mulcahy of complicity in fraud.
- Laser-Guided Karma: Trapper steals Hawkeye's watch to continue playing the poker game. When he's victorious, Hawkeye snatches the winnings away to repay Captain Sloan the missing $3000.
- Not What It Looks Like: Frank reacts this way when Captain Sloan catches him peeking into the nurses' shower. It's actually quite true; he's biding his time to switch the pearl necklaces without Margaret noticing.
- Screw the Money, I Have Rules!: Klinger offers Henry Blake a total of $727.25 in exchange for a Section Eight discharge. Despite being low on money, Henry doesn't bite.Henry: Klinger, you are lower than a pregnant snail.Klinger: I can't stand it anymore. There's a war out there, sir!Henry: I'm aware of it, Klinger. Don't you think I'm afraid? My nerves don't sit still for a minute. I swear, some archaeologist a hundred years from now will dig me up slumped over in the latrine.
- Screw the Rules, I'm Doing What's Right!: Frank informs Hawkeye that Klinger is not allowed to get his pay because he is not dressed in military uniform. Hawkeye, being Hawkeye, does the opposite.
- Shout-Out: Hawkeye compares himself to Superman and Spencer Tracy, and compares Trapper, who finally won a big hand playing poker, to Gaylord Ravenal.
- Sickeningly Sweethearts: Who else but Frank and Margaret?
- Skewed Priorities: Henry focuses more attention on playing the poker game than he should on the fact that Captain Sloan wants to arrest Hawkeye, Radar and Father Mulcahy for fraud.
- Stealth Insult: Hawkeye does an inverted case of the trope when Frank angrily demands an answer for his disobeying of regulations.Frank: Are you just going to sit there and go over my head?Hawkeye: Frank, if I could yawn with my mouth closed, you'd have no idea how boring you are.Frank: Oh. Phooey to youey.
- Sudden Sequel Heel Syndrome: When viewers last saw him in The Incubator, he was a harmless and reasonable Obstructive Bureaucrat. Here, the Obstructive Bureaucrat is taken up to eleven, as he wants to arrest Hawkeye, Father Mulcahy and Radar unless they can return the money he believes they stole.
- In the earlier episode, he's there to advise them on a supply matter. In this one, he's there to arrest someone who's apparently stolen from the U.S. Army, a very serious crime. It's a whole different situation.
- That Liar Lies: Trapper asks for some money from Hawkeye so he can continue playing in the poker game, explaining that he has a really good hand for once. Hawkeye answers back to Trapper, saying that he has the same amount of luck as the navigator on the Titanic. Proven to be Wrong Genre Savvy for Hawkeye as Trapper does actually win later.
- Title Drop: "Attention, all personnel. Attention. The eagle screams today. It's payday. All personnel will kindly form an orderly stampede."
- We Used to Be Friends: Played for laughs as Trapper chooses to play this tactic when Hawkeye refuses to lend him money. Hawkeye just snarks back, reminding Trapper of the times in which he had seriously bad luck.Trapper: What about all our knee-scraping, commode-hugging good times?Hawkeye: What about the four-leaf clover that gave you a rash?Trapper: What about all the times in the OR? The bowels we resected? We've been together through thick and thick.Hawkeye: Trapper, you have a gift for losing. You put money in a parking meter, it comes up three lemons.
- White-and-Grey Morality: Hawkeye refuses to take the three thousand dollars Radar got for him as compensation for all the practice he missed back home, stating that the money shouldn't really be his. Radar denies this on the grounds that a friend of his got five thousand specimen cups in a similar incident. The friend is now going into the ices business.
